Nationalize Rolling Stone

One of the great intellects at Rolling Stone magazine has joined us in our call for universal misery. Jesse A. Myerson is calling on "millennials" to fight for five key economic reforms.

1. Guaranteed work for everybody.
2. Social Security for all.
3. Take back the land.
4. Make everything owned by everybody.
5. A public bank in every state.

As a result of Mr. Myerson's call for universal free stuff, the editors at Rolling Stone have announced universal subscriptions for all! No longer will Rolling Stone magazine participate in the outdated economic system of capitalism.

As a sign of solidarity, from this day "FORWARD" Rolling Stone magazine and the artists it covers will give away the product of their efforts at no charge, from each according to his willingness, to each according to their desires.

The iTunes library will be halting all mandatory payments for songs, movies, books, and etc. All future Hollywood actors will not receive compensation for their efforts and all future propaganda films will be universally distributed at no charge to The People™.


 

Can we put this off until say, Next Tuesday?

There are a few things I would like to buy before the stores become permanently empty. Like a lifetime supply of soft TP, and a few other luxuries necessities.
 

Comrade Lev,

The Party Secretariat has previously determined that newspapers, such as
the Washington Post or the New York Times, are sufficient to be used as a wiping material by the Collective. End of discussion.
 

Krasnodar

The Party Secretariat has previously determined that newspapers, such as
the Washington Post or the New York Times, are sufficient to be used as a wiping material by the Collective. End of discussion.

Don't forget about all copies of the US Constitution, the American flag, and pages from Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations. They are good wiping as well.
 

2. Social Security for all.

3. Take back the land.

4. Make everything owned by everybody.

5. A public bank in every state.

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Comrades, these are wonderful reforms, but why just stop there. In this spirit I suggest that we no longer honor a federal minimum wage but in all “fairness” it should be a federal maximum wage guaranteed for everyone then everything and everyone will be free. We would be one glorious beautiful working community where a humble nuclear scientist would make the exact same wage as an unemployed car jacker. This would finally and drastically end the disparity of incomes where everyone will be entitled to exactly the same amount, A nation where every able bodied American will be guaranteed the inalienable required right to work in order to exercise that right to provide for all those who choose not to.

 

Maybe the fast food worker's collective can start a new company called The People's Burger Cooperative, give themselves $25 an hour, and provide free meals to all? Sounds like a fantastic new business opportunity to me.
 

trashmouth

1.Guaranteed work for everybody.

2. Social Security for all.

3. Take back the land.

4. Make everything owned by everybody.

5. A public bank in every state.

---

Comrades, these are wonderful reforms, but why just stop there. In this spirit I suggest that we no longer honor a federal minimum wage but in all “fairness” it should be a federal maximum wage guaranteed for everyone then everything and everyone will be free. We would be one glorious beautiful working community where a humble nuclear scientist would make the exact same wage as an unemployed car jacker. This would finally and drastically end the disparity of incomes where everyone will be entitled to exactly the same amount, A nation where every able bodied American will be guaranteed the inalienable required right to work in order to exercise that right to provide for all those who choose not to.

But actually Comrade in this glorious Obama economy it is the humble nuclear scientist who is unemployed, the car jacker is doing quite well now thank you and to brother Eric Holder who released him from his unjust racist prison sentence.
 

Captain Craptek

Maybe the fast food worker's collective can start a new company called The People's Burger Cooperative, give themselves $25 an hour, and provide free meals to all? Sounds like a fantastic new business opportunity to me.
A good idea perhaps Comrade Craptek, but don't you feel a recreational marijuana dispensary would be an even better business model? "Free meals" for the masses are good, but let's feed their heads also... and don't forget the free wi-fi.
 

Comrades. I am shocked that such an economic policy has never been tried before. Just think of it. Equality of wages, everyone guaranteed a job and livable wage, public nationalization of property. How come this has never been done before? Rolling Stone is so ahead of its time.

Next Tuesday is always my favorite day of the week.
 

Rolling Stone is a great ally to Comrade Mayor De Blasio, who is leading the way to the Shining Progressive World of Tomorrow in New Havana New York City !!! ( 44 seconds in- video link wants to start at the top. ) . . . .
 

Terry_Jim

Rolling Stone is a great ally to Comrade Mayor De Blasio, who is leading the way to the Shining Progressive World of Tomorrow in New Havana New York City !!!

 

I personally can't wait for the squeegee guys to return!
 

Red Menace

I personally can't wait for the squeegee guys to return!

At least now they'll be on the city payroll @ $20 or $30/hr.
 

Comrades, I have issues with item number 5. Banks, like money, are a bourgeois leftover of capitalism. And similar to obsolete concepts like profit, incentive,"getting ahead", happiness™, "she's too young to be doing that" and reward™, should be done away with! The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ demands nothing less.
 

"The Rolling Stone" has long been Nationalized Comrades...