The severe crises brought about by the simultaneously evil geniuses and stupid idiots such as George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, etc, etc, have necessitated a change in our plans for the nation's future. Now that the media has discovered that Bush, instead of retiring to Texas, has been selling guns illegally in Mexico, it has become clear that we cannot pretend that by simply re-electing President Obama for six more years all things will be well. It is simply too short a time for even the super-est genius the world has ever known to fix all the many things which are broken and correct the errors made by the country's founding white guys.

Our FLOTUS and Dear Leaderette, Grand Dame Michelle Obama, has pointed the way to our salvation in a recent email. Please read carefully:

For the first 10 years of our marriage, Barack and I lived in an apartment in my hometown of Chicago.

The winters there can be pretty harsh, but no matter how snowy or icy it got, Barack would head out into the cold — shovel in hand — to dig my car out before I went to work.

In all our years of marriage, he's always looked out for me. Now, I see that same commitment every day to you and to this country.

The only way we'll win this election is if we can rely on one another like that, all the way to November 6th. Barack is working hard, but he can't do this alone — he needs your help.

Make a donation today to build this campaign — when you do, you'll be automatically entered to join Barack and me for a casual dinner...

If you read between the lines, Dear Leaderette is suggesting the solution to our mess: we must all marry Barack Obama!

If we all marry Barack Obama, it will ensure we will have him in our lives permanently to shovel our snow, run our finances and look out for us. We would no longer have to worry about primaries, campaigns, elections or any related useless rigamarole, for Barack Obama would simply become our husband and father! Chris Matthews would no longer have to stimulate his leg manually! Tom Friedman would no longer need to sit in his mansion and enviously eye those who live under the ruthless Chinese single-payer healthcare system. And Maureen Dowd... well, let's not go there.

In any event, the nation would immediately receive the benefits of hope and change that accompany absolute totalitarian power right here, right now without having to bother with legalistic technicalities like the 22nd Amendment or the Koch Brothers' bought-and-paid-for Supreme Court. The country can simply circumvent the impediments to happiness imposed by the obsolete hunnert year old constitution and embrace Barack as our Dear Leader forever by having everyone marry him!* A splendid time is guaranteed for all.

Indeed, Barack has subtly paved the way for this by his recent endorsement of gay marriage over the objections of the GOP, which was too busy waging a war on womyn to realize the implications. This will enable males as well as females to take Barack as their husband. The Party is sure there will be no objections by males to taking another male as their husband for WE are the party of tolerance and compassion, and after all, it is for the common good!

The Party understands that many are already married and cannot currently marry Barack legally. A solution has been devised for this problem: those affected will simply become Mormons, a religion which accepts polygamy. The reich-wing is always carrying on about the "freedom of religion" constitutional mumbo-jumbo, so they cannot possibly complain about everyone exercising that freedom, converting to Mormonism and marrying Barack Obama. Romney will have been hoisted on his own religious petard.

The most wildly successful movements in history - contempory North Korea, Stalin's USSR and Jonestown, for example - prospered by taking their Dear Leaders symbolically as their husband and father. We will go one step further and become even more wildly successful by making our acceptance legal! And with Barack as our dad, running up credit card bills is no problem - think of the national wedding reception we can have! Be forewarned - we hear that Mrs. Obama can be a bit of a party animal at times.

There is no time to lose - the climate change denial machine has been busily illegally registering Tea Party thugs in all 57 states in an attempt to steal the election this November. What makes this conspiracy even more insidious is that these people all have credentials and ID (many even have jobs!) and are thus that much harder to ferret out. WE can foil their evil racist plan and allow the Party to use the money already raised for the election for vacations the common good if we all simply marry Barack Obama. Let us all go forth and Choose Barack Obama As Our National Husband Now! Remember, summer is an excellent time for weddings!

*Oh, and divorces would still be allowed but punishable by death... did we mention that? Ooops.

I'm a little confused about the "to have and to hold" part. Who's being had, Him or us?

I view plural marriages as a personal decision, and in my opinion one wife is more than plenty, my entire collective could not grow and harvest the food for Moo-chele. Barry can keep her fed on the taxpayers dime...

What a timely post, Opiate! For you see, I was about to start a new blog post--something I haven't done in quite a while--to announce my forthcoming marriage and thus extort (damned spell check) exhort the Collective to visit my bridal registry, when I happened to see that you just started this thread. Since I'm in need of a bridegroom, Obama will do for now. By marrying him, I now have an excuse to sign up for his bridal registry:


https://www.barackobama.com/news/entry/ ... um=twitter

Got a birthday, anniversary, or wedding coming up?
Let your friends know how important this election is to you—register with Obama 2012, and ask for a donation in lieu of a gift. It's a great way to support the President on your big day. Plus, it's a gift that we can all appreciate—and goes a lot further than a gravy bowl.
Setting up and sharing your registry page is easy—so get started today.

Damn right a gravy bowl doesn't go very far!

An Obama Gravy Train, on the other hand, goes on forever!

This gift is also great for other special events and occasions:

Instead of another gift card you'll forget to use, ask your friends and family for something that will go a little further: a donation to Obama for America. Register your next celebration—whether it's a birthday, bar or bat mitzvah, wedding, or anniversary—with the Obama campaign. It's a great way to show your support for a cause that's important to you on your big day.

