New and Improved Make-it-yourself Barbara Boxer Speech

It's Bush's fault that _____________. (You fill in the blank)

Good for:

• Lost Elections
  
• Explaining Weather Phenomena
  
• Baldness (Just ask James Carville)
  
• CNN Talking Points.
  
• Genocide.
  
• College Campus Protests
  
• And so much more!

Approved by the DNC and Al Jazeera. As seen on the New York Times!
Go ahead, Comrades. Try this fun and enlightening game.

It's Bush's fault that I have lower back pain and no government subsidizing for a chiropractor! What's wrong with this country!?

Oh, yeah, it's Bush's fault that the prices of cappuccinos at QuikTrip went up and I received no relief (None! Zero! Zip! Nada!) from the government! Don't even get me started on lattes!

It's Bush's fault that I had to wake up this afternoon (around 3 or so) and had to actually walk to the mailbox - yes, I had to walk! - to see if my Entitlement™ check came in. And to add insult to injury; I actually had to tie my own shoe laces which is exhausting if not inhumane! Oh, and it was freezing outside and now I have a sniffle and not one dime of free healthcare to see a doctor. I might die of this sniffle, Comrades! Die, I say!

Thanks, George Bush! Thanks for making my day – if not my entire existence – absolutely miserable!

It's Bush's fault that I couldn't steal more than six of the Chairman's hummels while he was getting the mail.

It's Bush's fault that I have had to bear with seeing the Chairman in anguish! This distressed me greatly! Then to see a comrade try to take advantage of the Chairman's distress...I like to think that he has simply turned so desperate due to Bush's inept policies, yet somehow I wonder.. Be that as it may, Chairman I confiscated the Hummels this ragamuffin "liberated," and am putting them back on your shelf. Can I warm you up some vodka?

You will enjoy this: "We have the worst of all possible worlds," said Rep. Gary Ackerman, D-N.Y., who chairs the panel's subcommittee on Middle East and South Asia. "Our president is an isolated and deeply resented leader who is less popular with his own people than Osama bin Laden."

OK, actually I changed one word... "president" was ally in referring to the Bush lapdog Musaffaf. But hey, it works doesn't it?

Chairman I confiscated the Hummels this ragamuffin "liberated," and am putting them back on your shelf

Oh well, at least I still got the toaster.

It's Bush's fault that my day is constantly being interrupted by telemarketers and door-to-door solicitors!

Imagine! I had to miss the verdict on Judge Judy today because the phone rang, and it was one of those "assistant loan officers" wanting to refinance the mortgage on our hovel. If Bush hadn't allowed so many lenders to offer that crooked "ARM" deal to so many people, those people wouldn't now be defaulting and in danger of foreclosure, and I wouldn't be mistaken for one of them all the time.

I tell you, it's humiliating to be mistaken for one of those fools! And all because of Bush!

Plus, not knowing Judge Judy's verdict is killing me! And I don't know when I'm going to see a rerun, and they won't release her on DVD.

Then, I'm watching As the World Turns--or maybe it was General Hospital--but today was the day that Brooke was going to reveal whether it was Brock or Branch who fathered her baby (I've been hoping it's Brock, just because that Branch has been such a jerk ever since he left Brianna at the altar to run off with that princess who was trying to escape her arranged marriage with the extraterrestrial so her father the king could sell an exclusive to the tabloids and raise money to get his throne back).

Anyway, just as Brooke was about to make her announcement, the doorbell rang. "Is your mother home, young lady?" asks the man with the vacuum cleaner hose draped around his shoulders. (It's now wound around his neck, and last time I looked out the window, he was writhing in the front yard having turned a lovely shade of violet.

If Bush would only pay these telemarketers and solicitors subsidies not to call or ring doorbells, then I wouldn't be subjected to this sort of anguish. I tell you, he's destroying this--oh, there goes the doorbell again.

BRB

OK, I'm back. Guess what they were hawking this time? Water purifiers and softeners! Damn that Bush! If he hadn't relaxed all the environmental laws and refused to sign the Kyoto Treaty, then our water wouldn't be hard and polluted and full of chemicals and other crap that could give me cancer someday. And people wouldn't be forced to sell softeners and purifiers just to feed their children and pay their medical bills.

Comnissarka Pinkie, I think you missed another point. Why in the Collective are you even able to watch these soaps? Why? I will tell you why! Because Bush has destroyed the entire moral fabric of this nation and his lack of caring led to all these sick people that make up the very characters you watch. There would be no soaps period for you to be disturbed while watching were it not for Bush!

Well, what in the name of Joe Stalin do you expect me to do, Pupovich? Get a job? There are no jobs anymore--Bush outsourced them all!

And it's Bush's fault I can't afford premium cable so I can watch something besides soaps. After spending my welfare check on the latest tattoos and piercings and cool manicures so I'll fit in with all my friends when we go out Friday nights, I don't even have enough left over to buy baby food for my 16 kids--or to see a doctor about all the infections I have because the government, under Bush Administration policies, won't provide my tattoist, my piercist, or my manicurist with clean tools.

