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It is time for Great Patriotic Change to sweep Sesame Street

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It is time for Great Patriotic Change to sweep Sesame Street

COMRADES,


I know many of us here suckled on the soy milk of Sesame Street on our way to growing up and becoming true believers of The Party and Marxism.

Some misguided counter-revolutionary bourgeois loving bitter-clinging commentators have often pointed to Sesame Street as creeping socialism. And yet to me, it has always reeked of the decadence of American capitalism and the oppression of the Masses.

The winds of change are a-blowin, Comrades. We must take an opportunity to improve this show as a way to reach the young minds , yearning to be freed and filled with the ideology of the Party so that they may gratefully surrender their will to their betters.

Therefore, we should work collectively to suggest how the show might be improved. After all, does not PBS stand for the PEOPLE'S Broadcasting System? ( And if it does not - should it NOT stand for that? )

I would like to humble suggest the following changes.
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1) Cookie Monster - he must go. DEAD DEAD DEAD!

He is indeed a monster, who shows how monstrous capitalism is, and yet the toddling masses seem endeared to his greed and piggish behavior. If I had my way, I would suggest that there be a trial for him and he be hung, and posters made, a constant reminder to the masses of what happens to capitalist monsters.

This monster could be replaced by his more politically reliable cousin, the Cookie Commissar, who is of course Red in color. Cookie Commissar would be in charge of a cookie collective, and his workers would make cookies that he could hand out to the masses.

The Commissar's cookies will not taste too good, so as to encourage over consumption. Perhaps they will be made of a coarse meal from ground corn cobs - obviously something more green and sustainable than capitalist cookies.

The Commissar will also be in charge of cookie redistributional activities.

2) Big Bird - must go visit relatives at another collective and not been seen again.

A large yellow bird who dreams of elephants? Nyet, Nyet, Nyet Comrades. What right does he have to be bigger? And more importantly, what right does he have to fantasize about giant right-wing GOP symbols? Big Bird is either a fascist sleeper cell or the dream of any imperialist spy seeking someone to betray The Motherland and The Party.

I suggest instead that the heroic Medium Red Bird take his place, after Big Bird is transferred to an exciting re-educational activity at a remote site yet to be named.

3) Oscar the Grouch needs a more politically correct reason to be grouchy.

Oscar should be more involved with community organizing and perhaps union activities. Since he is green, perhaps he is always so angry because of the waste thrown away by the evil capitalists and the bourgeois.

This is why he lives in a trash receptacle, in protest of the wanton waste and planetary destruction of the imperialist Americans.

4) I am offended there is still a store opened, and yet we see no lines for such goods as TP, soup, or water. This, I am afraid , is setting unrealistic expectations to the young Marxists of the future.

The store should be turned into an office for the Party, and some other buildings dedicated to queues for the distribution of fancy luxury goods like TP.

Please Comrades, I need your help and suggestions. Through collective effort, we can offer to the broadcasting collective needed ways to improve the indoctrination of our young masses.Do it, for the Children - the Masses of Tomorrow!

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Bert and Ernie have a gay wedding.

The insidious Jew Snuffluffugus (have you noticed the beard?) is lit on fire on behalf of a Palestinian state.

Get Elmo drunk, rape him, and throw him in a river in honor of the late great Ted Kennedy.

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This message is brought to you by the Glorious letter "O"!

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My Good Dr. Nyet,

Your suggestions are all excellent with the exception of Cookie Monster. While I agree with the color change to red, he must not eat any more cookies. The health of our future demands that all children will eat their vegetables! It is a very explicit command from the Obamessiah to combat the obesity of the children.

I have begun experiments product testing on several types of vegetables that may be genetically engineered to "taste" like cookies. I need volunteers to test; forms are available at the Ministry of Health (Pupovich?). Soon, the children will enjoy cookies that will be of nutritional value, and a side benefit will be a sweet taste (makes them addictive, comrades).

BON APPETIT' CHILDREN

"The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall."
(quote from famous revolutionary, can you guess who?)

your softy "for the children",
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Che' Gourmet

PS - New edict from the Glorious One - As of today (11/13/08), all Party Members will no longer have "SEX with vegetables"! Appliances are still allowed. (for now)

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Comrades,

Oscar lives in a trash can because he is oppressed and has been denied a rent-controlled apartment for speaking truth to power. He will benefit greatly from the Cookie Commissar, at least until cavities appear. A sharp knock against the ever-present stairsteps or building corners should provide equitable people's dentistry.

