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People's Utopia of Zimbabwe

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My Comrades.

It is with great pride that I announce my latest achievements as Dear Leader and Beloved Tyrant of the People's Utopia of Zimbabwe!

Healtcare: 1.7 Million of my people will not need Healthcare by the end of this financial Year
Housing: 1.7 Million People will not need new houses by the end of this year.
Food Aid: 1.7 Million people will not need any food aid from the government by the end of this year
Crime: There will be 1.7 Million potential criminals less in Zimbabwe by the end of this year.

All these achievements translate into a saving of more or less 234 983 230 229 885 122 459 875 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 Zimbabwe Dollars before the end of 2012!

I hereby officially invite Barack Hussein to come and visit the People's Utopia of Zimbabwe so that we can instruct him in our wonderful methods!

Stalin would be proud!

Amandla!

Obamugabe

https://af.reuters.com/article/topNews/ ... GR20100810

Reaters Africa wrote:
UN agencies say 1.7 mln Zimbabweans need food aid
Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:29am GMT Print | Single Page [-] Text [+]

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HARARE (Reuters) - Nearly 1.7 million Zimbabweans will require food assistance in the 2010/11 season despite the recent recovery of the country's troubled agriculture sector, United Nations agencies said in a report on Tuesday.

Agriculture plumbed new depths in 2008 when farmers produced 500,000 tonnes of the staple maize against national requirements of 2 million tonnes, but production has since picked up in the past two years to 1.35 million tonnes.

International aid targeting provisions of free seed and fertilisers for farmers in the once famine-threatened country, better use of land, and the end of hyperinflation have led to the improvement in harvests.

"Despite the improved availability of food, up to 1.68 million people will need food assistance because prices remain comparatively high for families with low incomes and little or no access to U.S. dollars or South African rand," co-author Jan Delbaere of the U.N. World Food Programme said in the report.

Zimbabwe discarded the use of its worthless dollar last year after inflation reached 500 billion percent, but few U.S. dollars or rand circulate in rural areas.

A Food and Agriculture Organisation official said in the same report that Zimbabwe had 1.66 million tons of cereals available against a total need of 2.9 million tonnes for 2010/11, leaving a shortfall of 428,000 tonnes.

A Malawian government minister said last week the country would export 300,000 tonnes of its surplus maize to Zimbabwe.

The U.N. report said general poverty and food insecurity had contributed to increased prevalence of chronic malnutrition in young children.

Once a regional bread basket, Zimbabwe has failed to feed itself since 2000 following President Robert Mugabe's seizure of white-owned commercial farms for black resettlement, leading to sharp falls in production.

© Thomson Reuters 2010 All rights reserved

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Komrade, even though you feel very much proud of your achievement of reducing the Earth population by almost two million, I must remind you to be sober and not allow yourself to get uppity:

You didn't achieve this, but it is George W. Bush who pushed two million in Zimbabwe to their hungry doom.

Next time you extol yourself with such stats, someone from the Politburo will knock at your door to haul your sorry arse in the middle of the night.

Remember, millions killed, millions of jobs lost, all the mayhem in the world is Bush's Fault.

When claiming credit remember this mantra:

WHAT WOULD FIDEL SAY - WWFS

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I have some grave concerns (no pun intended) that some obscure, reichwing "death panel" might get wind of this.


ssssssssssh

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Bombadamdil'Allah Shazzama ™ !

Fellow mumin-proles, we see before our very eyes in the Glorious Communo-Dawla ™ of al-Zimbab ™ the pure manifestation of Marx'Allah's mercy towards mumin-prole slaves and severe chastisement towards KKKapitalist KKKafir-MushriKKK ™ exploitative blaspheming rebels!

All praise be unto the Dispenser-Of-Ghanimaat-Entitlements-Towards-His-Faithful-Proletarislims ™ !

Looolooolooolooolooolooolooooooo!!!!

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That little boy is stealing my oil, dammit. I didn't get any free cooking oil the last time I went to get my government cheese, and I love fried food. What am I going to have to do to get that free oil, move to Zimbabwe? What other free things do they get there, that we are not redistributing here?

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I liked that government cheese but it has been tough to come by since Ed's Off-Sale upped his Muscatel/Cheese exchange rate.
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Jíbaro wrote:
WHAT WOULD FIDEL SAY - WWFS

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"Stay thirsty my friend."

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Yes, Comrade Fidel redistributed doctors to Zimbabwe who caused a ruckus when they asked to defect to the USSA. That man really ought to win a Nobel Peace Prize. He's right up there with Dear Leader.

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Congratulations most revered Obamugabe for making more citizens of your great country happy, safe, and healthy.

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Praise Obamugabe for creating an entire economically neutral country! Papa Obama and our Democratic Party could learn a lot from you.


 
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