Image

Captain Craptek and the Show Trial of Tomorrow

POLL: Captain Craptek is

Poll ended at 1/25/2016, 9:02 am

Guilty
20
59%
Not Guilty
14
41%

TOTAL VOTES: 34

User avatar
Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:


"Obliviscor iam iniurias tuas, Stierlitz, depono memoriam doloris mei"

User avatar
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:As prosecutor for the People, the evidence is clear. Craptek arrived at a party empty-handed and left with a briefcase of controlled items. Including but not limited to Red Square's nuts. Granted, he's a rodent, and his preference for nuts is genetic (nature not nurture). His sexual deviance is documented, and disgraceful, and we all envy his access to comrade Putout.

Guilty is the only possible outcome, so the discussion is sentencing. I'd like to see him get the fullest punishment, but the little bastard probably (no doubt) made copies of the goods in the briefcase.

At his point I'll denounce him, and have a sternly worded letter placed in his file. Damn you Craptek, this chapter is over, but it's not finished!
Even though emotions are running high in this courtroom, Ivan the Stakhanovets is korrekt. We cannot purge, exile, and declare someone "enemy of the people" who has a folder of compromising material on high-ranking Party members. The last time we did that to our former comrade, Leon Trotsky, he went to the West, exposed our show trials, started a deviationist political movement, split the Party, and we had to dispatch a comrade with an ice axe to clean up the mess. But that created an even bigger mess. Ah yes, the good old days... We get your drift, criminal Craptek. The good old days did teach us something.

Therefore, the Party has reached its extrajudicial verdict of revolutionary justice as follows. We have to let criminal Craptek go with a minimum punishment for appearances' sake: a mandatory 24-hour public self-criticism with a shovel in front of the Party headquarters.

But, as the song goes, the show trial must go on. The comrades in the audience and the jury were promised trumped-up charges, denouncements, purge, and execution followed by raffle and beet salad bar with free drinks. And they shall receive it.

The fault for letting this show trial go off the rails lies squarely with the self-appointed Judge, Comrade Hammer & Loupe. He has obviously colluded with criminal Craptek and volunteered for the prestigious position of the judge in order to derail the People's Justice for his share of the stolen nuts.

Everyone must now denounce Hammer & Loupe in the most indignant and loud manner, creating a diversion for Craptek whom, sadly, must allow to resume his duties as Defender of the People's Nuts, Bird Feeder Maintenance Investigative Reporter, Film and Theater Critic, Pixel Equality Enforcer, and... what, Craptek? You want to be a flight instructor, too? Have you any decen... Wait, aren't those my stolen nuts? Alright, Flight Instructor it is.

User avatar
Popcorn, anyone?

(Do you not notice, comrade Craptek, how quickly things turned around for you once I became aware of your situation. Others will, of course, deny it but everyone has a penchant for popcorn. All comrades are equal. Ahhhh. The power of popcorn!)

User avatar
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Popcorn, anyone?

(Do you not notice, comrade Craptek, how quickly things turned around for you once I became aware of your situation. Others will, of course, deny it but everyone has a penchant for popcorn. All comrades are equal. Ahhhh. The power of popcorn!)

Good point comrade. Hiding "things" in your popcorn at the movies was always a great way to break down barriers of modesty and get people to do stuff they otherwise wouldn't.

The Old Popcorn Trick.jpg

User avatar
Every time we team up, comrade, you with your nuts and me with my popcorn, great things are achieved. Even our beloved RedSquare submits to the Un-Equaled™.*




*Un-equaled™ (noun, verb, adjective): as all comrades know, all are Equal™. There are, however, exceptions that prove the rule. One can be denounced and be subsequently un-equaled (verb) and shown to be an un-equaled (adjective) recipient of the blessings of the State and further denounced to be considered as one of the Un-Equaled™ (noun).

User avatar
For the love of Lenin Crappie...I go away for a week and find you on the verge of extermination. Are you OK little fella? I must say, you did an excellent job of shifting the scent to Stierlitz all the while masterfully containing the fabricated pretrial facts against you. If we are lucky, we'll get to see enemy of the State Hammer and Loupe purged to the stone quarries of Sevastopol. Forward Comrade Craptek Forward!

User avatar
And I went to the trouble and expense to manufacture and provide squirrel sized condoms. Comrades, the skill required to have mechanical pencil leads (0.7mm I believe) dipped in latex, marked XXL for that psychological boost, and then rolled properly does not come cheap, nor speak English.

The things I do to host a good party...

User avatar
Red Square wrote:
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:As prosecutor for the People, the evidence is clear. Craptek arrived at a party empty-handed and left with a briefcase of controlled items. Including but not limited to Red Square's nuts. Granted, he's a rodent, and his preference for nuts is genetic (nature not nurture). His sexual deviance is documented, and disgraceful, and we all envy his access to comrade Putout.

Guilty is the only possible outcome, so the discussion is sentencing. I'd like to see him get the fullest punishment, but the little bastard probably (no doubt) made copies of the goods in the briefcase.

