Kim Jong Illin' Announces Pyongyang Hosts D-11 Summit of World Leaders - (UPI - Pyongyang) by Heren "Auntie Semitic" Thomas (retired)

On tap for attendance were the democratically electerd leaders of Cuba, Zimbabwe, Iran, Myanmar, North Korea, Russia, Nicaragua, Venezuela, Syria, China and Libya.

This reporter rapturously witnessed The Original Dear Leader™ , Kim Jong Illin', welcome distinguished world leaders as they arrived at the weed-strewn dirt airstrip People's Aerodrome 10 kilometers outside the rundown dungheap glittering capital city of Pyongyang.

First to arrive was Castro's butt-boy Venezuela's el presidente Hugo Chavez, sitting next to Sean Penn and waving a picture of teen heart-throb Benecio CacaDelToro. " i Ay caramba! My ass is numb from sitting in that damn Ilyushin all those hours!"

Following Chavez's arrival was cannibal strongman heroic President Robert Mugabe. Kim Jong Illin' said of Mugabe, "Your country of Rhodesia is unparrarred by any other African nation in its agricurturar success! (what? It not Rhodesia any ronger? Why the Juche they not stick with Rhodesia? What the herr kinda name is Zimbabwe? You not keep me informed again! Jesus Christ, what I pay you for?)" .

Russian Tsar, er President, er "Prime Minister" Vladimir Putin showed up in a brand new Sukhoi 27 twin-engine fighter jet, doing several barrel rolls over the aerodrome before landing.
"I here to hang with my homey Kim Jong Illovich. Tvoyu mat to Amerika and its decadent peoples!" "Prime Minister" Putin is holding a model of the new PeaceWrecker SS-22 Missile he is trying to export to peace-loving countries worldwide. (2-for-1, this month only!)

Not to be outdone, Communist dictator beloved leader China president Hu Jintao flew in on People's Liberation Army Airforce #1, a new Airbust 380.

"I am here to chirr with my par and old drinking buddy Kim Jong Irrin'. Prus, my business partners at Norinco terr me we got a surprus of 7.62mmx39 SSK "hunting rifres" we gotta get rid of." Asked about his Mao Boiler Suit, Jintao said, "Check it, yo. I make this s**t rook good!"

Going for the Ghandi Look, crazy-as-a-shithouse-rat Iranian President Achmed Mahmoud Mohammed Whatever Ahmadinejad appears to be wearing the new bedsheet line from Cottonelle. "People of North Korea! Your generous leader Kim Jong Illin' hooked me up with improved-range MB-25 missiles with which I will rain down nuclear terror on the Zionist State and all of Western Europe!" In the background, you can see the inflatable Kabbah that Mr Ahmadinejad takes with him everywhere. There was a brief scuffle when a North Korean honour guardsman accidentally popped the Inflatable Kabbah™ with the point of his rifle's bayonet.

Lost amid the fanfare, stinking bum Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega touched down in Nicaragua's State Plane, a Piper Cub.
"Hey homeys! It's good to be back, attending the Diktator-11 Summit, held here in beautiful Pyongyuang. I still can't believe the dumbasses in my country voted me back in even after I'd Juched them over the first time around."

Next to appear was Myanmar's dictator & junta leader Than Shwe. He hopped nimbly out of a lovingly restored classic Sturmovik fighter, painted in his country's colours. Kim Jong Illin' greeted the Myanmar thug, "As Burma's guiding right, you personify the New Modern Asian Man™. Burma is rucky to have you as it's Grandfather! (what that? Myanmar?!? That not even mean anything! They must have been smoking their own opium when they came up with that goddam name! Once again, you fair me miserabry. Why I pay you for?)

