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Marshall Pupovich Memorial Show Trial

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Acquittal? Acquittal? That's great! Swell,...OK...just one more entry in my ever growing Stakhanovets Catalog of Outrageous Travesties! So what? Right? What difference does it make? Why should I care? If anybody wants me I'll be in my nest.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:Keep the drink coasters. They'll be collectible just like Edward VIII coronation ware.

I don't think they'll keep 100 years. They're made with 100% recycled toilet paper. The constant use of pesticides to keep vermin off them will have them decomposing within weeks. It's a damn good thing they were subsidized.

Perhaps you should use them for their Original purpose Comrade. Might be a bit uncomfortable, but so are the RepubliKKKunt$, and we're easily surviving them. After all, they'll realistically keep a month before they start to turn to damp, moldy pulp, and that's in a climate-controlled warehouse.
I believe that the coasters are made of sterner material, commrade, and will smell less and be far more useful than Rebulicans will ever be.

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Captain Craptek wrote:Acquittal? Acquittal? That's great! Swell,...OK...just one more entry in my ever growing Stakhanovets Catalog of Outrageous Travesties! So what? Right? What difference does it make? Why should I care? If anybody wants me I'll be in my nest.

Don't be too disheartened, Comrade Craptek. This episode has produced some encouraging results. For one thing, we've discovered what an effective negotiating tool popcorn can be, with the right kind of incentives.

In the future, we need merely offer popcorn and progress will be made.

This is most encouraging.

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:Acquittal? Acquittal? That's great! Swell,...OK...just one more entry in my ever growing Stakhanovets Catalog of Outrageous Travesties! So what? Right? What difference does it make? Why should I care? If anybody wants me I'll be in my nest.

Don't be too disheartened, Comrade Craptek. This episode has produced some encouraging results. For one thing, we've discovered what an effective negotiating tool popcorn can be, with the right kind of incentives.

In the future, we need merely offer popcorn and progress will be made.

This is most encouraging.

A peek at the brighter side? Thanks, but I'd rather sulk.

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:Acquittal? Acquittal? That's great! Swell,...OK...just one more entry in my ever growing Stakhanovets Catalog of Outrageous Travesties! So what? Right? What difference does it make? Why should I care? If anybody wants me I'll be in my nest.

Don't be too disheartened, Comrade Craptek. This episode has produced some encouraging results. For one thing, we've discovered what an effective negotiating tool popcorn can be, with the right kind of incentives.

In the future, we need merely offer popcorn and progress will be made.

This is most encouraging.

A peek at the brighter side? Thanks, but I'd rather sulk.

Comrade, sulk, if you must. In order to be perpetually offended, one must sulk and meditate on offenses committed - perceived or otherwise.

Be disheartened! It's helpful for identifying areas for potential future progress. Being disheartened is Patriotic™ and displays Party™ loyalty.

I was merely suggesting that you don't over do it. Fanaticism can be dangerous and often leads to an untimely denouncement and show trial. Even popcorn has it's limitations.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:...After all, they'll realistically keep a month before they start to turn to damp, moldy pulp, and that's in a climate-controlled warehouse.

I'm glad to see some good come from this show trial, as the good comrade has just identified the next solution to the filing of disability claims from the VA. Those coasters will be overprinted with enough places to fill out a Veterans claim, warehoused until properly composted, and used to grow beets!.

A fitting tribute to Marshall Pupovich indeed.

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You see, this show trial is about more than the usual denunciations, banishments, and executions. One must keep the broader view in mind, that is, the Greater Good™. This is also why show trials should be managed by wise and experienced komissars; not just any comrade off of a labor detail will do.
To turn a trial into an occasion for sulking helps us remember the need for sulking. Lenin forbid that we should start seeing ourselves as overcomers made in the image of God able to exercise dominion and use our talents and abilities to be blessings to others. Did I just write that? I need to take a shower. The important thing is to keep sulking and to see ourselves as dependent on our infallible government for, well, everything.
Also, let's not look at pulpy drinking coasters as a sort of miserable consolation prize, but let us rejoice that we have advanced the cause of science, True Science™ that reinforces the need to recycle drink coasters and non-essential comrades to save Earth Mother.
See, comrades, it's all good.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
You see, this show trial is about more than the usual denunciations, banishments, and executions. One must keep the broader view in mind, that is, the Greater Good™. This is also why show trials should be managed by wise and experienced komissars; not just any comrade off of a labor detail will do.
To turn a trial into an occasion for sulking helps us remember the need for sulking. Lenin forbid that we should start seeing ourselves as overcomers made in the image of God able to exercise dominion and use our talents and abilities to be blessings to others. Did I just write that? I need to take a shower. The important thing is to keep sulking and to see ourselves as dependent on our infallible government for, well, everything.
Also, let's not look at pulpy drinking coasters as a sort of miserable consolation prize, but let us rejoice that we have advanced the cause of science, True Science™ that reinforces the need to recycle drink coasters and non-essential comrades to save Earth Mother.
See, comrades, it's all good.

