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Hurricane Season Over - Algore Right Again!

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Release from Ministry of Truth

Hurricane season ended this past Friday, and once again, the New Order Suppressed Hurricane Incident Tracking has confirmed the predictions of the Reformed Church of Latter Day Climatologists and its High Priest, Al Gore. The NOSHIT report as expected blamed the reduction in both hurricane frequency and intensity on the global warming caused by Bush and his Halliburton henchmen.

The imperialist Bush lapdog NOAA's original prediction expected 17 named storms to form in the Atlantic, with nine of those storms becoming hurricanes. Five of the hurricanes were expected to develop into major storms (Categories 3, 4, and 5 on the Saffir-Simpson scale) with wind speeds of 111 mph or greater.

However, in an effort to reduce embarrassment of the incompetent Bush administration, adjusted their predictions down in August to 13 to 16 named storms - of which seven to nine would be hurricanes, including three to five major hurricanes of Category 3 strength or higher. An average season has 11 named storms, with six becoming hurricanes, including two major hurricanes, NOAA says.

According to NOSHIT, the 2007 Atlantic hurricane season produced a total of 14 named storms, including six hurricanes, two of which became major hurricanes. Even this number would have been lower had not NOAA for the first time included a subtropical storm in it's count.

As Algore has warned for many years, global warming would cause a decrease in both the frequency and intensity of hurricanes due to higher temperatures causing faster melting of the ice packs which in turn allowed cooler water into the oceans. In addition, the higher temperatures caused higher winds which in turn "cut off the top" of storms before they could form fully.

A spokesman for the High Priest Algore, Secretary-General of the UN, Friar Ban Ki-moon stated that "Without the cleansing provided by hurricanes and other tropical storms, human developments, particularly in the southeastern United States, will continue unabated and therefore cause an even larger impact on the carbon footprint leading to a vicious cycle of further global warming and fewer storms."

Hillary Clinton, back on the campaign trail after a magnificent display of leadership and presidential bearing in the aftermath of the attack on her campaign headquarters by a vicious white, conservative, gun toting Christian fascist stated that "The Bush administration in their turning a blind eye to the global warming that no one with a brain can deny, has caused yet another decrease in hurricanes.

This in turn leads to a reduced opportunity for the government to step in and provide financial aid to those most hardest hit by reduced government programs that would be available to them were it not for the war in Iraq that resulted from his lies."

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My dear Commissar, have you forgotten your New Math so soon? If x number of named storms formed during hurricane season, it's a direct result of (key here) Man-made Global Warming TM. Whether there are more named storms or fewer, it's Global Warming caused by Dick Cheney and Halliburton. We have even changed the standard for naming tropical storms so that if they even briefly reach tropical storm force they are named. Now, we just have to set-up more shell companies to sell carbon credits and put that cash into our off-shore accounts. Plant trees! Hah! I'm planting greenbacks in the Bahamas and and converting them to Euros! A more socially aware currency...

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Oh, I have not forgotten the math at all, just making sure that our prediction was fulfilled. We can't have some non-progressive come in and make some insane claim that the Algore's predictions were in error now can we?

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Who would do such a thing to the inventor of the internet?

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Good news, Comrades and fellow Goremons!

The Tropical Zone is Expanding!

Oh, this is almost too good to be true! An expanding tropical zone means more tropical storms, which in turn can mean more hurricanes--if only we can reform the current standards of what constitutes a hurricane--(sustained winds of 74 mph just isn't enough) and that, my fellow comrades, translates into <s>more taxes</s> a bigger investment from everyone, especially the evil corporations, to <s>fill the Party coffers</s> help The People.

Just think! No more will hurricanes be a threat only to the Gulf and Atlantic states! If we can institute reforms so that even a Minnesota snowstorm can be classified as a hurricane--and evacuate The People to the--what is it, the Metrodome?--oh, sweetest sound to my ears, ching-ching-ching, oh listen, everybody! Ching ching ching! <s>Money money money for the Party</s> Someone's handing out angels' wings to Those Who Care About The People.

Soon everyone in America will be forced out of their homes (which are falling under foreclosure anyway) by the inevitable spread of violent, destructive storms--exactly as profitsied and foretold by Messiah Gore-- and they will all be living equally in trailers benevolently bestowed upon them by The Party!

Oh, the very thought makes me giddy and fills me with the <s>holy</s> gloriously green, environmentally correct, eco-conscious and Earth-friendly spirit!

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Someone's handing out angels' wings to Those Who Care About The People.

Surely you mean the tasty treats spiced with a firey sauce, and not the anthropomophical personification of blind fate and chance sometimes present in the strange superstitions of the non-progressive? Since I am one of TWCATP, I'll take an order, sauce on the side and extra bleu cheese, please.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Good news, Comrades and fellow Goremons!

The Tropical Zone is Expanding!

Oh, this is almost too good to be true! An expanding tropical zone means more tropical storms, which in turn can mean more hurricanes--if only we can reform the current standards of what constitutes a hurricane

Commissarka! This is not good news! For if that is the case, then we would have to explain why the past 2 years did not produce the increase in hurricanes as...as... wait a minute! As the BUSH administration predicted!

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Commissar Pupovich wrote: As the BUSH administration predicted!

Blasphemy! We cannot allow anything the Bush administration predict to come true! Even if they predict that the sun will rise tomorrow, we will have al our agents working at their top performance to stop that prediction from coming true.

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But don't you see? It was Bush who predicted an increase in hurricanes that failed to happen the past 2 years! Gore was right again!

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Because our Russian comrades are using their HAARP to turn the motherland into a tropical paradise thus causing global warming and the outcome of the hurricane predictions.

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What!?! Have I not heard enough thoughtcrime today? Now you wish to lay global warming on our Russian comrades?

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How many of these storms will be NOT named after black people by the racist, KKK, Imperialist Bush war mongers?

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Good news, Comrades and fellow Goremons!

The Tropical Zone is Expanding!

Just think! No more will hurricanes be a threat only to the Gulf and Atlantic states! If we can institute reforms so that even a Minnesota snowstorm can be classified as a hurricane

Yes, all storms are Hurricanes! Equality for New Orleans, Minnesota, Buffalo, Chicago etc.

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I move that we declare that ant farts are hurricanes. And it was shown that the major cause of acid rain was formic acid, which is released when ants fight. I tried to get our Many Titted Empress's husband, whasname, to include ants in midnight basketball, with little tiny baskets made by Charlie Trie's firms, of course, but no, would he listen? So ant farts have to be hurricanes.


 
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