Michelle Obama's true face revealed

Any Comrade familiar with the decadent, yet socialist themed TV show Star Trek (The Original Series) may rememberthis episode.

Further research by the Observation Bureau of the Office of The Department of The Commissar of Time has revealed the startling truth about Michelle Obama.



It is not much of a stretch to presume that our Dear First Lady is in fact an illusory, shapeshifting creature that feeds on salt, and will suck it out of any living body.



A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, and it was simply too epic not to share with the Glorious Collective!
 

Comrade Colonel 7,62:

I think that your time line might have been crossed but Comrade Whoopie posted this back on Star Date 1/30/10. You should probably only fill the DeLorean with only high grade vodka like what Obama drinks when he eats his Wagyu Beef and not the cheap stuff that we are forced to brew at home have. This will likely help in preventing any further damage to the time-space continuum.
 

Ahh... that is the problem with commuting from one timeline to another. Most unequal results at times. I think the Mr. Fusion has never acted right ever since Pinkie whacked it with her shovel...
 

Quote:

It is not much of a stretch to presume that our Dear First Lady is in fact an illusory, shapeshifting creature that feeds on salt, and will suck it out of any living body


Feeds on salt...what's that other slimy creature that you can kill with salt? A snail, right? Maybe she feeds on salt, then spews it all over slow crawling conservatives, then sucks the guts out of their shells. She's like a supersaltsuckersnailslayer.

I can see now why Barry fell in love with her. When someone isn't progressing fast enough and slowing down the show, she can just suck them up! The show must not be slowed down!
 

Bye bye Mo



Sometimes, life offers simple answer.
 

Everyone can see that Michelle has the best dentist that the US taxpayer can provide. The last time I saw teeth like that, they were on a lamprey eel!!
 

Comrades,

When will the government get around to passing the law that will bring cloning to the masses so all males can have their own Comradette Michelle?
 

Komrade Zarkof

Everyone can see that Michelle has the best dentist that the US taxpayer can provide. The last time I saw teeth like that, they were on a lamprey eel!!

And it appears she and the "creature" use the same dentist. Might I inquire his name so I can avoid him?
 

This is a close cousin:[center][/center]
Uh, Tovarich, I'll let you have my copy of Comradette Michelle.
 

Off:

Whoa. That's all I can say about that image. It's hard to believe it's real, but then it's hard to believe that Michelle is for real too.

Good to see you Theocritus. I was going to send you a hello today anyway to see how you're doing.
 

CCCP, I'm doing well. It's been overcast and gloomy for days and it matches my cold, dark heart.

But I'm getting worried about His O'liness. I am beginning to see a definite look of fright in his eyes. Now you and I know that he is the only person on earth who can be the Perfect President having had NO administrative experience in government, and even Einstein might have had trouble becoming the Perfect President with only 175 days on the job in the Senate.

In fact I'm sure it wasn't fear that I saw in Barry's eyes, or a creeping sense that he too might be a mortal man, for we know he is not.

It was something else. But what? It sure looked like fear to me.
 

Gas, maybe? Sometimes fear and eating burritos can cause the same pained expression. I agree that nothing could rattle the POTUS's nerves since he is made of steel. A man of cowardice strength, with a brain full of cotton candy inspiring ideas, and a body bent on waving he flags of China and Iran toned golfing muscles. Actually the bent posture might have more to do with the gas...that would also explain the oops in Tampa.

Sorry the weather is gloomy. I like to wake up or fall asleep to the sound of rain--but after days of it, it can definitely be "a bother."
 

I live in a place which the Army Air Corps chose as a fighter-training base in WWII because it had the most days of flying weather in the country. That is, sunny. Damn the heat. A little cloudiness is wonderful and I'll take rain; if we get 12" of rain a year we are very lucky.
 

Sounds like the SSP (SoCal Socialist Paradise), only cheaper, hopefully. I'm keeping that part of the world in mind as a very real possibility for future residence. Just need a different job! If I ever show up there I expect you to take me to that fancy steakhouse vegetarian oxygen diner you mentioned before. That would be fun.

By the way, it's a good thing that Darth Obamatron the Messenger of Hope is a sympathetic, bleeding-heart liberal, and not a snake. Because if he was a snake, they can get kind of mean and nasty when they feel threatened or cornered. Boy, would that stink!
 

CCCP, I'm not sure that His O'liness could ever feel threatened--after all, how would he understand failure if he's never accomplished anything? Well, that's not true: he did destroy the Clintons. But he never put in his time.

And that is the genius of Barry O. Who else could be elected President with so little experience?

Oh wait. I'm sorry. He is qualified because he ran his campaign. That's what he said. Whether or not he did is something I have no information on.

But hark! How could I be doubtful? He won a Nobel Prize.

That's what I get for thinking.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Uh, Tovarich, I'll let you have my copy of Comradette Michelle.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

I do believe that in the New New Age, sharing (or voluntary compulsory redistribution) will be, shall we say, "encouraged" by The One.
 

