Changing the inequality of "happy hour" and "bar time"


I glanced at my watch and saw that it did not read "Happy Hour" but rather was showing "Denounce Republicans Hour", and further that it was 4:30pm, not the 4:45pm showing inside the bar. To my horror, I was told that they were on "bar time", and that a happy "hour" lasted two hours! Needless to say I had to investigate this peculiar manipulation of time further, so I ordered a bottle of vodka, a plate of beets, a dried heel of black rye and sawdust bread, used my meat ration for a portion of a soy and pork sausage, and sat down to study on the matter further.
The bartender told me they set their clocks 15 minutes fast (and without a license!) to ensure that patrons were not served past the curfew hour, and that during happy hour, food and drink was discounted in order to attract customers. Further interrogation
Therefore, in order to fix the inequality of happy hour and regular hours in bars, and the peculiar nature of bar time, where everything is 15 minutes faster than the real world, the Office of The Department of The Commissar of Time has rendered the following ruling.
1.) All hours in bars shall be termed "happy hours". This is to ensure that time is treated in an equal and just fashion, and that an unhappy hour shall not be different from a happy hour. Since happy is better than unhappy, and happy is conducive to good self esteem, all hours shall be termed "happy".
2.) Bar time is now an official measurement of Time(TM). Bars are allowed to exist in a time that is 15 minutes faster than the rest of the world. This is to ensure proper compliance with curfew regulations.
3.) Whoever is in charge of the sausage and bread contract to State Bars shall be shot.



1) I drink
2) In the gulag it's always happy hour, but all they have is warm beet soda.


Since when did the gulags get soda? And why is it warmed in the wintertime?


How will this affect those of use who spend the Two Minutes Hate swearing at the bar telescreen, f'rinstance? May we still hate while we're happy? And would we hate fifteen minutes before the rest of The Party? Should we hate for seventeen minutes so they catch up?




...Which rather sounds like a euphemism for something, but like you said, between me and my Commissar...






Colonel 7.62
Drinking alone may not be a party approved activity, as without the collective whole to monitor your drunken thoughts, you might commit thoughtcrime.Since when did the gulags get soda? And why is it warmed in the wintertime?
Comrade, every fellow travelers eventually drinks alone. Especially if he makes the unpardonable faux-paux of exposing his membership in the Party to outsiders. And how can you commit a thought crime when you're mind numbed? That's the whole point of drinking. No?
The beet soda is naturally fermented, hence the bubbles. The fermentation (and warmth) results from leaving it out in the sun to stew. Or during the long Siberian night, placing it next to the wood stove in the guard's quarters. Regardless, the scant alcohol content is merely enough to keep it from freezing solid in the stomachs of the prisoners.

When the clocks "fall back" and an hour is "lost", does last call have a one-hour reprieve?
When we "spring ahead", does last call ever happen, or do we just skip it--like the hour?
May the hour "saved" be used to obtain extra rations of precious beet vodka (sorry, low alcohol content of beet soda will not keep me pickled enough...) in celebration of either February or October Revolutions?
If I am riding on the People's Railway Amtrak[sup]TM[/sup] in October and the train stops to
If a train leaves Boston at 4:36 p.m. headed to Washington, and another train leaves Washington at precisely the same time
[You said to drink until he's cute...he's not cute yet....]
Existential dilemma #2: Can The One[sup]TM[/sup] make me truly happy, or must I
Eternal Truth #1: It's 5 o'clock somewhere....
[I now joyously press "Submit"...how appropriate.]




Quote:
Since when did the gulags get soda? And why is it warmed in the wintertime?Since the gulag's collective horse developed that infection.



Stacia Gooneybirdova
Where is Commissarka Pinkie when I need her???!!! Must to apply shovel to cranium.Pinkie has a new boyfriend and she's busy bonking him into submission (with her shovel, I assume). Anyway, if you require Trotsky therapy I have just the instrument. Hold on a second while I pull it out of my hat. Ok, turn around. Ready?
CHUNK!
Not as resounding as WHACK! I'll admit, but that's the whole point, it's supposed to be quiet.


Thankyouverymuch!



