Comrades,

The bad news is that we have fallen short in our glorious mission to ensure permanent transformation of America. The good news is that we still have time to steal the often-tested/often-proved Republican strategy to set the stage for a "boomerang" strategy. How so? You must patiently await a full description of the good news because first I must describe the bad news:

The bad news is that although virtually all the polls are predicting that so many likely voters will cast ballots against our Progressive candidates this coming November that the Republicans will seize control of both the House and the Senate, but the worst news is that the Republicans will manage run their campaigns in such an incompetent and timid manner that they will steal defeat for themselves from the jaws of such victory and thereby leave both the Senate and the House in our control.

Why, you ask, is would that be the "worst" news instead of the "best" news? It's quite simple:
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We know that between now and November, 2012, the policies we've already put into place through legislation, stealthy administrative regulations, rejuvenation of the progressive redistribution-of-wealth tax laws, imposition of redistribution of health-care regulations, environmental strangulation of the capitalists raping Mother Earth, and renewing the peaceful-co-existence with our so-called totalitarian "enemies" strategy pioneered by President Carter will assure success of our long-term strategy for escalating the collapse of the economy, capitalism, border hegemony, cultural stability, national security and the few remaining vestiges of constitutionally limited government, but just as any good socialized-medicine doctor treating an ordinary patient, we wisely know what is beyond the grasp of the patient: That the pain of the treatment we know to be in the patient's best interest will continuing increasing before our treatment can effectively render the patient docile.

Thus, we know that if voters enduring such pain perceive us as continuing to be "in charge" of the House and the Senate in addition to the Presidency between now and November 2012, too many voters will be angry enough by November 2012 to not only vote all but a few of our progressives out of office in the House and Senate but also elect an extreme right-wing tea-bagger such as Mama Grizzly as President.

Thus, it is imperative that we lose, rather than retain, control of the majorities in both the House and Senate in November, 2010, so that in 2012 we can ignite a "backfire" against "Republicans" by blaming those "Republican Majorities" for all the pain voters will have experienced between now and November, 2012. The danger for us is that we can't count on the Republicans to be competent enough to avoid snatching defeat from the jaws of the victory awaiting them in November 2010 like low-hanging fruit; instead, we must accept the reality that they will almost certainly figure out how to engineer their own defeat.

Now the good news is that it is entirely within our power to prevent such disastrous prelude that would sow the seeds for a far greater disaster in 2012. So, what must we do? We must triple-down on every action we've taken that has angered the tea-party crowd as well as the independents who have become disenchanted with us. We must also seek to alienate black voters by increasing the intensity and frequency with which we attack black tea-party candidates and leaders in such outrageously extreme ways as sniveling "Uncle Toms" until it become apparent to at least a significant percentage of likely black voters that those whom we thus caricature in such manner are in fact brilliant, decent people whom we've unfairly smeared.

It's a tough assignment, but as Progressives, we know we must do whatever it takes to win.

Now let's get to work planning ways in which we can guarantee that Republicans gain majority control in the House and Senate this coming November.

--Thought-Crime Warden.

Comrade Thought-Crime Warden,


To do my share I will immediately schedule interviews in all our media outlets in which I will proudly annouce that Obama has authorized me to announce to all Americans that his EPA Czar will soon exercise her authority to regulate CO-2 by banning air-conditioning which will serve the dual purposes of not only reducing that gas so deadly to Mother Earth by reducing our energy consumption but also forcing Americans to endure thereby endure such heat that they will again become convinced that we are "making GAIA too hot."
--Gorbels Cube

I will do my part by using my influence with our media to countermand their expectation that we want them to cooperate with the recently announced plans of our "experts" on Global Warming to limit their availability to the media (in order to minimize their exposure to further questioning about ClimateGate). I will also instruct our people in the news media to try as much as possible to make those experts look like fools. (There's no doubt that whenver necessary as we approach the 2012 election, our friends iin the media will be able to quickly reverse such impression.) --Peeples Journalist

I will issue a new video proudly reminding all Americans that now even the Russians believe Iran is "close to building a nuclear bomb." This wil scare hordes of American voters into voting for war-mongering Republicans in November. This strategy is so deviously clever in fooling the infidels that it gives me a fatwa down my leg. --Kommisar of Fatwas

I'm already instructing all physicians now serving government-health-care patients to join the physicians in Texas in refusing to accept such patients. This will give an extra boost to our strategy of ensuring short-term backlash against us this November to set the stage for a bigger boomerang effect agains Republicans in 2012 because increasing the number of physicians declining to treat such patients will increase their death rates between now and November and thus help decrease the risks of people likely to vote for Progressives to actually make it to the polls. Regarding the 2012 election we needn't worry because ACORN will easily be able to re-register all those dead voters and cast votes on their behalf for our candidates in 2012.

--Doctor Obama with just the right prescription

To gain maximum public attention, I will appear nude for TMZ to discredit the Progressive Cause championed by Comrade Gore: To corroborate the news reporter's description of Gore's boorish behavior in sticking his tongue down her throat, I will report that he repeatedly accosted me in the dark posing as a Na'vi and tried to trick me into rubbing his "tail."
--GAIA Minister Neytiri

I will arrange for our media to make videos of me playing hoops with Lebron James and to then broadcasts such videos in continuous loops in split-screen fashion whenever news pictures or videos become available for simultaneous split-screen broadcast to show Gulf-of-Mexico oil-soaked birds, seals, polar bears, penguins, elephants, eagles, baby kittens, turtles, beaches, wetlands, parking lots, giraffes, or girls gone wild. This will help make our strategy a slam-dunk success.

--Fearless Leader

I will arrange for our comrades in the news media to give maximun exposure to the report of the recent obituary in Nevada expressing the decedent's wishes that "in lieu of flowers, mourners should vote against Harry Reid."

--Peeples Journalist

I will recruit the hot-babe Russian spy Anna Chapman to join me in appearing naked on the Oprah show to boost her sagging ratings and also have the effect of associating with Russian spies my work with Comrade Gore and Comrade James Cameron in promoting strict cap and trade laws to protect Mother Earth.

--GAIA Minister Neytiri

So many excellent proposals by comrades working from late into the early-morning hours that I must sleep on them a while.

--Thought-Crime Warden

Comrades.... Why worry? The "Peoples Leaders" are working around the clock to uncover the RethugliKKKans devious plans and to develop our counter strategy for VICTORY in 2012!
Just relax, enjoy your vodka rations & watch the show - it's all under our control.

Turncoats! All but Alfred.

I will get the Reichwing ™ Rethuglican ™ teabaggers ™ angry in their blogs about Dear Leader's dog getting his own separate plane ride to Maine. They'll decide to leave their trailers, drive their gas guzzling SUVs and pickup trucks, and go out to vote! Then once the idiot Rethuglicans ™ get in, they'll all go back to sleep and Dear Leader, or maybe the Empress, will win in 2012.