It's truly inspiring to see The People's™ Justice™ at work.

Indeed, comrades, it brings tears to my eyes.

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Good show comrades! Enough time for the Happy Keepers to find the free thinkers and carry them off.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Ivan the Stakhanovets, having reviewed your case and being satisfied that you are a necessary and productive member of the Party, I hereby declare you acquitted of all charges brought against you. You may leave this courtroom a free persun.
All non-essential personnel will report to the potato field and bring their own shovels.

acquitted ?
free persun?
Is this the "justice" that we settle for now at the cube? Komissar, you know as well as I that show trials are not for determining guilt or innocence, it's all about cowing the masses and making them think "Am I next??". Acquitted? Free? Bah! Back when I was a young cubist, people lined up in droves to denounce Comrade Red Rooster, everyone hoping to get some fried chicken, and yet the bird thrives! How? By his cut-throat willability to oppress help others. The point is, the show trial must go on. Someone, Somewhere must be made to pay for something! (Kinda like Ferguson) and if we can no longer prosecute Stakhanovets, then we need to find someone else to denounce! Get those photo shop skills working comrades, as we need to gin up some "evidence".

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100% Infidel wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Ivan the Stakhanovets, having reviewed your case and being satisfied that you are a necessary and productive member of the Party, I hereby declare you acquitted of all charges brought against you. You may leave this courtroom a free persun.
All non-essential personnel will report to the potato field and bring their own shovels.

acquitted ?
free persun?
Is this the "justice" that we settle for now at the cube? Komissar, you know as well as I that show trials are not for determining guilt or innocence, it's all about cowing the masses and making them think "Am I next??". Acquitted? Free? Bah! Back when I was a young cubist, people lined up in droves to denounce Comrade Red Rooster, everyone hoping to get some fried chicken, and yet the bird thrives! How? By his cut-throat willability to oppress help others. The point is, the show trial must go on. Someone, Somewhere must be made to pay for something! (Kinda like Ferguson) and if we can no longer prosecute Stakhanovets, then we need to find someone else to denounce! Get those photo shop skills working comrades, as we need to gin up some "evidence".

Fine Comrade Infidel, I denounce Bush! I also ask the Collective to appoint Commissarka Pinkie as police, judge, jury and executioner.

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100% Infidel wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Ivan the Stakhanovets, having reviewed your case and being satisfied that you are a necessary and productive member of the Party, I hereby declare you acquitted of all charges brought against you. You may leave this courtroom a free persun.
All non-essential personnel will report to the potato field and bring their own shovels.

acquitted ?
free persun?
Is this the "justice" that we settle for now at the cube? Komissar, you know as well as I that show trials are not for determining guilt or innocence, it's all about cowing the masses and making them think "Am I next??". Acquitted? Free? Bah! Back when I was a young cubist, people lined up in droves to denounce Comrade Red Rooster, everyone hoping to get some fried chicken, and yet the bird thrives! How? By his cut-throat willability to oppress help others. The point is, the show trial must go on. Someone, Somewhere must be made to pay for something! (Kinda like Ferguson) and if we can no longer prosecute Stakhanovets, then we need to find someone else to denounce! Get those photo shop skills working comrades, as we need to gin up some "evidence".

I concur with comrade H & L and denounce you, Mr 100% Infidelity to The Party™, for having so little faith in Party™ Justice™. The unfaithful must be purged from the ranks!

If you're in need of special counsel, I was exceedingly successful in having all charges against myself dropped. I have a special relationship with the judge. He has a particular penchant for popcorn.........

