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Mainstream Media Begins Fact-Finding Research In Alaska



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Facts? What in Obama's name for? Just make something up.

She hunts out of season.
She is anti-American.
She secretly travels across the ice to Russia for some mysterious reason.
She has overdue library books.
Her kid was once late for school.
She wanted earmarks for Ketchikan in order to benefit Wasilla, 1169.35 miles away.
http://www.mapquest.com/maps?1c=Ketchik ... illa&2s=AK

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Yes Comrade Bubba, you are on to something here!

She secretly clubs baby seals for their fur!
She secretly clubs baby polar bears for their fur!
She was overheard saying to her children, "Polar bear population declining? Hurry up and get your guns! We need to get me some o' them before their gone because thems darn good eatin'!"
She shoots a bald eagle every morning cause they keep poopin on her gas guzzlin SUV!
She worships the devil!
No scratch that, she secretly worships Jesus while pretending to worship the devil!
She secretly clubs baby narwhals!
It is her secret mission to personally club the babies of every species native to the arctic (including Eskimos!)
Her husband secretly plotted with General Robert E. Lee!
She plotted with Japan to invade Alaska in 1941!
While working in Deadhorse, her husband peed on a baby seal and laughed about it with his sick buddies!
She is secretly plotting with George Bush to increase the speed of global warming so that Alaska can become a tropical paradise!
She tried to sneak in a provision in the Alaska hunting law to make it legal to hunt liberals 24/7/365.

Keep em comin!

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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Some road music for their trip.

This song is screaming for a parody rewrite.

anyone?
anyone at all?

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She has a secret plan to circumvent Roe vs. Wade by kidnapping all the abortion doctors and holding them hostage in igloos within the Arctic Circle.

She has slept with all the drivers on "Ice Road Truckers".

She encourages children to "eat the yellow snow" then laughs about it!

She holds illegal clandestine moose fights in her basement.

She was spotted one night cutting the cables to the DEW line radars.

After a fresh snowfall, she and the family go out in the yard and make "snow satans".

Was behind the "Tunguska Event" that flattened a large part of Siberia in 1908.

Used state funds to build a real "bridge to nowhere" - the roadway terminated suddenly sending motorists plunging to death in icy waters. Stole all the "bridge out" signs and used them to bash baby seals on the head.


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Opiate - keep going like this and soon we can launch a new BestSarahPalinFacts.com site to mirror our world-famous https://www.bestobamafacts.com

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She has given ridiculous and insulting names to her housepets.

One of her ancestors got drunk and fell off a horse in 1345.

At the age of seven, she chose "Cinderella" as her Halloween costume, revealing her elitist attitude.

I also saw the rabid lemmings Olby and Matthews alongside the road and blogged about it today.

Maybe they'll head to Alaska too.

<img width="500" src="https://i359.photobucket.com/albums/oo3 ... hiking.jpg">

There were fired to prevent the spread of rabies.

<img width="500" src="https://i359.photobucket.com/albums/oo3 ... emoted.jpg">

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She sneaks out at night, kills a baby caribou, and drinks it's blood to become immortal.

She eats bald eagle omlets every morning.

Shes maintains her good looks by devouring the souls of dissidents.

Her great great great great great great great grandfathers uncle's son's neighbor's roommate was Vlad the Impaler.

In 1776 she was a Torie.

She thought Jefferson Davis was 'cute'.

She is hiding elements of the Taliban in the Yukon.

She strangles salmon 'Just to watch them die.'

She steals candy from babies.

She sacrifices small rodents to Ronald Reagan during the full moon.

She blew up the levees during Hurricane Katrina.

She gave smallpox to the Indians.



O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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Politilemologist -

Your pictures are more equal than others. Please try to limit their width to 500px to avoid stretching the display and consequently being sent to the Gulag.

If you can't resize the image, at least use this image tag:

Code: Select all

<img width="500" src="http://www.---whatever---.jpg">

Don't forget the quotation marks or it won't work.


Red Square wrote:Politilemologist -

Your pictures are more equal than others. Please try to limit their width to 500px to avoid stretching the display and consequently being sent to the Gulag.

