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Bah! Humbug! or How I avoided the Camps on "Xmas"

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Comrades! I was so disheartened when I say the many posts here that have blemished the great traditions of the Winter Solstice....or the Winter Holiday if you will, by the use of the banned myth of "Christ"mas! Now this may be the last chance you have to avoid a refresher course in the Karl Marx Re-Education Camp or even worse!

Comrades, if one does not sign on here in this thread, on this day, I can only assume you are one of those irrational people celebrating a mythical birth. That being the case, I will feel it is my sworn duty to confiscate all OPM I can get my paws on, and denounce you to the proper authorities, which of course includes me.


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I was just stalking following Comrade People's Comrade.

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I had nothing to do with this, and denounce everybody!


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[img]/images/Poster_Accident_Firing_Squad_Random.png[/img]

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Thank you, Marshall P, for your guidance by confronting me with my grievous error.
May I be allowed the privilege of walking within the shadow of The State forever.

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Marshall Pup,

I thought we resolved that "mythical birth" conundrum when the Birth Certificate™ was posted on the Internet?

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Precisely, Comrade Bear - since Dear Leader was immaculately conceived, He doesn't need a real birth certificate. The phony one(s) are just to keep the people who aren't ready to receive Him yet pacified.

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Uber Comrade Red Square, and our other faithful comrades who showed their solidarity with the People by signing in on this post, and avoid the certain denouncement of those that did not....

Comrades, I for one was not shocked as one might expect, by the absence of so many of our alleged comrades who did not log in yesterday. Comrades whose very names have been known and whispered about from the beginnings of our revolution, yet we know through long experience that often times it is the very people who appear the most loyal, the most progressive, the ones that have the most to lose are the same ones that turn out to be the ones that most need to be re-educated, denounced, or even purged! Perhaps they felt they were entitled to a day off from the Cube, some down time from the work for the People. Comrades who put their family and friends ahead of the Needs of the Many, or perhaps even more distressingly, due to some misconceived reverence for a mythical "Lord" or "Santa", not seeing how these failures of character can make others feel discriminated against. Where is the diversity in such activities?

It is also understood that there may well be some valid reason why some of our comrades were unable to check in here on a timely basis. But what should be done about them? Simple. It is far better that a few innocents feels the People's Judgement rather than allow even a single guilty comrade go free. We must re-commit ourselves to the tried and true principle of Preemptive Punishment. For surely, even the most worthy comrade has no doubt had some lapse at some point in time, or they will in the future. Therefore, I denounce each and every comrade whose name did not appear prior to this post!

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Comrade Marshal, you are truly the Czar of Guilt!

Glorious, simply glorious.

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If I wanted my daily ration of guilt I'd listen to my wife...

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Go ahead and denounce me, Pupovich! Maybe it'll work for me the way it's always worked for you, and I'll finally get a damned promotion.

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This "Preemptive Punishment" thing sounds vaguely familiar. My father once punished me for something I hadn't done. Upon later discovering my innocence, he remarked only that I should consider the punishment to be "for all those things you've done I never found out about!" A very wise comrade indeed.

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Marshal, you are truly the Czar of Guilt!

Glorious, simply glorious.

Thank you comrade, it is fulfilling to be recognized for one's work For the Children. In truth, being Czar of Guilt is not only a passion of mine, it is also perhaps the easiest of my many duties that I doggedly perform for the People. Polar bears, rising oceans, hunger, internal combustion engines, the prohibitive costs of contraception and the burden that places on Harvard Law school graduate students, the persecution of peaceful Islamic disciples, 1%er's failing to pay their fair share, an alarming number of fetuses allowed to come to term, republicans..... Needless to say I can go on listing all the reasons why you should feel guilty! What you say? You don't think you should feel guilty for all these things, that you have always done your best to fight these inequalities in life's outcomes? You have? Do you really think we could not get a confession from you comrade?

Yes Comrade, guilt is my art, my craft, my duty for the People! Of course being so intimate with guilt, I am of course free of guilt.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Go ahead and denounce me, Pupovich! Maybe it'll work for me the way it's always worked for you, and I'll finally get a damned promotion.

Commissarka, seeing your shovel face again brings that same old twist in my stomach that I have grown so accustomed to. Yet for the life of me I cannot understand this notion of yours regarding my many promotions.

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I would have signed in.. and I even would have brought along my Kalashnikov for the random firing round... however I am chicken... hear me cluck.

*silently and cautiously raises a talon in vote for Pinkies promotion.. ahem... denouncement!*


 
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