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Very well, then. I crisply drop the gavel on the desktop
*smack!*
and reopen the trial. 100% Infidel has been duly denounced and will be executed, sentenced, and fairly tried according to time-honored custom.
The first witness will place his hand on a copy of Origin of Species, face the twin portraits of Pupovich and Stalin, and swear to tell the Current Truth in its current permutation, so help him/her/it, Marx.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Very well, then. I crisply drop the gavel on the desktop
*smack!*
and reopen the trial. 100% Infidel has been duly denounced and will be executed, sentenced, and fairly tried according to time-honored custom.
The first witness will place his hand on a copy of Origin of Species, face the twin portraits of Pupovich and Stalin, and swear to tell the Current Truth in its current permutation, so help him/her/it, Marx.

*Place*

I, Comrade Stierlitz, do solemnly swear to tell the Current Truth, the whole Current Truth, and nothing but the Current Truth, so help me Marx.

I saw just a few postings go that Mr. Infidel said that this and all Show Trials are "not for determining guilt or innocence, it's all about cowing the masses and making them think "Am I next??" " We all, Comrades, Komissars, and Kommisarkas, know that the true purpose of every trial is to determine the enemy of the State and banish him to a gulag. He also told fellow Comrades to "Get those photo shop skills working comrades, as we need to gin up some "evidence"", When he and everybody else knows that the State can be the only body to engage in the fabrication of evidence. He also spelled the word "Person" incorrectly in the beginning, an indication of the desire to denounce the State's Schooling System and prove it to not be as great as it truly is. I will let the Jury decide, and will not dispute their decision, but I think that Mr. Infidel should be sent to the Gulag until death.

I would like to wish the Jury and the Court at large luck in the trial. I hope my eyewitness testimony has aided in the sentencing of Mr. Infidel.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Very well, then. I crisply drop the gavel on the desktop
*smack!*
and reopen the trial. 100% Infidel has been duly denounced and will be executed, sentenced, and fairly tried according to time-honored custom.
The first witness will place his hand on a copy of Origin of Species, face the twin portraits of Pupovich and Stalin, and swear to tell the Current Truth in its current permutation, so help him/her/it, Marx.

SLAP

I, Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt, do swear to tell the Current Truth™, the half Truth™, or anything but the Truth™, so help me Marx, the collective, myself and The Party™.

I would like to offer some words in defense of the defendant.................but he hasn't paid me yet so I'm not going to.

The defense rests!

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Very well, then. I crisply drop the gavel on the desktop
*smack!*
and reopen the trial. 100% Infidel has been duly denounced and will be executed, sentenced, and fairly tried according to time-honored custom.
The first witness will place his hand on a copy of Origin of Species, face the twin portraits of Pupovich and Stalin, and swear to tell the Current Truth in its current permutation, so help him/her/it, Marx.

*Place*

I, Comrade Stierlitz, do solemnly swear to tell the Current Truth, the whole Current Truth, and nothing but the Current Truth, so help me Marx.

I saw just a few postings go that Mr. Infidel said that this and all Show Trials are "not for determining guilt or innocence, it's all about cowing the masses and making them think "Am I next??" " We all, Comrades, Komissars, and Kommisarkas, know that the true purpose of every trial is to determine the enemy of the State and banish him to a gulag. He also told fellow Comrades to "Get those photo shop skills working comrades, as we need to gin up some "evidence"", When he and everybody else knows that the State can be the only body to engage in the fabrication of evidence. He also spelled the word "Person" incorrectly in the beginning, an indication of the desire to denounce the State's Schooling System and prove it to not be as great as it truly is. I will let the Jury decide, and will not dispute their decision, but I think that Mr. Infidel should be sent to the Gulag until death.

I would like to wish the Jury and the Court at large luck in the trial. I hope my eyewitness testimony has aided in the sentencing of Mr. Infidel.
We have a jury? Who allowed that to happen?

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: We have a jury? Who allowed that to happen?

Comrade, I am terribly sorry. By Jury I meant the State. The State, after all, is the "jury", is it not? I also apologize for any other unclarities.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: We have a jury? Who allowed that to happen?

Comrade, I am terribly sorry. By Jury I meant the State. The State, after all, is the "jury", is it not? I also apologize for any other unclarities.
No jury? Oh, that is Not Fair!™ I had already purchased my seat on the jury and signed my copy of the verdict!