The Pup has a tattoo and even wore an earring you know? It's old and faded, but the legend is as true as ever... "Death is Certain, Life is Not." I had that tattooed even way back when because of my despair over Bush. I bet you never read A Brief Pup History have you?

Attention Chairman!

I know you have been overly stressed out by Bush, and no doubt by the thieving antics of a certain "comrade" here. BTW, I won't bother to confiscate that toaster he stole from you... after all, What's mine is yours right? So here, take my toaster... hmmmm, it sure looks like your toaster... how can that be?

Oh well, I am getting distracted. What I came for is to present a little gift I hope will make you feel better. Slap-A-Weenie Victim, Enjoy Chairman! Be sure to really whack him quite a few times.

Took me long enough to figure that out. Some days I think what's really needed is a Slap-A-Pinkie.

Oh, and Pup, yes I have long since been to your doghouse. Anyone here who's so much as looked at me sideways and has a website linked to their profile, has gotten a Pinkie-hit. I always like to know who I'm dealing with, and I have ever so much time on my hands.

But I'm sure it's somehow all Bush's fault.

and no doubt by the thieving antics of a certain "comrade" here.

(singing) Oh i've been stealing from the Chairman, all the live long day. I've been stealing from the chairman to pass the time away.

Commissar Pupovich hopes he hasn't scared, disgusted, or otherwise reviled you with his history or website! LOL And yes, it is all Bush's fault. Curse you Bush!

No, but that's pretty much why I haven't posted mine. That's right--I'm afraid to speak up and be myself, express myself, show the world who I really am--and we all know whose fault that is, don't we?

It's Bush's fault that my internet died over the weekend and I have had to catch up on everything today.

It's Bush's fault that hippies don't have the right to camp in people's front yards and that they have no money to spend on clothes or shelter because they spent it all on drugs.

It's Bush's fault that you're stealing from me, Comrade Dirk. Why, it's Bush's fault for a lot of things like me not having the money to fund my heroine addiction or Commissarka Pinkie's lack of premium cable. And speaking of things we want that Bush refuses to fund: Why does Commissarka Pinkie have to settle for crappy second rate "premium cable" when she could glide through 500+ channels with DirecTV or Dish Network? Hmm? Why does she have to suffer? Is George Bush that heartless to deny someone struggling to feed 16 kids the proper entertainment options needed for basic human survival? Well... is he that heartless?

Everyone deserves 500+ channels of crap. Not even the evil BusHitler can deny that.

It is Bush's fault that children cry.
It is Bush's fault that puppies die.
It is Bush's fault that ice cream melts.
It is Bush's fault that we fought Germany in WWII.
It is Bush's fault that Adam and Eve ate the apple, uh wait, no! It is Bush's fault that the big bang happened.

I only have 120 channels, where are mine!

It's Bush's fault that the Chairman has to spend money on heroine instead of nicer hummels for me to admire (steal).

Red Fox wrote: I only have 120 channels, where are mine!

Blame Bush!

But of course.

It's Bush's fault that I have no choice but to send Comrade Dirk off to one of many knock-off Hummel figurine "happy camps" (sweatshop) so that the Party can raise the money necessary to fund Democrat campaigns across this intolerant country.

Hopefully Comrade Dirk will be A-OK working 23 hours non-stop for the next six months as Party supervisors whip him endlessly to pay for something that was entirely George Bush's fault to begin with. Oh how my heart hurts to think of one of my Comrades having to painstakingly paint every single detail on those Hummel figurines in such deplorable living conditions! <clutches heart> It pains me so much, Comrades! It is absolutely barbaric what the Punchenko Co. No. 18 Figurine Making Happy Camp does to people! It is simply barbaric, Comrades! If George Bush wasn't President poor little Comrade Dirk wouldn't have to sacrifice himself for the Greater Good™.

<sheds crocodile tears>You will be in our hearts, Comrade Dirk! Paint well, dear friend! Paint well and you will be free someday! Bwaaahahahahaaaaaaa! <blows nose> It just isn't fair! <blows nose> Why do so many have to suffer!? Why!?

*crack* ow, i'm painting as fast as I can. It's George Bush's fault that the paint keeps smearing. *crack* always happy to sacrifice for the common good chairman.

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:But of course.

Is Bush's fault RedtheProgressiveFox used to be a Hedgehog... but it may be Stephen Jay Gould's fault if he catches "the Magister's Pox"... though will be Bush's fault if, for lack of stem cell research, there is no cure...

... funny thing happened while I was cleaning up my bookshelves today... At least both Hedgehogs and Fox are pointy... much preferable to Poxy...

... did I get it right?

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Slap-A-Weenie Victim, Enjoy Chairman! Be sure to really whack him quite a few times.

I think I broke it... him... it... whatever...

It's Bush's fault...

That there's a drought in the southeast.

That there were fires in CA.

That 2004 and 2005 had too many hurricanes.

That 2007 has had too few hurricanes.

That the Earth is <s>cooling down</s> <s>heating up</s> <s>cooling down</s> <s>heating up at an unprecedented rate</s> in peril.

That Children™ are reported to be homeless and dying in the streets due to lack of medical care, excercise and proper Vegan™ diets.