Because carbon credits are so 2007. And how am I supposed to regift a certificate that says a star has been named after me?

Oh, and Opiate--because I am now a bride, and every bride likes to have her own event, her own big day, her own little place in the sun for at least 15 minutes--and in my case, my own blog topic which you took away from me--I'm afraid I must give you the back of my shovel:

WHACK!!!

For the rest of you comrades, in lieu of sending Opiate flowers and get well cards with lame cartoon pictures of patients' bare bottoms showing out the back of ill-fitting hospital gowns, please send a donation in his name to the link above.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
WHACK!!!

Oh and such a glorious day! I have done as Comrade Pinkie has extorted, and signed up for the Registry. However, it does not accept my e-mail address here. Then website sends me to report to Dashboard Trouble Desk, and I think that I will now be punished large time. But, no, they want me to fill out trouble report. So I wrote:

Comrade Pinkie says we should all sign up to support our Glorious Leader, but the website will not accept e-mail address. What should we do? I will be back in the beet fields, so let me know at collective feeding hall. RR

I will probably have visit tonight from Kommittee, but I tried my best.

New to this site, but here's some fun I had with the event registry thing from today.

Comrade Ghandi, a most equal and fully Party supported welcome to The Cube™.

Have you completed this week's beet harvest? HMMMMMM???

I ummmm, well...ahhhh.....

Just wait until Halloween, comrades. Instead of candy, which is loaded with sugar contributing to the obesity crisis, which in turn is a national security issue, trick-or-treaters will be asked to take their little empty milk cartons from school door-to-door to collect money for Obama's campaign. Anyone who doesn't give gets egged and toilet-papered (but one square only). Occupiers will also be dispatched to leave "flaming occupies" on the offender's doorstep.

You heard it here first! So let it be written, so let it be done.

Hey - - - Debbie's line jumping again.
It's NOT FAIR!

dedhedvedev wrote:I'm a little confused about the "to have and to hold" part. Who's being had, Him or us?

That you have to ask such a question is aself-incriminating indication of your requirement for re-education...

Not so fast! Since you didn't give me your wedding gifts, I hereby claim my right of the first night with the bride of my vassal.

Opiate,

Yikes! I see you received some unwanted affection from our beloved Pinkie. Lucky for you though I've just completed the course and need a victim and am ready to practice my new skill sets. Don't worry this won't hurt a bit.

What I don't understand is why Michelle Obama cannot shovel snow by “herself” in Chicago when Erica Simone has no problem doing it in the “buff” in New York? Sounds like racism to me.

This idea is already having an effect on the masses! Here's one fellow that just got the news as if he wasn't already overjoyed enough on his big day.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Just wait until Halloween, comrades. Instead of candy, which is loaded with sugar contributing to the obesity crisis, which in turn is a national security issue, trick-or-treaters will be asked to take their little empty milk cartons from school door-to-door to collect money for Obama's campaign. Anyone who doesn't give gets egged and toilet-papered (but one square only). Occupiers will also be dispatched to leave "flaming occupies" on the offender's doorstep.

You heard it here first! So let it be written, so let it be done.

We are well ahead of you on the Halloween angle...

Only Dear Leader (pbuh) would show his fairness, compassion and inclusiveness by romatically courting Necro-Brides as well. We should all learn something from his selfless display.

This is my last 'ball' joke... really! (I think...)

---

Dear Leader {pbuh} has once again shown how far ahead of us mere mortals his thinking is.

Look how much he can cut the damn deficit that all the rethugs constantly bitch about now that the Govt. will not have to shell out anything for federal employee wedding gifts for the foreseeable future. Sheer brilliance!

Could Paul Ryan or any rethug think of anything close to a genius idea like this, anything, anything at all?

Comrade Putout wrote:

Comradette Putout,
much congratulations to you in giving Dear Leader another brilliant idea.
Such FORWARD thinking. I see running water in your future!


Hmmm, do you know Comradette Wilson??

All politics aside, this is just about the tackiest thing I have seen in a long time. It reminds me of the radio evangelist on an episode of WKRP who was selling "John the Baptist Shower Curtains" and the "Twelve Apostle Steak-knife Set." The Obamas are supposed to be the new definition of class? They're acting like trailer trash that got famous and are trying to capitalize on their fleeting fame by raffling off "I got raped by a sasquatch" t-shirts.

As Ned Nederlander in " The Three Amigos " might say.......

" Oh Dusty .... The Obamas are more than famous ...... they're " INFAMOUS " !

deleted

Comrade Putout wrote:This is my last 'ball' joke... really! (I think...)

---

obama-bowling-ball.jpg

I envision a scene from the end of the Wizard of Oz... pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, The scarecrow wanted a brain, the tin-man wanted a heart, the lion wanted courage, and little Barry? Well boys and girls...

Tovarichi wrote: I envision a scene from the end of the Wizard of Oz... pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, The scarecrow wanted a brain, the tin-man wanted a heart, the lion wanted courage, and little Barry? Well boys and girls...

Duh, I got this... Dear Leader always needs more balls.