Journalism Has Opened My Eyes!

4/17/2009, 5:33 pm

Comrades, I am weeping profusely as I post this (sniff, sniff, honk) for there is a oppressed minority I have been insensitive to until now. It took the brave efforts of one of our worthy defenders of freedom to awaken me to my callousness. No caring person can read the post below without crying.

Angry Journalist #8521:

I'm angry because I'm getting so much hate email today.

I have a buddy who's a stringer in Africa. He hooks me up with some phone numbers of people in Somalia who know guys who know guys who know pirates. I make some calls, research the pirate community's side of the situation.

Then I write an article. I mention that the pirates don't really think of themselves as pirates, and that they try to be kind to their hostages. They're just poor young guys in a bad situation trying to make a living.

I was as evenhanded and unbiased as I could be. Just because I happen to be a US citizen, I shouldn't be biased toward my own country, I strive to be a citizen of the world who just happens to have been born in the US. I tried to respect the pirates' perspective as much as possible, give them equal dignity as fellow human beings. The story was as objective as I could make it. No favoritism for either side, no opinions, just straight reporting.

So my story goes out, and now I'm getting hate email from right-wing lunatics who call me a “traitor,” and worse, just because I gave equal consideration to the plight of the pirates as I did to the people they inconvenience, and the military people who hunt them down.

So now I'm angry. I'm angry at the stupid, backwoods, cousin-marrying, tooth-missing, gun-toting, SUV-driving neanderthals I'm stuck with as fellow US citizens, who don't even want to consider the poor pirates' point of view in these recent events, and just want to slam and threaten honest journalists, who are merely trying to bring enlightenment to their dim, backwards, pathetic lives.

I blame the public schools, frankly. They are not doing enough to teach about the UN, NGOs, and other international forums. They are not training the kids to become citizens of the world first and of the country they were randomly born in second. They are doing a disservice to the world community by over-emphasis on “American” things, Americentrism. It makes me sick. It makes me angry.

http://angryjournalist.com/?page_id=4&c ... ment-13643

Comrades, I don't know what makes me sadder and more outraged; the plight of the poor, starving oppressed pirates or the insensitivity of the SUV-driving Neanderthals who rain hateful emails down on this wonderful journalist who simply wished to touch our hearts and open our minds.

I think it is time we all reviewed our prejudices and looked at all our so-called enemies with an open mind (except for hateful right-wing lunatics -like Rush Limbaugh- who are just bad, bad, BAD!) What about the Nazis? They were just honest, hard-working socialists who wanted to enslave the world and kill all the Jews. Is that so bad? I know they thought they were the master race but can any of us prove that they weren't? And, after all, the New York Times and many American liberals thought that Nazi Germany was an ideal society until things got a little carried away, so to speak. On the bright side, they did invent the Volkswagen Beetle!

Comrades, what about you? Get a head start on the coming Great National Self-Loathing and accompanying show trials. Look inside yourselves and see which oppressed groups you have been unjustly prejudicial towards and what amends you need to make. Confess your sins below. We owe it to the Angry Journalist.

4/17/2009, 8:43 pm

The ALCU picture in the right-hand column is even more relevant now...

4/17/2009, 10:22 pm

AlfonZo Rachel

4/17/2009, 10:27 pm

Our brother in the cause can finally be welcomed here in the new U.S.S.A.
under the most wise & glorious leadership of the "One".

El Diablo & his sulfer assed minions are gone....

Surely somewhere Karl is smiling... {O} (up from below)

4/17/2009, 11:13 pm

Opiate!

You were right that piece was quite the tear-jerker. I hope that there are more than just a few billion tucked away in the stumulus package for those poor misunderstood Somalians. Well I must go now and return to my "pirate pity party" as it is my way of atoning for my sins of capitalistic individualism.

4/18/2009, 1:32 am

Opiate, I am just now able to see my keyboard through the tears. How this man has suffered.