If you can't resize the image, at least use this image tag:

Code: Select all

<img width="500" src="http://www.---whatever---.jpg">

Don't forget the quotation marks or it won't work.

Aye aye! Sorry bout that! Will do from now on (my work site blocks too much stuff, so I'll have to fix it when I get home)!

Until then, I will pound my head with my shovel a couple rounds.

...luckily the Obamessiah will feel my pain to help me through the punishment.

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Remember Comrades, this is the Mainstream Media doing the investigation! They are focused rigidly and absolutely on FACTS, not innuendo or hyperbole. Caveat emptor: by "facts" they don't mean bourgeois reactionary facts but "Dan Rather" facts: i.e. stories that are accurate because they have never been proven false. And just because "one supporting pillar was brought into question", this does not disprove the story (even if it only has ONE supporting pillar.) Thus, the tooth fairy exists because it has never been proven not to.

So, once everyone stops laughing, here are more "facts":
- She drew extra states on all Obama's maps which is why he thinks there are 57
- She was the mastermind behind the Watergate break-in, the Muskie "Canuck Letter" and the Viet Nam War
- She buys plutonium from smugglers and bakes it into cookies
- She was the one who talked Stalin into signing the Non-Agression pact with Hitler
- She boils lobster but does not eat it; she just likes to watch crustaceans suffer
- Pushed the iceberg in the path of the Titanic
- Shone a mirror in Bill Buckner's face making him flub that ground ball in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series
- Produced the Bush "National Guard Memo" with Word and told Dan Rather it was real

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-She personally guided the Japanese on their bombing run of Pearl Harbor
-She told the French that the Maginot Line would be effective against the Nazis
-She convinced Benedict Arnold to betray America
-She personally killed the last Dodo bird
-She is hiding the cure for cancer in her secret Alaska bunker
-She masterminded the Tet offensive
-She experiments with government mind control drugs on the homeless
-She was the one who caused the Roanoke Colony to disappear in 1597
-She is behind alien abductions and anal probing
-She purposely invented the internal combustion engine to destroy the environment
-She edited Mein Kampf
-She killed Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, and JFK
-Her favorite catch phrase is 'Off with their head!'
-She faked the moon landing
-She helped John Wilkes Booth escape
-She prays to Zoltar who lives under Iniakuk Lake
-She gave Amelia Erhart the wrong directions
-She blew up the Hindenburg
-She is a fembot

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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Well done collective! Now we are scratching the surface of the thin veneer of humanity the republicans have put on the terrifying Palin. She makes my blood run hot, er cold, uh you know, consistently red.

Connect the dots:

Global warming - Halliburton - VP candidate from Alaska

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She shot and killed the Grinch's beloved pet dog Max, then tried to claim Max was a moose.
She turned butter into guns and then using the leftover butter, she buttered her bread on the wrong side, starting The Butter Battle War.
She smells worse than sulpher, she smells like brimstone.

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-She burned the Reichstag
-She shot Archduke Ferdinand
-She has Jimmy Hoffa buried underneath her house
-She framed OJ Simpson
-She fired the first shot on Ft Sumpter
-She caused Chernobyl because she was 'asleep at the wheel'
-Every vote she receives dims the sun
-Kim Jong Il is vacationing in her home in Alaska
-She orchestrated the Mi Lai massacre
-She invented computer viruses
-She serves Sauron
-She smuggles cocaine to the Amish
-She owns sweat shops in Cambodia
-Those sweat shops were a gift from Pol Pot because he thought she was 'peachy kean'
-She personally cut down 42 million acres of rain forest
-She was overheard saying that Ghandi should 'quit whining and grow a pair'
-Her lipstick is made with the tears of homeless children in Africa
-She was pen pals with Saddam Hussein in 1987
-She once killed a man in Reno just to watch him die

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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Every time you say "George Bush" Sarah Palin clubs a baby seal.

Every time you say "Sarah Palin" George Bush clubs a freedom fighter.

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She deliberately leaves the toilet seat "up" in the ladies rest room.
She leaves "one cheek sneak" farts and blames it on Obama.
She never refills the ice cube tray and leaves it empty in the freezer.
She drinks milk out of the carton and puts it back the refrigerator.
She "double dips" potato chips.
She boozes more than Ted Kennedy.
She drowned Mary Jo Kopecne.