The Count will count dissident muppet body counts. This will be useful, because he will quickly instruct young viewers in numbers much larger than 10 to 12.

I think Elmo would be much more effective at training young viewers in how to spot reactionary parents and report them to the Supervised Parents Playground Center. This can be handily done with "make-believe" time when adults are asked to leave the room so indoctrination can proceed more effectively. Similarities to the "Koko the Clown" segment from The Groove Tube are wholly coincidental.

All humans will be replaced by Bill Ayers and his clones; should technology lag, his grad students will suffice.

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The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.

That would be most glorious comrade CHE! Long live CHE! Long live CHE! Oh, бут ваит, хе'с алреады деад. Silly Ivan!

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Ivan Chetvyorty wrote:
The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.

That would be most glorious comrade CHE! Long live CHE! Long live CHE! Oh, бут ваит, хе'с алреады деад. Silly Ivan!

Ivan Chetvyorty,


Very astute comrade. I have an extra ration of beets & potatoes (my own recipe) for you here at the People's Hells Kitchen. Come and get it, Comrade!

knowing that I am loved by the world,Image
Che' Gourmet

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I'm laughing like I laugh at other articles with Correct Humor here comrade.
A large yellow bird who dreams ofelephants? Nyet, Nyet, Nyet Comrades. What right does he have to be bigger? And more importantly, what right does he have to fantasizeabout giant right-wing GOP symbols? Big Bird is either a fascistsleeper cell or the dream of any imperialist spy seeking someone tobetray The Motherland and The Party.
Begemot wrote: The insidious Jew Snuffluffugus (have you noticed the beard?) is lit on fire on behalf of a Palestinian state
Good comrades, we both know the real rethugliKKKan insider here is the Snuffluffugus, have you seen how much he looks like an elephant? I can understand Begemot where you would think he's a Jew, but it's clearly a sort of counter revolutionist act against Progressives (CRAAP) disguised so well, he can put on an elephant suit and blend in anywhere. At worst, Big Bird is a sort of lesser, lacky you might say of the Suffluffugus (A minor reactionary? Yeah right). Either way, let's boot both of them from the show.

Begemot wrote: Bert and Ernie have a gay wedding.

Yes

I also suggest one thing, The Count be removed and replaced by Party approved sex educator*. After all, the Obamasiah wanted Kindergardeners to learn about sex, let's start them out earlier!

*I was going to suggest the name "The Dill" but I thought it a little to raunchy to go into greater detail.

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Proof of Big Bird's ties to the Right--molting for Nixon's wife, Pat:

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Don't forget that episode where they had Kofi Annan talking with Elmo.

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Comrade_Elliott wrote:
I also suggest one thing, The Count be removed and replaced by Party approved sex educator*. After all, the Obamasiah wanted Kindergardeners to learn about sex, let's start them out earlier!

*I was going to suggest the name "The Dill" but I thought it a little to raunchy to go into greater detail.

Yes Comrade, no need to alarm any bitterclingers who might be monitoring activity here.

That is indeed an excellent suggestion.

Perhaps instead of a Count, they could have a Marquis who would be sex educator, in honor of the famous open minded French Revolutionary Marquis. Marquis de Dill would be an apt name for such an educator!

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Premier Betty wrote:Don't forget that episode where they had Kofi Annan talking with Elmo.
My understanding is that Elmo may actually be a former Spetsnaz assassin who underwent radical plastic surgery. I know there was no Elmo on show back on show originally, so he must have come from somewhere.

Perhaps he can get interview with key Bitter Clinger leaders and use his former craft on them.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Proof of Big Bird's ties to the Right--molting for Nixon's wife, Pat:

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Most Glorious Commissarka ,

This is a timely contribution. No doubt this picture is incontrovertible evidence that eliminates the need for a show trial. The bird must be made an example of.

