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The American Pravda is in Trouble!

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Silicon Alley Insider wrote: The [<i>New York Times</i>] must deliver $400 million to lenders in May of 2009, six months from now. The company has only $46 million of cash on hand, and its operations will likely begin consuming this meager balance this quarter or next. The company has been shut out of the commercial paper market, but has a $366 million short-term credit line remaining that it entered into several years ago, when the industry was strong. It has not yet drawn this cash down, and given the current environment and the trends at the company, we would not take for granted that it will be able to do so.

Comrades, this is an emergency. S&P rated the <i>New York Times</i> as junk stock, and the day after they endorsed the Chosen One for President. Of course S&P is run by Republicans and this was done for revenge.
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And now the Paper of Record, which teaches us how to sneer, will be faced to sell some of its assets to avoid bankruptcy. Its building or perhaps its stake in the Boston Red Sox.

I call for all comrades to help the Paper of Record avoid this humiliation. The NYT has for decades been the voice of progressive America, secure in its knowledge that between Los Angeles and Manhattan there is a movie and nothing else. With it turned into a local shopper, who will teach us how to sneer? Who will instruct us on what things really mean? Sometimes things seem to have a face value but the NYT has always known that meaning was subjective. That is subject to progressive interpretation.

The only answer is of course a bailout. Fox News, which has the largest television news audience, must be taxed to pay for the New York Times.

Yes, make Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and ALL of the other Neo-Con's pay a fee to broadcast their vile lies to the masses. Send the Civlian National Security Force over to Fox News to search the premises and seize all of their ill gotten loot.

It's Redistributing Time, Comrades!!

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When is it <i>not</i> redistributing time? Zarkof, you know that we don't feel real big and empowered unless we're taking things from people. That's what defines us.

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Burn Baby, Burn!

But seriously, the S&P is just a ratings agency and not infallible (they rated all the CMO's that are going bust as AAA just a few years ago.) The real problem here is simply that the folks who buy bonds, like hedge funds, pension funds and mutual funds, don't wanna buy the Times' paper
(the newspaper or the debentures.) A majority of these wealthy types went for Obama and I'll bet the Times is one of the reasons they saw the light. So now the Times needs the favor returned. The Times is a national treasure, the newspaper of record, the light at the end of the tunnel, etc. I don't know why a little thing like not being able to pay you back should deter anyone from lending the company money. After all, it doesn't matter in the housing market at all, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, Obama and ACORN proved that. So, it's time for all wealthy progressives to step up to the plate and pay the Times back for all their wisdom and great journalism over the years. Make it a point to call your broker tomorrow (if someone can talk him back inside from the ledge he's standing on) and buy a couple mill of Times junk bonds! Don't think of it like an investment, think of it like you're contributing to PBS (i.e. money down a rathole) only there's no pledge drive or tote bag.

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The Onion should buy out the NYT. They'd make it profitable and fun.

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Halliburton, how could we tell which was which? It is only the masthead of the NYT which tells us that they mean it seriously.

It's a Glorious time for seizing Neo-Con's assets and giving His Excellency the means to begin His 4 year plan of Redistributing, for the Common Good and the Children™. These cronies of the Bu$Hitler regime, will now feel the Power of Our Messiah, as He strips the loot and plunder from these Capitalist crooks.

We must not let the NYT fade away! Dig deep, Comrades. Dig deep into every capitalist's pockets and begin the healing process.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Halliburton, how could we tell which was which?

The Onion NYT would have news.

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Ah. I see. Would it have Frank Rich? Or would he still be in Bellvue?

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Comrades, we must rally.

It is too big to fail. Perhaps we could get a government bailout?

If not, an offer I got from a capitalist in Nigeria sounds like it could be promising. I will forward it to them, hopefully it will prove useful to them.

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Dr. Mbmbwe Sesi? He is a faithful correspondent of mine too. I trust him implicitly especially since only 25% of the words in his emails are misspelt, as opposed to 50% in other Nigerian emails. Or 5/6 of the words on the homepage of the Detroit Public Schools. [true]

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(Off)

I would much rather have RUPERT MURDOCH buy out the NYT.

The exploding heads. Oh the exploding heads!

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Hell, yes, Meow. Hell yes. I can imagine Frank Rich tossed on his ass out the door screeching his fool head off. Pauline Kael, and I hope I got that right. Dear Pinch entering his club and someone seated in his customary seat looking at him, and looking down.

But if Murdoch can't have it, I want it to be a shopper. With news of bake sales.