Where was this man when Jeffrey Daumer was tried? We could have used his broad-minded views. Instead of just condemning a cannibalistic, lobotomizing serial killer out of hand, we could have had a more balanced and nuanced view which told us how Jeff was only trying to release his Inner Cannibal, and don't we all have a right to an Inner Cannibal?

I'm going to have a good lie-down until my Inner Socialist feels better.

4/18/2009, 1:57 am

*sniff* Comrades, this has made me feel so sorry for that poor man and those pirates. They have all suffered so.

If he likes those pirates so much, let's just give him to them.

4/18/2009, 2:28 am

On the other hand, this "accidental American" should feel lucky that he didn't "happen to be born in Somalia" and doesn't live among the "stupid, backwoods, cousin-marrying, tooth-missing, gun-toting, SUV-driving Neanderthals he's stuck with as fellow Somali citizens." Imagine a comment made like this by a Somali journalist, if there are any left - and be hung upside down from the mast.

4/18/2009, 9:51 am

Comrade Television, please, weep no more. Soon the mighty Obama shall make the pirates equal to us all. For who understands them better that someone who was born on their very continent?

The poor journalist shall have his day of glory when the Obamassiah strikes a mighty blow at those obvious rethuglicans. The Obamassiah shall then take the journalist to his bosom and comfort him.

The wonderful world of next Tuesday is finally arriving in ways that none could have expected in their wildest dreams.

4/18/2009, 3:01 pm

Comrade Gulag Man,

Did you mean Obamessiah, Obamassa, or did you merge the two?

4/18/2009, 9:13 pm

Comrades, I'm glad to see so many of you are willing to think for yourself and do what the media tells you to do! We in the Party celebrate diversity (except for veterans, small-business owners, practicing Catholics, gun owners, talk-radio listeners, tea-party attendees, Texans, smokers, limited-government proponents, pro-lifers, taxpayers, NASCAR fans, Boy Scouts, oil-company employees, secure-border advocates, capitalists, global-warming agnostics, Cuban refugees, school-choicers, etc.*) But aside from these evil-doers, we love everyone including international criminals and anyone who despises this miserable hate-filled country! So rejoice, comrades, and feel good about yourselves; let us look down our noses at those who are not as enlightened as we are! That's what it's all about, isn't it?

* List of exceptions by Peter Kirsanow at National Review Online, just to give credit (and blame) where it is due.

4/18/2009, 11:41 pm

I am shocked, shocked, to find Texans on that list.

Tickles the shit out of me.

4/19/2009, 12:52 am

Commissar, I understand that if Texas does go ahead and secede, Obama has plans to just let it go. In order to keep the number of states constant at 57, he will be granting statehood to a few boatloads of Somali pirates which will be prowling around the Gulf of Mexico. This will give the Party one more solidly Democratic state for the Permanent Majority^TM (and deny the Rethuglicans one of their most consistent states) but this is just a happy coincidence. It's not part of a plan or anything. And Axelrod has nothing to do with any of it. Neither does ACORN.

4/19/2009, 10:38 am

Opiate, it is a common misconception that Oklahoma would let Texas go but as everyone knows, Oklahoma sucks. [That's a Texas joke; no doubt Okies have their own.]

I expect that the Somali pirates would very much like to become the new 57th state, even if they had to pay income taxes. They understand that they could take master classes in rapine, thievery, brigandry and lying--all those things so dear to this Made Progressive's heart--from Miss Nansky.

4/19/2009, 12:23 pm

Comrade Opiate:

The sorrow I feel for those misunderstood and maligned Somali ~~pirates~~ community organizers truly breaks my heart. And to think that this journalist has been threatened by SUV-driving rednecks! Those rednecks will learn the error of their ways when The Party^TM makes them turn in those SUV's for the new Peoples Electric Car. [The fact that two adults don't really fit inside that motorised rickshaw doesn't matter. We must save Mother Earth and will deal with all of the heavy metals from the discarded batteries later]

I am also certain that His O'liness will deal with those Navy SEAL right-wing terrorists that ~~smoked~~ executed those three Somali youths. Those Navy guys cost The Party^TM three voters!

