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The Complete Idiot's Guide® to Creating 2.5 Million Jobs

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Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:
Washington Post Article wrote:Withoutdetails, it is impossible to say if Obama's goal of creating 2.5million jobs is realistic.

Comrades-

How dare this Class Enemy Lori Montgomery and her Thought Criminal Accomplice Neil Irwin question theObamessiah??! Of course it's possible! It's not only possible- it isincredibly realistic. The most progressive part of this glorious planis that all 2.5 million workers will be unpaid. As so many despondentproles are released from their shackles and lifted to the glory ofgiving according to their ability (often to their death), thecapatalist pigs will realize the supremacy of socialism and will leavetheir foolish ways behind them.

If youknow any despondent proles who may be of value to this little project,or any Class Enemies who cling to their guns, send them to Platform 7immediately for inclusion in the Neo-New Deal

Comrade Vodkavich got me thinking--How to create 2.5 million jobs:

  1. make five year plan
  2. build shovel factory (may have to nationalize existing one)
  3. put solid party man in charge of task to make 2.5 million shovels in one year
  4. budget hundred of billions to make shovels
  5. only deliver $5,000 to shovel factory each quarter
  6. shoot man in charge of factory at end of 1st year if have less 2 million shovels (send his entire family to gulag in Alaska)
  7. assign next man-in-charge with accelerated time-deadline
  8. shoot him next quarter
  9. keep up this progress until factory manager makes 3 million shovels (or repackages foreign shovels, with creative accounting)
  10. give manager and factory workers medals and double the next five-year quota
  11. assign a wing of government to hand out the shovels to proles (and kulaks that are on way to gulags in Alaska and West Texas)
  12. have a parade (in May) to proclaim success of 3.9 million jobs created (shoot dissenters)

all of my plans seem to end up with 12 steps...

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Comrade “Pul” хулиганье
Tiglath-Pileser III
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities

And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.

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Comrades,

While you and I are probably residents of certain polities, such as Amerikkka, we are all citizens of the world and thus have equal rights. My understanding is that the populations of Canada and Australia are both about 10% of Amerikkka's, thus roughly 25-30 million. Considering the actual working population is a subset, The One will simply move his 2.5 million into Canada or Australia to replace their employed who can come here. Since they were employed there, the Canadians and Australians will bring their jobs with them here and thus "spread the jobs around." This will also "spread world citizenship and awareness around." It is, to use crude capitalist slogans, a win-win situation.

By the way, I have a PhD in piratical-economics from Mogadishu University. It took me the taking of a rich retired 45-year-old French Communist party member's yacht sailing to Reunion to get it. So there.

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I'm in favor of nationalizing the shovel factory if that plan proceeds. After all, seeing as I'm in charge of the shovel factory, I will need a promotion and someone else to work under me as supervisor of the factory. So I get all t3h monies, and non of the... dead-ings.

Now that our Dear Leader and Messiah has been elected, the number of new collective workers on the collective farm has tripled. The Messiah is truly doing his best to get all Amerikkkan's back to work. We are in desperate need of shovels for our new harvest "technicians". We could also use some picks for the beet and potato harvest this winter.

The clean-up workers at the Party "brick wall testing facility" are in desperate need of shovels as well. They can be heard, above the sounds of the rifle shots, complaining about having to use worn out shovels to dig new homes for our Dear Leader's detractors.

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Komrade Zarkof,

Re: "brick wall testing facility"

Lots of jobs creating artwork for those walls. That's spreading job wealth.

I think comrade Cradle to Grave Marxist might be down with that.

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Yo G!

Down wid dat, sos I git my wealth-spread.

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Comrades,

I have lost track of which thread it was, but a fellow comrade had proposed Obamanomics as a replacement for "fair trade." Though I am not Comrade Paul Kurgman Phd^3, I think I have found the answer to the current economic situation.

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Comrade_Tovarich
Re: the answer (print more money)

Had bad dream about this. Was in grocery store buying loaf of bread. Check-out girl says, that will be 2 dollars. I hand her 2 dollars cash and she says, we don't accept that any more. We only accept the new Tera-Dollars.

Oops, is the other answer: Print different money with whatever value you like.

Or do away with hard currency all together. E-Money can be reset any time by a few keystrokes.

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Comrade Grigori E.R.,

Tera-Dollars has a nice ring to it. Are they distinguishable from Zimbabwean dollars? Maybe that question is premature.

Yes, E-Money is like magic: one minute it is there, one minute it is not. But I have so far had an odd inability to resort to storing my currency units in Ball glass canning jars, even despite having toured the factory years ago.

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Yo G!

Jus' download an' print out th' new E-money (have ta print sos mah used 'lectronics 'n' home 'vasion biz pays da party bills)
Image Don't worry 'bout that 2-dollar bill, THIS is change.

Spread the wealth this way, Homie.



Comrade “Pul” хулиганье
Tiglath-Pileser III
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities

And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.

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Comrade CtGM,

I believe the word is: Word!

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Comrades,
Yes, the word is the word. Now where did I bury that Mason jar full of $2's? Could use them to buy some of Cradle Man's used 'lectronics.

This is why we Republicans are dead as a Party. You've got to quit making fun of Obama and his five year plans or no one will take Republicans seriously anymore. I had one old Party friend actually say to me that the only Economic Plan in a Free Country is Freedom, the only Energy Plan in a Free Country is Freedom. He called Obama... "Obullshit". What the hell's wrong with national plans?!? Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. You'd think Obama was talking like he's the General Secretary of the Soviet Union the way some of my Republican comrades carry on. The masses will vote us all out if we continue to make fun of five year plans during an economic collapse.

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Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrade CtGM,

I believe the word is: Word!
//3r|)

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<Rap_Mode_Off>

Lifelong Republican wrote:This is why we Republicans are dead as a Party.

"WE!" I gave up on Republicans on 6 FEB 2008 when the media, Democrats, and Independents picked the nominee for the Republican Party. And the current Republican Hoover-style bailouts have proved that Republicans have been dead for many decades.


Lifelong Republican wrote:What the hell's wrong with national plans?!?

I like Jefferson's 4 year plans: Thomas Jefferson on Politics & Government

"We are endeavoring... to reduce the government to the practice of a rigorous economy, to avoid burthening the people and arming the magistrate with a patronage of money, which might be used to corrupt and undermine the principles of government." --Thomas Jefferson to Mr. Pictet, 1803. ME 10:356

"Economy in the public expense, that labor may be lightly burdened, I deem [one of] the essential principles of our government, and consequently [one of] those which ought to shape its administration." --Thomas Jefferson: 1st Inaugural Address, 1801. ME 3:322

"I... place economy among the first and most important of republican virtues, and public debt as the greatest of the dangers to be feared." --Thomas Jefferson to William Plumer, 1816. ME 15:46

I am still searching for his agitprop slogan I read years ago: More economy in Government and less government in Economy.


Lifelong Republican wrote:The masses will vote us all out if we continue to make fun of five year plans during an economic collapse.

Read the news, or ask Comrade Pelosivich about the last election results.

<Rap_On>

Long live Marx, Lenin, FDR, and Comrade Obama.

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Yo Homies

Barak aint even Prez yet, an' he be makin' jobs.

I hear the Department of Justice is hiring extra investigators, and paralegals.

Surely, there will be many more openings on the legal defense teams, cash-counters, bag-men, private background investigators, manure spreaders, etc.


 
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