Comrades, a strange thing happened to me last night while I was doing my patriotic duty and watching Olberman; I went into a kind of waking dream state. This often happens to me while watching Olberman; the way his frenetic ranting turns the foam around his mouth into a cloud of spittle has a hypnotic effect on me. Oh, don't get me wrong; it is a self righteous socially-just people's spittle cloud, but it is a spittle cloud nonetheless.

Anyway, to continue, I began to imagine a time in the future; my vision went something like this....

It is the year 2034, the 25th year of His Royal Highness Obama's glorious presidency. His Holiness is sitting in the Oval Office (now called the "Hall of Mirrors") and consulting with his image on important matters of state. There is a knock at the door; it is Milton Megachump, Obama's 467th Press Secretary (the other 466 were driven to suicide by Rethuglican terrorists.) Milton is granted entrance and curtsies, but does not speak until spoken to. His grand benificence looks up from his favorite mirror and greets him: "Ah, Milton, how is my 467th favorite press secretary today?"

"Generally well, oh Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler, but there is a small problem I must speak to you about", Milton replies.

"Damn, we're not out of the one-million-dollar-per-pound Japanese steaks again, are we?"

"No, no, sire, nothing that bad. However, it is a bit of a sticky situation, sir....", Milton stammered.

Obama, getting impatient, demanded "Milton, make like Olberman and spit it out. I'm losing valuable mirror time here."

"Well, sir", Milton began, "Healthcare IS a constitutional right, is it not sir?"

Obama frowned. "Yes, of course, Chief Justice Sotomayor discovered the right to free healthcare in the Constitution years ago. It was on a page that was stuck to the back of another page for two hundred and thirty years. What's your point?"

Milton took a deep breath and then blurted out the bad news as quickly as he could: "Sir, we're running out of physicians. The subjects are demanding the healthcare they are entitled to, but there is nobody to provide it. The other day, a riot broke out in the waiting room of the last remaining plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills. Susan Sarandon and Madonna were beating each other with their canes and walkers over an opening for a face lift procedure 3 years from now. Sir, we're in desperate need of more doctors and nurses!"

"That's ridiculous", Obama sneered. "We had millions of medical professionals when my healthcare reform passed Congress! What happened to all of them?"

"Sir, many just retired or left the profession, claiming that between the cost of liability insurance and the reduced payments from the Obamacare program, it just wasn't worth the trouble anymore."

Obama considered for a moment, then countered "Well, what about replacements? The medical schools are full of students!"

"They all go back to China and India as soon as they graduate", Milton retorted. "They don't practice here."

Obama was becoming increasingly baffled and couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What about Amerikkan kids? There must be SOME smart kids from THIS country? Aren't any of them becoming healthcare practitioners?"

"No, they all become tort lawyers", answered Milton sheepishly.

"Tort lawyers????"

"Yes", Milton began, "the last stimulus bill, 'Stimulus XVII - The Search for Spock' which was rammed thru the Congress by Speaker Svetlana Pelosi (Nancy Pelosi's granddaughter) contained a hidden clause inserted by the trial lawyers lobby allowing anybody to be sued for anything unless they also happened to be a lawyer. Ever since that bill became law, there has been no profit in any kind of work except tort lawyer. So every college graduate these days either becomes a tort lawyer or a community orgranizer."

"So we have no more doctors and nurses", Obama concluded.

"Now you got it, sir" replied Milton.

Obama stared into his favorite mirror and pondered the situation. There was silence for about a minute and then he blurted out, "I've got it! We need doctors and nurses so we're just going to have to create some. I'm instituting a para-military draft of young men and women aged 18-45. Beginning immediately, they will be conscripted and trained to be physicians, nurses, and associated practitioners in the People's Medical Service. We should be up to speed and have an adequate number of professionals within a couple of months."

"A couple of months?", asked Milton with more than a trace of skepticism. "Sir, it takes YEARS to train a competent doctor or nurse! How can we be ready in a couple of months?"

"Compentent?", roared Obama. "Who said they had to be competent? Look Milton, the Constitution says people have a right to healthcare, it doesn't say anything about it having to be COMPETENT healthcare!"

"You have a good point, sir", said Milton, proud of his sycophancy. "No wonder you're the best president ever!"

"Thank you, Milton", spake Obama. "Now get busy and start lining up our allies to begin demonstrations demanding the Congress pass my medical draft bill. And start coming up with arguments to refute any critics the plan might have. 'All Obama's opponents are racists' is a good one to start with."

"You got it, sir!", Milton said as he left the room, leaving His Excellency alone with his favorite hobby.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the greatest leader of them all?"

At this point, a rather loud commercial for a combination fat burner, miracle cleaner and fabric glue came on the television and woke me from my dreamlike state before I could see how the vision turned out. Kinda scary, wasn't it? Anyway, it had to have been a dream, there's no way something like this could ever be real. I mean, talk about implausbile happennings.... a million dollars a pound for steak???? Yeah, I must've been asleep and this was all a dream. Forget I mentioned it.

Comrades, ever notice that all the things that we say is a right requires a new tax to pay for it, while all the things that conservatives call rights are free? (Just goes to show the value of conservative "rights")

In fact the founding slave holders claimed that all rights are god given.

So maybe this god being will pay for ObamaCare too.

Comrade Opiate, that was a most equal story. Well done. I agree that it is somewhat far fetched and that steak would unlikely cost that much.

Opiate, I denounce you for thought crime. Emperor Obama does not need to ask a mirror to know who the greatest leader of them all is. He merely needs to look at the "Greatest Leader of Them All" trophies bestowed on him from the wonderful Peoples Organization of ACORN.

I denounce Red Bear. Obama needs no external recognition of his greatness. He simply Is, and that is sufficient to Him. What does a god need external honors from His underlings for? It would be like a tractor mechanic in Mother Russia giving Stalin a medal for being a great leader.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:I denounce Red Bear. Obama needs no external recognition of his greatness. He simply Is, and that is sufficient to Him. What does a god need external honors from His underlings for? It would be like a tractor mechanic in Mother Russia giving Stalin a medal for being a great leader.

Colonel, you misunderstand. Dear Leader Obama was reluctant to accept the honor, until he saw the trophy, which was in His exact likeness. This way, he could look at himself and remember how great he was all in one glance.

{prog off}

Did I set a record for being decounced? Merely 16 minutes after my first post on the site, I have already been decounced.

You have set a record for being denounced. Congratulations. Now you may report to the beet fields! Mere man cannot create a trophy in the exact likeness of our Dear Leader. His gaze transcends the very universe, his eyes peer beyond that which is visible to us, and his aura exists across all dimensions of the universe. He is everywhere, and everything at all times. Nothing can capture the greatness which is Obama. Indeed, were a mirror to reflect back the Power that is Obama, it could destroy the room it is in.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:You have set a record for being denounced. Congratulations. Now you may report to the beet fields! Mere man cannot create a trophy in the exact likeness of our Dear Leader. His gaze transcends the very universe, his eyes peer beyond that which is visible to us, and his aura exists across all dimensions of the universe. He is everywhere, and everything at all times. Nothing can capture the greatness which is Obama. Indeed, were a mirror to reflect back the Power that is Obama, it could destroy the room it is in.

But Colonel, surely the Peoples Organization of ACORN could create a trophy in His likeness. They are able to register those who have passed on to the great beet field in the sky (Paul Newman). If someone can speak with those who have passed on, certainly they can a trophy in Our Dear Leaders likeness.

They gain their power to cast the NecroProxy(TM) through the good graces of Dear Leader. All power flows through him.