4/19/2009, 1:57 pm

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:Comrade Gulag Man,

Did you mean Obamessiah, Obamassa, or did you merge the two?

My Dearest Comrade Commissar, I humbly apologize if I mis-spelled our glorious leaders name. I assure you I meant no offense.

I have spent many years in the camps. I do not wish to return.

4/19/2009, 9:22 pm

Running-Dog Capitalist wrote: I am also certain that His O'liness will deal with those Navy SEAL right-wing terrorists that ~~smoked~~ executed those three Somali youths. Those Navy guys cost The Party^TM three voters!

I have it on good authority that the Dear Leader will be providing the pirates with their own aircraft carrier (complete with F-22s) so as to (possibly) equalize their odds in any future encounter with Navy SEALs. Just like Al Franken, he's making every vote count!

4/19/2009, 10:13 pm

Opiate of the People wrote:
Running-Dog Capitalist wrote: I am also certain that His O'liness will deal with those Navy SEAL right-wing terrorists that ~~smoked~~ executed those three Somali youths. Those Navy guys cost The Party^TM three voters!

I have it on good authority that the Dear Leader will be providing the pirates with their own aircraft carrier (complete with F-22s) so as to (possibly) equalize their odds in any future encounter with Navy SEALs. Just like Al Franken, he's making every vote count!

Comrade Opiate:

The brilliance of His O'liness never ceases to dazzle me. That will certainly prevent any mistaken additions to the Necro-Voter division of The Party^tm.

4/19/2009, 10:23 pm

Oh the plight of the poor, misunderstood pirates. I would like to misunderstand their plight even more from about 500 meters away through a good old fashioned P/U scoped Mosin Nagant as used in the Great Patriotic War, but I digress...

In fact I weep so much for these poor pirates, and the plight of the poor journalist who wishes to have people understand these poor pirates, that I think I will go dig beets for a while. Either that, or drag out some of my guns and fire them for a while in order to better get in touch with my Inner Pirate(TM) so that I may understand how they suffer.

4/19/2009, 10:34 pm

7.62, have you considered how careful we must be that the surviving pirate be placed somewhere he will have kind treatment? What if, horror or horrors, one of the people whose guest he is looks at him funny or asks him a question he doesn't want to answer?

Imagine the horror of an interrogation just because you were a pirate.

4/19/2009, 10:40 pm

Indeed, the poor pirate must be put in the safest place possible, where nobody will ask him uncomfortable questions, or even question his actions. Obama's Cabinet of course.

4/19/2009, 11:49 pm

Obamissar 7.62 wrote:Indeed, the poor pirate must be put in the safest place possible, where nobody will ask him uncomfortable questions, or even question his actions. Obama's Cabinet of course.

Excellent! A new cabinet position will be created, Secretary Of Piracy. Oh wait, he already has ~~one~~ ~~several~~ ~~a lot of those~~ That position has already been filled.

4/19/2009, 11:51 pm

The cabinet is a good choice, but I'm also thinking that the CIA might be a good choice too. We know how they valiantly resisted the policies of the Bu$hitler, along with State. I don't know what we'd do if we didn't have dedicated lifers in civil service who are infinitely more concerned with a turf war and petty bureaucratic rivalry and their own telescopic mandarin vision than with the policy of the United States.

But how nice now that His O'liness has been elevated, State and the CIA can now live on the Down O.

4/20/2009, 1:36 am

Yes, you are correct Commissar, CIA is a better choice. The cabinet is replaced at least every 8 years so that a new batch of pirates can be brought in. But, once ensconed in the CIA bureaucracy, a pirate is harder to displace than an ACORN demonstrator in a bank lobby with 24-hr CNN coverage.

4/20/2009, 10:43 am

Opiate wrote:an ACORN demonstrator in a bank lobby with 24-hr CNN coverage.

Well, how do we tell the dancer from the dance?

One wonders just who has Stockholm Syndrome or if there is anyway.