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Frank Rich would waddle down to the theater district and kill himself before a captive audience if Murdoch bought out the paper. He would go out like Nero -- only without the help and without the satisfaction that people were relieved -- or even cared, for that matter -- that he is dead. Qualis artifex pereo! Qualis artifex pereo!


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No serious investor would buy into a newspaper at this point with any expectation of making money. Just seeing what Sam Zell has had to deal with at the LA Times would give one pause. And anyone who has paid any attention at all to the industry would realize that it was in secular decline even before the current economic troubles accelerated their revenue decline. I think a bailout is out of the question as the govt will run out of borrowing power long before it gets around to helping newspapers. If anyone bought the NYT, it would be someone like Soros who has more money than he knows what to do with and would buy it as a trophy property and allow it to continue spreading its leftwing "gospel according to Obama." I don't think Buffet would do it as he is not an egotist and only invests to make money and he knows a turnaround is not in the cards. Murdoch already has the WSJ so he is an unlikely buyer.

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I still hope that Murdoch would--when he gets pissed, he gets pissed.

What about a merger with the DKos? The only difference would be the rage-to-sneer quotient.

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Comrades,

The Paper of Record is written with the ultimate end of being For The Children. Accordingly, the proper rescue plan is to allow chidren from across the country (and, eventually, the world) to write for it. Not only will this ensure and endless supply of material, it will maintain the current level of writing quality and reduce labor costs to zero when parasitic journalists are replaced by children writing for free or compulsion. Children's art and doodles will be added to enliven the text, add context for the less literate, and bring a new level of information from a group otherwise under-represented in most areas of the media. With every school required to purchase a subscription for each student learning the 5-paragraph essay, which should be reduced to one paragraph to maximize efficiency, profitability will return.

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Tovarich, I hail your insight. No doubt any five-year-old can top the lucubrative efforts of Frank Rich, although certainly not his spleen. Now I'd hate to lose Rich's spleen and anger, for only Meow does better anger than Rich. Rich was born offended and stays offended and makes a living being offended and if I stop and squint my eyes I can't figure out why he's offended because I can't think of a single thing that he's ever said which would make me think that his opinion, offended or not, is worth the single square of dirty toilet paper that Sheryl Crow uses when she's not showering with Laurie David.

So let the children write. Let them create. Let them, let them, let them. Let them paint on walls, and photograph it to put on the front page of the Paper of Record.

But most of all, let the paper of record have done to it what it did to other people.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Hell, yes, Meow. Hell yes. I can imagine Frank Rich tossed on his ass out the door screeching his fool head off. Pauline Kael, and I hope I got that right. Dear Pinch entering his club and someone seated in his customary seat looking at him, and looking down.

But if Murdoch can't have it, I want it to be a shopper. With news of[HIGHLIGHT=#ffc000] bake sales[/HIGHLIGHT].

Commissar Theocritis.


NO BAKE SALES!

The omnipotent One has already decreed it. Especially when it comes to the Children. Can't make it any clearer than that. (no fear, I'll slip you Party-types some sweets. Woflgang is quite the baker of record),

Now where was I??.........

Che' GourmetImage

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Ché. Do you think that your Wolfgang and my Bruno would get on? I hope so, and it it is not, I trust, puckish of me to think so, for I am Oberon, the king of the fairies.


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Perhaps we will finally see the military be forced to use bake sales to buy ammo, and the NEA finally given the the blank check funding and military hardware they need to assure absolute compliance with their enlightened dictates.

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Dr., the military will be disbanded in favor of a national police force, and as far as international relationships go, we will rely on group hugs.

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Don't forget the John Kerry Sensitivity Pillow!

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Betty wrote:Don't forget the John Kerry Sensitivity Pillow!

I thought that was Terry Heinz Kerry's boobs.

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Commissar Theocritus, once again your analysis is spot on.
A couple of things I must bring to your attention while I have you here. Your riding boots are once again ready for you, polished to the highest gloss. As per your instructions I managed to get most of the cheese smell out of the interior of your boots comrade. I also reported to the kitchen as per Che'. I must admit I was taken aback as he was nowhere to be found, and the phone was ringing off of the hook. I gathered my nerve and answered, it was a quite angry Comrade Commissarka Pinkie demanding to know where her evening repast was.
Well I scurried about and found some fresh diver scallops which I seared over a high heat, deglazed with a bit of chardonnay and served over a bed of arugula accompanied by fresh black bread and sweet cream butter and the remaining chardonnay. As I was cleaning the kitchen I discovered Che' in the broom closet, in the fetal position clutching a half empty bottle of vodka and crying uncontrollably. Comrade Commissar, I request your immediate help in this rather embarrassing incident.