That The Villiage™ is not yet raising our Children™.

That health care, food and housing are not yet free.

That the world is no longer "about peace and love, like it was back in the '90s". (According to a 15 year old emo chick from Canada.)

Commissar M wrote:That the world is no longer "about peace and love, like it was back in the '90s". (According to a 15 year old emo chick from Canada.)

As Sister is currently residing in Kanadistan, please indicate which "15 year old emo chick" and I will go out an kill her for her meat and pelt as quickly as is possible... is only way for 15 year old emo chick to die with any dignity, after all...

PLUR
SMO

Commissar M wrote:That the world is no longer "about peace and love, like it was back in the '90s". (According to a 15 year old emo chick from Canada.)

The 90's??? LOL! What a maroon. I hate to admit it, but even that Buah lap dog is correct when he says to many people, history begins with the day they were born.

Bush ate my home work.

Its Bushes fault that...
My wife left
my dog ran away
I drink too much
I wrote a bad country song

You wrote a bad country song!!! Oh dear Stalin!!

It is Bush's fault that I cannot afford this dessert:

linky

Uhm, maybe I can use a few of Commissar Pup's over sea banking accounts for this cause for the Common Good.

It's Bush's fault that several progressive comrades have been forced into early retirement such as Hussein and Zarkawi, for example. Look at the abominable job Bushcare did of providing medical assistance to little Uday and Qusay Hussein! That was Bush's fault, too.

Furthermore, it's Bush's fault that that...

• There have been no successful terrorist attacks on American soil for over six years
• Afghanistan is no longer ruled by Sharia law under the Taliban
• Women can run for public office in Afghanistan
• A dictator in Iraq has been overthrown (remember how everybody used to celebrate his birthdays? Well, not any more, thanks to Bush!)
• Iraqis could vote for…
o An interim government
o A new constitution
o A new government under their constitution
• The terrorist threat is greatly diminished in Iraq and Afghanistan
• The economy is doing well and growing steadily

I can't take any more! This avalanche of catastrophes is crushing me! I need some fresh air (unless Bush has vacuumed it out of the atmosphere) and a shovel (which I'm expected to buy with my own money!) to overcome the feelings of dizziness and nausea.

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:It is Bush's fault that I cannot afford this dessert: linky

Frrozen Haute Chocolate infused with edible gold sprinkles? I wonder how different it is from the drinkable golden showers we used to have in the gulag that were also hot until they'd get frrozen within ten seconds (10 sec if in the barracks, 3 sec if outside in the courtyard). But those, of course, were always free - as everything else should be and will be again in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.

Although I never tried Frrozen Haute Chocolate I'm sure it's one of the disgusting bourgeois excesses that will eventually turn the toiling masses against their capitalist oppressors, for everyone knows that nobody deserves to eat Frrozen Haute Chocolate except affluent members of the Party Inner Circle who will do it For The Children™.

If I were to be consulted regarding the next exotic luxury food item of such nature I'd suggest edible chocolate panties to be eaten off a body of a <s>warden</s> progressive activist. Just another fantasy food idea inspired by the fond memories of the life and times in the gulag.

Where does Bush's fault come in you ask?

If you swallow a hair while eating fantasy food, IT'S BUSH'S FAULT!

It's Bush's fault that Rosie's deal with MSNBC fell thru. Obviously he sent his Gestapo Goons (I just KNOW they exist, and if YOU don't, it's because you're just too feeble-minded to think and reason for yourself, instead you let hatemongers like Limbaugh do it for you!) and threatened to shut down the network if they didn't pull the plug on Rosie.

It's Bush's fault that Rendition bombed at the box office. This great picture should be required viewing for every person in America--yet they fear going into dark theaters lest the Bushgoons lock all the exits and exterminate them for trying to see it.

It's Bush's fault that poor Professor Dumbledore was forced to live his entire life in the closet and could not be outed until after Bush (Bush, Hitler, Voldemort, what's the dif?) offed him. Also, the Bush Administration is suppressing an interview Dumbledore gave to Bob Woodward for release after his murder, in which he bravely expressed his opposition to Bush's invasion of Iraq.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:It's Bush's fault that I have no choice but to send Comrade Dirk off to one of many knock-off Hummel figurine "happy camps" (sweatshop) so that the Party can raise the money necessary to fund Democrat campaigns across this intolerant country

I tried to warn Comrade Dirk time and time again. To pull these stunts against those with the power to promote him or the power to destroy him, his family, and his collective. Unimaginable. But of course it is not that so much as the way he went about it. What has happened to the art of collecting contributions?

As you and I both know, I have been most cooperative with your collection of contributions. Just looking around your dacha I can see many of my contributions For the Children™. Like... hey, I don't remember contributing my gold plated Paul Prudhome Cajun Turkey Baster, but I suppose I must have. Any way, I understand the need for contributions, and how we must all contribute in any way we can, but there are rules on how to do this da?

Well, he has time to consider his ways now and I see he is hard at work, so perhaps there is hope for him.

I do hope you are feeling better today Chairman, despite all the ills that Bush has caused you.