At his point I'll denounce him, and have a sternly worded letter placed in his file. Damn you Craptek, this chapter is over, but it's not finished!
Even though emotions are running high in this courtroom, Ivan the Stakhanovets is korrekt. We cannot purge, exile, and declare someone "enemy of the people" who has a folder of compromising material on high-ranking Party members. The last time we did that to our former comrade, Leon Trotsky, he went to the West, exposed our show trials, started a deviationist political movement, split the Party, and we had to dispatch a comrade with an ice axe to clean up the mess. But that created an even bigger mess. Ah yes, the good old days... We get your drift, criminal Craptek. The good old days did teach us something.

Therefore, the Party has reached its extrajudicial verdict of revolutionary justice as follows. We have to let criminal Craptek go with a minimum punishment for appearances' sake: a mandatory 24-hour public self-criticism with a shovel in front of the Party headquarters.

But, as the song goes, the show trial must go on. The comrades in the audience and the jury were promised trumped-up charges, denouncements, purge, and execution followed by raffle and beet salad bar with free drinks. And they shall receive it.

The fault for letting this show trial go off the rails lies squarely with the self-appointed Judge, Comrade Hammer & Loupe. He has obviously colluded with criminal Craptek and volunteered for the prestigious position of the judge in order to derail the People's Justice for his share of the stolen nuts.

Everyone must now denounce Hammer & Loupe in the most indignant and loud manner, creating a diversion for Craptek whom, sadly, must allow to resume his duties as Defender of the People's Nuts, Bird Feeder Maintenance Investigative Reporter, Film and Theater Critic, Pixel Equality Enforcer, and... what, Craptek? You want to be a flight instructor, too? Have you any decen... Wait, aren't those my stolen nuts? Alright, Flight Instructor it is.

Not so fast comrade. We need to finish this trial unless Craptek accepts your settlement. Besides, I do not want to do all the paper work that goes with a derailed trial.

User avatar
Comrade, You are denounced both loudly and indignantly.

Your plug has been pulled. Your brown bread crust gets buttered on one side only, and Red Square holds the knife...seems like if you don't follow the Party Line, you are a DISSIDENT, no? Save yourself.

User avatar
That is funny comrades. The case of all that information on you all is sitting here on the bench. It never left the courtroom. I even made extra precautions to keep it from getting out of my site. Handcuffs are a good measure to keep it from leaving.

There were two cases in fact. One which was a fraud and the other, a briefcase. The fake left with Craptek as a diversion, but damn, the other left my sight. Funny how it came back to me.

Ivan, how did you come across it? Ivan????? Where are you going? Damn, where is Comissarka Pinkie? I needed a bailiff for the courtroom.

Welp, I guess we all cannot play Double Jeopardy.

User avatar
Hammer and Loupe wrote:That is funny comrades. The case of all that information on you all is sitting here on the bench. It never left the courtroom. I even made extra precautions to keep it from getting out of my site. Handcuffs are a good measure to keep it from leaving.

There were two cases in fact. One which was a fraud and the other, a briefcase. The fake left with Craptek as a diversion, but damn, the other left my sight. Funny how it came back to me.

Ivan, how did you come across it? Ivan????? Where are you going? Damn, where is Comissarka Pinkie? I needed a bailiff for the courtroom.

Have a seat comrade - rest yourself.

The Chair-2.jpg

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote:
Hammer and Loupe wrote:That is funny comrades. The case of all that information on you all is sitting here on the bench. It never left the courtroom. I even made extra precautions to keep it from getting out of my site. Handcuffs are a good measure to keep it from leaving.

There were two cases in fact. One which was a fraud and the other, a briefcase. The fake left with Craptek as a diversion, but damn, the other left my sight. Funny how it came back to me.

Ivan, how did you come across it? Ivan????? Where are you going? Damn, where is Comissarka Pinkie? I needed a bailiff for the courtroom.

Have a seat comrade - rest yourself.

The Chair-2.jpg

Hmmm, doing that or doing the paperwork..... It is easier to take the seat.... Comrade, why is it not working?

.........Right, I am not surprised. I'll get started with the paperwork plus the "why I tried suicidal attempt" paperwork. This will take months.

User avatar
This is what they all say, Hammer & Loupe, until further research discovers the darkest crimes against The People™ committed, or planned, or merely germinating in the deepest recesses of your subconscious. The People's Psychiatry just doesn't take "no" for an answer.

This is all I have to say for now.

[img]/images/IcePick_Trotsky_Museum_Movies.jpg[/img]

User avatar
Besides, a doze of healthy paranoia is always needed to reinvigorate the Party and boost the morale.

That should be enough to make you want to take one for the Party, even if you think you're innocent. It's for the Greater Good™, comrade.

Image

User avatar
Red Square wrote:Besides, a doze of healthy paranoia is always needed to reinvigorate the Party and boost the morale.

That should be enough to make you want to take one for the Party, even if you think you're innocent. It's for the Greater Good™, comrade.


Why think when you get charged for thought crimes? When the state selects you to volunteer, you volunteer.