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RedDiaperette wrote:
Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Comrade, I am terribly sorry. By Jury I meant the State. The State, after all, is the "jury", is it not? I also apologize for any other unclarities.
No jury? Oh, that is Not Fair!™ I had already purchased my seat on the jury and signed my copy of the verdict!

If you look at the paper long enough, it would include police, judge, jury, and executioner. Also, you paid? To whom?

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RedDiaperette wrote:
Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote: We have a jury? Who allowed that to happen?

Comrade, I am terribly sorry. By Jury I meant the State. The State, after all, is the "jury", is it not? I also apologize for any other unclarities.
No jury? Oh, that is Not Fair!™ I had already purchased my seat on the jury and signed my copy of the verdict!

The Party™ is happy to accept all donations and treats all early voting on verdicts with equality. As long as you vote with The Party™ your vote will still be counted. Remember, it's not whether one wins or loses. It's how The Party™ rigs the game.

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The accused, 100% Infidel, has been charged with...
[justify]...being denounced for conspiring to tamper with our system of infallible justice...[/justify]
[justify]...and...[/justify]
[justify]...failing to pay for the People's™ Attorney to defray the expenses of having him appointed without charge.[/justify]
These are serious charges. Are there any others who will take the oath and join the denunciations against former comrade 100% Infidel?
If not, we will hear from the defense.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
The accused, 100% Infidel, has been charged with...
[justify]...being denounced for conspiring to tamper with our system of infallible justice...[/justify]
[justify]...and...[/justify]
[justify]...failing to pay for the People's™ Attorney to defray the expenses of having him appointed without charge.[/justify]
These are serious charges. Are there any others who will take the oath and join the denunciations against former comrade 100% Infidel?
If not, we will hear from the defense.

Justice™ delayed is Justice™ denied, Comrade Justice™ Komissar al-Blogunov. Any further delays will dishonor the memory of the dear Marshall Pupovich. The show must go on!

Besides which, Comrade 100% Infidel has not embraced the Politically Correct™ Current Truth™ of multi-culturalism as he defiantly demands to be addressed as an infidel. The man, at the very least, needs comprehensive re-education.

Furthermore, it's nap time for the defense counsel. Wake for the sentencing phase.

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Very well. The compelling evidence and irrefutable denunciations are before us. The defense rests its case.
Has the People's Collective Jury reached a verdict!?

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Oops! Point of order. Comrade Kangaroo, if it seems there is no conflict of interest, I'd like to appoint you People's Jury Forspecies.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Oops! Point of order. Comrade Kangaroo, if it seems there is no conflict of interest, I'd like to appoint you People's Jury Forspecies.

If there is a conflict of interest, it's staying well hidden because I don't see it. (A lack of remuneration tends to create a certain shyness in conflicts of interest). I'm honoured to accept the privilege of speaking for The People™.

After much thoughtful thoughtless deliberation and a counting and recounting (several times until we obtained the right numbers) of the votes of eligible jury members; and after taking into account assumed Party™ authorized preferences of those jury members who didn't vote, the Jury has reached a unanimous verdict:

Guilty as charged!

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Former Comrade and now Non-Persun 100% Infidel, you have been found guilty as charged in a unanimous decision by 147% of the People's Collective Jury. However, as it is the policy of the court to show mercy and restraint in sentencing, you are merely condemned to...
  • Impaling
  • Decapitation by Pinkie's Shovel
  • 20 years of reeducation through labor at the Pupovich Memorial Dog Grooming Cultural Centre of Canine Art
  • 15 years of community service as a large squirrel animator at a children's theme park

You may consider yourself to have been dealt with leniently.
*smack!*

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That was quite a long and arduous show trial but, as we all know, not only must Justice™ be done but it must seem to be done.

No Justice™, no Peace™!

With all the PPV contracts now signed and donations to The Party™ secured until well passed Next Tuesday™ it's time to kick back (LOL. I really shouldn't be talking about kick-backs) and enjoy the execution of the sentence.

One thing that reality TV has proven about The People™: They will happily enjoy the misery of somebody else, secure in the knowledge that it isn't happening to them. It is a wonderful tool we have, comrades.

Sometimes the tree of the Collective™ must be watered with the blood of patriots and undesirables and homophobes and capitalists and racists and educated free thinkers and people who wear glasses and ungrateful peasants and sexists and 100% infidels.

FORWARD!

