Image

Announcing the Long Overdue Department of Needs Assessment

User avatar
Established by the unanimous decree of the People™, I, Komissar Blogunov, hereby announce the formation of the Department of Needs Assessment. This long overdue extension and expression of the deepest desires of the People™ will now be able, by force of law, to assess the needs of every individual and reapportion the former property of every individual according to the infallible will of the People™. I humbly accept the burden of directing the Department of Needs Assessment (DNA) for as long as the People™ shall, in my opinion, deem it necessary.

All citizens agree that the archaic “rights” outlined in the Constitution need revising, or as the People™ have so eloquently put it, “We need to clean up this mess!” The Constitution with its obsolete “Bill of Rights” allows for inequalities to abound, and this must be remedied. Is it fair that one should have and another should not? Is that what passes for compassion in this country?

Some have more education than others – unfair!

Some make more money than others – unfair!

Some have larger houses than others – unfair!

Some go on vacations while others do not – unfair!

Some have religious faith that provides comfort and meaning while others do not – unfair!

Some are athletically talented while others are uncoordinated – unfair!

Some are attractive while others are ugly – unfair!

Some wield power while others live in a state of dependency and enslavement – get over it!

Let's take it another step: you have education. Does that help the illiterate? No! You have a car. Does that help a migrant worker? No! You have healthcare. Does that help the deceased? No! Don't you see that having all these advantages not only fails to help anybody, but that you only go about flaunting the arrogance of your wealth? Shame! Hate yourself! Stop being better! Stop excelling until everybody is the same in wealth, talent, and lack of opportunity!

If FDR is to be faulted, it is only for not going far enough in his “Second Bill of Rights” which only guaranteed housing, employment, healthcare, and education. The British Labour Party, our brothers in the Great Struggle™ across the Pond, has inspired countless millions by promising a Future Fair for All. The Department of Needs Assessment will go even further and ensure a Future of Sameness for All! Does this mean that everybody will get education, money, houses, and plastic surgery? NO! It means nobody gets them. That way nobody will feel bad or be left out. Nobody gets favorable treatment. Only humble servants of the government who administrate sameness through the DNA will punish themselves with luxurious living so citizens need no longer suffer!

However, Rome was not destroyed in a day, so we must start somewhere on our righteous crusade for sameness. We begin by eradicating the outdated and confusing “rights” in the Constitution which cause so much needless anxiety, uncertainty, and thinking on the part of the Masses™. For example:

I.Freedom of religion? Oh, my Darwin! Who needs that anymore? However, freedom of speech, assembly, and the press will be protected through strict guidelines to ensure equality and sameness.

II.The State and the DNA will exclusively bear arms thus protecting the Second Amendment from being infringed by the People™.

III.All citizens will be free to quarter members of the civilian National Defense Force at their own expense.

IV.Citizens will be free to surrender their possessions to the DNA for fair and same redistribution.

V.No longer will citizens be deprived of the sacred privilege of double jeopardy. All citizens will be tried as often as possible until the desired sentence is issued. Citizens may testify against themselves and will be encouraged to do so by licensed, compassionate, professional counselors appointed by the DNA.

VI.All citizens will be subject to speedy trials with guaranteed outcomes.

VII.No citizen shall ever again be burdened by possessing more than twenty dollars.

VIII.Bail shall be eliminated thus abolishing excessive bail once and for all. No punishment issued by the DNA in accordance with the infallible will of the People™ shall be deemed cruel or unusual.

IX.The DNA will speedily inform all citizens who have broken a law by doing something not strictly forbidden here.

X.State governments will become so efficient as to agree completely with every compassionate dictate of the People's™ government expressed through the DNA.

You shall call it the Third Bill of Rights. Through this historic decree freedom of sameness will be guaranteed to all. Sameness will be administered compassionately through the Department of Needs Assessment. As I am the Komissar who administrates the DNA, you have me, me, me to thank for caring so deeply about you.

User avatar
Image
I just noticed that Statist-in-Chief posted a very similar contribution. Looks like we all recognize where this is going...

User avatar
Some have bigger boobs than others. Unfair!

We need a equity distribution of boobs. Way too many are found ONLY within the Democrat party and few to none within the Republipuke and Libertarian parties. Boobs must be redistributed throughout the various parties.

They are not just for the rich or just for celebrities. . . they are for all the masses.

I have been blessed am very fortunate to have have had BIG BOOBS. I know the advantages. These advantages must be spread among the collective. Equal access = Equal pay. Women, Cross dressers, Trans ~ demand BIG BOOB FUNDING.

User avatar
Fraulein, I believe boobs of any size are sexist. Womyn with big boobs have an unhealthy sense of entitlement. Womyn less endowed feel like second class citizens. And boobs get in the way of womyn having equal footing with men in athletic endeavors.

No, all outward signs of sexuality must be removed through mandatory mastectomy. And don't give me that argument about feeding infants. The State run baby milk factories will provide a much more nutritious and tasty alternative.