Your loyal and yet humble servant,
Radnoskovich.

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Gruppenfurer, you are again exhibiting exemplary attention to detail just as any mind-numbed party apparatchik should do. I <i>like</i> that in a party member. Why I recall when I was a young socialist I didn't have any thought for myself and only cared for the party just like you. And now that I'm an uber-socialist, and one mean son of a bitch, I still maintain that I care for nothing but the party's detail. And I maintain that and maintain that all day long and anyone who suggests that I care for myself at all will be sent to the wall.

Che is to be excused, this once, for his crying fit. You heard Pinkie, and your response was swift and sufficient. But if you hadn't had something that she wanted, she'd have reached through the telephone and throttled you. I've seen her do it. If there had been one more witness, like to a hole in one, she'd have gotten the Nobel Prize for discovering the physics of telekinesis.

So keep on with your good work. For this you may have the stems of the arugula.

And although Che may be excused this once, he'll have some 'splanin' in to do. Macht snell!

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Once again Commissar Theocritus your analysis of the situation is flawless. I shall unlock the broom closet at once. And thank you for your most generous gift of the arugula stems.

Your humble servant,
Radnoskovich

Comrade as an aside, if you ever have the need of some, shall we say "enforcement" in certain situations, I have some experience in that arena and would be honored to serve you.

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Gruppenfurer, thank you. As a matter of fact I do. Sister Massively Opiated stole Katie Couric's head from me and <i>she cannot get away with it</i>. I love the head, Grupenfurer, I love the head. It sneers and bobbles up and down in a perky fashion and it loves me. I know it does. The Couric head loves me. But Sister took my Couric head.

I cannot be the socialist that I am meant to be without the Couric Head, so I call upon you, Gruppenfurer, to help me mount a punitive and retaliatory attack on the dolphin.

For taking my Couric Head.

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Comrade Commissar Theocritus, rest assured that your beloved Couric head will be repatriated to you this very evening. I shall "presuade" Sister Massively Opiated in a way that she will willingly return the idyllic Katie Couric head to your rightful possession and apologize to you in the process. I find it therapeutic if the offender meets the offended and is allowed to grovel for their mercy in the presence of the offended. And then after, I shall have a private "session" with the offender.

Your loyal servant,
Radnoskovich

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Comrade Cousin Director Theocritus,

You are to be congratulated. As a true socialist, you ignore our consanguinity and f**k over a family member for the party (or for your own personal pleasure)... your behaviour is commendable and only goes to prove that I was right to retrieve and destroy the head... You are once again your impaling, backstabbing self, rather than the weak blubbering glob of jelly you'd become as a result of your proximity to La Mal Tete. Retaliate, if you must... or try... have you ever seen the pod lose? It will only lose you your bootlicker. Think on it Theocritus, carefully... you wanted Che to cook the head and serve it up as food... and a mind is a terrible thing to taste.

Heads are a dime a dozen in the necroproxy preservation department, my fickle cousin... I can easily replace said malatesta, sans una dolor de cabeza (so many tongues... so little time...)... and I would gift you one that was more sneering and perky than The Couric's, but without the obvious ill effects to your mental well-being. It would be my pleasure, now that you have returned to yourself, and to us.

But beware, comrade cousin... the Gruppenfurer may lick your boots clean but it is my Kommissariate, Housekeeping, that washes your shorts. Wouldn't want any nasty surprises, would we cuz?... and if you harm an inch of my echolocating melon, Mom will f**k you up, and you know it... Did you apprise Der Gruppenfurer of either our professional or familial relationship? Your vassals deserve better, if you have not, mein vetter. At least he seems to have a good work ethic... Arbeit Macht Frei, Theo... Arbeit Macht Frei.

The pod awaits your response. Bring it hard, or don't bring it Theo... We don't have time for games. Das ist ein großer schweinerei! Ha Balagan Gadol! And cleanup is my speciality...

Sister Monstrously Ominous
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service (not to mention starching your tighty whiteys and taking care of family bidness)

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Gruppenfurer Radnoskovich wrote:Comrade Commissar Theocritus, rest assured that your beloved Couric head will be repatriated to you this very evening. I shall "presuade" Sister Massively Opiated in a way that she will willingly return the idyllic Katie Couric head to your rightful possession and apologize to you in the process. I find it therapeutic if the offender meets the offended and is allowed to grovel for their mercy in the presence of the offended. And then after, I shall have a private "session" with the offender.