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Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrades,

Oscar lives in a trash can because he is oppressed and has been denied a rent-controlled apartment for speaking truth to power. He will benefit greatly from the Cookie Commissar, at least until cavities appear. A sharp knock against the ever-present stairsteps or building corners should provide equitable people's dentistry.

The Count will count dissident muppet body counts. This will be useful, because he will quickly instruct young viewers in numbers much larger than 10 to 12.

I think Elmo would be much more effective at training young viewers in how to spot reactionary parents and report them to the Supervised Parents Playground Center. This can be handily done with "make-believe" time when adults are asked to leave the room so indoctrination can proceed more effectively. Similarities to the "Koko the Clown" segment from The%20Groove%20Tube are wholly coincidental.

All humans will be replaced by Bill Ayers and his clones; should technology lag, his grad students will suffice.

Comrade Bill Ayers. Doing the job that American parents just won't do. Excellent suggestion!

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COMRADES! Reading another thread has given me a GLORIOUS idea!

We must have Michelle Obama work with the Cookie Commissar to redistribute all pie in the community!

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Comrades, excellent suggestions. However we have on rather delicate situtation that must be dealt with. The disposition of Miss Piggy, whom always seems to be a bit elitist. I think that I have the perfect solution.

It is obvious that Miss Piggy in in desperate need of re-education. What I propose, and what I shall insist on by the way is this, we let the camera's follow Miss Piggy througout the re-education process thereby exposing the young brown shirts to be of what awaits them should they step out of line. Nothing like a little bit of food for thought to keep them awake at night, eh comrades?

I shall seek the approval of the inner circle instantly.

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Comrade Gruppenfurer,

Miss piggy was elitist indeed. So elitist she could not have been bothered to appear with the proles on Sesame Street:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Piggy


Eh, but let's just send her anyway, as an example..

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Comrade Ivan, You are correct. My Commissar will be so disappointed, I have no choice but to resign my self from the Headmaster of Treacherous Toadeating School.

I shall now shoot myself in the head with my peoples authorized pistol.

Please give my regards to Commissar Theocritus, my mentor, my.....commissar.

Alas cold cruel world, you shall see me no more. I take my life for the glorification of the party. My Commissar would have it that way. What a cruel, cruel world. I am now done, and you shall see me no more.

Someone please contact my Commissar and tell him of my demise.

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Gruppenfurer, you were no doubt distracted by the true problem with Miss Piggy, and how offensive she must be to our brothers in arms in the Middle East.

Perhaps you could serve new Commissar - The Cookie Commissar

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Is he still called Cookie Monster, or did they change his name as well as his dietary habits?

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Is he still called Cookie Monster, or did they change his name as well as his dietary habits?

Comrade Betty, once again you show your insensitivity! A MONSTER is:

monster - a person or animal that is markedly unusual or deformed
freak, lusus naturae, monstrosity, ugly
leviathan - the largest or most massive thing of its kind; "it was a leviathan among redwoods"; "they were assigned the leviathan of textbooks" "fat bourgeoisie"
mutant, mutation, sport, VARIATION - an organism that has characteristics resulting from chromosomal alteration or media manipulation

Best answer is, VARIATION. Comrade Betty, the said thing should be referred to as "Cookie Variation" or "Cookie Commissar". Please try to be more sensitive...

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Ivan Chetvyorty wrote:Cookie Commissar

комисса́р Печенье !!

or to mis-quote JFK: "Ich bin ein Gebäck."


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No! Not the funny letters again! I can't read it when it's all funny looking!

I'm so confused....

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Premier Betty wrote:Нет! Не смешно письма снова! Я не могу читать его, когда это все смешно нетерпением!

Глупо неведении пролетариата! Вы можете даже не читать! Подождите, глупо Иван не умеют читать, как хорошо! He he... Перевод на Google >>>;)

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What?!? I didn't write that! What's going on here? Why are my words being turned inside out and funny? I... I....

Head... hurt....

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Premier Betty wrote:What?!? I didn't write that! What's going on here? Why are my words being turned inside out and funny? I... I....

Head... hurt....

karectar off, :) just about fell of my stool laughing... Yer a good sport!

Вам должно быть стыдно за себя, не используя igoogle! Я имею в виду Давай, я слушаю музыку банджо, и я понял это! :)



 
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