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Staying "ON MESSAGE" (Memo From Big Brother)

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Memo

To: All Party Leaders. Bosses, Apparatchiks, Spear-Carriers, 'Bots, Fellow Travelers
CC: NY Times, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, et al
From: Big Brother
Re: Staying "ON MESSAGE"


Comrades, I do not like the way things have been going lately in our quest to remake society. Some of you have been deviating from the words I have put in your mouths, using phrases like "solving America's problems" and such. This kind of talk deeply disturbs me, Comrades.

For the record, let me be clear Comrades; we are POLITICIANS! We do not know how to solve problems! We do not know how to do much of anything except make big stew out of small potatoes! If we had any actual skills, we would have useful jobs, people! Is that what you want? Useful jobs? WORK? If not, then stop saying such foolishness!
~
Let me make it clearer for those, like Olberman, who do not read well. Comrade Pelosi did not know natural gas is a fossil fuel. Comrade Obama does not know how many states there are in US and thinks asthmatics use Breathalyzers. And one of our Congresspuppets cannot tell the difference between Obama and the mythical figure the proles call "Jesus". Comrades, none of you are qualified to think so stop trying to go above your paygrade and just say what I tell you to say. Otherwise, you will be back at shovel factory helping to determine if handle will break when shoved where the moon does not shine.

Now, to reiterate, here is our message: "HOPE AND CHANGE". What do we hope for? We hope for change. What kind of change? CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN! How do we know we can believe in it? YES WE CAN! WE ARE THE ONES WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! This is not rocket science, Comrades! This is so simple a party-approved journalist can do it! I hope this is the last time I will need to say this. If it is not, there will be grave consequences, and I emphasize the word "grave".

Finally, I see the fundraising has slowed down. Please get to work on this, Comrades, the solid gold plumbing at my dacha is starting to tarnish. Oh, and someone please call a repairperson, Commissar You-Know-Who has tongue stuck in vodka bottle again.

- BIG BROTHER

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This is so simple a journalist can do it!

This statement is so funny Dane Cook might make us laugh, maybe.

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Mmmm... Big Brother should shoot with rifle rather than shotgun. Many journalists serve the Party cause unfailingly; then, there are those that actually do their jobs. Traitors!

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I am deeply sorry Comrade Big Brother. As has happened before, I didn't get that memo.

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Comrade Big Brother, I have it on good authority that Olbermann and Matthews, the faithful stooges for the Party are actually still fighting on. But perhaps some party faithful could go down to PMSNBC with a cattle prod, and make them yell louder. I feel they are not putting up a proper fight. The party needs these mental rejects.

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K.G.B. Komisar wrote:Comrade Big Brother, I have it on good authority that Olbermann and Matthews, the faithful stooges for the Party are actually still fighting on. But perhaps some party faithful could go down to PMSNBC with a cattle prod, and make them yell louder. I feel they are not putting up a proper fight. The party needs these mental rejects.


Ahhh! That's what the Party needs! MORE LOUD YELLING! That is why Comrade Obama is slipping in polls! WE ARE NOT YELLING LOUDLY ENOUGH! WE MUST CHANGE FROM TALKING POINTS TO YELLING POINTS! THE PROLETARIAT ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING OUR WONDERFUL MESSAGE OF HOPE AND CHANGE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT HEAR US! THEIR SKULLS ARE TOO THICK AND IT IS STOPPING THE SOUND FROM REACHING THEIR PUNY BRAINS! NOW, LISTEN TO US YOU STUPID CLINGING HICKS! OBAMA! HOPE AND CHANGE! CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN!
GOT IT? VOTE OBAMA, YOU IDIOTS! I SAID, VOTE OBAMA, STUPID! Sheesh!

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Opiate of the People, I am bursting with pride. Perhaps If we tortured a few of the Pheasants they will get the Obama Message!!!

Vice grips on finger tips, they scream like a Chicken caught in a tractors nuts.

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VOBE TOEBAMA!

(hiccup)

TOTE VOBAMA?!

Teddy, no thanks, I don't need another, and no you can't have the keys....hic

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Opiate of the People wrote:Ahhh! That's what the Party needs! MORE LOUD YELLING! That is why Comrade Obama is slipping in polls! WE ARE NOT YELLING LOUDLY ENOUGH! WE MUST CHANGE FROM TALKING POINTS TO YELLING POINTS! THE PROLETARIAT ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING OUR WONDERFUL MESSAGE OF HOPE AND CHANGE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT HEAR US! THEIR SKULLS ARE TOO THICK AND IT IS STOPPING THE SOUND FROM REACHING THEIR PUNY BRAINS! NOW, LISTEN TO US YOU STUPID CLINGING HICKS! OBAMA! HOPE AND CHANGE! CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN!
GOT IT? VOTE OBAMA, YOU IDIOTS! I SAID, VOTE OBAMA, STUPID! Sheesh!