Commissar Theocritus

But hark! How could I be doubtful? He won a Nobel Prize.

While I sympathize with your experience over the dangers of thinking, I do wonder when Osama bin Laden will be nominated for a Nobel. I mean, the guy's ethnic and all, but what a sycophant! Can you name anyone currently more deserving?

Al Gore gets one for blaming the US for global warming; bin Laden does the same, only a few years later and after reducing the human population dramatically, in an eco-Islamo-friendly manner.

President Awesome gets one for being (which includes awesome, ethnic, and progressive); bin Laden has been all that and more in the international eye for years. Why, Osama even uses those guns progs know to ban, when they're not busy feting gun-toting men of tolerance and peace like Arafart and Che.

In all honesty, I think Osama bin Laden thoroughly encapsulates everything the Nobel has come to represent. Since the warmongering, capital-penalty-supporting savages in AmeriKKKa would probably draw six-shooters and plug Osama at the award ceremonies in Oslo, I think it would be acceptable to have a plane fly over the AfPak border area and just chuck the Nobel out with a white parachute and a little tag saying, "To Osama: You're our boy! Keep up the good work!"

Of course, should the plummeting award best the odds and brain some local, it would be a war crime if there were an American anywhere among the flight crew. But that's just the kind of risk the World Community has to take to stand up to bullies like AmeriKKKa.
 

Tovarich, how right you are. Osama bin Laden is worthy of the Nobel. If President Awesome got one, and the Goracle, and the Goober Grabber James Earl Carter got one, then why not Osama?

The Nobel Peace Prize is given yearly to the American who is an international figure who hates America the most. If you look on the bottom of the prize, it has engraved, in small letters, "The prize for people who hate themselves."

Only one time did this not obtain: when President Zero got it, the engraving on the bottom was changed to a mirror so he, sorry, HE, could admire himself.
 

I wonder: Had HE been conscripted, would HE have been a Hero or a Zero? Or would it have been the same in the end?
 

Is that why I have been so gloomy lately? I've been deprived of salt by our Premier Lady?
 

Tovarich, by definition President Zero is always a Hero. He defines heros and so what he does doesn't matter.
 

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

I smile with benevolent enlightenment attained.
 

Tsarina! Ваша славная внутренняя красотка была показана!

Должно быть графические изображения себя на каждой стене, Tsarina!

I would swoon but I already am swooning due to an earlier swoon.
 

Did someone say her true face?


 

Yeah, that's her, Evil! I've been trolling The Cube tonight as well. ; • ) Silly us! And sharing in the wonderful exchange between Comrade Tovarich and Commissar Theocritus! (Tovarich is now my spousal unit, 4 years going, now.) I/we do miss our darling Theo. Very much. Long live Theo! (and The Cube)
 

For clarification, I am not "Comrade Tovarich" and "I did not have sex with that woman--Pamalinski."

Furthermore, there is no "I" in "People's Cube," but there are two in Tovarichi.
 

Michelle's true face is not as important as her true figure.


 

Tovarichi

For clarification, I am not "Comrade Tovarich" and "I did not have sex with that woman--Pamalinski."
Well, Tovi, at least your denial rhymes! And, that's what really counts, doesn't it? Pamal(insky), Monica Lew(insky). Poetry in motion. OK, close, but no cigar! You're safe!
 

I get it! Monica....no cigar.... I'm laughing here....
 

Tovarichi

I get it! Monica....no cigar.... I'm laughing here....
Michelle also has a cigar.
 

Comrade Evil,

Is that shot of Michelle real? I've seen it before and just can't believe her "dressers" didn't provide her with at least a girdle (an ancient form of shaping a woman's figure), or something, or, maybe a slip worn under clothing for modesty's sake. Really?

It does fit her personality though. The shot doesn't look Photoshopped either. Ewe! I am at a loss here regarding her fashion sense.I, as a woman, have no explanation for that bulge in her crotch. None. Not even maxipads. It's gotta be something architecturally impossible.
 

Pamalinsky

Comrade Evil,

Is that shot of Michelle real? I've seen it before and just can't believe her "dressers" didn't provide her with at least a girdle (an ancient form of shaping a woman's figure), or something, or, maybe a slip worn under clothing for modesty's sake. Really?

It does fit her personality though. The shot doesn't look Photoshopped either. Ewe! I am at a loss here regarding her fashion sense.I, as a woman, have no explanation for that bulge in her crotch. None. Not even maxipads. It's gotta be something architecturally impossible.

Yes.
It's real.
One of the rare instances where the few versions without this appendage are the photoshopped versions.


 

Well, it's not a camel toe, that's for sure. Um, unless it's got a cast on it, or something. I can't imagine why that would happen, though. Maybe she just put a sock in it for once, if you get my drift. I dunno. Maybe it's a teaser for a new game show for the masses called "Guess What's In The Mystery Box/Package." (take your pick) That's some conundrum alright.
 

I couldn't decide if it was better to post this here or in the Joan Rivers thread but, in light of the above picture of Michelle's bulge, I decided it would be more appropriate here :

Who needs Fourth of July fireworks when you have Joan Rivers around?