User avatar
Comrade Putout wrote:.
A potential jury member, a Miss Pamalinsky, demonstrates her desire and qualifications to participate in '
The Show Trial.'

She was excused...
.

Image

Truth is, I recused myself! Dindo nuthin!

User avatar
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:And I went to the trouble and expense to manufacture and provide squirrel sized condoms. [highlight=#FFFF00]Comrades, the skill required to have mechanical pencil leads (0.7mm I believe) dipped in latex, marked XXL for that psychological boost, and then rolled properly does not come cheap, nor speak English[/highlight].

The things I do to host a good party...

Comrade Ivan,

I'd like to purchase and distribute any left over "pint-sized-pecker-protectors" among my associates. It's getting crowded up here in the old oak. You can even keep some for yourself. (that is, if you don't think they'd be too big)

Red Square wrote:This is what they all say, Hammer & Loupe, until further research discovers the darkest crimes against The People™ committed, or planned, or merely germinating in the deepest recesses of your subconscious.


Hoary legend of urban is this.

You are entering bathroom, standing in front of mirror and turning candles off. While being in front of mirror, spinning rapidly, you are chanting "Thomas Jefferson" "
Thomas Jefferson" "Thomas Jefferson", while catching glimpses of self on mirror. It is said that -- if you are not barfing first -- eventually you are seeing image of Thomas Jefferson on mirror, and vision of Next Wednesday with Obamacare gone and beet sandwiches.

Upon exiting bathroom you are being
arrested by FBI and denounced by Melissa Harris-Perry for believing in existence of Thomas Jefferson, which NAACP has proven dead white guy never existed.

Life is just and fair in USSA under Dear Leader Obama. And no amount of running will save you.

User avatar
Comrades,
I welcome trials, especially Crapteks. He gets his nut entirely too often for someone so furry between the ears. The shining World of Next Tuesday™ awaits and Craptek needs a good "Beeting".

User avatar
Khruelchev wrote:...Craptek needs a good "Beeting".

Indeed he does, but like everyone who gets away with murder says, at this point, "what difference does it make"?

He's guilty, and sentenced. And the sad part is that if we continue to pursue this, he releases the dirt that he has stolen from the STATE, which needed our information for proper and needful reasons and our own protection from capitalist teabagger bitter clingers, but in the wrong hands (or filthy rodent claws) is always controversial, and can be highly embarrassing.

The little rat squirrel bastard <spit>

User avatar
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
Khruelchev wrote:...Craptek needs a good "Beeting".

Indeed he does, but like everyone who gets away with murder says, at this point, "what difference does it make"?

He's guilty, and sentenced. And the sad part is that if we continue to pursue this, he releases the dirt that he has stolen from the STATE, which needed our information for proper and needful reasons and our own protection from capitalist teabagger bitter clingers, but in the wrong hands (or filthy rodent claws) is always controversial, and can be highly embarrassing.

The little [highlight=#FF0000]rat[/highlight] [highlight=#00FF00]squirrel[/highlight] bastard <spit>

I see Progress in your verbal and reasoning skills, Comrade Ivan. Very promising indeed.

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote:
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
Khruelchev wrote:...Craptek needs a good "Beeting".

Indeed he does, but like everyone who gets away with murder says, at this point, "what difference does it make"?

He's guilty, and sentenced. And the sad part is that if we continue to pursue this, he releases the dirt that he has stolen from the STATE, which needed our information for proper and needful reasons and our own protection from capitalist teabagger bitter clingers, but in the wrong hands (or filthy rodent claws) is always controversial, and can be highly embarrassing.

The little [highlight=#FF0000]rat[/highlight] [highlight=#00FF00]squirrel[/highlight] bastard <spit>

I see Progress in your verbal and reasoning skills, Comrade Ivan. Very promising indeed.

Now, now, now, the show trial's over, that means we should stop with the division and start becoming Truly Kollektivist ™ again. But, if someone should see a fellow Komrade becoming unwashed again, they should swiftly apply Brutal Korrektive Denunciation to correct their course.

User avatar
Comrade Stierlitz, the show trial is not over until someone is punished, condemned and convicted (the order is flexible) and since you were, last I checked, the last person to be scrutinized and accused of crimes against the collective - by comrade Red Square, no less - well, the show must go on............

User avatar
Comrade May Putout now has a warrant for obstruction of justice, as she has been wandering the courthouse hallways loudly demanding access to the "well-hung jury" chambers and distracting government workers from conducting the People's business and their own crossword puzzles.

Image
Someone else will have to explain it to her...

User avatar
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Comrade May Putout now has a warrant for obstruction of justice, as she has been wandering the courthouse hallways loudly demanding access to the "well-hung jury" chambers and distracting government workers from conducting the People's business and their own crossword puzzles.

Image
Someone else will have to explain it to her...

Dear Comrade Putout,

I understand the last few days without me have been trying, but hang in there. I'll be over tonight to make up for the attention-deficit you've suffered.

As always,

CC
(Your well hung-over friend)

Craptek-8.jpg


 
POST REPLY