That reminds me of an old current truth that is apparently becoming more current than others:

Chairman Dean's Message: Turn Up Volume

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Big Brother,

While we are are all in agreement with this memo, and adhere to it strictly (Olberman excepted), you must realize there are some that are outside our control.

Take for instance Comrade Khadafi ... he obviously has Foot-In-Mouth disease, and must be sent to the re-education camps immediately. Just check out this quotation:
"We fear that Obama, our Kenyan brother with American nationality, will feel that, because he is black with an inferiority complex, this will make him behave worse than the whites. We (shall)tell him to be proud of himself as a black and feel that all Africa is behind him." Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muammar_al-Gaddafi and https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7450000.stm

This type of rhetoric just cannot be allowed!!!!

Unfortunately, he must have missed the memo, please make sure ALL of our comrades get our next memo, so they don't say something that decreases all of our IQ's ... not unlike:
"I need to know if she really think that dinosaurs were here 4,000 yearsago. I want to know that, I really do. Because she's gonna have thenuclear codes."
Source: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/ ... 25334.html

Since we are all equal, I feel my IQ has gone down just a little bit for having listened and read that. Hopefully it will pass once Obama lowers the oceans and causes the planet to heal.

Hopefully in the future, The Memo will be adhered to.

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Red Square wrote:
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This is priceless (as opposed to Howie Dean, who is worthless.)

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Laika the Space Dog wrote:VOBE TOEBAMA!

(hiccup)

TOTE VOBAMA?!

Teddy, no thanks, I don't need another, and no you can't have the keys....hic


Nose, gib the keys to Boe Jiden (hic) he's de desig- dassig- he's our diver fur tonight (hic) (puke)
Ride Joe?


Yeh, Hullery Paloosi wud be a mudge bedder bice presiden' den me (hic)

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K.G.B. Komisar wrote:Opiate of the People, I am bursting with pride. Perhaps If we tortured a few of the Pheasants they will get the Obama Message!!!

Vice grips on finger tips, they scream like a Chicken caught in a tractors nuts.


NO, NO, NO! We must use electric shock, much more effective! We will tell the media Obama is once again electrifying the voters! But power must come from windmills, of course. What kind of people would we be if we generated excess greenhouse gases?

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I personally feel that Laika is falling down on her job. When was the last time that <i>you</i> had a message in your tin-foil hat beamed from outer space? Laika! Where are you? We need you now more than ever, Laika! Beam us a message. Make us conform. Lead us to the Truth of Obama!

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The Truth is this:

We let our Empress down.
Yes, down.

Even Joseph the Plagiarist knows this.
The PUMAs know this.
The whole Party™ knows this.
The line in Vegas demands it.

The Empress wants Joseph the Plagiarist's head on a silver platter.
This is how the scriptures are to be fulfilled.
The touble is, I can't find a silver platter big enough to support Biden's ginormous mouth.

Sorry about last night Comrades. I keep asking for a White Russian and Teddy tells the barmaid "No, give her a Black Russian".
This Black Russian makes my head spin.

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Laika, when will you learn not to drink with Teddy? Half his fortune has gone to keep people from finding out about the people he drives home. If he'd been smart enough to actually <i>pay</i>, as he's learned to do, after that one little tiny slip at Chappaquiddick, he'd be president now. For his fifth term. But Teddy learned, and learned well.

Teddy has an entire Drink Team, and I don't mean what you put down your hole, but what he drives the car into. He has one of those panic buttons. "Help! I've killed a girl and I don't want it out!" And they swing into action, vacuum up the evidence, bribe the DA, or threaten if it's cheaper. The press is already on his side.

And, dear Laika, we don't want that to happen to you. Because even though Red Ted is one of us, you are special in our hearts.

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Comrade Theo - when Laika drinks with Ted Kennedy it's she who is the designated driver. Which is what has been keeping Ted alive for the last couple of decades. He switches to autopilot and lets Laika guide him.

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Sometimes Ted forgets to turn the autopilot off and then Laika continues to guide him all through the day of writing legislation and giving speeches. The tumor they found in his brain was, in fact, the remotely controlled autopilot that he had running for a year without ever turning it off and so the battery went dead and leaked into the brain. The surgery performed by specially trained brain technicians consisted in replacing the battery. Now Teddy is as good as new serving the revolution, Laika is my witness!

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I am so relieved, Red, to find that Laika is the guiding daemon of Teddy. I've known for some years that Teddy, despite his many virtues for the Collective, was pig stupid and needed some sort of sherpa to guide him into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.

The only way that I will not accept Laika beaming instructions down to our tin-foil hats is if she is guiding Teddy in his progressive actions.


 
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