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Sarah Palin is a lying liar full of lies, half-truths, lies, smears, lying smears, smears that smear while lying and lying smears smearing lies on lying liars who lie for a living! Lies are everywhere, Comrades! Sarah Palin is the mistress of lies and those who lie just for lying's sake!

Stop her lies! SMEAR! SMEAR! SMEAR!

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She wrote all of Jeremiah Wright's sermons.
She created the AIDS virus for the CIA.
She had a secret CO2 plant built in Alaska that is causing global warming.
She owns an island in the Carribean with a weather machine that intensifies hurricanes.
When you apply the correct math to her measurements, they become 6-6-6.


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-She has a collection of lawn jockies at her home
-She called John Wayne a pansy
-She's been in the hoosgow 27 different times, each under a false name so she couldn't be connected to her crimes
-She sold the drugs to the captain of the Exxon Valdez
-She sank the Lusitania
-She uses hairspray with extra CFCs
-She deflates her tires to get crappier gas milage
-She deals in black market babies
-She jogs to the cadence Napalm%20Sticks%20to%20Kids
-She is El Chupacabra!<br>-She is in league with Popobawa!
-She steals kid's toys at Christmas

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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When you apply the correct math to her measurements, they become 6-6-6.

My fault, Comrades. I should have said, "When you apply the PeoplesMath™..."

Since PeoplesMath™ is always correct, then correct math would be PeoplesMath™, no?

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I think we are ignoring the truly obvious here. She is just a governor of a backwoods state. How can the governor of a state famous for redneck hunters, toothless yahoos, the vicious oppression of native peoples, of being important mainly because it is largely empty be presidential material? It's not like this state is making huge cultural contributions or providing cutting edge art or literature--Hell I'll bet a lot of the residents aren't even literate!

No, I can't see how being the governor of a big, backward state provides that governor with any kind of qualifications to be president.

Or his wife either.

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Very good point Comrade Ivan.

For the true advancers of society are the artists and philosophers! How many artists and philosophers are there in Alaska? Huh? I bet none!

Here in the glorious People's Democratic Republic of Illinois, on any given night within the confines of Comrade Daley's empire one can find a myriad of unwashed smelly unshaven petchouli stinking birkenstock wearing crystal gripping tree hugging hippies crowding their local gathering points pontificating on how much Capitalist America is horrible and communist Amerika will be utopia.

Bet you don't find that in Alaska do you?

We must export our young free thinkers to Alaska so that they can be shown the proper Party way!

Chairman, who do we talk to about arresting people forming volunteers to colonize Alaska?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

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In second grade, she once called some kid a "doody-head"
In third grade, she got a C- on a report about Abraham Lincoln
She once shoplifted robbed a store with one of her guns at the local gas station
She once denounced the democrat party in Russia.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Sarah Palin is a lying liar full of lies, half-truths, lies, smears, lying smears, smears that smear while lying and lying smears smearing lies on lying liars who lie for a living! Lies are everywhere, Comrades! Sarah Palin is the mistress of lies and those who lie just for lying's sake!

Stop her lies! SMEAR! SMEAR! SMEAR!
You sound like comrade Franken sircomrade Punchenko.

(off)
Only in the republik of Minnesota (or the people's state of California for this manner) could we elect to the Senate ticket a guy with a mouth big enough to swallow his own over inflated head.


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Laika the Space Dog wrote:Her real name is Pontius Palin
Well, Barack is the Obamasiah.

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And, of course, we all know that Jesus was also a community organizer. Or was that a carpenter? No, no, he was a change agent. That's it - a change agent.

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Change agents? Weren't those the ones he roughed up at the temple?


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. . . Or maybe I'm thinking of the money-launderers?

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:. . . Or maybe I'm thinking of the money-launderers?

Image

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According to this woman (it is a woman, right?) she once shot 40 caribou with her hunting rifle - with one clip!

Sorry comrades, I do not have a link - another thing that is the Evil Sarah Palin's fault!


Drill, Drill, Drill

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country choose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Eve Ensler (author of the Vagina Monologues)

September 5, 2008

Anyone know where I can get one of those hunting rifles with a 40-round capacity?

