Dear Comrades,

During the celebratory broadcast of the State Broadcast Media Collective's Central Broadcast Service (CBS) yesterday, Vietnam War agitator and Party veteran Comrade Bob Ivanovich Schieffer compared Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama's Universal Pacification and Disarmament Plan to Comrade J. V. Stalin's defeat of the Fascists during the Great Patriot War!

Bob Schieffer Likens Obama 'Taking on the Gun Lobby' to 'Defeating the Nazis'

Comrade Bob Ivanovich's unquestioned loyalty to the Party was expressed by his high praise of Comrade B. B. Obama's speech, which he characterized as "one of the best speeches I've ever heard him deliver.” In addition, Comrade Bob Ivanovich also restated the Party's principle that the Universal Pacification and Disarmament Plan is to further the Civil Rights of all USSA workers and peasants, by offering them a glorious future of peace and prosperity without the threats of violence, dissent from Party doctrine, or cuts to Social Redistribution Programs.

It is clear to all reasonable citizens that the pacification and disarmament of the Masses is essential for not only the harmony of society, but to ensure the cooperation of all people, including those who may still harbor the reactionary and decadent ideas of Capitalism. Already, our State is directing researchers and academics to uncover the mental illnesses behind the ideations of weapons ownership, so that the State can better treat those suffering from mental illness so that they may join those of us who are sane and properly formed in Socialist thought.

The People owe a debt of gratitude to heroic men like Comrade Bob Ivanovich, who have labored for decades in the struggle against the Bourgeoisie. His public agitation for the defeat of Amerikkkan forces in Vietnam helped liberate millions of Vietnamese so that they could live in peace and freedom under Socialism, just as Comrade Josef Vissarionovich liberated millions of peasants and workers from the tyranny of the Nazis, and offered them the peace and security of Socialism throughout Eastern Europe.

We salute Comrade Bob Ivanovich Schieffer for demonstrating loyalty to the Party! Help Comrade Barack Barackovich build on Stalin's Dream!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Proletarian Red-noser

Comrades, it is unfortunate that some people are working against party approved messages and think that maybe it was all the work of a psychopath who opened fire on innocent children with no remorse for his action – but we all know that's pure speculation even though several witnesses described seeing a man with fingers
wrapped around the weapons which were magically floating in air during this tragedy. Let's not forget that at all of this started with Bush/Hitler who launched an illegal and immoral war in Iraq to desensitize Americans to violence.

However, I agree that we do need to give praise to Bob Ivanovich Schieffer, who consistently reported for many years that it was the gun lobby that continued to put deadly weapons in the hands of volunteers confused young men and w0men in the military with full co-operation from Heston and the Bush Junta. This terrible tragedy is the final call for Americans to demand an end to the NRA or any military organization whose sole purpose is to defend the Constitution or Bill of Rights that does not have anything to do with abortion or sex.

Correct me if I am wrong but weren't the Nazis defeated by overwhelming firepower? Wasn't most of Uncle Joe's and Winston's firepower supplied by the U.S.S.A. If not for the U.S.S.A. they would be goose-stepping through Moscow and London right now. Just saying.

Comrade Yuri, do not engage in nationalism, or insulting the Motherland!

Dear Comrade Yuri,

Surely you are mistaken. The Capitalists were hardly responsible for the Soviet victory of the Great Patriotic War! Think of the unmatched Soviet innovations inspired by Comrade J. V. Stalin: the PPSh-41 machine gun, the Yak-1 fighter, and the most effective mine-detection device ever conceived... the Soviet Valenki boot!

When one speaks of victory, one cannot give credit to anyone other than the Man of Steel!

Komrad yUri +1

yuri trotynov wrote:

Comrades,

Correct me if I am wrong but weren't the Nazis defeated by overwhelming firepower? Wasn't most of Uncle Joe's and Winston's firepower supplied by the U.S.S.A. If not for the U.S.S.A. they would goose-stepping through Moscow and London right now. Just saying.

USSA is ashamed of the help given to .... Who were they?

Dear Comrade Director,

But, where is the unicorn?

Nomenklatura-climber wrote:Dear Comrade Director,

But, where is the unicorn?

Yes! It was just like that!!!!

Some cartoons form the times of 1939 Hitler-Stalin Pact. Can we replace Stalin with Obama here as well?

Yes, indeed, Comrade Director!

I have had a deep and abiding love for Comrade Bob. I had for some years an extended-play VHS tape, playable on my Vladimir People's Tape Machine, made with the finest Soviet manufacture, only using 100 vacuum tubes, of Comrade Bob talking with Comrade Dan Rather on the 1994 elections.