Your loyal servant,
Radnoskovich

oooOOooh! Mein Gruppenfurer,

I am trembling in my navy issued target harness... has no one told you, Dolphins don't grovel, and my pod is well finned, pardon the pun... Go back to your maker. Theo and I know each other fache a fache already, or should I say fache a beak...

Achtung, mein Gruppenfurer!... The Pod is coming for you....

Phshthsst.. Clickclickclick... skreeeeeeee...
Fluke you, Radnoskovich!
The Dolphin

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Ah, mein sister. You are a bit too late as I have my orders from Comrade Theocritus himself. The head shall be returned, and it shall be returned in pristine condition.

Your "cousin" has renounced his cousinship, and you and I have a very special meeting. I shall grant you the opportunity to return the Katie Couric head to it's rightful owner, but it must be done instantly as my Commissar has no time to dawdle. Failure to do so shall result in a meeting that you will not wish to attend. My shovel is sharp, and my patience short. I command you to return to Commissar Theocritus what is rightfully his. You shall do it instantly and you shall beg the forgiveness of my Commissar. Failure to do so can only result in one possible consequence. May the peoples collective forgive you.

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Too late... too late... the head was destroyed this afternoon... did Theocritus, 'your' Commissar, not tell you this?... and what is this possessiveness... Anathema! Thoughtcriminal... and the head was the Party's and as Official Party Necroproxy Preservationist, falls within the purview of my responsibility... I believe Theocritus is withholding, mein bootlicker...

Gruppenfurer... I have been cleaning up my comrades commissar's messes for much longer than you.. in fact, it is MY duty within the party... did you think the "Limo Service" was a voluntary trip undertaken... it may be a service, but our riders disappear...

We are the Kommissariate of Housekeeping... We Sweep Dead People (after we make them so)...

Clearly, Theocritus did not issue you a Party handbook...

I need no forgiveness...

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BTW Gruppenfurer,

Did Theocritus also not tell you that it was he who asked me to free him of the head's control...

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=2612

It had taken over... become his Precious... he is not himself. I charge you not with carrying out his every whim, but of returning him to himself... He is not well... You must know this. if you truly care for your Director, you will help him, and not harm those who seek his wellbeing... He is dear to us whether you can see this now or not.

SMO

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Gruppenfurer, your outstanding behavior is hereby rewarded with a new title which Sister and I bestow on you: Commissar of Treacherous Toadeating. I asked you to go up against our of our most ruthless commissars, Sister, and you did, for a chance of advancement. This is inspiring. This is true socialism.

You reported on Ché Gourmet's lapse because you know that I was interested in the purge banquet. You handled the threat of Pinkie adeptly. And then you offered to avenge me on Sister, one of the most powerful of the inner circle. The only person in this group who is more fearsome is Our Many Titted Empress.

All this, and for your own personal advancement.

Grupppenfurer, I see a glorious future for you. There is no limit to your rise, as long as you remember that I am above you on the ladder. But you have vaulted yourself over the common run of Comrade with this.

Sister, I am fully recovered now. I still think that the Couric Head used as a Weapon of Mass Sneering would have been a wonderful thing--imagine it weaponized, on the head of a missile, scream/sneering down into a Republican convention. Imagine the damage it would cause.

But there are other heads to made into Weapons of Mass Sneering, some which will be nearly as lethal. And this time I shall store the heads in the Carlsbad Salt Domes instead of at the Rancho.

Heil, Gruppenfurer, Treacherous Toadeater!

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Your tongue is sharp SMO, however I am under strict orders from my Commissar. Return the head at once, his Katie, his precious Katie has but one place, and that is beside my Commissar. I warn you. Do not trifle with me. The consequences could be dire. My Commissar has given me my orders. Orders which I am bound to carry out. There will be no further conversation dear SMO. MY Commissar is well and of sound mind. Have you not read his missives? Do not force me into an untenable situation. Or it you be you who is grieved for. Yes you. We have a meeting that at this point can not be avoided. Only my Commissar can call me back now. I urge you to rethink your foolishness. My orders are unassailable and can only be countermanded by one person.
Govern yourself accordingly.

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Gruppenfurer, I wipe a tear from my eye. I have not seen such dedication since Rahm Emanuel called off a list of people he thought were enemies and with each name stabbed the tabletop with a knife and yelled, "Dead!" He will be of course our next White House Chief of Staff.