Not only that, I heard she masterminded the 9/11 conspiracy!
AND she made Michael Moore fat!

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Will Sarah Palin become the new Bushitler? Only time, and this site, will tell.

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Image
Eve Ensler, above, is one uninformed, myopic individual. "...everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism..." I don't even know how to respond to a statement like that. How do these folks even get their shoes tied in the morning?

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[OOC]
BTW, I got that Ensler quote from this poston this forum, which is a bastion of 'glorious leftist thought'. I swear to God, talking sense to them is like trying to teach quantum theory to the mentally handicapped.

You have to read that thread to believe it, most of these people eat that Ensler stuff like it was Godiva. [/OOC]

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(off)
I got a quick sight of this sight and I have one thing to say. . .

MY EYES! THEY BURN! OH GOSH THEY BURN!!!

Image Image

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For the record, I'm not into that hocus-pocus stuff. To me, it's basically just DU-lite where you don't get banned instantly for having an opinion different from the Party. You know, the whole masochistic fascination with horrific accidents and horror movies sort-of-thing.

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Image

I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness

Is it just me, or is that racist?

or their bigness . . . or that I have never seen one in person or touched one

I've read stuff like this before; usually by a virginal young woman in reference to the penis.

Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

Frigid, Eve?

The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered.

I'm surprised at you, Eve, a good feminazi like you. You forgot to mention the women who are here to be taken and plundered.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected

Again with the Polar Bears! Eve, I'll bet you're one of those nutcases who, when driving, keeps your speed below 55 by closing your eyes and thinking of the Polar Bears. What happened to The Children? Is it all For The Polar Bears now?

more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Of course, that doesn't include unborn humans.

Eve, for the first time I think I'm starting to understand what you mean by "Vagina Monologues." You must be saving it for that special Polar Bear.

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I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

Yes, my dear, and they need you too. I think we should take up a collective collection to buy you a trip to the tundra so you can realize your lifeendinglong ambition to hug a polar bear. Just once.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

These would be the good and kind feminists who have been slavering and baying like a pack of blood-maddened hounds on the trail of a crippled bunny rabbit? Be careful: "That rabbit's dynamite!"

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

...and curing all disease, making the tides recede, and finally, once and for all, beating annoying static cling.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country choose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover.

And you also believe it would be nice to hug a polar bear.

But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Ah yes, the "Bungling Brothers, Carter and Clinton" Circus. They were the greatest show on earth, weren't they?

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor.

I take it as a sign you've been reading Matt Damon's e-mail.

In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan.

Yes, the fools! We all know it's part of Carl Rove's plan.

She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list.

It may have something to do with the fact that they are no longer endangered...

The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, 'It was a task from God.'

Bear plundering? Exactly how much booty does the average bruin have on him?

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

All this is divined from the fact that she neglected to abort her own child...why, the monster! How dare she hold an opinion contrary to NOW!

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Uh...none? I'll just about guarantee her daughter wasn't practicing abstinence when she got preggers.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

And I know this all to be fact because I heard a rumor.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

And might we point out, while Alaska has lots of snow and ice, there are no penguins! Coincidence? I think not.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

If only she were a Muslim, I'd feel a lot safer. It's the religion of Peace, you know. Not like all those horrible Christian terrorists that keep beheading people.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

I'm not sure, but I think she came just a little bit while typing out her bondage fantasy.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, 'Drill Drill Drill.' I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination.

Dr. Freud, pick up on line two. Dr. Freud, line two please.

I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Because all soldiers are lobotomized robots. But she respects the troops...

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Has anyone else noticed her obsession with holes?

Eve Ensler (author of the Vagina Monologues)

...(Because nothing else will talk to her.)

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Ivan and Pinkie, Thanks so much for brightening my day.

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Community Organizer wrote:For the record, I'm not into that hocus-pocus stuff. To me, it's basically just DU-lite where you don't get banned instantly for having an opinion different from the Party. You know, the whole masochistic fascination with horrific accidents and horror movies sort-of-thing.
(off)
I didn't think so. Sometimes, we must read their foolishness for a good laugh.


 
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