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...and Islamophobes. We must behead all who would associate violence with the Religion of Peace*.
*"Peace" is understood to mean a Muslim with his boot on the neck of an infidel. See? All peaceful.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Former Comrade and now Non-Persun 100% Infidel, you have been found guilty as charged in a unanimous decision by 147% of the People's Collective Jury. However, as it is the policy of the court to show mercy and restraint in sentencing, you are merely condemned to...
  • Impaling
  • Decapitation by Pinkie's Shovel
  • 20 years of reeducation through labor at the Pupovich Memorial Dog Grooming Cultural Centre of Canine Art
  • 15 years of community service as a large [highlight=#ffff00]squirrel animator[/highlight] at a children's theme park

You may consider yourself to have been dealt with leniently.
*smack!*

Comrade Komissar,

The work has already begun albeit on a small scale. While many government projects and programs are facing steep cuts due to the sequester, the National Science Foundation's animatronic squirrel remains fully funded. Jen Markham takes a look at the robotic rodent and explains its uses.

Yes, my friends - as I am so fond of saying, there's more work still to be done.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Former Comrade and now Non-Persun 100% Infidel, you have been found guilty as charged in a unanimous decision by 147% of the People's Collective Jury. However, as it is the policy of the court to show mercy and restraint in sentencing, you are merely condemned to...
  • Impaling
  • Decapitation by Pinkie's Shovel
  • 20 years of reeducation through labor at the Pupovich Memorial Dog Grooming Cultural Centre of Canine Art
  • 15 years of community service as a large squirrel animator at a children's theme park

You may consider yourself to have been dealt with leniently.
*smack!*
I appreciate your time trying to stop the business of the party, but unfortunately, that is all you attempted. No true inner party member would be caught executed with out their handy dandy "Get out of Gulag" Card.
GetOutOfGulagCard.gif

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I'm afraid your coupon expired in 2004 along with Comrade Kerry's aspirations to the presidency. However, if you should go through Paris on your way to the Gulag, it is redeemable for one hug from the Secretary of State and a free James Taylor CD. But hurry, the offer ends soon.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
I'm afraid your coupon expired in 2004 along with Comrade Kerry's aspirations to the presidency. However, if you should go through Paris on your way to the Gulag, it is redeemable for one hug from the Secretary of State and a free James Taylor CD. But hurry, the offer ends soon.
It seems to me that a hug from the Secretary of State would be considered adding cruel and unusual punishment to a stay in the gulag.

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Comrade RD, we must take a hard line with serial offenders. If we don't, there will be chaos, original thought, and free markets. We must give them no quarter.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
I'm afraid your coupon expired in 2004 along with Comrade Kerry's aspirations to the presidency. However, if you should go through Paris on your way to the Gulag, it is redeemable for one hug from the Secretary of State and a free James Taylor CD. But hurry, the offer ends soon.
I was unaware of "expiration date" not printed on card. I see it is time for old-timers to "make way" for the new gen of cubists. I will not impede progress, but will vacate to make room for the cubes version of the khmer rouge! Good luck, and Stalin speed, comrades!

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100% Infidel wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
I'm afraid your coupon expired in 2004 along with Comrade Kerry's aspirations to the presidency. However, if you should go through Paris on your way to the Gulag, it is redeemable for one hug from the Secretary of State and a free James Taylor CD. But hurry, the offer ends soon.
I was unaware of "expiration date" not printed on card. I see it is time for old-timers to "make way" for the new gen of cubists. I will not impede progress, but will vacate to make room for the cubes version of the khmer rouge! Good luck, and Stalin speed, comrades!
I know, I know, it's a bit like the modeling industry. Once you hit 22, your days are numbered. But you're facing your sentence with the right spirit. As the number of living people who remember you begins to dwindle, take comfort in the knowledge that even in the Gulag you're doing your part to bring about that Glorious Worker's Utopia of Next Tuesday™.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
100% Infidel wrote: I was unaware of "expiration date" not printed on card. I see it is time for old-timers to "make way" for the new gen of cubists. I will not impede progress, but will vacate to make room for the cubes version of the khmer rouge! Good luck, and Stalin speed, comrades!
I know, I know, it's a bit like the modeling industry. Once you hit 22, your days are numbered. But you're facing your sentence with the right spirit. As the number of living people who remember you begins to dwindle, take comfort in the knowledge that even in the Gulag you're doing your part to bring about that Glorious Worker's Utopia of Next Tuesday™.