I'm afraid that Sister has emailed me a movie of the Couric Head going into the volcano. I know it was not a ruse--the lava in the caldera tried to avoid the Couric Head by hugging the sides, and the Couric Head disappeared straight into the earth, avoided by the lava until finally the lava collapsed back into the caldera and started bubbling. A huge belch of lava, and the deed was done.

The Couric head is gone, Gruppenfurer, the Couric head is gone. And we cannot have it.

But be of good cheer. There are other weapons of mass sneering to be had. Next year I shall convene a conference on the procurement of the Olbermann Head. It will require the cooperation of all party members and it will the most dangerous undertaking in the history of the party, but it will be the doomsday weapon.

Because Olbermann has the worst sneer connected to the biggest tin-foil hat, the largest case of paranoia, and the biggest self-righteous and most self-important ego in the world.

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Gruppenfurer Radnoskovich wrote:Commissar Theocritus, once again your analysis is spot on.
A couple of things I must bring to your attention while I have you here. Your riding boots are once again ready for you, polished to the highest gloss. As per your instructions I managed to get most of the cheese smell out of the interior of your boots comrade. I also reported to the kitchen as per Che'. I must admit I was taken aback as he[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00] was nowhere to be found[/HIGHLIGHT], and the phone was ringing off of the hook. I gathered my nerve and answered, it was a quite angry Comrade Commissarka Pinkie demanding to know where her evening repast was.
Well I scurried about and found some fresh diver scallops which I seared over a high heat, deglazed with a bit of chardonnay and served over a bed of arugula accompanied by fresh black bread and sweet cream butter and the remaining chardonnay. As I was cleaning the kitchen [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]I discovered Che' in the [/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]broom closet, in the fetal position clutching a half empty [/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]bottle of vodka and crying uncontrollably[/HIGHLIGHT]. Comrade Commissar, I request your immediate help in this rather embarrassing incident.

Your loyal and yet humble servant,
Radnoskovich.

Good day to you Commissar (not for long) of Treacherous Toadeating (he must be high) ....and Congratulations on your..ahem...promotion.

I believe that you were assigned to the PHK on 11/06/08, correct? So why didn't you show up for duty? Too busy groveling and bootlicking Commissar Theocritis' boots?

My duties as Chef to the Inner Circle take me out of the kitchen occasionally, and I do not answer to lying cockroaches such as yourself!

Let me explain what is happening for the interest and entertainment of the rest of the Party.
(Glorious Incarnate Trapezoid, please note) (puffs on fine Cuban rolled cigar, and thank you SMO for procuring them for me)

1- SMO and I have been watching your antics since you showed up at the Cube. She is extremely intuitive, as are all of her species, and she had her doubts about you from the beginning.

2- Commissarka Pinkie can have anything she wants from my kitchen, anytime she wants. She called me on my personal phone, (she would never call the kitchen phone as it always seems to be busy) after she received your meal and did express her displeasure that the scallops were raw in the middle (trying to poison our dear Commisarka??for that, alone, you will pay dearly) and unfit to eat. She said that you told her that you were a cook? (such lies,lies) , but that in the future, I alone will be allowed to prepare her meals. (With great pleasure, my Commisarka) So, this lapse, on the kitchen's part, will not happen again! I will ferret out who was on duty and decapitate them, immediately! Wolfgang, get me that damn schedule, NOW!!

3- Uses machete on doomed worker......that's for not informing me, personally, that the instigating prole Radnoskovich was in my kitchen and for not finding me!! Wolfgang, please get a prole to clean up that blood on the kitchen floor...Gracias, comrade. (smiles benevolently at Wolfgang)

There, I feel much calmer.... It has come to my attention and to SMO's as well, that you are a Thought Control Specialist? It says so in your profile, comrade....Shi*t,... Quickly, Commissar Theocritis - Tell Bruno to throw out those boots, immediately! There is a known mind control hallucinogen that is absorbed through the skin! Dials his phone.....Yes, yes, SMO,... perhaps that is why Commissar Theocritis has been acting so odd! Si, Si, I will tell him.... I'll speak with you later, my divine porpoise... say hello to your Argentine (and amigo of mine) Party approved unit, and of course, Aki too....(blows a kiss into phone)

4- Ahh yes..where was I?.....Radnoskovich, You hail from the Suwanee, People's Collective of Georgia, right?....hmmm..nice country....(makes mental note)

5- your dismissive attitude towards SMO is inexcusable! Who the HELL do you think you are to try to intimidate her?.... If you so much as touch a fin.....I swear...you will die, instantly!!