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Uhm, maybe I can use a few of Commissar Pup's over sea banking accounts for this cause for the Common Good.

*Looking around nervously* And just what over sea accounts are you talking about Comrade Red Fox? Who told you about this? Names! I want names so we can get to the bottom of this... this... slander.

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:You wrote a bad country song!!! Oh dear Stalin!!

It is Bush's fault that I cannot afford this dessert:

linky

$25k for THAT?!!? What an outrage! And all Bush's fault! Money that could've been better spent on health care for the poor, the working poor, the elderly, the children, the working children, and the poor working elderly children. Instead, all of the aforementioned will die this winter because the Bush Administration allows excesses like $25k desserts.

With $25,000, we could have done one of the more worthwhile following:

1. Saved 12 square feet of Amazon rain forest from evil developers. Bush wants to build a chain of Wal-Marts down there.

2. Saved 12 square feet of polar ice caps from melting, thereby sparing one cute baby polar bear from certain homelessness. Wouldn't that make you feel good? Yet Bush is a Global Warming Denier who refuses to sign the Kyoto Treaty or strengthen environmental laws.

3. Financed a study to learn why one wheel on every grocery cart is always either stuck or just does its own thing. Haven't you always wondered? Bush has probably never set foot in a grocery store!

4. Installed one inner-city after-dark basketball court so kids won't have to conduct their deals and gang wars out on the street. Imagine--Bush thinks they should be home in bed, so they'll be rested and ready for school tomorrow! Everyone knows that's a violation of their Constitutional Right to Freedom of Assembly.

5. Saved the lives of 25 women who are otherwise being denied their Constitutional right to choose. Bush would rather see these women either kill themselves with wire hangers, or worse, force them to bring unwanted children into the world so he can deny health care to even MORE children for his own personal amusement!

6. Made a badly needed donation to Empress Hillary's campaign. She's strong, and no one can beat her, NO ONE! She can take on every one of her rivals, both Democrat and Republican, and beat them all by herself and still come out unscathed. But she's going to need every bit of help we can give her to do it, because Bush is determined to bring her down even if he has to outlaw all future elections and declare himself Dictator for Life and Thereafter to do it.

Which I've heard he's already done anyway.

I tried to warn Comrade Dirk time and time again

Comrades, comrades, you misunderstand my objective. You see our empress's pole numbers have been on a steady decline as of late and I happened to notice that some higher ups have been a little reluctant with "redistributing" some of their wealth for the common good. Yes I stole the Chairman's hummels, yes I stole the Pup's hat, and yes I stole Pinkie's vodka but it was for a good cause (although it is impossible to keep track of at least half the stuff I steal) and if that isn't a just, progressive cause than what is I ask you, WHAT IS?

It's Bush's fault that Comrade Dirk had to steal my vodka to help the Empress's campaign.

It's also Bush's fault that I'm planning to beat Dirk's brains out with my shovel in a rage which I will blame on acute vodka withdrawal--and, of course, Bush.

It's Bush's fault that I had to steal Pinkie's shovel and slip some sleeping pills (rat poison) in her last bottle of vodka to help the empress.

It's Bush's fault I can't find my shovel, and Bush's fault I just threw up rat poison all over the Hummel that Dirk just finished painstakingly repainting.

It's Bush's fault that the Chairman is going to purge Pinkie for throwing up on one of his good hummels thinking it was a cheap knock off whitemalehetero... err, I painted .

comrade dirk wrote:Comrades, comrades, you misunderstand my objective.

Oh, we understand... verily, we understand. We just have to develop your "bundling" skills. One just doesn't "steal" something from a valued party member. One finds a way to assist a comrade to make a contribution. Why, you never even bothered to ask the Chairman if he wished to donate. He is most charitable to the cause you know? For instance, just the other day I discovered a rare, first edition the Chairman intended to donate to the campaign. I did not "steal" this. No, I helped the chairman with some of the odd things to do that sometimes he forgets to get around to, or is otherwise busy on Party business. So I did the comradely thing and did this errand for him. Of course I am filling out the proper forms for this donation, and will make sure he gets all the credit from the campaign.

Never forget, the Chairman can make the difference between you being a Commissar, or being a mere comrade who toils forever on some collective. I see you did a reasonable job on that Hummel, but I see he has not released you as of yet. So do not let me disturb you any longer from that job he has given you.

Finally, one thousand "authentic" Hummels ready for sale (at twice the retail value). I hope we can put this ugly incident behind us Chairman once you see how good my intentions were (gives Chairman HUGE envelope of $oft ca$h). As I hope will you Commisar Pupovich (reveals gold-plated hat) and merciful Commisarka Pinkie (hands Pinkie large bottle of vodka).

It's Bush's fault that my "dear" cousin $.$. hired some hacker to put a random emoticon generator into my account, thereby attempting to discredit me to my comrades in this glorious collective.

It isn't bad enough that I have be related to these evil robber-capitalists but then they put f***in' smilies in my posts.

Dear Lenin, I can't edit those out of my previous post! Damn you BUUUUUUSH!

