Ronald McDonald executed, obesity threat greatly weakened!

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Following a previous article, The people's enemy Ronald McDonald was executed shortly after his capture as a result of a raid on his compound by special forces. his heavy red shoe of oppression has forever been lifted off of the people and their children allowing them to now freely make better eating decisions. Ronald McDonald's regime has been in power for nearly 50 years where McDonald had an unchecked amount of power and influence over the masses.

McDonald being escorted to a helicopter by U.S. Special Forces

In a official announcement made by Barack Obama, the president stated "His reign [Ronald McDonald] of terror and control over our waistlines are over. Never again will our children fear germ filled ball pits or toys with their unhealthy food that was forced on them by a tyrant. They can now freely enjoy carrots and lettuce that is given to them by their teachers without having to look over their shoulders. The people of the United States of America can rest easy knowing that this murderous and cold blooded killer is no longer a reality in our lives."

In another official press release, the heroic details of the president and his wife Michelle Obama signing the paper to green light "Operation Supersize" where they endured risking paper cuts and having to get woken from bed in the early hours of the morning were given in excruciating detail. McDonald's compound was located after an anonymous tip was received stating his location and the president wasted no time in giving the order after receiving the information. Ground forces were forced to navigate their way through elaborate climbing tubes, padded rope ladders, slides, and thousands of plastic balls once inside the compound where they found McDonald hiding in a cramped space and was almost unrecognizable due to the beard that he grew while he was on the run.

After he was taken into custody, he was immediately brought to a court house where he had a 8 minute trial by his peers where he was found guilty of multiple crimes against humanity and was then sentenced to death where he was tied to a post behind a organic foods store, shot by firing squad, and buried at a undisclosed location. Still at large is his former adviser Grimace and second in command Mayor Cheese who's whereabouts are still unknown. The symbol of the golden arches remains in our culture, even though it should be placed in the same category as the swastika considering how many people have died under that banner as a result of obesity and heart disease intentionally inflicted by McDonald as a way of keeping his control over the populace.


So have no fear comrades! After this act of justice, you will never again see this clown looming over you when you think about where you may want to eat next.

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[color=#C0392B]Chedoh[/color] laughed aloud as he wrote:So have no fear comrades! After this act of justice, you will never again see this clown looming over you when you think about where you may want to eat next.
Well played Chedoh... well played indeed!


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Wait ... I can no longer haz cheezeburger?[attachment=0]fatcat.jpg[/attachment]

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I had a bad experience with the last Ronald McDonald!

(Don't start ragging on me about my 'tummy!' I was in the middle of a sixty-month phantom pregnancy!)


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Shovel 4 U wrote:ANY SUGGESTIONS??
I would recommend immediately contacting the U.S. Geological Survey folks via their website at and letting them know that there's a potential 7.0 coming their way.

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Immediately spread a layer of ketchup packets to cushion his impending fall. Not even the impact of Comrade Moore hurtling to the ground at terminal velocity can open McDonald's ketchup packets, he'll be fine.

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[color=#C0392B]Shovel 4 U[/color] mournfully wrote:ANY SUGGESTIONS??


My intel reports that White Castle will soon be under siege. As Burger King is not my Liege Lord, I intend to take my watch upon the battlements in defense of the Sliders.
But Ronald was doomed from the outset. Wendy's tears on the witness stand clinched it. Carl Jr. was the jury foreman. Demonstrators outside invoked the memory of Clara Peller, screaming that she would have lived healthier and longer if she'd been related to Jared and appeared for Subway.
Also in the news: FLATUS had lunch with BONO yesterday. You can bet your last beet it wasn't a plow mans.

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Comrade Pistov wrote:Also in the news: FLATUS had lunch with BONO yesterday. You can bet your last beet it wasn't a plow mans.

It's my understanding that FLATUS is in negotiations with U2 for a combined tour, where she'll join the band onstage for several numbers and then throw Mooochelle™ eating devices into the crowd as part of her promotional itinerary.