From the IF WE HAD ACTUAL UNAUTHORIZED WHITE HOUSE LEAKS Dept.

TOP SECRET

21 May 2012

From: President Obama
To: The Dream Team


Hey, I've got a great idea about the undocumented alien catch and release thing we're going to spring this summer. The lawyers are telling me it isn't going to be very popular in the states so once I announce it we've got to go quite about it here. But I've been thinking about how it'll play in Mexico where we can really exploit it for my reelection.

I want to have a commercial put together to run in Mexico so the people there really understand what my new policy means for them. The Mexicans that would like to come over here but are afraid to and probably won't be able to connect the dots on this thing without a little help so I want to make it perfectly clear.

Okay. So, the commercial should only be about a minute. I want it to be bright and happy. Use that Mexican Hat Dance song. You know, the one that goes da, da, da, da, da, da, da! da, da, da,da, da, da, da, da! etc "¡Olay!" Only instead of ¡Olay! the people in the commercial shout "¡ SI OBAMA !"

The Mexican Hat Dance song is playing and on the TV screen all these Mexicans are dancing and a voice over explains my new policy in terms the Mexican people will understand so they really get it.

The voice over: "Do you want to go to America?"

The people dancing to the Mexican Hat Dance: "¡ Si Obama !"

Voice over: "Presidente Obama just made it easier."

The people dancing to the Mexican Hat Dance: "¡ Si Obama !"

Voice over: "Just cross the border and apply for the new Obama permit."

The people dancing to the Mexican Hat Dance: "¡ Si Obama !"

Voice over: When they ask how old you were when you came to the States just say: "I was under 16."

The people dancing to the Mexican Hat Dance: "¡ Si Obama !"

Voice over: "Because, who's to know. There is no document that shows when you crossed the border illegally. There is no proof! Your word is your bond!"

The people dancing to the Mexican Hat Dance: "¡ Si Obama !"

Voice over: "How old are you?"

The people dancing to the Mexican Hat Dance: "¡ Under thirty, Si Obama !"

Voice over: "And this November just remember, who's your daddy?"

The people dancing to the Mexican Hat Dance: "¡ Si Obama !"

Wrap it up with my Mexican reelection splash screen:

¡Si Obama 2012!

Olay.

Make sure it gets produced by one of our hispanic front groups so it doesn't actually have my fingerprints on it.

BO

TOP SECRET

Under consideration at DHS, dropping "illegal alien" and using "Voluntary Obama Subject" . [VOS]

Si, my name is Abdullah Akbar Jihadi Sa'id Gomez...

I'd love to be able to make that video. Until then, here's some preliminary artwork:

Our Great Leader forgot a key step: VOTE! (Or, in Spanish, ¡VOTE!)
After all, what good is it getting them over the border if they're not going to help the GL get re-elected?

As stated yesterday on otherwise-illegal talk radio, CATCH. RELEASE. VOTE.

¡Ay f@!#*^g caramba!

Another one from our friend Stephen Bowers:

Time to remember old classics:

Jorge Washíntonez Crosses The Rio Grande

How many Rethuglikkkans can we detain in Mexico this election??

With Obama's brave new executive order on immigration, we must re-prioritize our efforts and quickly produce a few million welcoming guest worker uniforms. The number of jobs saved or created with this project is expected to somewhat compensate for the 800,000 jobs taken away by the new arrivals.