To summarize this diatribe, you have offended my honor, (very dangerous to a hot-blooded Argentine/Irish brigand) and I will seek to clear my good name. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]SO WATCH YOUR ASS[/HIGHLIGHT], you backstabbing, kowtowing, ass-kissing, piece of crap truckler! SMO and I are coming for you and you won't know what hit you!

the Butcher of Cabana,
Image

Che' Gourmet

WORDS THAT DO NOT MATCH DEEDS ARE UNIMPORTANT!

PS - Commissar Theocritis - I hope you are well? Whew!... That was close!... SMO and I are looking out for you, Sir. Will you choose sides on this matter? You were duped, my liege. And you already know my undying loyalty to the Party knows no bounds! Oh...BTW...I don't drink on duty...it diminishes my knife skills (although not by much)...Grrrrrrr! (Sneers, wickedly) AND ALL THIS FOR A STUPID, UGLY KULAK HEAD? All of this ridiculous infighting has made me, strangely, famished. Wolfgang, Where are the Diver scallops (if the puta turd left any)and do we have any Chardonnay Sauce left?? Well make some, pronto!

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Che, I see you are back and in fine form. But do not be hard on the Commissar of Treacherous Toadeating. He is yet a baby in the ways of backstabbing. And he will go far. Why I remember when Pupovich was just a pup in the ways of oiling up to people, and look how far he's come. I'm very impressed. Of course don't let him get behind you...

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Che, I see you are back and in fine form. But do not be hard on the Commissar of Treacherous Toadeating. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]He is yet a baby in the ways of backstabbing[/HIGHLIGHT]. And he will go far. Why I remember when Pupovich was just a pup in the ways of oiling up to people, and look how far he's come. I'm very impressed. Of course don't let him get behind you...

My Good Commissar Theocritis

In fine form? And just where did I go?,,,,, (spits disgustedly)....... He's gonna wish he was a baby again when SMO and I get hold of him! While I understand your incessant need for adoration, I question your choice of a useful idiot such as.... what's his name....damn backstabber!

Did you not understand that he was trying to get you under his Thought Control by offering to get back the Couric Head? Are you suffering any ill effects? He, who I denounce with venom, will not go unpunished for trying to tarnish my honor! Will you stand with him, (the upstart) or with your loyal, true red in mind and body, Chef of the Inner Circle? I must know!!??
(stomps foot and brandishes his long knife threateningly in the air)

He won't be under your protection forever, and I can be (sometimes) a patient executioner.

Che' Gourmet Out

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Ah, Ché. Don't get your knickers in a twist. Santa's been <a href="https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopi ... 8373">good to you</a>.

And good to Gruppenfurer, too.

Do not worry. I am quite my usual nasty, mean, larcenous, backstabbing self. And I no longer walk on all fours, and the cloud has left Rancho de Rio Grande ever since the Couric head was dumped into the volcano. Although the volcano didn't seem to like it, but that's the volcano's problem.

I shall be fine. Since SMO has promised me the Olbermann head.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ah, Ché. Don't get your knickers in a twist. Santa's been <a href="https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopi ... 8373">good to you</a>.

And good to Gruppenfurer, too.

Do not worry. I am quite my usual nasty, mean, larcenous, backstabbing self. And I no longer walk on all fours, and the cloud has left Rancho de Rio Grande ever since the Couric head was dumped into the volcano. Although the volcano didn't seem to like it, but that's the volcano's problem.

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]I shall be fine. Since SMO has promised me the Olbermann head.[/[/HIGHLIGHT]

Commissar Theocritis,

SMO is truly, a most forgiving Harbour mammal; or is she an Orca? If she has decided to let "bygones be bygones", then I shall concur and Radnosvitch and I will have our day......... eventually....and Si, Papa Noel has indeed, been very good to ol' Che'.

back to the trenches,

Che' Gourmet

Breaking News- Tom Dashle has be offered and accepted the post of Health and Human Services. Yippy Skippy! So Progressive comrades!

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So happy to get to listen to that greasy smarmy back-stabbing hamster-strangling piece of shit who got tossed out on his ass but much too late fine progressive.

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Ah Che', please, the name is Radnoskovich, Commissar of Treacherous Toadeating. Please remember that in the future when you address me. You are correct in that there was a delay in reporting to you, however I was attending to the business of my Commisar, the most glorious Theocritus. I shall report to you this evening in time for the Commissars evening repast. Perhaps you will allow me to demonstrate my skills with the knife when I arrive.
Until this evening then, comrade.