User avatar
You make a very excellent point, comrade Whoopie, but I must disagree. Boobs, regardless of size, gender, color or nationality, must have equality of inflatibility and flap-ability. Do you believe that Comrade Nanski would be who and where she is, without her aug? It's her inflated boobs that inflated her boobmuglous ego and created the monster the broad bitch woman she is today. We must elevated and honor our boobs!

User avatar
And what about all the Komrads who have <a href="https://www.boobsforbarack.com/">exposed themselves</a> for the cause? They are to be kommended for such mammory expression.

And Second in Greatest, <a href="https://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm ... 64200">Joe Biden</a> has also admitted to having man boobs even if they be implants.

And who was not leg tingled when our Most Adored Obratma exposed his nipples in unashamed exaltation of all thing booby?

Image

User avatar
Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:
And who was not leg tingled when our Most Adored Obratma exposed his nipples in unashamed exaltation of all thing booby?

Out of appropriate decorum and respect for great Leader (HEIL, OBAMER!) we shall refer to grand Leaders over exposure, as the over exposure of his nu-nu's. (wowzers, that's a real set. Those puppies would put Mochelle Michelle to shame. At least she got the buttocks in the fam)

User avatar
Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:
Image

(off)
If you'll excuse me. . .
Image


User avatar
<off> MLK had a dream and so do we

<on>

Life of old culture comes fading now but still persists memory of many brainwashed jihadi suicide bombers young oppressor fighters who deprived of sex would do anything to get their grubby paws on a bajillion virgins taking such depraved noble action of killing themselves and murdering everyone around them giving up of life for The delusions of the Cause.

But never NEVER would a great Leader of The Cause enjoin such acts. Who would there be left to indoctrinate edukate the maleable innocent minds of our beloved children? Obooba has insidious plans worthy need of creating masses of children to <a href="https://swordattheready.wordpress.com/2 ... ool/">sing his praises</a> and so become brainwashed infused with love of him.



I DENOUNCE Commissar Elliot and support visit to Re-edukation Camp where I can have my way with him as I am besotted by his most glorious 5 o'clock shadow.

User avatar
Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:<off> MLK had a dream and so do we

<on>

Life of old culture comes fading now but still persists memory of many brainwashed jihadi suicide bombers young oppressor fighters who deprived of sex would do anything to get their grubby paws on a bajillion virgins taking such depraved noble action of killing themselves and murdering everyone around them giving up of life for The delusions of the Cause.

But never NEVER would a great Leader of The Cause enjoin such acts. Who would there be left to indoctrinate edukate the maleable innocent minds of our beloved children? Obooba has insidious plans worthy need of creating masses of children to <a href="https://swordattheready.wordpress.com/2 ... ool/">sing his praises</a> and so become brainwashed infused with love of him.



I DENOUNCE Commissar Elliot and support visit to Re-edukation Camp where I can have my way with him as I am besotted by his most glorious 5 o'clock shadow.
Blasphemy! On what cause Mrs. Al Czarweary?

User avatar
This a glorious idea! Since we all will have equal needs, it will be easy to asses those needs. Anything beyond that is simply selfish greed. This should make all true progs happy as a clam at slack tide!

User avatar
Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:
I DENOUNCE Commissar Elliot and support visit to Re-edukation Camp where I can have my way with him as I am besotted by his most glorious 5 o'clock shadow.

I think that's forbidden in the gulag, unless one receives the proper Prior Permission Slip from Comrade Rahm 'the finger' Emanuel. (he has dubs on most of those goings-ons)

Comradess Hilary forgot to get permission.... it was an ugly scene..... so I hear.....

Image

User avatar
Blasphemy! On what cause Mrs. Al Czarweary?
I think that's forbidden in the gulag, unless one receives the proper Prior Permission Slip from Comrade Rahm 'the finger' Emanuel. (he has dubs on most of those goings-ons)
I am still in much need of guilt practices. Such exercises of self-beratement prove most cleansing.
I submit to Komrad Rahm's fingering.
I am noting, too, Komradess Hillary makes proud in Gulag of bountiful booby cleavage.

User avatar
Comrade Rahm 'the Proctologist' Emanuel, will be pleased (I hear he's most found of beards'n stuff)

pssst, Hilary's "bountiful booby cleavage" ain't hers. IMPLANTS at Comrade Reno's request. sssssh

User avatar
Image
First Rahm, now Hillary. Shower assaults seem to be getting trendy. Is it because too many progs saw Psycho and identified with the wrong character?

User avatar
That depends on what the definition of "wrong" is. Our fellow Comradians might well identify with the "character" closes to their souls (or lack there of). Thus, it would not, nor could not, be "wrong", and in fact, calling one character "wrong" over another character might be considered judgmental. And Progs are definitely not judgmental. . . just mental . . . wait, I mean, they're not judging the judgers judging.... but using their mental assessments on the judgers?


Something like that.


I need another vodka.



 
POST REPLY