Exciting news for all farm collectives, the People's Central Tractor and Farm Implement State Distribution Center, in keeping with the goals of their 5 year plan wish to announce that the new Model 22 Tractor is ready for State domestic use and export.

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The new Model 22 features a 65 horsepower power plant, 6 forward gears, 3 reverse gears and an autographed photo of Dear Leader Obama attached to the instrument panel so you never forget why you toil in the fields.

The new design has been judged by experts "in the field" to be 63% less lethal to operators as well as bystanders than it's predecessor the Model 21, insuring a better chance of your returning home after a day in the fields with all your limbs intact.

The Model 22 will be able to utilize all the power attachments designed for the Model 21 including the "ankle biter" sickle bar mower and the "hand mangler" screw auger for transporting grain into silos. In addition there is an improved version of the "child eater" wheat harvester.

All will agree (under penalty of imprisonment) that there is no finer tractor made in all the world.

Existing inventories of the Model 21 will be redistributed to third world nations as part of our mutual trade pact.

Is it true that the upcoming People's Model 23 will also be easily uparmored and used as part of our national defense against the screaming capitalist hordes seeking to destroy our peaceful and peace loving way of peaceful life?

Glorious news Comerade!
Our collective has a previously issued horse drawn, one row beet/potato-lifter overgrown in the weeds out back in the grove. We used it in a previous 5-year plan for part of a year when we pulled it with the pair of horses that were issued to us in the 5-year plan five 5-year plans before that. Sadly they were no longer up to the task so we boiled the meat for a long, long time but it was still tough. After that we were issued a 40 Comerade harness hitch that was used with great zeal for the next two 5-year plans. For the last two 5-year plans our collective has not had sufficient numbers of comerades to pull the beet-lifter, because so many have volunteered for reeducation, so we have harnessed our collective fervor to the handles of our shovels that were issued at the end of the first 5-year plan to harvest the beet crop. We would love to send a photo of the peoples beet lifter, but our digital camera was re-appropriated along with the 60-inch TV , but that is another story. Just curious, will the tractors be issued to us near the start of the 5-year plan or the end, or should I volunteer for some reeducation? And finally on a technically related question, when we hitch the beet-lifter to the tractor will that free up Pinkie's Shovel for an excessive amount of time? Or should I have already ducked?

CHAMPION OF THE PEOPLES TRACTOR
KEEPER OF THE HORSE DRAWN BEET-LIFTER

RED POWER

Red Power, the tractors will be issued according to need. Fill out the appropriate forms and submit them.

Oh and quit questioning the wisdom of the Party or you will get a taste of Pinkie's shovel.

And just how am I supposed to break the news to Babuska that she's being replaced by a newer, sexier model?

I am with Comrade G4A, we have not had 'Georgie our cow-plow' for even 10 years and we are to replace him with a "new model"? What if dear beloved late Mr. P had felt the same for Mrs. Frau? I will say these new, fancy machines are pretty but I feel sad for Babuska and Georgie who will be forced to work in the streets or go Owens Sausage Factory?


On second consideration, I am thinking Georgie might enjoy retirement in the field with the girls and the Frau can ride in air conditioned comfort with a bottle of vodka at her side. And it is so pretty and modern . . and goes well with my lovely head ornamentation, does it not?

Col. I think you may be thinking of the old Model 20-3. All of those were distributed to N. Korea years ago to form the basis of their tank corps.

Comrade Whoopie,

Please put a few of these glorious tractors on our New Peoples Train™ to deliver to Farm Collective #237563713 in Kansastan...

I must have a People's Model 22 AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! I need one to push my f*cking $41000 Chevy Volt to work!

Such glorious advancement. My country peoples will be for much enjoyment. No more grumbling to Taliban recruiters that their childrens must be for remaining on farm to help with planting and picking and digging of furrows. And most excellent reason to keep womens in cave as one can easily be for the imagination that so many of the burkhas would be for getting caught in the spokiness of such wheels.

Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:Such glorious advancement. My country peoples will be for much enjoyment. No more grumbling to Taliban recruiters that their childrens must be for remaining on farm to help with planting and picking and digging of furrows. And most excellent reason to keep womens in cave as one can easily be for the imagination that so many of the burkhas would be for getting caught in the spokiness of such wheels.

Is that for burying bodies or am I intruding? I know your freedom fighters must be most busy.... with their 'freedom duties' and all. One of these could be most useful, could it not?!