Comrade Dirk! That is much better and no doubt it will go a long ways in your efforts to move up in the party where you can truly increase your "contributions" to the Party, I know the Chairman always appreciates $oft ca$h, and I must say, I may have misunderstood your purpose when you "borrowed" my hat. Yes, yes, as a matter of fact, one of my collectives decided to have a vodka fast today since they had a bit of a hangover from the big Nov 7th celebration, and so I am directing half of the "contribution" to you as an award for your new found dedication!

Chairman, I would like to put in a kind word for Comrade Dirk. As you can see, I believe that between the wise and just re-education labor task you place him, and perhaps some gentle guidance by your humble Commissar, he has perhaps made a turn around and is on a path toward being a real asset to the Party. Of course I know this decision is in your hands, but I did want to point out that he has made a considerable "contribution."

I swear I've changed Chairman(reveals golden, eight slotted toaster).

Red Square wrote:
If you swallow a hair while eating fantasy food, IT'S BUSH'S FAULT!

For $25,000, I better not find a hair in there! Of course, never mind that I am eating METAL!

*Looking around nervously* And just what over sea accounts are you talking about Comrade Red Fox? Who told you about this? Names! I want names so we can get to the bottom of this... this... slander.

Comrade Dirk told me! He told me! He also gave me the numbers and the amounts.

Account: #11424901221 - $2.5 million.
Account: #76311988612 - $500,000
Account: #92883625547 - $25,000 (which is now closed thanks to a dessert)

Oh! And cannot forget about the investments.
OPEC: $5 million
Wal-Mart: $345,000
Halliburton: $6 million

I will back to the stocks and then the bonds after I finish the bank accounts.

Account: #82252678092 - $10 million!
Account: #48573628398 - $8 mil..............

RED YOU BUMBLING FOOL! I gave you that information with the promise that you wouldn't tell as long as I gave you half. I WAS THIS CLOSE RED, THIS CLOSE. Do you know how many proles had to be "humanely euthanized" (sawn-off shotgun) to get a gold toaster, DO YOU!?

comrade dirk wrote:Finally, one thousand "authentic" Hummels ready for sale (at twice the retail value). I hope we can put this ugly incident behind us Chairman once you see how good my intentions were (gives Chairman HUGE envelope of $oft ca$h). As I hope will you Commisar Pupovich (reveals gold-plated hat) and merciful Commisarka Pinkie (hands Pinkie large bottle of vodka).

Why, thank you, Comrade Dirk. A bottle this big might help me forget the rat poison. Hmm, Siberian Comfort--not familiar with that brand, but anything will do. All I want is--hey, wait a minute. What are these initials on the back label? PWS? Pupovich, do you see this? Lift the brim of your gold-plated hat so you can take a better look at this label. I have a sneaking suspicion that--

<GASP!>

Commissar Pupovich! What in the name of Lenin is that horizontal green stripe across your forehead?

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote: Comrade Dirk told me! He told me! He also gave me the numbers and the amounts.

Ah, those accounts? Phew, thought you had something there. I am going to clue you in on something. Years ago I learned the value of setting up some "dummy" accounts just for an occasion such as this, though I originally assumed it would be a distraction for the Bush black suits to waste their time investigating. A trip wire if you will, to alert me of someone trying to set your Commissar up. Good try, but as Billy Jefferson would say, "no cigar."

comrade dirk wrote:RED YOU BUMBLING FOOL! I gave you that information with the promise that you wouldn't tell as long as I gave you half. I WAS THIS CLOSE RED, THIS CLOSE. Do you know how many proles had to be "humanely euthanized" (sawn-off shotgun) to get a gold toaster, DO YOU!?

"I have no recollection of the event in question" - Phillip Banks, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

(besides, comrade, I only did it for The Common Good. We cannot have party members stabbing each other in the back, can we?)

We cannot have party members stabbing each other in the back, can we?)

Have you not read this thread?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:What are these initials on the back label? PWS? Pupovich, do you see this? Lift the brim of your gold-plated hat so you can take a better look at this label. I have a sneaking suspicion that--

<GASP!>

Commissar Pupovich! What in the name of Lenin is that horizontal green stripe across your forehead?

OK, I am not familiar with strong drink anymore, what does PWS stand for?

Green stripe? Why... why.... Egads! You are right! Oh well, I will not take back my recommendation on Comrade Dirk, for at least he is showing some proper initiative and showing a bit more class than just "stealing" something. This is an art after all, so it's good to see he has grown. But I will sit back and enjoy what will happen when the Chairman discovers his $oft ca$h no doubt "fades" when he washes it.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote: Comrade Dirk told me! He told me! He also gave me the numbers and the amounts.

Ah, those accounts? Phew, thought you had something there. I am going to clue you in on something. Years ago I learned the value of setting up some "dummy" accounts just for an occasion such as this, though I originally assumed it would be a distraction for the Bush black suits to waste their time investigating. A trip wire if you will, to alert me of someone trying to set your Commissar up. Good try, but as Billy Jefferson would say, "no cigar."

No matter, they still drain out just the same.

comrade dirk wrote:

We cannot have party members stabbing each other in the back, can we?)

Have you not read this thread?

But of course comrade, where do you think I have learned?

ummm yes, "fades" (explodes).