4/20/2009, 7:46 pm

Don't know if it matters. There is a story today from the AP that the Community Organizer in Chief will be meeting this week with the executives of US credit card companies. The story says he is expected to press the companies to change (what Obama sees as) deceptive practices that have saddled customers with high debt and high interest rates. Of course, if he succeeds in getting the companies to lower rates, basic economics tells us this will result in less credit being extended as companies will refuse to lend to anyone except those most likely to pay them back. Just what the economy needs at this time, a White-House induced credit contraction. That, along with his carbon tax scheme and his health care plans should really help stem the rising unemployment that is in turn jeopardizing housing assets which threaten to further weaken the banks, eh?

This Administration is full of idiots. They are oblivious to the fact that the things they are doing are suppressing the very economic activity they wish to stimulate. It is like sawing the tree branch you are sitting on with the saw cutting into it between you and the tree. That always ends the same way.

4/21/2009, 9:57 am

Opiate wrote:This Administration is full of idiots. They are oblivious to the fact that the things they are doing are suppressing the very economic activity they wish to stimulate.

Perhaps they're idiots. Or they could be doing just what they want to do, and that is impoverishing people. The left has a raging hard-on for control more than anything else. Rich, independent and educated people are hard to control. Serfs are not. If people cannot get credit then there will be more discontent, and he can position himself as the savior of America, while putting his food on the head of ever more people.

I do not know if it's an explanation but it's a good working hypothesis: Obama is doing just the worst things that he can possibly do for America. I don't know if he means to, or if they mean to, but every single thing that the 'Ollow Man has done has been the worst that he could do for America.

But look at his mentors: Wright, Ayers, Alinski...

4/21/2009, 10:18 pm

Commissar Theocritus wrote: I do not know if it's an explanation but it's a good working hypothesis: Obama is doing just the worst things that he can possibly do for America. I don't know if he means to, or if they mean to, but every single thing that the 'Ollow Man has done has been the worst that he could do for America.

That's the truth. It's hard to imagine he could be more destructive if he were trying to do so. He is well on his way to being the worst president ever, a full-blown disaster.

4/22/2009, 2:15 am

He's already there and by a long chalk. Others were clueless, like Carter, or lax, like Grant, or complete ciphers, like, well, who remembers? But this one is either evil or the sock-puppet of evil.

4/22/2009, 2:32 am

Still Commissar Theo, 'tis better to be the sock puppet of evil, than the happy sock of evil.

4/22/2009, 2:48 am

For the victims of the evil I posit that it is moot. Remember the "good Germans" argument during the Nuremburg trials.

4/22/2009, 2:02 pm

Surely though there were good Germans. Like ummmm, or perhaps, mmmm mebbe, no, but then there was... Did I even mention how much I would like to own an old C-96 "broomhandle" Mauser pistol?

4/22/2009, 2:05 pm

I believe that there is a 50mm pistol made just for Texas.

I am told that with a credit card you can buy a Sidewinder missile in Beirut. I have lots of empty credit cards and lots of people that I want to, er, grace.

4/22/2009, 2:23 pm

When I was in Big Spring my boss owned a gold plated .50 caliber (50mm would be HUGE comrade Commissar and pretty much impossible to handle) Desert Eagle. I'm wondering if he was compensating for something...

As far as your empty credit cards go, I have a small sailboat I'm willing to contribute to The People's Navy. (oooh I hear a Village People song coming on and I don't even swing that way :p )

4/22/2009, 2:51 pm

How odd but twice this week I heard slighting references to The Village People. You don't have to swing that way. It has been scientifically proven that you can dance any dance to and anyone can dance to "YMCA." What amazes me though is that when they were popular no one seemed to get "you can hang out with all the boys.."

Now if you went to bars where all you heard was "Funky Town," Donna Summer, "Boogie Oogie Oogie," and if the entrance was on an alley and if 95% of the cars were white, you might as well wear a sign.

Ah. Such fun days. And the challenge of pissing off someone built like a linebacker without getting murdered. And the hysteria. After the first suicide threat the second one isn't that worrying no matter where it comes from. Unless you hear it looking in the mirror after the first one...

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