Image

Lego Figures Charged With Insurrection

User avatar
Image
armed_lego3.jpg
Washington, DC -- As news that one of the dangerous January 6 insurrectionists had a Lego Capitol taken from his home as evidence, further news has leaked that the FBI will likely charge many of his Lego mini-figures with weapons and conspiracy charges.

An unknown number of mini-figures was taken into custody. At least four were reportedly cooperating with law enforcement and may have been long-time FBI informants.

Neighbors report a small firefight had erupted from the basement of the house when officers tried to exercise a search warrant. Fred Fredrickson lives behind the house and claims to have witnessed the entire operation.

"I heard a knocking on his door at about 2 am, but they had ta bust down the door because he wasn't home, y'know? Then I clearly heared them from the basement sayin' 'I see you hiding in that fully constructed Roman Coliseum - come out with your little plastic gripper-things up!' Then I hear 'em going 'pew pew pew' and making shooting sounds with his mouth," he said.

Mr. Frederickson continued, "Then I seen some of them loaded into a Lego City Prisoner Transporter and noticed about half were wearing little red ball caps. You could just make out MAGA on them lil' hats. I was terrified - they've been living next to me for five years!"


User avatar
Just think how the military could use Lego intelligence. The Battle Star Galactica Lego and the Death Star Lego just need to be carefully taken apart and reverse engineered and the universe is ours!

User avatar
This might be from The Babylon Bee, too. I just don't remember. CTOP!

Libtard Legos.jpg


User avatar
These Babylon Bee are appropriating the jokes of the Party? How dare they! I hope our glorious leaders are working to cancel their subversive site.

User avatar
And by the way: Down with Lego! Down with bourgeois plastic toys! Children should voluntarily work the beet fields for 20 hours each day, not play with these relics of the capitalistic past.


User avatar
Margaret wrote:Just think how the military could use Lego intelligence. The Battle Star Galactica Lego and the Death Star Lego just need to be carefully taken apart and reverse engineered and the universe is ours!

Margaret, it's even worse in reverse engineering, when Lockheed Martin sells the world a model of our secret weapons.

Image
No wonder Joe Biden is worried about the people's gettin' their hands on their own F-16.

User avatar
Panem Et Circenses wrote:Hey - those guys stole my gag! They even used "pew pew"!!

https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-claims- ... is-bedroom

Maaan, what?

It really stings in the eyes, doesn't it? 'pelipsky feels your pain, maaaan!



User avatar
It hurts to even think of what crazy "scenarios" that Mr. (says BREITBART) Morss might have wargamed in- and around his "Capitol", using innocent (yet trained by him to act like Proud Oath Nazis!) Lego figurines...

And just wait until the heroic troops of FBI finally unearth in M's casemates that central - still missing! - Obermsturmbannführer figurine, the one with that mustachio! Shudder, yikes, HORROR!


... while our Planetary Leaders already reach out to Cosmos (just got the news on Herr Branson - ad astra, Humanity! ad astra!), we here on our wretched Planet A (rememba, comrade! there is no Planet B!) must deal with lowlife like that M.
Shame! Shame! Disgrace!


User avatar
Hard to believe this carefully crafted plot was just fake news:


User avatar
Ellsworth Toohey wrote:Hard to believe this carefully crafted plot was just fake news:

Well, "Lego still in box"...

But look, Komrade ET, here's what happened:
As Mr. M hears (3:00 a.m.!) banging on his door, he:

  • jumps out of bed
  • at warp speed deconstructs his deadly Legoid contraption
  • packs all the pieces back in the original box
  • puts his hat on the box (see the cover-up, the attempt?)
  • hops into bed, blankets himself (more cover-up!), shout..
  • (while the door is kicked in, and agents rush into M's seedy shack...)

User avatar
Panem Et Circenses wrote:Hey - [Babylon Bee] guys stole my gag! They even used "pew pew"!! ...
Mad Marx! I bet, those Babylbeebs have a LEGO-built People's Cube!!
And that way they know how to spy on our Kollektive!


Minitrue wrote:These Babylon Bee are appropriating the jokes of the Party? How dare they! ...
Komrade Minitrue - that would be a case of uncultural appriopriation, ja?




        Mystery item No. 1

User avatar
Minitrue wrote:... Children should voluntarily work the beet fields for 20 hours each day, not play with [LEGO] relics of the capitalistic past.
Image But seriously, this.


        Mystery item No. 2

User avatar
On Twitter, lots of replies to the FBI's call to rat out friends and family. Here's one:

reporting.jpg



User avatar
Image
Comrades, kapitalist profiteering Rethugglikan dissidents at LEGO must be stopped! This stuff can be brought on an airplane in pieces in little Sally's backpack between her juicebox and the crayons, then assembled in flight, and used to hijack an airplane full of masked and vaccinated, innocent Party Members!

I vote no! (as long as I don't have to provide a photo ID...)

User avatar
jackalopelipsky wrote:
It really stings in the eyes, doesn't it? 'pelipsky feels your pain, maaaan!
Yes, yes it does. Why they gotta be so mean? At least someone understands. Beet vodka only goes so far to kill the pain.

User avatar
Don't think my administration doesn't understand the invaluable place Legos hold as part of our great American infrastructure. This is why I've decided Legos will be key to Building Back Better. My infrastructure bill provides 76 gazillion dollars to be spent over the next 10 years on studying how to utilize Legos as the prime building material of America.

I hardly think it necessary to point out that anything and everything can be made with Legos. It is the most versatile building material known to science. It is the best building material known to architects. It is without parallel in the history of construction. As a material you can do anything with it. Therefor everything should be made of Legos.

Central to our plans is to create great union jobs in the mining and making of Legos and constructing all of our infrastructure and more from this miracle material. Thanks to my infrastructure plan one day everything and I mean everything will be make of Legos.

User avatar
President Potemkin wrote: Central to our plans is to create great union jobs in the mining and making of Legos and constructing all of our infrastructure and more from this miracle material. Thanks to my infrastructure plan one day everything and I mean everything will be make of Legos.
But alas one will no longer be able to walk barepawed on lego streets. This would seem inequitable to nonhumanoid comrades.

User avatar
RedDiaperette wrote:
President Potemkin wrote:... union jobs in .. making of Legos and constructing all of our infrastructure and more from this miracle material. Thanks to my infrastructure plan one day everything and I mean everything will be make of Legos.
But alas one will no longer be able to walk barepawed on lego streets. This would seem inequitable to nonhumanoid comrades.
oy Komradette RedD - aren't we a bit selfish, are we?

yes, yes, I absolutely agree with your line of thought (and walk!), BUT..
BUT look at the bigger pic, the profit (kollektive profit, I mean) for the masses of USSA, our Amersojuz, coming with the universal spread of LEGOs into every corner and realm of our life!

just think of it, Komradette: a LEGO-made Cho Bai-Din, instant improvement!




wait, "spreading"? "spreading" he said, that dummkopf?
himmelherrgott sakrament, he never heard of like contagiousness, or incidences??
(hyperventilates)
[right]comrades, comrades - is there ALREADY a counter-LEGO vaccine???[/right]


 
POST REPLY