Could Comrade Infidel at least be pardoned by Dear Leader?

Oh, by the way. Comrade Infidel, are you a poor immigrant who came over the southern border to flee an oppressive capitalist country?

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Hammer and Loupe wrote: Could Comrade Infidel at least be pardoned by Dear Leader?

Oh, by the way. Comrade Infidel, are you a poor immigrant who came over the southern border to flee an oppressive capitalist country?
I've looked. There is no provision in the People's By-Laws for pardons. However, I can arrange for Dear Leader to give a press conference and assure the Collective that no one, NO one, is as angry about 100% Infidel's sentencing as he is, and that he's determined to get to the bottom of it. Of course, he'll just go off for the next round of golf, but that's some consolation, isn't it?

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
Hammer and Loupe wrote: Could Comrade Infidel at least be pardoned by Dear Leader?

Oh, by the way. Comrade Infidel, are you a poor immigrant who came over the southern border to flee an oppressive capitalist country?
I've looked. There is no provision in the People's By-Laws for pardons. However, I can arrange for Dear Leader to give a press conference and assure the Collective that no one, NO one, is as angry about 100% Infidel's sentencing as he is, and that he's determined to get to the bottom of it. Of course, he'll just go off for the next round of golf, but that's some consolation, isn't it?
Dear Leader does not need By-Laws any more than he needs (ptui) USSA Constitution. He can do whatever his wife and handlers and cronies wish he wishes. It is my opinion (which Dear Leader may korrekt as he sees fit) that 100% Infidel has shown enough humble docility and contrition for his Sins Against The People™ (I've already forgotten what the sins were, but no matter) to guarantee that he will henceforth be a most loyal, submissive, and progressive adherent of The Party.™ Or something. I have once again forgotten what we were talking about. (I must go in for an upgrade to my last Jiffy-Lobo.) But what difference at this point does it make?™

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RedDiaperette wrote:It is my opinion (which Dear Leader may korrekt as he sees fit) that 100% Infidel has shown enough humble docility and contrition for his Sins Against The People™ (I've already forgotten what the sins were, but no matter) to guarantee that he will henceforth be a most loyal, submissive, and progressive adherent of The Party.™ Or something. I have once again forgotten what we were talking about. (I must go in for an upgrade to my last Jiffy-Lobo.) But what difference at this point does it make?™
No need for the upgrade; it seems the Jiffy-Lobo has stabilized your ability to remember beyond an hour ago. In other words, you're the ideal Prog and may be awarded medals and shiny things. Maybe even your own laser pointer.
(whispering) I might be inclined to pardon 100% Infidel, and he's got the right stiff-upper-lip-all-for-the-Greater-Good attitude while waiting on the railroad platform, but I have a quota to meet. Stalin knows what would happen to me if fail to convict somebody. Besides, there was a near uprising on the Fruited Collective after my last acquittal, so I'm afraid 100% Infidel just drew the wrong number. Nothing personal, but as a Komissar of Justice, I must look out for - um - do my duty.

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Comrade 100% Infidel does have hope, for a change. Expiration dates aside, the efficiency of Government does allow for some overlapping of authorities.

The Dept. of Clemancy™ and Immigration, after payment of an exorbitant fee, will review his case in the order in which it was received. I have personal experience with this matter, in the renewal of my green card. I know precisely how efficient our Glorious Government™ actually is.

What's more, the staff reviewing all "Get Out of the Gulag Free" cards has been doubled to a total number of 2, thus decreasing the efficiency of the Department by 50%. There's no denying that is quite an achievement.

I can happily report that the Department is currently reviewing GOOTGF cards from 1972. We are catching up.

In the meantime, Comrade 100% Infidel can enjoy the many activities that the gulag facilities encourage.

Hope and Change is our motto.

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The exorbitant fee is indeed a mitigating circumstance. Between work shifts in the beet field, 100% Infidel may use his 15 minute computer privilege on the People's TRS-80 to access clemency.gov. The deadline (oops, that word gives me the most serious migraine), the time by which 100% infidel should have registered for ClemencyCare is yesterday. If there is no power during his computer privilege time (because of another attack by the American Imperialist Air Force) he may try again the following week.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
The exorbitant fee is indeed a mitigating circumstance. Between work shifts in the beet field, 100% Infidel may use his 15 minute computer privilege on the People's TRS-80 to access clemency.gov. The deadline (oops, that word gives me the most serious migraine), the time by which 100% infidel should have registered for ClemencyCare is yesterday. If there is no power during his computer privilege time (because of another attack by the American Imperialist Air Force) [highlight=#ffff00]he may try again the following week.[/highlight]

Sorry Komissar, but we've had to cancel next week due to scheduling conflict with Next Tuesday™- have him try last week.

