Comrades, remember that glorious person from a couple of years ago who chirped proudly about how Dear Leader was going to help her buy gas and pay her mortgage? Well, HER PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! YES, IT'S TRUE!

In the video I will present to you below, an unrelated unhappy rube loyal subject asks Dear Leader if he can do something about the price of gas which is getting to be a bit elevated unlike Obama's approval ratings. Obama, with the wisdom of Burger King Solomon, solves the gentleman's problem most deftly...

(If you are behind schedule on your shovelling and wish to skip directly to the meat beets, forward the video to about 1:45 in)



Did you get that? "If you're complaining about the price of gas and you are getting 8 miles a gallon, .... ha, ha... you know?" This latter section is not audible but my psychic informs me Dear Leader was downloading data telepathically at high speed, instructing the fellow that the solution to the problem was to buy a NEW CHEVY VOLT!

BRILLIANT ANSWER! JUST BRILLIANT! Let us all go inform the masses who are filing the edges of their coins hoping to sell the shavings as scrap metal for an extra buck or two! If you or your family is suffering from Obama's "drill in Brazil" energy policy the Rethuglican-induced high cost of gas, the solution is simple: JUST GO BUY A MORE FUEL-EFFICIENT CAR!

I'll bet Dear Leader has the answer to ALL kinds of everyday non-arugula-eating lumpenproletariat financial problems. Party elite members, suppose some prole approaches you or your chauffeur and says, "Kind sir, can you spare me a ruble? I can't afford to pay my mortgage!" Simply tell him, "Fear not, lumpy, all you have to do is go buy a more fuel-efficient house! Now go away before I sic the dogs on you, peasant!"

Comrade Obama truly IS a piece of work, don't you think?


UPDATE: At the very end of the video (starting around 3:50 mark) he says, "Like I said before, if you're gettin' 8 miles a gallon you may wanna think about a trade-in." I quoted him accurately and he didn't actually come out and say that the first time, but obviously he was thinking it at time. So much so that he himself actually thought he said it.

Opiate, I love Lord Obozo because words mean nothing to him. They mean what they need to mean at the time. When he was campaigning, he would say anything, and that holds true today.

Next week I heard that Lord Obowma, in his infinite wisdom, and that is not a sneer, just a tic, will offer to compromise with the House RethugliKKKans, by adding rainbow-farting unicorns.

A free-range chicken in every progressive's arugula salad!

"If you're complaining about the price of gas and you are getting 8 miles a gallon, .... ha, ha... you know?"

Dear Leader laughs to hide his own anger and frustration. His very own Limosine, now two years old gets (no fooling...) EIGHT miles per gallon.

He must be quietly requesting the "trade in" for a Hybrid cargo truck to haul Moochele limosine for transporting his family in the pimped out stylin' dignity befitting of the King President.


He would never ask for such, the Party must provide for his needs! Let us join together, defeat the Republikkan budget and get this man a new Limo! I will gladly contribute the contents of the piggy-banks of my neighbors' children and grand-children...

Ahh, just like his forebear, Marie Antoinette (whose nickname was actually "Mme. Deficit"). Let them eat cake? Let them drive motor scooters!!!!

As a daddy to 10 kids myself (mine, hers, ours), I particularly noticed the Obamination biting his tongue not to make a smart remark about having too many kids.

God knows I have heard plenty of it.

Having any kids at all, letting alone raising them without "help" from the guvmint, is REAL politically incorrect.

Scratchanitch, the reason that you are vilified is that you are tending to your own business. Don't you know that your partners were supposed to pump out as many babies as possible to ring the welfare bell? After all, these days it's not the brass ring but the missing diaphragm that pays off.

Comrades,

I am sure the dear leader is disgusted by the fact that the American people will not even follow his simple directives.

If you're paying too much for gas, inflate your tires properly, roll up your windows, change your oil, get your car tuned up, and drive less than 100 miles an hour.

Energy crisis solved in one sitting.

How many times must you be told?

Comrade Opiate: To show solidarity with dear leader, I will personally donate 1 dollar to the Union of his choice for each vacation he takes. I hope this adequately demonstrates to the rest of unwashed masses that we too are willing to sacrifice for the greater good and that they'll let us keep our extravagant perks.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Opiate, I love Lord Obozo because words mean nothing to him. They mean what they need to mean at the time. When he was campaigning, he would say anything, and that holds true today.