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:No matter, they still drain out just the same.

What will drain Comrade? Mere numbers that will bounce from here to eternity trying to find a bank that will accept them.

Think about it Red, didn't those amounts seem a bit low? I mean lets face it, a million dollars just doesn't go as far as it used to. Don't you think my budget for the Pup's Party Pleasure House and the Ministry of Mental Health would not provide far more to contribute to Hillary than that?

A Google search turned up the following possibilities for the meaning of PWS:

a. Public Water Source

b. Prince William Sound

c. Pinkie Was Screwed

Meaning this bottle of "Siberian Comfort" with a picture on the label of a ship that says "Exxon Valdez" on the bow, isn't real vodka at all--it's plain old ordinary water dipped out of Prince William Sound. In fact, as I tip the bottle toward the light, I can clearly see now the iridescent scum floating atop it--and what are these wiggly little brown things down at the bottom along with all this sediment?

Fine, Pupovich, have it your way with Dirk. That green stripe will look real cool with the yellow one down your back. But I intend to tell the Chairman what Dirk is really doing with the Hummels--and what he's really doing with all the money--and that he's obviously accepting bribes from Exxon! And who is Exxon in cahoots with? Why, none other than George W. Bush!

Comrade Dirk, just remember the same pen that I used to try and ease your burden and help bring you into the fold, can just as easily write the other way. No, Red is correct. We should not go around just stealing from each other, that is why we have, well, other equals such as you to collect from. I am trying to help you here, throw me a bone so to speak.

Can I still steal from other low-level proles such as myself? (hands Pup golden bone)

Commissar Pupovich wrote:

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:No matter, they still drain out just the same.

What will drain Comrade? Mere numbers that will bounce from here to eternity trying to find a bank that will accept them.

Think about it Red, didn't those amounts seem a bit low? I mean lets face it, a million dollars just doesn't go as far as it used to. Don't you think my budget for the Pup's Party Pleasure House and the Ministry of Mental Health would not provide far more to contribute to Hillary than that?

That is what one would think, but these accounts are active. How else did I debit that $25,000 for the dessert for the Common Good (*burp*), excuse me. Although, you were right, these figures did seem low, and a million dollars is not what is used to be (Inflation is Bush's fault), but I figured since the list went on and on, that you kept your money spread out.

Oh, well, no matter. Whoever was foolish enough to use the same numbers as your fake accounts for their real accounts can know that they are giving it up for The Common Good.

(Let's see, transaction 1: From unknown account to RtPF account, transaction 2.....)

If transaction 2 is not my half of the cut say goodbye to progressivefox children

Comrade, what does the badge say here?..........

Ok, I know you are having a hard time reading with your publik edukation, so let me help you:

Comm-i-ss-ar, good! This means that I would not suggest that *comrade* dirk try to threaten the units within my family unit. Unless of course, you wish to find out what happened to all the friend's of the Clintons.

(now, transaction 2: from unknown account to RtPF account, transaction 3......)

<hiccup> Hi, what time is it, I fell asleep after.. Pinkie? Where are you, Pinkie? Oh, there you are... <hiccup> That was some pretty strong vodka in that big bottle you asked me to do some laboratory analysis on. Is good. The stronger the vodka, the stronger the revolution... the stronger the communism... or whatever... <hiccup>

Great Stalin Ghost! What's that Technicolor stuff on my Party-issue uniform? Sister! SMO! Could Housekeeping wash this uniform ASAP? Looks like George Bush had sneaked in and puked all over it while I was... er... analyzing. <hiccup>

If Bush didn't exist we would have to invent him, comrades! Is convenient. Reminds me how in the Motherland things were blamed the same way on the Jew. Also imperialists, foreign spies, Western sabotage, bourgeois conspiracy... But mostly the Jew. Same mind patterns. If there was no water in the sink faucet it meant the Jew had drunk it all, and if there was water in the sink faucet, it meant the Jew had peed in it. Just replace "the Jew" with "Bush". Is easy.

BLAME BUSH UNTIL HE SIGNS THOSE DAMN PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF KYOTO!

<hiccup> Time to find out if anyone noticed the naughty triple entendre I slipped into that line I posted earlier about swallowing a hair while eating fantasy food, and how it's Bush's fault... Weak liberals have made many jokes about the different meanings of "bush" but none of them ever took it this far... Is a strong communist joke...

You didn't let me finish, oh wise progressive fox. Say goodbye to progressivefox children as they are headed for an all expenses paid (by whitemaleheteropig) vacation to the fabulous Rancho del Rio!

Good comrade dirk. Sucking up will get you to places comrade. Keep that in mind.

You are the wise, all-powerful, rich, fragrant, clinton associate killing Commisar.

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Good comrade dirk. Sucking up will get you to places comrade. Keep that in mind.

Lenin knows I have been trying my best to teach him. As you so forcefully pointed out to him, he needs to think twice before messing with a Commissar and even more so, the Chairman. Yet I see a faint, but nevertheless present spark of potential in him.

