March Hare is Coming

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It steals our comrade hen's eggs and redistributes them with chocolates to girls and boys every year for the sake of religion. It ruins our beet sprouts, and drinks a copious amount of tea. It plots against our collective with a hatter who is raging mad with money. It is the March hare, and it is coming to teach the ways of hoarding to our children.

For years, we have profiled the rabbit and posted wanted signs all around the collective. The hen house is properly secured. We have all around guards posted covering the vast lands we work upon. It is a monumental task for this fiend. Stalin would be proud.

For shame, we have yet to catch that bunny as it slips pass our security team and continues its annual ritual. Not this year though, we have something up our sleeves. We are going to go hunting and trapping the pesky rabbit. This year will be its last.

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Fear not, comrades!

our Government has issued a lucrative contract (with adequate kickbacks and offsets) to a highly trained security personage.


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No doubt, the easter bunny is a form of cultural appropriation

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If there is need for someone to test the bait, I would like to volunteer

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Sukhoi Su-35 wrote:If there is need for someone to test the bait, I would like to volunteer

New Comrade Sukhoi Su-35,

The list of mandatory volunteers is posted at the train station. If your name is listed you will need your shovel and some warm clothing. Also, watch out for someone calling himself Ivan the Stakhanovets - he's a squirrel hater and all round nasty fellow! Keep your distance for a few days till he sobers up from his usual weekend activities. Good luck.

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Thank you for the advice. I am aware of this Ivan as I have been following the kollektive for sometime. I am looking forward to adding my 2 ruples to the conversations here at the cube.

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[quote="Red Square"]Image[/quote]
Want some Easter eggs pilgrim?[/b]


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Really, Comrades and Fellow Kommissars! Really?!

It was only a short time ago that bunnies were classified in the same taxonomic order as our Dear Comrade Craptek Squirrel! And if there is anything we Non hairless-finger-monkey Sentient Persons have proven over and over again, it is that our beloved and all-wise Mother Cube has consistently found a place, and so a useful function for us within the walls of our adopted sanctuary and home. And we have consistently been inspired to develop surprising flexibility in our skill-sets. I speak not only for The Pod, but for all Non-Human Sentient Persons who have found sanctuary and noble purpose at the feet of our Beloved Direktor, within Mother Cube. I mean, you'd never guess it to see him, but Comrade Craptek can kill a hairless-finger-monkey in so many ingenious ways, that Aki has sworn to one day study under his tutelage... but I digress...

I beg you, fellow Kommissars, before we act in haste without fully considering the ramifications, if we can korrect the thinking of even the most hateful and perverse thought criminals, I have boundless confidence that given a purpose within the bosom of Mother Cube, we can re-edukate these little fluffy creatures and make them our friends, not to mention exceptionally useful weapons! Can you imagine a cute little fluffy bunny... so sweet, nose twitching... nibbling a little bit of grass... SUDDENLY FLYING AT THE THROATS OF OUR ENEMIES, TEETH BRUXXING! Seriously! How freaking awesome would that be!... Heheheheh... But I digress....

It was not so long ago that the Pod knew nothing but blind obedience to our evil Amerikkkan Navy Overlords, loaning our large brains, aquatic know-how, flexibility and speed, and ability to charm hairless-finger-monkeys, and suffering in servitude and shame for a few herring. And now we care for our beloved Mother Cube, and serve happily in the name of the Cube and our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid, for the uplifting reward of a serious shitload of herring, squid, kippers... well... any seafood really... But we happily serve, risking our lives by undertaking errands of espionage against the Enemies of the Cube, always eager to loyally take on whatever challenge our Wondrous Cochineal Hexagonate Direktor sets us, as well as risking our lives simply by undertaking the Housekeeping of certain Kommissars quarters... seriously... some of them are like walking onto the set of a snuff film, or some weird CDC lab that's 20 stories underground... but I spose I shouldn't talk, being in charge of the necroproxies. And your anatomy is REALLY interesting... But I digress...

I can already think of many jobs these bunnies could undertake in the name of the Cube. What the Pod would have given for their digging and excavation abilities when we were constructing Bunker 9! Such feats of engineering could be accomplished for the so very little... some alfalfa... a bit of arugula... and I understand that carrots are divine, you get a dozen for a dime... it's maaaagic!" Oh! OH, OH! And we could use their 'pellets' in place of raisins in the rationalizations rations we nourish the proletariat with... I mean, really... do you think they could tell the difference between that and a raisin in their muffins? Really... I can't imagine for the life of me why you guys would eat either... But I digress...

I ask you, fellow Kommissars and Comrades... how many of us were led astray by our evil kapitalist overlords before we found our way to Our Beloved Cube?... How are these wee Leporidae any different than us before we were freed from blind servitude, saved, re-edukated, and raised up to serve a noble purpose in exchange for nothing more than a sense of our lives having meaning and decent meal... well... a sense of dignity and what the Party knows is best for you... but at least you have your dignity... or at least as much dignity as the Party knows you should have. You know what I mean... But I digress....

And, Comrade Hammer and Loupe, what of the sleepy little Dormouse in the narrative you spin?
Is he not cousin to our Dear Comrade Squirrel Craptek? Would you set The Fudd, Stakhanovets on him as well? We already know he is a hater of squirrels, and so if we let him loose on sweet cuddly bunnies before we take stock of their potential benefit and skills that could be in service of the Cube, and before we even attempt to korrekt their indoktrination, what does that say about us? How will Comrade Squirrel Craptek ever sleep easy in his nest? Have you ever heard a squirrel having a nightmare... seen a squirrel in the throes of night terrors? I promise it is not pretty... blood and fur and nuts everywhere!... It WILL haunt your dreams and your every waking moment forev... But I digress...

I am sorry. I cannot simply condemn these bunnies without first knowing if they can be re-edukated, their energies re-direkted toward our cause. I shudder to think where we would all be if we had simply seen a cur of the streets... assumed a mindless canine follower when our Beloved Laika was first discovered! We must be ever cautious that we do not act without carefully considered and properly monitored thought, and in so doing, not waste a potential benefit to the Cube. Like any worker, if these snuggly bunnies were given appropriate and korrekt work, and appropriate and korrekt food for that work, they would not raid our beet sprouts, or our eggs for the purpose of indoktrinating children... I beg you, FOR THOSE VERY CHILDREN, let us at least be certain that the bunnies cannot be re-edukated before we commit Leporidocide for completely inkorrekt reasons... Please! Please! And they're so cute... Seriously... have you really looked at the little buggers? Don't you just want to rol... But I digress...

And hey!... if it doesn't work out, we can always slaughter and eat them...
Sister Massively Opiated,
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service

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Sister Massively Opiated,

...slaughter and eat them...

The last time I consumed animal protein I had the Trotsky Trots for a week. Kommissars, who have taken it upon themselves to adapt their constitution to withstand the rigors of digesting flesh, are the only ones capable of setting the example of sacrificing one's body for the Greater Good™.

Beware. Not everyone can be trusted with the Truth™.

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Noted. When rations are equal I am reminded of the immortal words of Bobby Seale (May his trenches be deep and he forever holds a place of honor on the thunder pole of the Collective™.), who spoke not of substance but of purpose: “The youth we are feeding will surely feed the Revolution™."