A near-disaster was averted when Fidel Castro arrived. His country's IL-76, an aging transport plane, blew out two tires whilst landing on the Pyongyang runway. Said to be paved with jagged crushed human skulls, Pyongyang's runways are notoriously tough on tires. " i Ay caramba! Joo almos' keel me, Kim! ?Why for joo not tell me to make sure I got new tyres put on mi aeroplano? Jus' for that, joo no get any of my cigars. Ask Clinton for some next time he stop in. Hey, Raul, you maricon! Stop hitting on Kim Jung Un. ?Where joor manners, meng?"

Libya's strongman dictator noble Bedouin savage Muammar Qaddafi embarassed the assemblage when he stumbled off the plane, apparently baked on Ecstasy & potent Simi Valley kush. He slurred his way through his arrival speech, losing his place several times.
Most shocking of all, he loudly proclaimed, "the Koran is a buncha crap, man! That Allah dude was Juched up - I mean he child-molested one of his wives and fondled camels all day. Islam is a Gutter Religion™ and the only good thing about it is you can marry extra ho's. Man, I need a beer and a ham sandwich...."

The final thug dictator benevolent leader to appear was Syria's Assad. Once again, the Islamic contingent of the D-11 brought shame and calumny upon the group when Assad clicked his heels and saluting with a Fascist stiff-arm, bellowed to DPRK Dictator-Til-Overthrown Kim Jong Illin', "Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!" His esteemed peers were heard shushing him, "dude! DUDE! Ixnay on the ashist-fay! Wrong place & time, man!"

Host country rabid sonofabitch bastard leader Kim Jong Illin' wound things up with a short speech.
"Ferrow rapists, bandits, pirates, thugs, commies and dictators. I just took two hits of Rohypnol so I'm in a very loquacious, er roquacious mood. Gathered here today, we ereven, Kim's Ereven (we oughtta make a movie...what that? It already done? Who starred - Arec Bardwin? George Crooney?!? Juche him, that lickspittle never sent me a Christmas card rast year!) Where was I? Yes yes. We ereven readers correctivery make the rest of the worrd's readers trembre in their boots and rooz sreep at night. Now I kick it up a notch. I proud to announce DPRK just raunched a saterrite on one of my Big Frash™ boosters. It in row-Earth orbit and is beaming signars direct into the heads of the worrd's peopres, making them susceptibre to my propaganda. But I have good news. Here you see my handy TinFoil Hats™ , disguised as styrish fashionabre straw headwear. They wirr firter out my signars so you can remain as sick & twisted as ever. Rine up. Don't shove. Evabody get one, prus one spare."

/PROG OFF - I hope I covered all of the world's Thugs-Du-Jour. If I missed anyone, please feel free to add to the list and quote a short, pithy arrival speech. - Mark/ KJI

Gee, with so many great men living in our time I don't understand why the world is in such a mess.

My Heros have always been commies

Wow, it is almost like a Worr Book Encycropeedia!

Ah, Marxist Hero Worship is almost orgasmic in nature. Makes me remember the days when Stalin and I used to be worshiped by the Peoples...

Why he chose a pick-axe is beyond my comprehension. I just know it was very painful. But I digress.

Comrade, you forgot to place our Amerikan Heroes in that Pantheon!!!

Your forgetfulness may cost you dearly if the Amerikan Party Nomenklature gets a wind of this.

Don't forget to include, FDR, Alger Hiss, LBJ, Carter, Soros and Obama. Hillary fell out of grace and she is being purged, as per Wikileaks.

You didn't invite the Dear Leader!? Gasp!

The Dear Leader is appalled by your insolence, puppy!

/PROG OFF - hey, y'all, the reason dead dictators aren't on the list and current jackasses like Obama aren't on the list is because I was only including currently-alive-strongmen who will only leave the scene one of two ways - a violent overthrow or dying of old age.

Obama will get humiliatingly defeated in 2012 but sadly, the only way I see Rhodesia's Mugabe and Cuba's Castro leaving the scene are by dying of natural causes. They are too entrenched to ever be ousted. The only good thing about these two octegenarian a$$holes is that they are ancient and cannot last much longer before Death finally catches up with them.

Mark