Next week I heard that Lord Obowma, in his infinite wisdom, and that is not a sneer, just a tic, will offer to compromise with the House RethugliKKKans, by adding rainbow-farting unicorns.

A free-range chicken in every progressive's arugula salad!

Oh Father Prog, you have almost all the wisdom of Obama without any of the artificial good-naturedness that disarms those he plans to stab in the back. But I am convinced that Obama really does feel the proles' pain. He knows how much distress the gas supply can cause because before he was immaculated, he had to deal with the issue on a weekly basis each time Moochelle Michelle came back from a trip to the "Eat Till You Fart Uncontrolably" Buffet. And he knew then just as he knows now, that the solution to all problems is to borrow a bunch of money and invest it (in her case, for a few years' supply of Gas-X and Beano.) However, he knows people don't listen to reason and it breaks his heart, but he soldiers on. So he will offer the Rethuglikkkans the farting unicorns, even though he understands what the country really needs is 100 million miles of hi-speed rail lines financed at usurious interest rates by Chinese loan sharks. It's sad because the guy with the SUV as well as the Rethuglikkkans don't realize problems will never get solved as long as folks are so hung up about borrowing a shitload of money that can never be paid back. So for now we're just stuck with the tired old ways of doing things. But, he's patient... they'll learn.

Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:As a daddy to 10 kids myself (mine, hers, ours), I particularly noticed the Obamination biting his tongue not to make a smart remark about having too many kids.

Comrade, you are certainly aware these levels of reproductive numbers are prohibited unless one is an unemployed unwed female member of certain protected oppressed victim groups, in which case it becomes mandantory. And it is definitely not allowed for the father(s) to share the same residence with the children, but he(they) is(are) permitted to drop toilet paper, diapers and maybe a bag of Cheetos off at the house every so often.

Comrade Tooorisky, Dear Leader is well aware of the limitations of the Amerikkkan people seeing as how there was no civilization here to speak of before he was elected. He is prepared to be patient in this regard, realizing that all cannot possibly catch up with his advanced knowledge in such a short time. That said, he is allowing all to proceed at their own pace, teaching the lowest to walk, the more capable ones to inflate their tires, etc, etc.

Comrade Robot, it occurs to me that if you donate 1 dollar to a union it will eventually end up in Dear Leader's pocket anyway, so why not just give it directly to him and save some time?

https://nation.foxnews.com/green-tech/2 ... cle-policy

Some cars are more equal than others.

Comrades,

I have found one of those Government Motors (GM) dealerships that The Supreme Used Car Salesman™ has been condescending to us to trade in our 8-mile@gallon gas guzzlers.

The Party™ recommends:



Now... go get a new car!

Comrades,
What's needed is some "out of the box" thinking and I have just the thing: The Dirigible Car. Filled with the correct gases, the car would be practically weightless. The gas mileage would improve dramatically. Caught in a traffic jam? No problem, just inflate with more gas and float over the problem.

Here's an early prototype:

Fellow comradistas and beloved most equal cubers whatsoever,

Are you WORRIED about gas prices and peakoil? Well, in that case, why not adopting one of the best and earliest prototypes of a auto-kinetic transportation solution? With a new animal-traction system (at the same price that an evil fuel-wasting combustion motor), this vehicles will spare you the burden of burning petrol. Oh, and it perfectly safe for The Children™ :


But if you want to feel the cow-fart wind in your hair, you can also get the roadster version:


And finally, if you are more for the two-wheels thing, you can also get your animal-traction eco-scooter, specially designed to work downhill!


As you can see, all of the models are made of recycled-recyclable parts, and you can make your own spare some Change™ parts easily.

Rasputin, I quite like your dirigible car. Will that replace Air Force One? For public trips I'd think so. But AF1 is needed to fetch lobster for Moochelle from New England; it takes AF1 so that she can eat until she farts uncontrollably.

Which she seems to do just before every microphone appearance.

As for Barry, have you seen that South Park episode where Cartman learns to eat by shoving food up his ass? He craps from his mouth. There is a charming scene with Martha Stewart eating a Thanksgiving turkey by rectal insertion.

And then Randy Marsh craps out his mouth.