Just a little light entertainment comrades...
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Red Square wrote:<hiccup> Hi, what time is it, I fell asleep after.. Pinkie? Where are you, Pinkie? Oh, there you are... <hiccup> That was some pretty strong vodka in that big bottle you asked me to do some laboratory analysis on. Is good. The stronger the vodka, the stronger the revolution... the stronger the communism... or whatever... <hiccup>

Great Stalin Ghost! What's that Technicolor stuff on my Party-issue uniform? Sister! SMO! Could Housekeeping wash this uniform ASAP? Looks like George Bush had sneaked in and puked all over it while I was... er... analyzing. <hiccup>

If Bush didn't exist we would have to invent him, comrades! Is convenient. Reminds me how in the Motherland things were blamed the same way on the Jew. Also imperialists, foreign spies, Western sabotage, bourgeois conspiracy... But mostly the Jew. Same mind patterns. If there was no water in the sink faucet it meant the Jew had drunk it all, and if there was water in the sink faucet, it meant the Jew had peed in it. Just replace "the Jew" with "Bush". Is easy.

BLAME BUSH UNTIL HE SIGNS THOSE DAMN PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF KYOTO!

<hiccup> Time to find out if anyone noticed the naughty triple entendre I slipped into that line I posted earlier about swallowing a hair while eating fantasy food, and how it's Bush's fault... Weak liberals have made many jokes about the different meanings of "bush" but none of them ever took it this far... Is a strong communist joke...

Here we go again. Our Glorious Leader gets this way every year right after November 7th.

Yes, Comrade Red Square, I got the joke. I sat thru Anita Hill's testimony before the Senate, remember? She was so brave to come forward like that. I can only hope that--Comrade . . . ? Red Square . . . ? <Pinkie taps with shovel> Oh, Great One . . . ?

That's it. He's out. Okay, whose turn is it to go through his pockets and rifle through his files? Who did it last year?

SMO: Did you bring my makeup kit and your camera? Let's roll!

Yet I see a faint, but nevertheless present spark of potential in him.

Why thank you noble commissar (hands the pup a bag of the People's leaf(tm) )

By jove! I think he might be starting to get it!

Red Square wrote: <hiccup> Time to find out if anyone noticed the naughty triple entendre I slipped into that line I posted earlier about swallowing a hair while eating fantasy food, and how it's Bush's fault... Weak liberals have made many jokes about the different meanings of "bush" but none of them ever took it this far... Is a strong communist joke...

Yes, I got it but I just couldn't think of any appropiate Bush=pubic hair responses.

Honestly comrades, I think I'm just in a bit of a red funk. That's a bit like Limbaugh's "blue funk" except that it's progressive. Obviously, the root cause is that it's all Bush's fault. Still, there are some surface conditions that could be contributing to my red funk.

-Pinkie's rejection of me. Even embittered, remorseless, vodka-swilling psycho Commies like me need love or something like it.

-Emoticons.

-The apparent rejection by the Red State rubes of The Party's Jesus Loves Socialism project. What the hell is wrong with these people? You simply run a politically ambitious Progressive Socialist in the South by telling the rubes that he believes in God and family, that's he's pro-life, pro-gun, will bring back school prayer and provide every child with state health care and they flock to the polls to vote for him, correct? What the hell? Every Progressive knows that all wingnuts are shallow, stupid, hypocritical sheeple. Why won't they comply?

Typically, I get a letter in the mail this morning (who mails a damned letter any more?). There's no return address but it does have a Houston TX postmark. The damned thing is TYPED and it looks like it's in a Microsoft font that's been Xeroxed about a thousand time to make it look old. It said "I told you that organizing Conservatives is like herding cats."

Damned Bush and his damned minions! GRRRRRR.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the letter had a big f***ing smiley face, cut from a Wal Mart ad, pasted on the bottom. No trouble guessing who sent that.

I'm actually looking forward to going back to WY to oversee the mining and reeducation program. I understand that this year's crop of eager workers were drawn from the ranks of the people who thought they could run Bush out of the White House with a big drum circle.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:

Red Square wrote:<hiccup> Hi, what time is it, I fell asleep after.. Pinkie? Where are you, Pinkie? Oh, there you are... <hiccup> That was some pretty strong vodka in that big bottle you asked me to do some laboratory analysis on. Is good. The stronger the vodka, the stronger the revolution... the stronger the communism... or whatever... <hiccup>

Great Stalin Ghost! What's that Technicolor stuff on my Party-issue uniform? Sister! SMO! Could Housekeeping wash this uniform ASAP? Looks like George Bush had sneaked in and puked all over it while I was... er... analyzing. <hiccup>

If Bush didn't exist we would have to invent him, comrades! Is convenient. Reminds me how in the Motherland things were blamed the same way on the Jew. Also imperialists, foreign spies, Western sabotage, bourgeois conspiracy... But mostly the Jew. Same mind patterns. If there was no water in the sink faucet it meant the Jew had drunk it all, and if there was water in the sink faucet, it meant the Jew had peed in it. Just replace "the Jew" with "Bush". Is easy.

BLAME BUSH UNTIL HE SIGNS THOSE DAMN PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF KYOTO!

