Comrades! We have another space emergency! On March 35, 2041, there is a 2 to 1 chance a big asteroid will impact Gaia/Mother Earth! Less than 30 years from now!

This is the fault of many racists who are simply against poor Dear Leader.

First, the Founding Fathers. These ancient wig-wearing slave-owning racist old white men did not put something in the Constitution to give the president total flexibility without Congress to single-handedly save the planet on an as-needed basis.

They didn't anticipate that one day, the next best thing to Superman would be president. Or maybe they did but because school textbooks say they're all racist slave owners (even John Adams), they deliberately wanted to make the first black president look bad!

Dear Leader will have to go hat in hand begging Congress to let him save Mother Earth. And the rethug Party of NO will try and prevent him from saving the planet! All because the Constitution which they ignore in every other instance says so. Not fair!

Then there is George Washington in particular. In his farewell address he said we shouldn't get involved in foreign affairs beyond that involving trade. Well, the asteroid will damage all of Gaia/Mother Earth and thus it will hit foreign countries. And we will have nothing to trade with them. Saving the planet would mean saving foreign countries as well.

See this, Comrades? George Washington is a scapegoat for inaction and Obama being in over his head was specifically restricting Dear Leader in that farewell address!

People causing global cooling warming or whatever and climate change disruption chaos deniers are also at fault here. They say that climate change can be explained away as cycles. Cycles? Asteroids don't hit the earth in regular cycles! And when this happens, we will be in for some major climate change, disruption AND chaos! They can't deny that.

Then there is George W. Bush!

He has done so much to thwart Dear Leader and even six years after leaving office he is STILL causing trouble for Dear Leader. Why? Why is he so against Dear Leader? Can't Bush just go off to the ash heap of history where he belongs? It's as though he is still president scapegoat with all the things he does to disrupt Dear Leader.

George Bush obviously teamed up with the galaxy's largest polluters to send this giant rock hurtling towards Mother Earth, only to be found out during Dear Leader's administration. This was designed to embarrass Dear Leader and imply that he can't handle all the responsibilities he has what with going to the Baseball Hall of Fame, partying with celebrities, heading to the golf course, campaigning for other members of our party, blaming rethuglikkans, blaming those racist teabaggers, making speeches about how outraged he is over the VA scandal, engaging in hashtag diplomacy, unfriending Comrade Putin on Facebook over Ukraine and planning his next several multimillion dollar vacations.

Well, I have news for Mr. George W. Bush and the galaxy's worst polluters: Dear Leader can handle a 50% chance of an asteroid collision on March 35, 2041 in addition to all of his other VERY important responsibilities!

But first, in order to get to that, Dear Leader needs to rework the calendar.

The Gregorian Calendar has been around long enough. Plus it's the work of some Pope! We have separation of church and state here so why are we using a calendar revised by a Pope? Now that we have the current truth and are in the 21st century, we need the Barackian Calendar.

We don't currently have a March 35th. But college spring break is in March and we need college students to vote for our party so we'll give four more days to March to extend spring break. If necessary we'll just tax the rich and give college students free beer for those four extra days as well if they vote for our party.

Some of the other months that have 31 days have more than their fair share anyway. So, Dear Leader can take four days away from December to decrease Christmas winter break for the children. I'm sure the knuckle-dragging rethugs will filibuster and stop this from happening because they and their teabagger friends like to live in the past when March only had 31 days and December still had 31 days. Well, we're moving forward!

So, without compliance from the rethugs, Dear Leader will have no choice but to do this by decree. That way, we can have a March 35th so that this prediction has a better chance of being legitimate.

But now onto the problem. I believe we all need to pay our fair share to take care of this problem. Therefore, I am proposing a modest 25% income tax surcharge to fund Dear Leader's valiant efforts to push this asteroid off course. For rethugs and tea baggers only, though. It won't be easy, Comrades. He will have to do quite a bit of speechifying at this asteroid to generate enough hot air to send it off course or maybe even scare it away!

Do you know how much it will cost to send Dear Leader into space on a daily basis and then bring him back for all the parties and fundraisers he needs to attend?

Save us from the asteroid, Dear Leader!

March 35? We'll simply have Dear Leader (who will still be president then, I assure you) issue an executive order to move it to February 31st so the earth will not be there when the asteroid arrives.


A philosophical question: If CNN is broadcasting and all the airports are closed down, does it make a sound?

Comrades!

Have faith in The One, and His mighty Pen and Phone (not to mention His Hammer and Sickle) will work miracles. Behold His Powers!

Will the asteroid hit the whole earth or just damage a few of the 57 states? And where is Al Gore to save us? He, who invented the internet, should be able to invent a device to deflect this asteroid. It will take tax dollars, of course, but it will save the collective and will also save money on health care. And it's for the children.

We here at the Cube have a history with asteroids....

[img]/images/Asteroids_Now_Occupy_Earth.png[/img]

[img]/images/Asteroids_Baseball_Got_Roid.jpg[/img]

[img]/images/Asteroids_Alienated_Earth.jpg[/img]

[img]/images/Asteroid_NASA_Rage_Boy.jpg[/img]

Problem Solved.

I blame it on the Zionists.

Great Stalin's Ghost wrote:I blame it on the Zionists.

Proud Charter Member!