'Drunk' squirrel causes hundreds of pounds of damage

The floor was covered in beer and glasses and bottles smashed, Sam Boulter said. "It was horrible, beer nuts were flying everywhere."

"I felt it was quite interesting," commented M. Putout, a waitress one of the service staff members. "I had no idea there were that many verses to 'Sonofabitch Columbo', and the dear little fellow was just belting them out."

The good Captain has been completely out of control lately. Just this week Craptek was in the fascist state of Texas and was spotted by state run media eating a helpless snake.

FULL STORY

The most gracious [color=#C0392B]El Presidente[/color], by not having all of the photographic evidence, made a slight error when he wrote:The good Captain has been completely out of control awesome lately. Just this week Craptek was in the fascist state of Texas and was spotted by state run media eating a helpless bad snake. (I fixed it for you good buddy!)

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I think he was actually eating one of those vicious Muhammad Youssef Abdulazeez snakes! Way to go Captain Craptek!!
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Dear Comrades,

Thanks for your concern and stuff, but I'm still OK. (sorry Ivan) Those other "rodents" are fakers, pretenders to my rank and position in The Collective.™ Feel free to thumb through my book on Outwitting Squirrels for additional thoughts and ideas on the subject.

*Also, - and this calls for Comrade Putout's keen eye - am I not seeing tiny rodent mammary thingies on the snake eater? If so, it may be time for a private talk with El Presidente!

A liquored-up squirrel doing lots of damage isn't news, it's afternoon at the People's Cube on any given day.

Captain Craptek wrote:... am I not seeing tiny rodent mammary thingies on the snake eater?

Well of course you are ... Caitlyn.

Caitlyn Craptek!

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Caitlyn Craptek!

Too soon! TOO SOON! AHHAHAHAHAHAH! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!


[/b]

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Congratulations on your new book Captain Craptek!
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Hey Ivan! Look what I found! Remember when you did the screen test and got a part in that movie? Too bad they had to replace you cause you kept forgetting it was just a movie. But anyway, I've got a whole set of pictures with you and what's-his-name doing really progressive stuff together,... if you know what I mean! :-) I'm sending a set to Comrade Putout. Want copies?

Comrade Putout wrote:.
Congratulations on your new book Captain Craptek!
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hanging-out-with-the-girls.jpg

Thanks Comrade! I'll be studying up on all this stuff later - I need to be ready when Vogue comes knocking! Hehehehe! I can't miss fail to impress the NY crowd with my new book and look. BTW: Speaking of new looks - Did you catch the still from Ivan's 2005 screen test? Definitely Oscar material! I have all the really juicy stuff, too. Want copies?

Captain Craptek wrote:

Comrade Putout wrote:.
Congratulations on your new book Captain Craptek!
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hanging-out-with-the-girls.jpg

Thanks Comrade! I'll be studying up on all this stuff later - I need to be ready when Vogue comes knocking! Hehehehe! I can't miss fail to impress the NY crowd with my new book and look. BTW: Speaking of new looks - Did you catch the still from Ivan's 2005 screen test? Definitely Oscar material! I have all the really juicy stuff, too. Want copies?

I'll take a copy, but please mail it in a block of lead. I don't want the postal service inspecting the package and finding such gratuitous images in my mail. I'll have one of my friends get the money to you, meet Georgie down at the docks tonight at 11:55.

As I was under the age of 18, those images are kiddie-porn, possession of which is punishable.

There will be a train along shortly, please proceed directly to the station platform. Leave your luggage where it is, our porters will tend to all of that for you...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:As I was under the age of 18, those images are kiddie-porn, possession of which is punishable.

There will be a train along shortly, please proceed directly to the station platform. Leave your luggage where it is, our porters will tend to all of that for you...

You talkin' to me or crappy? Because I was under the impression that this was 18+ not 18-. Get craptek down to the platform, I did nothing. I got nothing in the mail and Craptek never said that it was kiddie porn. In fact, I'm gonna find where he lives and I'm gonna report him. Shoot him even, I got a buddy in the KGB that'll do those kindsa jobs for the right price.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:As I was under the age of 18, those images are [highlight=#ffff00]kiddie-porn[/highlight], [highlight=#FFFF00]possession of which is punishable[/highlight].

There will be a train along shortly, please proceed directly to the station platform. Leave your luggage where it is, our porters will tend to all of that for you...

Comrade, comrade, comrade,... Seriously? A punishment for possession of kiddie-porn? How quaint and un-progressive of you! Haven't you heard? The only punishable offense Next Tuesday™ is Thought Crime™ - and that's defined and re-defined daily by Dear Leader. Thus far HE's been concentrating on dismantling the economy and social order of the USSA. So, calm yourself!

Comrade Caitlyn Upton Craptek, I thought that was you in the beauty contest back in 07. It seems the hate speech in this thread is causing you a little bit of stress similar to your pageantry days. Since your androgynous lifestyle has been exposed, consider using your ingenious stfu speech which stops everyone in their tracks and makes them all a bit dumber to boot. Your response to that mean lady's pernicious question still has my head spinning.

Forward comrade, forward!!

Caitlyn Upton Craptek shuts everyone down

[b][color=#C0392B]Red Walrus opened him/her self to scrutiny when he/she[/color][/b] wrote:Comrade Caitlyn Upton Craptek, I thought that was you in the beauty contest back in 07. It seems the hate speech in this thread is causing you a little bit of stress similar to your pageantry days. Since your androgynous lifestyle has been exposed, consider using your ingenious stfu speech which stops everyone in their tracks and makes them all a bit dumber to boot. Your response to that mean lady's pernicious question still has my head spinning.

Forward comrade, forward!!

I wish I didn't have to display this rather disturbing "selfie" you took before arriving at TPC- but...

Crappy you said that would always be our secret????? What has gotten into you? I think maybe you need a longer vacation, without the booze this time!

Red Walrus wrote:Crappy you said that would always be our secret????? What has gotten into you? I think maybe you need a longer vacation, without the booze this time!

Comrade Pink Walrus,

Sorry. I realize I've been acting like a vindictive, spiteful little rodent. I don't know what's gotten into me lately! Could be I'm just getting old and cranky, or... maybe it's the endless, unprovoked personal attacks leveled at me daily by my supposed "comrades" here in the commune. Could be that,.. possibly,... right,... that's probably it. But in the final analysis, who gives a crap. Besides, now that the truth is out - that we're all "a bit light in the loafers" - I'm feeling much better, liberated, so to speak. Anyway, gotta go have my nails done.

Craptek after too much partying

I was wondering if this is one of Crapteks relatives??

OksanaTheTerrible wrote:

rps20150720_020356.jpg

I was wondering if this is one of Crapteks relatives??

That's Whitey - the family reject and troublemaker!

Captain Craptek wrote:

OksanaTheTerrible wrote:

rps20150720_020356.jpg

I was wondering if this is one of Crapteks relatives??

That's Whitey - the family reject and troublemaker!

Whitey!? Shiiit- Dat squigga like MJ. He useda be black, but he got that MJ disease and now the mo'fuckas white. Truss me, I useda hang out wittem in bars all across'a country. Goodness knows how'e gottit. He did screw one'o dem white squirrels once and then'is dick turned white, so mebbe it come from dat.

Once you go white...Remember the carnage brought into our hero of color in the Peoples documentary "Undercover Brother" by "White She-Devil"