A People's Alternative to Chocolate

Comrades! On November 2, our beloved Commissar Theocritus sent me a letter warning me of the dangers of chocolate's decadent KKKapitalist roots:

Quote:

Be careful, Dear Leader, lest someone thing that you are bourgeois by
embracing decadent Kapitalist candy. You can however do very well by
yourself by merely waving a beet over the finished chocolate, and saying,
"It's the people's chocolate, full of beet goodness."

This is like Churchill telling someone how to make a martini: "As for the
vermouth, a bow toward France."

As a chocolatier who toils daily to satisfy the saccharine urges of fellow Korean comrades, I was thoroughly devastated by the Commissar's benevolent scolding. For the first time in my proletarian life, I experienced a terrifying state of mind known as Guilt™, which I had previously believed to affect only the penitent bourgeosie.

To repent for my Guilt of Association™, I commissioned the Korean people's scientists to concoct a revolution in the field of confectionary gastronomics: The Dalokohs Bar!

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This proletarian alternative to KKKapitalist chocolate can heal even the most grievously wounded Red Army soldier by 60 HP, as well as increasing max health by 50 HP!

Our experiments on political prisoners, er, selfless volunteers have shown such glorious results that I am now arranging shipments to Iran, Syria, Venezuela, France, and other socialist enemies of America. It's the greatest Korean invention since the Sandvich!

Can I have my sense of entitlement back now?
 

Do "Dalokohs Bars" taste anything like the " Godawful Bars " they have a hard time selling down at the health food store ?

Aptly named.... one bite was quite enough for me.

Kim Jong-Un : Are you actually Korean ? I ask this because I understand your posts, yet I don't speak Korean myself. Most unusual.
Perhaps there's more in a Dalokoh Bar than chocolate.
 

That must be new.

It has always been the standard practice to take the excrement of the Party Leader and sell it as Chocolate among the Proles.



 

Jíbaro

It has always been the standard practice to take the excrement of the Party Leader and sell it as Chocolate among the Proles.


Thanks for clarifying that Comrade Jibaro. I was afraid I wouldn't be getting my usual
Obama Excrement ™ rations for the Winter Solstice Celebration this year.
Whewwww am I relived.



 

Shovel 4 U

Jíbaro

It has always been the standard practice to take the excrement of the Party Leader and sell it as Chocolate among the Proles.


Thanks for clarifying that Comrade Jibaro. I was afraid I wouldn't be getting my usual
Obama Excrement ™ rations for the Winter Solstice Celebration this year.
Whewwww am I relived.

Comrade! I must question your party purity here. Chocolate or otherwise visages of our dear leader would most certainly be considered racist just on appearance alone. In the extreme event that an actual chocolate visage of dear leader is found to be complimentary, could you spare me an ear?
 

Groucho Marxist

Comrade! I must question your party purity here. Chocolate or otherwise visages of our dear leader would most certainly be considered racist just on appearance alone. In the extreme event that an actual chocolate visage of dear leader is found to be complimentary, could you spare me an ear?

You never have to worry my multi-cultural Marxist friend. The sheer brilliance of this administration has thought of every minute detail of appeasing the social classes...



 

Krasnodar

Are you actually Korean ? I ask this because I understand your posts, yet I don't speak Korean myself. Most unusual.

Comrade Red Square is Ukrainian, and I understand every word of his doctrines and edicts, even though I have no Ukrainian blood in me.

And yes, I'm Korean.
 

You mean, you make chocolate from beets? Or, if it's Korean chocolate is it made from cabbage?

Do you bury it in the ground and let it ferment?
 

Comrade Margaret,

It is best not to confuse chocolate with kim chi which contains alcohol and cabbage.

To insure customer loyalty to this product, I suggest adding a secret ingredient. Call it what you but it could be derived from cocoa products or morphine.

This would expand your market, product dependency and control over users.
 

Comrade Tooorisky,

Did you say "expand your market?" I think someone needs a Jiffi-Lobo to clear out all ideas of markets, marketing, marketeers out of their capitalist heads.

Comrade Kim Jong-Un,

Notice how Theocritus scolds and then runs away to hide, because he is a limousine liberal and feels entitled to all forms of chocolate, especially the European sort.
 

Comrade Leninka, I will provide the rope and torches if you have the pitchforks.
 

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Comrade Leninka Clearly Comrade Tooorisky "misspoke". I am certain that "expand your market" meant "increase the masses desire for such a product". If not I am certain a denouncement is in order. Comrade Shovel I am offended as there is no "half and half"These are clearly suboptimal representations of our Dearest Leader.

 

Margaret

You mean, you make chocolate from beets? Or, if it's Korean chocolate is it made from cabbage?

Do you bury it in the ground and let it ferment?
Truly you reference that great dish from Korea called Kimchee with radish, cabbage, hot pepper, and a dash of fish sauce. Ahhhhhhh Mrs. Marxist always makes me leave the gulag to partake of this fine delicacy.