This was before we ever heard of Lord Obowma's TelePrompTer.

Comrades, why the kvetching (sorry; that's Yiddish and as a prog I hate the Joos even though most Jews are Democrats; go figure) about gas prices?

People must be constrained from driving in their cars because we don't know where they are. A good prog needs to have a bed count, well, 24/7. People who are not being watched might be subversive.

Let's add on a hefty gasoline tax too and use that revenue for building wind turbines on the property of well-connected progs, regardless of whether there is wind in the area. And because wind doesn't always blow nor does the sun always shine, we have an excuse to have rolling blackouts to keep people at home and under thumb.

Glad you liked the Dirigible Car Father Prog. That makes two of us, er, three of us. I almost forgot the MTE liked it too. She's very excited about it. She wants her Presidential Limo-Dirigible to hover about 10 feet off the ground so she can reach the people. She said you would know what that means.

Never missed an episode of South Park. The kids always remind me of the "Little Rascals" of so long ago. One of my favorites is the episode where the cute little woodland critters turned out to be Satan worshipers, bringing about the end of the world. It seems so appropriate for our current times.

Grigori, sadly I must inform you that the Dirigible Car will not fly. I mean, it's a non-starter. Well, what I'm trying to say is that Obama will not permit it to be built. Something about George Soros' investment in Brazilian oil wells it creating an aeronautical vortex which could disturb birds and the empty space between Al Gore's ears. Also, the UAW is against it. Their work rules currently do not cover the kind of skills that are required to construct the vehicle and they won't allow the construction to be outsourced. Since they own the car company, that settles the matter.

But the good news is that Biden is interested in the design for his new high speed choo-choo. He wants to know if you can design a built-in bar?

That figures Commissar Opiate. Joe likes all my designs. A built in bar is no problem, but high speed? Initial tests of the People pulling trains were rather disappointing. That was a normal train though. A Dirigible Train would be much lighter.

Opiate of the People wrote:[Grigori,] sadly I must inform you that the Dirigible Car will not fly.

I hate it when a car don't fly. That's why I picked me up a couple that do.

Daily driver:


My other car's a:

Rasputin, we must however forego South Park in the future; I saw an old episode when the boys were being chased by environmentalists with hatchets wanting to cut off the boys' limbs, and Stan yelling, "Environmentalists lie!"

Of course they do. That's why I love them so. I'm a prog and I have anaphylactic shock at the truth. Why wouldn't I love environmentalists? I love environmentalists just the same way I love Communists, Nazis, Keith Olbermann, autocrats, Castro, Che...

Oh. I'm being redundant, I see. Sorry. Off to Jiffy-Lobo.

Father Prog Theocritus,
You really need to cut back on those trips to Jiffy-Lobo. The same goes for all Cube members. As a group, I fear we may be losing our edge. I've been mentioning "pulling trains" in two threads now and not one single, solitary, smart ass comment has been forthcoming. Or have we now become a class act? Crap, now I've confused my self.

Did someone say "edge"??

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor.
That's my dream. It's my nightmare.
Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor … and surviving.

Rasputin, I have not been in the slightest ignoring your idea of the proles pulling trains--it is nothing more than the extension of Potemkin Villages, and so is a worth addition to the literature of the proud history of rapine, murder, suppression and exploitation--in other words, progressivism.

Did I forget dominant whining and character assassination?

The problem is that I work my proles too hard. They don't have the energy to pull trains. And since after they work in the fields, I make them clean the house and do my paperwork, they just don't have the energy.

But I could be getting soft. Once I had some of my proles clean up after our Many Titted Empress had emptied, in a drunken fit, her bowels in a guest room. Not too bad; I had no fabrics in the room, but then she likes leather dungeons, and I had the floor sloped down with a drain in the center. And hoses for water.

It was when three of them died from the fumes of the boiling naphtha I used, before the boiling-hot soapy water would work, that I started feeling a little bit sorry for the proles.

But I read a few pages of Obamacare and realized that the proles deserve what they get. If screwing people over is good enough for Lord Onobodyhome and Nanski, then the proles can buff our MTE's trotters next time she graces the Rancho with her presence.

Dear Leader is always a Trillion $tep$ ahead of us proles.

If our Kinetic Military Action is successful, won't we own a whole bunch of Kinetic Green Transportation? Duh...