The comedian known for her lack of self-censoring recently officiated a same-sex wedding and was asked by a photographer if she believed the United States would ever see the first gay or female president. Her response was typical Rivers.

"We already have it with Obama, so let's just calm down," she said. "You know Michelle (Obama) is a trans."

When asked to further explain Rivers said, "A transgender. We all know it."

http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/04/showbiz/c ... ansgender/
 

Comrades,

You are all barking up the wrong tree - so to speak. I've applied my keen rodent eyes to the image and discovered its secret - Moochelle's puzzling protrusion is the result of her gerbil coming up for a breath of air. See? Now how hard was that to figure out?
 

Awe, come on Crap! We all know you're just jealous of gerbils. I mean just think of what Richard Gere had to go through when they accused him of "gerbalizing" one such gerbil.

I happen to know a cardiologist, whose name I won't mention, who verified this. He works at Cedars Sinai in Los Angeles.

I know it must gall you to have missed out on this fame:

An Officer and a Gerbilman and/or American Gerbilo. Take your pick, and my sympathies.
 

Captain Craptek

Comrades,

You are all barking up the wrong tree - so to speak. I've applied my keen rodent eyes to the image and discovered its secret - Moochelle's puzzling protrusion is the result of her gerbil coming up for a breath of air. See? Now how hard was that to figure out?

.
Captain Craptek - once again your theory has great merit!

Look at him clawing for his life!

Why didn't you warn the young rodent of his folly?!
.
.


 

She has lost some weight.
 

For some reason, this image reminds me of her. This is a real product, by the way.
http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/
 

Not just your average monkeybutt.
 

Evil Smiley reminded me of something I saw on the internet when he/she

For some reason, this image reminds me of her. This is a real product, by the way.

So is this!

...and our cut will arrive when, Captain Craptek?
.
.


 

Wait! Wait! Wait! (By George, I think I've got it!)

Michelle's protrusion is a CODPIECE! How could I have missed that?

This codpiece subterfuge has existed throughout history. The bigger the codpiece, the bigger the dick! Get it? It's function is described here.

Ha! Comrade Kraptek! You don't fool me for a minute, let alone centuries! Here's proof of what I say!

Oops! Sorry, they won't let me download this image of you in full armor. They tell me that their hard drives crashed and cannot be found. Sounds reasonable to me. Meh. (You did look good in that armor though.)

You know, Sister Comrade Putout, that little "tremor" you showed there really got me going. And that going got me wondering just how many cooties could be festering in a package like this. Well, there are many: Lice, of the Crab variety, STDs, the Black Plague (racist!), Ebola, Tuberculosis, Scabies, Polio, PTSD; Natural consequences of the usage of the "flip it down then flip it up, Next?" codpiece. Very symbolic. Very dangerous.

And, so predictable.
 

Comrade Pamalinsky experienced a minor flashback when she

Ha! Comrade Kraptek! You don't fool me for a minute, let alone centuries! Here's proof of what I say!

Oops! Sorry, they won't let me download this imagePami,

Looking at the depictions of 15th century crotch protectors you linked suggests the true meaning of the modern phrase "to give head".

The world was in proper order back then...no full suite of armor was needed to rule.


 

Well, Captain Craptek, I have to admit, you and Lady Putout both look fabulous!

Thing is, I don't see no codpiece. Not that I want to. What's up with that?

No, really, I don't watt to see it. Really. Just mentioning it, that's all. Eh, eh.
 

Why would Putout wear a codpiece? Just because FLATUS Moo has one?
Moochelle is quite the trendsetter I suppose...
 

Good point, Tovi! Comradette Putout should not have one. However, I was referring to Captain Craptek's Codpiece. Where's it at? (I use this American dialect to appeal to more Amerikkans in order to get more answers.) I hope I didn't offend anyone. (Like I give a shit)
 

I'm sure its not required. One would believe that anything normally within a codpiece found on a geriatric squirrel (old enough to have attended Woodstock) would not be a prominent part of his daily activities...do squirrels have prostates too?
 

It does not matter what (ahem) hangs behind the codpiece. As the article mentions, codpieces were often padded. (Yes, Comrade Pamalinsky, men were the first to wear falsies!) Note the protuberance below Henry VIII's belt in the Holbein portrait. Natural endowment? Or padding? Only his Groom of the Stool - and of course his various wives and poppsies - knew for sure:


 

Well, according to my internet research, squirrels do not have prostates. They simply have things like: STD's, gonorrhea, herpes, the plague, TB, ETC.Oh, and, they all probably smell like codfish! (Thence, the name?)
 

No one likes a hoarder Tovarichi!



 

That looks like a rather uncomfortable case of elephantitis
 

OMG! Tovi! I knew you had it in you! I just knew it! Wow! Awesome, absolutely awesome!Have you consulted with Comrade Rahm Emmanuel about this? You are advised to do so to protect your life! (i.e. run for your life!)