Comrades,

The USSA enjoys a virtual monopoly in Global Positioning System (GPS) services, both commercial and military. This unfair advantage is causing great anxiety and discomfort throughout Russia. But don't worry. Dear Leader has ordered His State Department to begin a series of conflict resolution sessions with Moscow that will help relieve their anxiety.

NY Times: “They don't want to be reliant on the American system and believe that their systems, like GPS, will spawn other industries and applications,” said a former senior official in the State Department's Office of Space and Advanced Technology. “They feel as though they are losing a technological edge to us in an important market. Look at everything GPS has done on things like your phone and the movement of planes and ships.”

The State Department also hopes that allowing Russia to build and operate GPS stations throughout the USSA will help mend Dear Leader's somewhat damaged relationship with President Putin. The department has dismissed concerns expressed by our military and intelligence officials as “paranoid” and reactionary. As one State Department employee remarked, “Sharpening the accuracy of Moscow's satellite-steered weapons and snooping on our communications will only improve slightly. It's more important that we assuage Moscow's fears and discomfort.”

*RUMOR UPDATE: Additional demands are being made for waivers that would exclude Russian workers from Obamacare mandates both during and after construction of the sites. In addition, all mandatory OSHA, EPA, IRS and Labor Department requirements must be suspended indefinitely for the occupying forces workers.

“Sharpening the accuracy of Moscow's satellite-steered weapons and snooping on our communications will only improve slightly. It's more important that we assuage Moscow's fears and discomfort.”But, but I thought the brilliant diplomacy of Hilarsky Clinton reset relations with Russia after the BusHitler years?!?!?![img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]Not too hard to figure out who obama was rooting for in Red Dawn...

Dear Leader DOES have more flexibility with the motherland.

Comrades,

NOW Ya done it... That was a closely guarded secret that not even MSNBC had access to, and now you put it on Al Gore's Interwebs.

Pack warm, squirrelly comrade, pack warm.

As the first Islamic Russian worker arrives in Obamington DC for GPS assignment, Captain Craptek and fellow furry creatures mistakenly take him for a Christian Rethuglikkkan in disguise and go directly for the man's air passage way. Thank Marx the fellow Comrade survived as he rests comfortably awaiting the results of the rabies test.

Tovarichi wrote:NOW Ya done it... That was a closely guarded secret that not even MSNBC had access to, and now you put it on Al Gore's Interwebs.

Pack warm, squirrelly comrade, pack warm.

Gee...I figured it was late and everybody went to bed so they could get an early start tomorrow for THE BIG OBAMA PHONE CALL! All I have is my coat.

Captain Craptek wrote:All I have is my coat.

Where you're going you'll have to trade that for food.

Actually, in your case you will BE food, good luck with that.

Oh, bring snacks for Tuesdays... don't ask.

Comrade, Evil Capitalist Corporations are Not People... But Soylent Green Is.