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I'm married with children, and I still can't grow up!

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It is always refreshing--ha, ha (as will later become relevant)--to see the Paper of Record doing its duty to push ProgThot. In "Soft Serve and Jingles Jangle Moms," people angry at ice cream pushers turn to government to force the pushers out of work or suffer deserved infringements.

However, as usual, a few parents amazingly still seem to reject irresponsibility or react without that Pavlovian need to enact a law against anything they don't like, no matter how many others do like it: "Parents in most places improvise solutions — running the other way when they hear the jingle or telling their children that they left their wallets at home." Reactionaries, kulaks to a man/woman/shem.

From the ice cream pushers themselves comes this typically inelegantly "anuanced," ignorant, biased, inbred, jingoist, racist, Christofascist quote: "Those who dislike the ice cream man, [Mr. Conway] said, tend to be 'New Age parents whose kids can't seem to do anything without them.'"

Oh, Mr. Conway, don't you know ice cream is a gateway sweet? Next comes KitKats, candy apples, cotton candy, sugared beverages, eclairs, pecan pie, and Obama only knows what else! By addicting children to the forces of obesity, you're overloading our buckling health care system. Thank Obama for Obama and his solution!

For readers of a certain age, I fear a vast Rightwing conspiracy backlash playing off an old TV ad: I'm married with children, and I still can't grow up! (The crucial line, "I've fallen, and I can't get up!," is halfway through.)


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I don't think I could find enough motivated English speakers here and I lack the Legos to animate it, but think of the glorious possibilities:

I've fallen off the gravy train, but I cant get back on!
I've lost my job, but I can't be bothered to seek a new job!
I've been asked a question by an uppity student, but I can't find an answer!
I've won tenure, but I can't help suddenly doing nothing for a lot!
I've got a teleprompter, but I can't make it hypnotize like it used to!
I've got lots of policies to explain, but I can't find the spine or time!
I've been had, but I still vote Dem!

Fraulein Obamski
I'm irresponsible, so I need your money!
I've weeweed myself and can't explain it!
I've got to destroy conservatives; they want me to think!

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Comradette Fräulein Obamski,

Right on, sister! Stick it to the men with the The Man!

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Obama's Job Approval: "I've fallen, and I can't get up!"

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D'oh!

A variant of that came to me but I procrastinated. Sorry, I made way for my fellow comrades and selflessly "spread the work around."


 
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