Comrade Bob was talking about the Senate takeover by the RethugliKKKans and his jowls drooped to his tits and he drooled on his nuts.

Comrade Dan: "Bob, is there any way that the Democrats can keep the Senate?"

Comrade Bob: "Well, Dan, yes, if Sakhalin Island joins the union before the close of polls and divides into five states, each electing ten Democrat senators. And I can hear them caucusing now!"

Comrade Dan: "Let's hope, Bob, that the Republicans cannot keep the oppressed peoples of Sakhalin Island from exercising their franchise to join the USA and put out their hands like the rest of the Democrats and ban anything that they don't want to do, like the rest of the Democrats."

Comrade Bob. "So that's okay then."

Dan replied, "Yes," but I fear he was lying. This was the seed of his breakdown over the leaked papers about the Bu$hitler. Who eats his children, by the way. He had eight of them, but he built a gingerbread house in the sagebrush and greasewood and mesquite and cooked up his children in a pot, and all the neighbors' children, and Barbara and Jenna, the twins, are nothing but golems made with the finest Disney Animatronics, just to make it seem as though the Bu$hitler has a family. Which he ate. With A-1 steak sauce. Roasted over a mesquite fire.

Pardon me, Comrades. I am feeling a suffusion of warmth in the nether regions as I think about how Dear Oleader is using executive orders in the finest tradition of the ukase.

Nomenclatura-Climber, I have been absent from the Kollective for a while, on a secret mission to steal as much OPM make sure that people's rights are not trampled, and so I have not seen you before.

Welcome. I am Father Prog, the Keeper of the Red Flame. I'm a theoretician of collectivism. And my theory, and it is this, and it is my theory, is that if I want it, it's mine as long as it's not nailed down. And if I could get it, it wasn't nailed down.

By the way to all new comrades. As a service to all of you here at the Kollective, we offer a credit-protection service. Please merely email me your credit-card numbers, with expiration dates, and security codes. Just in case you lose them, you see, I'll have a backup for you.

And have the billing address changed to #13 Gulag Drive, Potemkin Village, Texas. 77666.

I'll be very sure to see to them.

Comrade Theocritus, have you relocated to Nigeria?

How in the hell did you know I was there? I noticed that most of the email I get is (1) whoremail, from a thousand women, and a thousand addresses, but the same set of fake boobs, or (2) from Dr. Canaan Banana, who is a solicitor who has in his possession several millions and all he needs is my understanding--I'm so freaking understanding--and my bank-account details.

In fact I was in Nigeria to take a piece of their action. I demand vigorish. I invented the bank-account and credit-card scam, and indeed when I'm sleeping well I think that I invented the pigeon drop.

And when I'm entirely wasted by Pinkie's Putinkin Vodka, I believe that I created the biggest fraud in the history of the world: a group of people which promises prosperity, equality, and justice to all, and which does exactly the opposite, putting a shoe on the neck of the climbers and rewarding the peers.

It's the Democrat Party and I invented it.

Then of course I died and because of karma came back as an intestinal parasite.

Being an intestinal parasite does not disqualify to from Party membership so long as you pledge only to afflict Republicans.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote: Then of course I died and because of karma came back as an intestinal parasite.

This reminds me, I once met a woman about whom I was wondering, during our conversation, whether or not she might be a tad off base. I knew she had a PhD in English and was currently an online college instructor so I tended to give her the benefit of the doubt on the "one pickle short of a jar" feeling I was having. Then, for no apparent reason, she informed me that she had been a sea captain in a previous life. I of course relaxed immediately, knowing the ship was in capable hands.

Comrades, we are onto something. Remember the siren calls for socialism. It would work if it were tried right, and it's never been tried right, right? Never a hammer big enough. Never enough force to make it right. Never matter that there is no such thing as that much force; we just use as much as needed to force conformity. Because that's what we are: we preach liberty but crave the certainty of the secular salvation of complete and utter control. We cannot fail and as we die, declining in a dirty hospital ward, not room, but ward, we will only wonder if we would have better medicine or at least a clean room if we'd licked the right asshole of the right comrade.

Ah. The joys of progressivism. And you comrades have hit on the right solution.

It is quite simply impossible to have the world as we want it. Pigs don't fly. Fat women aren't sylphs. Fat queers aren't Adonises. All well and good, since we know that we can be reborn into another life, to continue the stuggle.

We shall all be intestinal parasites in the body politic.