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"Phshthsst.. Clickclickclick... skreeeeeeee...
Fluke you, Radnoskovich!"

My, my. Such anger sister Dolphin, and I only was wishing to serve Commissar Theocritus. I think perhaps that you and I will have that meeting after all.

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Gruppenfurer Radnoskovich wrote:Ah Che', [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]please, the name is Radnoskovich[/HIGHLIGHT], Commissar of Treacherous Toadeating. Please remember that in the future when you address me. You are correct in that there was a delay in reporting to you, however I was attending to the business of my Commisar, the most glorious Theocritus. I shall report to you this evening in time for the Commissars evening repast. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Perhaps you will allow me to demonstrate my skills [/HIGHLIGHT][HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]with the knife when I arrive. [/HIGHLIGHT]
Until this evening then, comrade.

Yes, yes, of course I'll try to remember

Perhaps you should check first with your Commissar, (Spits in gruel for proles) It seems the gracious Commissar Theocritis has promoted you (against the good counsel of SMO and I) and you are to study with Ted, the EX of Hanoi Jane Turner. Great choice. (At least he didn't choose Ted, the souse, Kennedy). You should learn alot. I must admit that you are a good Progressive, son, if a little presumptious (and obstinate).

I am in no need of your help to fix dinner for proles Amateur, but I noticed that you mentioned a meeting with SMO this evening? Perhaps... I should meet you there. Si, that would be much more convenient for the Sister, as she has been under the weather lately. I've been meaning to bring her some fabulous, fresh sea urchins. Why I'll even bring a bottle of Trimbach Reserve Personnelle Pinot Noir 1997 to toast your new post! Call me on the kitchen phone to set up a time, OK? And please, talk with Commissar Theocritis first.
(Damn Theocritis, why did you have to make him a Commissar?? Just likes to get my hackles up for his own entertainment,.... and this snotty kid might get hurt.)

Che' Gourmet
Executive Chef of soon to be Lucretia Borgia People's Restaurant

Sh*t,..... I hope this kid isn't psycho? Perhaps I should give the good sister a call.....it would be a shame to lose an onager for the cause.....(puffs on cigar, spits on floor and picks up phone)

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Comrades, there is nothing wrong with a little tension between Progressives. For how else is the Progressive World of Next Tuesday to arrive? Tension, getting pissed off, it's all in glorious red fun.

Ché, I shall be delighted in any of your most delectable viands.

Headmaster of the School of Treacherous Toadeating, I await with much pleasure your syllabus for your school.

Ché, you poison their bodies. Headmaster, you poison their minds.

Get it?


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Che', it seems that you really have it in for me. Too bad for you, as I was going to share a 1951 Penfolds Grange Hermitage with you. I suspect at this time I shall have to savor it for my self.

caveo reporba vates.



And to my Commissar, I have gone deep into my cellar and shall uncork for you a 1945 Chateau Mouton Rothschild. This wine requires no side Commissar.

totus pro meus rector.

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Comrades, let us bury the hatchet, and not in each other! Shall we agree that the enemy is the capitalist pig, whom we shall serve in the best way.

Che, you will serve up the pig. On a platter. Gruppenfurer, you will be friendly to the pig, smile and wink at it, being your most fetching, and while patting it on the back, stab it.

Ché, your culinary arts requite Radnoskovich. Radnoskovich, your toadying arts require Ché. For you wouldn't want them just to rot, would you?

We shall feed the capitalist pigs to swine.

Fiat!

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I believe the NYP's financial woes can be answered by thepeoplescube's headline:

"Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit."

Unpatriotic Amerikkkan warmongers are not doing their part to generate bad news to sell papers:

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Obviously, warmongers that aren't blood thirsty enough should have all of their private property confiscated & redistributed to the eminantly more deserving New York Pravda paper. "From each according to his ability, to each according to his insatiable desire". That's in the Constitution...or if it's not, it should be & just demonstrates how flawed it was in the first place....

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Gruppenfurer Radnoskovich wrote:Che', it seems that you really have it in for me. Too bad for you, as I was going to share a [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]1951 Penfolds Grange Hermitage[/HIGHLIGHT] with you. I suspect at this time I shall have to savor it for my self.

caveo reporba vates.



And to my Commissar, I have gone deep into my cellar and shall uncork for you a [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]1945[/HIGHLIGHT] [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Chateau Mouton Rothschild.[/HIGHLIGHT] This wine requires no side Commissar.

