"I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." - Intolerant, bigoted hick, Phil Robertson

With the fires barely extinguished on their Barilla pasta boxes, GLAAD has found a new victim to harass: Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty.

GLAAD's beef with Phil is that Phil's Bible says the gay lifestyle is "sinful."


Phil does not use the New Progressive Bible co-authored by GLAAD and other liberals, but instead chooses to study the outdated traditional Bible.

This is a big deal, because everyone in this country must have a religion that embraces gayness. New, approved Groupthink™ teaches that as long as the parties involved LOVE each other, it doesn't matter what God says. All religions must comply to receive tax-exempt status*.

*Muslims excluded

Phil calmly responded, "I didn't write the Bible. If you have a problem with the Bible, take it up with the Lord."

GLAAD then filed an Offensive Religion lawsuit against God for the continued H8 and bigotry implied in the word "sin." They released the following statement:

"We want God to stop smiting us and our lifestyle. We have dealt with the smiting for centuries and we are done - DONE! God's orders are very discriminatory and do not progress with the changing times. His morals are inflexible and rigid."

After the Colorado bakers were forced by the courts to make a cake for a gay wedding, GLAAD was hopeful that the courts could also force God to make a new Bible.

GLAAD asked to be compensated with a new kinder, gentler version of the Bible - novelized over centuries by multiple authors - with a 10% tithe going to sex-change charities.

God, a very high-tech deity, responded to GLAAD through email with an updated PDF of a form that used to circulate around the internet. The People's Cube was able to get a copy of GLAAD's response through the Freedom of Information Act:

Obviously, God is being non-compliant, which presents a problem. If God does not show up in court, the NSA has been authorized to track down God's IP address through the PDF upload, and bring him in to answer for the global crime of calling gayness a "sin."

We expect GLAAD will have their panties in a bunch, no matter what the outcome.

Further investigation has discovered that the PDF submitted by God contains layers that are not consistent with technology used at the time of the writing of the Bible, as well as the fact that back flaps may be the reason behind GLAAD's panties-in-a-bunch problem.

WHAAA..? Comrades, I am surprised at you all! If Our Big Brother Obama says that GLAAD needs to get over it, then they do! What Current Truth Update have I missed?

Thought Sheriff wrote:WHAAA..? Comrades, I am surprised at you all! If Our Big Brother Obama says that GLAAD needs to get over it, then they do! What Current Truth Update have I missed?

Not that God. The other one.

Olga Photoshopova wrote:GLAAD's beef with Phil is that Phil's Bible says the gay lifestyle is "sinful."

The Bible also says to be fruitful. So, there!

Dedhedvedev wrote: The Bible also says to be fruitful. So, there!

Gays can be fruitful but they can't multiply. This is discriminatory and the gays are demanding that God change it.

Being fruitful may be confused with the adjective "fruity" and herein lies the problem.

"A lot of what is ordinarily referred to as mental illness is really just noticing things that pass notice." -- Curtis White, Memories of My Father Watching TV

Quite some time ago I noticed a suspicious line in the Lord's Prayer.

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

I've lost so much sleep thinking about this wayward line that I've worn out many of the guns in my personal arsenal just from cleaning them in the middle of the night.

Dedhedvedev wrote:"A lot of what is ordinarily referred to as mental illness is really just noticing things that pass notice." -- Curtis White, Memories of My Father Watching TV

Quite some time ago I noticed a suspicious line in the Lord's Prayer.

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
[highlight=#FFFF00]And lead us not into temptation,[/highlight]
but deliver us from evil.

I've lost so much sleep thinking about this wayward line that I've worn out many of the guns in my personal arsenal just from cleaning them in the middle of the night.

Comrade,

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:Being fruitful may be confused with the adjective "fruity" and herein lies the problem.

Is this related to why so many gay people like Apple computers?

Tell the GLAAD baggers to "go forth and multiply, only by themselves."

comrade Buttinsky wrote:Tell the GLAAD baggers to "go forth and multiply, only by themselves."

Expect more outrage once the gay lobby figures out that 1x1=1.

Olga Photoshopova wrote:

comrade Buttinsky wrote:Tell the GLAAD baggers to "go forth and multiply, only by themselves."

Expect more outrage once the gay lobby figures out that 1x1=1.

But who would dare tell them?