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Kommissar Vodkov is back from the dead!

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You are probably wondering what happened to me. Or maybe not. I have been having a really hard time lately after my Empress was toppled by the Islamic faction of the Communist Party ehh Democratic Party. She counted on me and let me tell you she's not pleased. At first she was really friendly. She told me it was not my fault and invited me into her den/torture chamber for a glass of Stoli. The drink must have been spiked because I suddenly woke up naked, tied down on a metal table with a bright light shining into my eyes.
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“What is going on my empress?” I asked. She was standing next to me staring at me with her beautiful yellow eyes. “Vodkov, you have failed me! Who do you think I am? Some outsider in the political system? Some just-another-politician to grovel before the People?”

I had never seen the Empress like that. I have seen her make hardened veterans of the New Orleans ethnic cleansing cry and tear the still-beating hearts out of people's chests, sinking her fangs into them. I have seen her crush babies under her cloven hoof out of spite. All that paled in comparison to this.

“What do you mean my Empress? I have never taken you for an outsider!”

“That's what you think Vodkov!” She screamed. I could feel the cold metal slab crack in two from her demonic voice.

“I'm in the inner circle Vodkov! They didn't even trust Bill enough to tell them what they have told me! Now the party has endorsed that traitor Hussein! Are they insane? AND YOU MADE IT HAPPEN VODKOV AND YOU WILL PAY!”

I was about to say my prayers when I remembered I am a communist and don't believe in God.

“Let me prove this to you Vodkov” she said. “I'm not done yet, the system is on my side. The true rulers of the world have endorsed me. The superdelegates can go f*ck themselves!”

She moved back and out of the corner of my eye I could see something approaching me. Something terrible. Something holding a bone saw and an anal probe. A gray alien. I could have sworn I saw Dick Cheney behind it but I'm not sure.

“Meet my friends Vodkov! I hoped it wouldn't come to this. You are after all the best underling I've had. Better than that traitor Pinkie for sure.”

I'm not sure what happened next because I passed out.

I woke up sitting in a chair. I was wearing a bathrobe and my ass really hurt. The Empress sat directly opposite me drinking what looked like a Bloody Mary (it could have been something else, you can never be sure with the Empress) and smoking one of my cigars. The cigars Fidel gave me. The bitch!

“My Empress – what happened?”

“I have decided to spare you Vodkov. You might be useful some day. I might need someone who is not afraid of getting his hands dirty. I have placed a tracking device in your ear lobe so it's pointless to run – like the soon-to-be-purged Premier did.”

I was relieved to say the least. “Thank you my Empress. This is more than I deserve. I shall not fail you again!”

“Give me a massage Vodkov and then get the hell out of here. If I need you, your ear will start to feel warm.”

And that's the true story of how the Empress spared my life. I'm back and ready to serve the Party!

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This is not the Empress I know! (The same Empress to whom I am still most faithful, regardless of what you may think, Vodkov!) The Empress I know is wise and benevolent, with enough fully lactating teats for all of us.

Indeed, upon my first read of your ramblings, I thought I'd stumbled upon a draft of a letter you were writing to Penthouse Forum, describing some wild sexual encounter you had with the Sacred Feminine Michelle Magdalene, First Bride of the Obamessiah. Then I came across this passage:

I have seen her make hardened veterans of the New Orleans ethnic cleansing cry and tear the still-beating hearts out of people's chests, sinking her fangs into them. I have seen her crush babies under her cloven hoof out of spite.

Come off it, Vodkov. You know as well as I do only one person is capable of such beastly behavior, and that is the Worst Human Being Ever himself, George W. Bush! Didn't you know, that's his idea of "welfare reform"?

In fact, from everything you've written, it sounds to me as if you've been illegally detained at Gitmo. Tell me the truth, Vodkov! Is that what really happened? Are you hoping to win my favor, my heart, and perhaps the ultimate prize of all, my red headscarf, by portraying yourself as an innocent, illegal detainee at the Guantanamo Concentration Camp?

P.S. If by some chance this really WAS the Empress, then you don't know how lucky you are that the chosen orifice for implantation of the tracking device was your ear.

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Very interesting...registers a 9.5 on my BS-O-Meter. Not a bad read, but perhaps you should have thought twice about that Creative Writing correspondence course.

I only heard of this coming back from the dead thing once before, and he had people on the inside to help. Confess your crimes, Vodkov! The Party KNOWS where you were, but we want to hear it from you!

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:P.S. If by some chance this really WAS the Empress, then you don't know how lucky you are that the chosen orifice for implantation of the tracking device was your ear.

SOOO true, Commissarka Pinkie! I have personally cared for some of the more unfortunate implant recipients. Itching, inflammation and infection were only the beginning symptoms. The earlier implants were less reliable, and several subjects had received multiple implants in various orifices. I am just grateful that this was not my fate, and that I have my daily ration of potatoes and vodka, and can serve the Party with zeal and vigor!

Kommissar Vodkov,

It's good to hear that you escaped our Empress's dungeon with only a sore ass. She's capable of much more terror and pain, as you well know. As for you seeing Dick Cheney behind the alien, are you sure it wasn't Comrade Dr. Gno??

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Komrade Zarkof wrote:Kommissar Vodkov,

It's good to hear that you escaped our Empress's dungeon with only a sore ass. She's capable of much more terror and pain, as you well know. As for you seeing Dick Cheney behind the alien, are you sure it wasn't Comrade Dr. Gno??