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]totus pro meus rector[/HIGHLIGHT].

Good Day to you, COMMISSAR Radnoskovitch,

You have impeccable taste in wines, comrade. I'm sorry to have missed out, and hope that you toasted for me, as I now wish you well in your new undertaking.

It would appear that Commissar Theocritis has decreed that we bury the hatchet. I will obey our Commissar to the letter. Will you agree as well? There is much to do before the festivities will be upon us. I know that the Commissar has set a daunting task for you; crafting the syllubus for the School of Treachery and Toadeating. Best of luck with that. I'm sure you will rise to the task, as you are a industrious comrade.

I have a equally enormous task as well. The Commissar likes to keep the troops busy, yes?
I have noted your exquisite selections of wines, comrade?? Perhaps you would consider a tour of your wine cellar, and maybe you could suggest some quality vintages that I could use in my Lucretia Borgia Peoples Restaurant?

Comrade, have you talked with SMO yet? She is the best sort, and very wise in the Party's ways; I am quite fond of her. I will do all that I can to protect her. My anger at you was not directed toward your ambition, but for the way you spoke so harshly to her. She can be a forgiving sort, so try to make amends with her, if you haven't already. The Party needs us all to build the World of Next Tuesday, comrade. Again, I say, let us cease and desist in this petty quarreling and get back to the consequential mission at hand.

HASTA EL TRINCHERAS, AMIGOS!

Che' GourmetImage

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Ah, good, Ché. I see we are on the road to making Beautiful Socialist Music. I hope that the Gruppenfurer falls into line--as you say his taste in wines is impeccable. And as he says there's no reason to waste them on B-list palates.

Which will be dulled by the drugs that you will put in the food. What about this at the purge?

You make a very nice canape tray for the B-list socialists. In them will be some of Meow's drugs. This will make them very woozy and if I know Meow, and my aching back and flat wallet I know Meow, then they'll be very suggestible. I still haven't managed to replenish all the roofies that he took from me, that night that he wound up in Mao's coffin.

And Gruppenfurer can go about the room, working it as only that Treacherous Toadeater can, flattering the fools, telling them that there will be hope and change and a better world and that the Progressive World of Next Tuesday is just on, well, Tuesday. Which it never is--remember all those five-year plans?

But that's okay. Because while flattering them, he'll be dropping drugs, more of Meow's drugs, into their drinks.

So I figure it's a one-two punch. We wind up with all the B-list socialists' wallets. And their daughters.

While I...here heave enormous sigh..still have that goddamned Bruno.

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My Dearest Che', Of course I would be honored to give you a tour of my cellars.
As to suggestions regarding wine pairings for your grand banquet I would be delighted to help you in any way that I can. I would think that Commisar Theocritus would provide you the funds though to hire a top notch sommelier for the occassion. But I am honored that you asked.

Once again the wisdom of Theocritus guided us through this rather sticky wicket, eh? No hard feelings Comrade Che'?

Now I must get busy again on my syllabus, my Commissar is a rather strict taskmaster when it comes to these types of things. Today would of been fine, yet yesterday better.

I remain your humble comrade in "arms",
Radnoskovich

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I am so glad to see my rising lieutenants making up. Now I'm a wise old commissar and I know that every back gets a knife sometime or the other, but let's put that one off until we kill a few million reactionaries.

After all, we need to prove that Stalin was a piker. Just how many people voted for McCain?

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Well, that may be a hard question to answer. After all, we did count about 3/4 of all the votes that came in as Obama votes.

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Is that all? I would have thought that ACORN could have improved on Algore's 2004 Florida methods.

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This is unacceptable. We must secure the NYT with our socialist programs from the kapitalist pigs who believe it or not, hold it. Since it can fail in that system, let us take it back! It's fool proof!

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I would have thought that ACORN could have improved on Algore's 2004 Florida methods.
Comrade Theocritus.
I have re-adjusted your time-warp signal. You are now back in the year 2000 and Kerry is the candidate.
Whoops! Must have blown a vacuum tube.
Where's The People's Lame Duck Tape™
Where's that stone knife and bearskin?
Ahh...here they are. Gimme a sec...
There, the Red Guardian of Forever is fixed.

From now on Comrades, don't let Theocritus play with the Red Guardian.

Now....It's 2000, you're in Florida once more and Algore is the failed Revolutionary, destined for an Oscar and a Nobel.
What's more important is that in 2008 the Obamessiah becomes the Annointed One.

Of course Edith Keeler had to die again .


 
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