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
The exorbitant fee is indeed a mitigating circumstance. Between work shifts in the beet field, 100% Infidel may use his 15 minute computer privilege on the People's TRS-80 to access clemency.gov. The deadline (oops, that word gives me the most serious migraine), the time by which 100% infidel should have registered for ClemencyCare is yesterday. If there is no power during his computer privilege time (because of another attack by the American Imperialist Air Force) [highlight=#ffff00]he may try again the following week.[/highlight]

Sorry Komissar, but we've had to cancel next week due to scheduling conflict with Next Tuesday™- have him try last week.

In the interests of efficiency and fiscal restraint brought on by the many government shutdowns, not to mention the severe stress and subsequent post traumatic stress syndrome resultant from the constant threats of government shutdowns and invalidations of Department policies due to frivolous laws suits and an uncertain SCOTUS decision making process, the Department of Clemency and Immigration suggests that calling the ClemencyCare Hitline Hotline last Tuesday, last month, last year would have been more likely to yield progressive results. Due to the higher than usual call volume, current wait times are between 30 and 120 years.

In the mean time, we have inspiring Party™ anthems for you to listen to in a continual loop:



Remember, comrade 100% Infidel, the Party™ manages the best gulag facilities in the known universe.

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These latest developments will go hard for 100% Infidel, but I think he has, as noted earlier, the right attitude. Also, with such generous provisions as unending, patriotic, Soviet Era music, who would want to leave the Gulag?

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I still prefer this version - it makes my tail flick uncontrollably!


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Captain Craptek wrote:I still prefer this version - it makes my tail flick uncontrollably!

What memories, comrade! That brings tears to my eyes! A truly inspiring rendition.

I was trying to find the audio of "Mmm mmm mmm Barack Hussein Obama", as sung by The Children™, but there no longer seems to be any uncorrupted recordings available. That was truly inspiring to hear how well The Children™ had been taught to love Deer Leader.

Listening to that in a continuous loop, whilst on hold, would make all time spent in the gulag seem like a vacation.

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:I still prefer this version - it makes my tail flick uncontrollably!

What memories, comrade! That brings tears to my eyes! A truly inspiring rendition.

I was trying to find the audio of "Mmm mmm mmm Barack Hussein Obama", as sung by The Children™, but there no longer seems to be any uncorrupted recordings available. That was truly inspiring to hear how well The Children™ had been taught to love Deer Leader.

Listening to that in a continuous loop, whilst on hold, would make all time spent in the gulag seem like a vacation.

You're not following me,... are you?

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:I still prefer this version - it makes my tail flick uncontrollably!

What memories, comrade! That brings tears to my eyes! A truly inspiring rendition.

I was trying to find the audio of "Mmm mmm mmm Barack Hussein Obama", as sung by The Children™, but there no longer seems to be any uncorrupted recordings available. That was truly inspiring to hear how well The Children™ had been taught to love Deer Leader.

Listening to that in a continuous loop, whilst on hold, would make all time spent in the gulag seem like a vacation.

You're not following me,... are you?

Comrade, I know, by rote, what is proper thought.

Besides, I'm not at liberty to disclose whom I follow, except that I follow Deer Leader, without question.

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Captain Craptek wrote:I still prefer this version - it makes my tail flick uncontrollably!

Craptek, While that video brings tears of loyalty to my eyes, you have self-identified the source of a societal abberation that never should have happened.


It's now your fault, and I denounce you as a bad influence on the Children. ™



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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:I still prefer this version - it makes my tail flick uncontrollably!

Craptek, While that video brings tears of loyalty to my eyes, you have self-identified the source of a societal abberation that never should have happened.


It's now your fault, and I denounce you as a bad influence on the Children. ™

The music may cause tail flicking - but only the lovely Moochelle can rattle my cage. BTW: Those young ladies aren't bad at tail flicking either!

Twerking Michelle.gif


 
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