Fraulein, I am only knowing of the grumblings of what my country peoples are to be for telling me while they joyously work at Country Peoples Poppy Production collective. You must be for asking such questions to Taliban yourself. I am of certainess they would love to be for entertaining you. But may I first be for the suggesting of minimizing so much of your endowments.

ummm, I totally understand your observations, Mrs. Al and if Ihave the misfortune to ever meet the Tali's, I do not think that would be question #1. It would be more of a statement of, "LALALALALALALALA!" and then running for Model 22. (they do not seem to have much of a humor gene?)

I didn't know the Taliban wore jeans, let alone an odd brand called "Humor".

The Frau's endowments would surely be Tali-banned under sharia law.

Rooster, is that train part of Obama's $8 billion in stimulus money for high speed rail lines?

Mrs. Al, yes, the model 22 would make for the easier of planting the poppies which would make for the more time to be building of the bombs. LALALALALALA

Comrade Whoopie…While I agree that the news concerning the distribution of the new Model 22 is indeed exciting, our collective is still waiting patiently for the promised delivery of our Model 21 that we had requested some time ago now. While I can't give you an exact date when our request was first submitted, I do remember the general time frame quite distinctly, as it coincided with the birth of my beautiful triplet daughters, Svetlana, Oksana and Tatyana.

Here is the most recent picture I have of the triplets, taken 2 weeks ago with the technologically advanced Kodak Brownie Instamatic camera that the Party so graciously issued to our collective last year. As you can see, no small amount of time has passed since our Model 21 request form was filed with the People's Central Tractor and Farm Implement State Distribution Center.

Can you assist us in this matter?


Plow2 by Kawboy2, on Flickr

Comrade Mac, what glorious daughters you have but might I suggest you not complain. You obviously have a set of well trained, grand workers who are most loyal to the collective and do not harm the environment. So, what is there to be wanting?

Colonel, that is... was my point... I think. The lack of genes and jeans. As I see it, most wear dresses, skirts or fluffy puffy pants which could be the reason they are not prone to laughing.

Comrade Mac, WHAT??? You have a CAMERA? And you have the nerve to complain about a late delivery on a tractor???

You see this comrades, this is what the Party has to deal with. These rich kulaks and their petty complaints.

Forgive me, Comrade's Pulloskies and Whoppie,

Of course, you are both correct. You have brought both great shame, and great fear, upon me. The Party would be most proud of you for showing me the errors of my selfish ways.

Never again will I use this decadent Kodak camera, lest I be painfully reminded of how deeply I have embarrassed myself and my Party.

That, and the fact that they stopped producing film for this model in 1987.

Well, well, loyal Comarde Mac, in light of the possibility that you have seen the err of your wayward thinking, you will only have to spend 10 5 days 1 day 4 days in the Peoples Gulag at hard labor (so you may give your daughters a rest and pick up the pulling parts). Welcome! And be careful entering toilet #3... we have a work request in too replace the seat on the equipment and do expect it to arrive within the next 12 24 months ... or so. Be aware - most of the spiders are non poisonous. p.s. the band-aid is under the last box under the #2 sink. Please put it back when you are finished with it.)

Yes Frau, I too have been 'moved' by comrade Mac's self criticism. As soon as I finish the paperwork and flush I will order our tractor supply division to release to him the very same Model 21 pictured above (the very same one Pinkie is pictured driving).

Let me remind comrade Mac to take good care of this quality piece of machinery since it is after all the property of the People.

I would like to requisition Comrade Mac's camera. As an Inner Party(TM) member, I need not explain my reasons for one of course. Also, I can step into the wormhole to go back to 1987 and get new film.

Also Whoopie, when you get that paperwork finished, there is extra vodka in the bunker that had an illegible delivery address, so I thought it best we redistribute it to ourselves. Paperwork can wait!

Colonel 7.62 wrote:....
Also Whoopie, when you get that paperwork finished, there is extra vodka in the bunker that had an illegible delivery address, so I thought it best we redistribute it to ourselves. Paperwork can wait!

I demand you return that to my side of the gulag at once. Did you not think I counted my vodka? You can rethink your thinking, Mr.

and I denounce your vodka encroachment! spit

How now Frau, don't have a cow. There's plenty of vodka there. Hoarding is crime.

A recent study which I concocted proves that heavy drinkers live longer than abstainers. Were you trying to deny the Party and the children the life sustaining benefits of vodka?

(sound of pistol being cocked)...I didn't think so

Come now Frau, share the wealth I am sharing. Vodka for all (Inner) Party Members!

Besides, whomever is missing this shipment can file the appropriate forms, and I'm sure we can replace it in time for their next scheduled shipment.

Comrade Whoopie wrote: As soon as I finish the paperwork and flush I will order our tractor supply division

Comrade Whoopie, I am somewhat appalled at your cavalier attitude and liberal usage of The People's Water. It is my hope that all this flushing was done after sufficient deposits were already existing before your visit.