I'm positive it wasn't "comrade" Dr. Gno. However, the Empress told me that Howard Dean's homosexual butler was trying to bluff his way into the upper echelons of the party by pretending to be a scientist. 2+2 are usually 4 unless the Party says otherwise...

I'm sure the Empress would like to have Howard Dean and his butler over for dinner and a strategy session. Both their asses would be sore, if she lets them live.
Are you on a mission for the Empress? Is she going to take over the convention and purge Kennedy, Richardson, Dean and all the others who've given their support to the Mullah of Hope and Change?

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Ah, it brings tears to my eyes to see you Comrade Vodkov.... tears of laughter that is imagining this scene of you and the soon to be former Empress. Her "inner circle" is even now tightening around her throat like the Chairman extracting the last ruble from a drunken Putin pornographer. (Hmmmm, interesting the way the Chairman is never touched by his associations with whatever loser the Party has sponsored over the years...) What function the Empress may serve in the coming months is still being decided, but no doubt it won't be pretty. I suppose she could be useful as a consultant for the Obama till he develops some brass ones himself.

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Somebody had to be the first to test ride the Hildo Hydra 08.7

Put some ice on it Vodkov. There's plenty in Siberia

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Hillary wrote:Somebody had to be the first to test ride the Hildo Hydra 08.7

Put some ice on it Vodkov. There's plenty in Siberia

It was my pleasure my Empress. I didn't know the Hildo Hydra 08.7 was alien technology. Only the latest and best technology for the Empress!

Since my ear is feeling pretty warm, I would like to use this opportunity to denounce that Enemy of the People; Hussein B. Obama.

It's good to know that the Empress is in good spirits and is back on the Cube. It has been a most trying time for Her, but soon, She will show the non-believers in Denver Her true power.

Would you like some BBQ sauce for Dr. Dean's liver and Ted Kennedy's heart, my Queen?? I can provide you with any condiments you may desire, when you start the human sacrifices.

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So the Empress is in good spirits? Showing her true power? I ask you, would the former Empress have tolerated what I posted earlier? Would I have dared to post such a thing? Wake up Comrades! Nancy is the Alpha Bitch now!

Commissar Pupovich,

When the Empress is conducting test sessions with Her new Hildo Hydra 08.7 on a Commissar and has aliens assisting Her depravity, I'd say that She's in good spirits.

Her Excellency still is a US Senator and is Very influential in crafting legislation helping our movement. She also has delegates She can use to broker concessions from the Mullah of Hope and Change at the convention.
She has let Her consort, Bill, offer to "help" BHO's campaign. I'm sure he will be as much help to the Messiah as he was to Hillary. After all, he was the First Black president and he can give the Obamessiah valuable help.

Though Her influence is limited by the betrayal of Her Democratic Party members, She still is a force to be reckoned with and feared.

Are you going to call your good friend, Vito McAuliffe and arrange to join Her Excellency for dinner in the near future to console Her and let Her know that She's still one of us?? Will you help Her in retiring Her campaign debt??

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Hah! The Empress is now but another failed hope like the non-person K. I am supposed to be impressed by a senator from New York, who has not even managed to sponsor a major piece of legislation in the time she has been all too graciously allowed? Her uses will be over once the election is over. Nancy on the other hand, well she is the real Power Bitch now. Even the Obama will need to keep her happy to get things done!

Hail Nancy! Keeper of Our Soul!Show your self to the un-washed! Let them see your a taste of your power and glory! Your humble servent, Commissar Pupovich, is here to serve!

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"Marshal" Pupovich?

What did I miss? What has the commissar been smoking? This has to be a mistake! Nobody in his right mind would make Pupovich a marshal. The Party doesn't make mistakes!

This is treason! Please take Pupovich into custody and start torturing him!

My Empress ... where are you? Your enemies are growing bolder!

Kommissar Vodkov,

Marshal Pupovich received his promotion on another thread from Red Square. He has earned the title of Marshal and will receive all the benefits and responsibilities of his new rank.

This also means that he could be one of the first standing blindfolded, in front of a brick wall if the Obamessiah or the Party is dissatisfied with his handling of the military and his other duties.

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I could really care less where Vodkov has been (Don't put that in your mouth Timmy! You don't know where it's been...), but I am grateful for the title of this thread, as it reminded me to buy a new CD of "Fire of Unknown Origin" to replace one I lost moving around the country. "Joan Crawford Has Risen From the Grave" is a really disturbing song, and I have missed it.

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Ohh my God, ehh I mean Dear Stalin! Pupovich got to Comrade Red Square too! It's over! it's all over!

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Kommissar Vodkov, I fail to understand your disbelief. After all, with the exception of your continued clinging to the Empress for Lenin knows why reason, I have seen much improvement in your socialist bearing since you returned.

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It's not over until the fat lady sings....

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The Empress has fell Premier! Nancy is the Power Bitch now!

Hail Nancy!

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She still has yet to sing her siren song....

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A mere formality,,,, the song has been written for her already, Oh, in many ways I would love to see the Empress take on the Obama in Denver for a final showdown, Imagine the video impact of the Empress getting her bullet right there on stage in Denver? You really do want to see the power mad greats go out in style, in a bang not a whisper. Who could have foreseen the fall the MTE has made,,,,, though there is speculation that she has a backup plan to become a Supreme Court justice, a position where she can cast her evil plots over anyone that gets in her way. But of course it doesn't come with a jet.


 
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