<hiccup> Time to find out if anyone noticed the naughty triple entendre I slipped into that line I posted earlier about swallowing a hair while eating fantasy food, and how it's Bush's fault... Weak liberals have made many jokes about the different meanings of "bush" but none of them ever took it this far... Is a strong communist joke...

Here we go again. Our Glorious Leader gets this way every year right after November 7th.

Yes, Comrade Red Square, I got the joke. I sat thru Anita Hill's testimony before the Senate, remember? She was so brave to come forward like that. I can only hope that--Comrade . . . ? Red Square . . . ? <Pinkie taps with shovel> Oh, Great One . . . ?

That's it. He's out. Okay, whose turn is it to go through his pockets and rifle through his files? Who did it last year?

SMO: Did you bring my makeup kit and your camera? Let's roll!

Oh no... no no no... Commissarka Pinkie... anyone but the Great Incarnadine Trapezoid... I know it is 'old fashioned' but he has saved my life, literally, too many times... any of the other shitbirds (which does not, you might be surprised to find, include ALL the other Commissars... just most of them)... but not Big Red and a handful of others... he literaly donned a hazmat suit himself and tweezed Polonium pellets out of my dorsal fin last year at great danger to himself when he could have let me just die and get ripped apart by sharks... I cannot... but I can certainly give you a list of those who are deserving of such treatment... and rather large files on most of them as I am familiar with so much of their dirty laundry... literally... and believe me, for some who have been with us such a very short time, many are amassing quite a bit of laundry...

Unfortuntely, so is our Glorious Roseaste One... I think that was literally his last clean uniform, and I really must get him cleaned up and presentable... so, I think he must be given bath and put to bed for a short while to sleep it off, and I will go and see how Chicken Sushi is doing on his uniforms... hopefully they are close to being pressed... and will take this last 'ripe rainbow' one with me...

I am sorry to let you down, sister... its just, well.. this cetacean has her limits. I hope it does not disappoint, but know that my loyalty is implacable... I believe may be silly Kanadistanjian thing... if I am loyal to you, I am loyal to you - and from the first I have decided that you, sister Pinkie, are worth of my loyalty... but so to is our Glorious Director of People's - THE RED.... so... him we do not to damage to...

Most others, have at it, by all means (though I should probably provide you with a list of those worthy of mercy, both from starch and from Sisters prodigious administrative skills at compiling dossiers)... I am very thorough and detail oriented...

... though am still waiting to hear from RedtheProgressiveFox about his relationship to Stephen Jay Gould... would have thought Ray Kurzweil or Roger Penrose more a propos... but maybe is just foxy slyness... I'll wait a little longer for answer...

Anyhooo... has been profoundly long day - had rather heavy box full of unassembled wooden stepladder dropped on foot by idiot... and I must be getting up in about four hours if I am to make morning appointment... and my large feline companion still requires his last feeding and insulin shot, not to mention me putting off my cocoa and meds or it would have been day for Sister to be all float and no work - was bad weather day - now 33F with snow and rain and is to be warming up to 46 and rain tomorrow... OH... crap... and is meds night and I forgot to take out of fridge to warm up so injection is really going to make muscle cramp unless I let it warm up for half an hour... I guess I will take regular meds and cocoa and then wait to do shot... shit... half hour less sleep... anyway... is better than having big cramp in thigh on top of everything else hurting, and if I take meds now, will hurt less...

Better go take shot out of fridge... have sweet dreams, oh Queen of Vodka... ahh... is good to know I will have such wonderful resource when time for making Vodkamentary comes... is much relief...
SMO...

ps... one day will have to forgo usual Vodka and visit my stock of tequila... will give you little tour of Sister's... archives... is quite amusing... you will undertand why I am so eager to master PhotoShop at a much more advanced level... Pinkie... world will be ours for the taking... and man pantie wearers will soon find payback's a bitch... but will have to wait a little while.. just a little while though... patience, sister... patience...

Hmm, I do believe I see your point now, Sister, especially when I roll Red Square over now. He just looks so sweet that way, with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, his eyes rolled back, and that cute snort coming out of his nose with every breath he takes.

And you're right, he's been very kind to me, too--more so than any of the commissars, some of whom (and I won't mention names) have given me poisoned vodka and keep bombarding me with those annoying little smiley emoticons.

Why <sniff> it was our beloved Comrade Red Square who gave me my very first shovel and my very first vodka! And when all my jerk ex-boyfriends started acting like even bigger jerks, why, it was Red Square who always "took care of them" for me. (Are you listening, Commissar M?)

What got into me just now? I can only blame Bush! <sobbing> Every time I think of what he's doing to our country that was so great and prosperous and teeming with love and peace from 1993-2000, I just wanna--I just wanna--oh, I don't know, I just wanna go out and do stupid things and then blame them on Bush!

Now, as for my previous post, I never made that--and if anyone says otherwise, it's only because Scooter Libby or Karl Rove or someone like that is trying to expose me as a traitor to The Party, in retaliation for not supporting the Bush's illegal invasion of Iraq. I shudder to think of the horrible atrocities that might ensue and ruin my life forever . . .

You know, like a photo spread in Vanity Fair magazine.