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REPORT: Behind Enemy Lines

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Comrades,

I spent the better part of Saturday, Monday and this morning behind enemy lines at the McCain/Palin regional headquarters in Perth Amboy (People's Democratic Republic of New Jersey).

Through stealthy and surreptitious intelligence gathering calling campaign headquarters I was able to infiltrate the dirty tricks operations of the Rethuglicans. I prepared by devising an elaborate disguise by wearing a button-down shirt and V-neck sweater while carrying a Bible and the Wall Street Journal. No one would question me as nothing but a loyal supporter of the Bush third-termer.

We were instructed to sit in a room each day and make telephone calls to independent voters and registered Republicans in Pennsylvania encouraging them to support the McCain/Palin ticket. I followed the script, as repugnant as it was, but I gathered much valuable intelligence in the process.

Many who answered calls in the Philadelphia area are completely with us in support of our dear leader the Obamessiah. A typical call went like this:


CL: "Hi! I am just calling to remind you that there is the Presidential election this Tuesday and we would like to count on your support for John McCain and Sarah Palin."

Voter: "No way....I am casting my vote for the most enlightened human being, Barack Obama."

CL (whispering): "Thank you, Comrade. We are just testing your party loyalty."

Voter (shouting): "Get off my phone, you #([email=*%@%]*%$*![/email]." - <click>


Other calls in the Philadelphia area were somewhat disquieting. I can't tell you how many elderly Jewish voters I contacted who gladly said they were voting for John McCain. I pointed out to them that the Anointed One's selected delegate to the Jewish community, Alcee Hastings, made it clear that Sarah Palin did not care about them. They would not listen.

By Monday, I was receiving call sheets for the Pittsburgh area. This experience was truly frightening. Here was an anecdotal exchange:


CL: "Hi! Can I speak to Clyde Bitterclinger? I am just calling to remind you that there is the Presidential election this Tuesday and we would like to count on your support for John McCain and Sarah Palin."

Clyde Bitterclinger: "Not only am I voting for him, but everyone down at the VFW and Allegheny Hunt Club is voting for him as well. My wife just got back from taking the Girl Scout troop to a Sarah Palin rally. We are holding a get out the vote dinner at church tonight and asking people to support McCain / Palin as well".

CL: "Oh....that is .... (straining) .... very good. But don't you want 'Universal Healthcare for AllTM? Don't you want to patriotically contribute your wealth to people who are so dispirited they can't work?"

Clyde Bitterclinger: "Who is this?"

CL: <click>


Comrades....I am very concerned. Nearly every call to the Pittsburgh area went just like this one. Comrade Rendell is not doing his assigned duties to deliver the Pennsylvania vote to the Obama column. If this state goes for McCain/Palin, Comrade Rendell will have an appointment with the political commissars at a nearby gulag.

The Rethuglicans are very motivated....there were not enough phones and seats for all the calling that was being done. Many were using their individual mobile phones to make the calls and were seated in stairwells and hallways.

Very disturbing, Comrades....very disturbing.

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White ain't right

Obama today is Lenin tomorrow


 
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