Dear Comrades, I need not remind you of the great equality of results guaranteed by the People's Cube. Now the mainstream media is directly attacking us on this point! Behold what was written at 7:39pm by the kulaks at the Bourgeoisie Insider:

Live Coverage of the Debt Ceiling Negotiations

Bourgeoisie Insider wrote:Today's intrepid White House pool reporter, The Hill's Sam Youngman, on the state of the negotiations: "DC is a big bag of suck that couldn't solve a rubik's cube if it were all one color."

I regret that I failed to intercept the article in question. They must have some illicit means of communication that bypasses the Postal Censor.

Trusted Servant of the People,

This is certainly not your fault...what with the lack of funding for your agencies' pensions, you have suffered greatly, and now the proposed cuts to your work schedule.....oh the inhumanity of it all! The evil capitalists have been so efficient in moving the Peoples' mail that your revenues have all but dried up! How can you be expected to catch all errors? Do continue to keep up the diligent work....all will be worked out as soon as the POTUSrams the debit ceiling through the roof...err...calls the bluff of the evil Rethuglicans and triumphs, once again. Then your funding will be increased, while your workload decreased (how does a 4 day work week sound to you?) LOL

PC, I think what BI was trying to point out is that some people are simply not capable of understanding the brilliance of the People's Cube, the perfection that it embodies. Therse simpletons try to "fix" or "solve" what is already perfect. How do we know it is perfect? Because Theory says it must be. It is just like Socialism. Never mind that it has failed every single time it has been instituted. THEORY says it MUST work, therefor we will doggedly blame everything but ourselves and try it yet once again. Ninety years of failure means nothing! THIS TIME WE WILL GET IT RIGHT!

It will work this time primarily because this time it is US who are doing it! Those who came before were insufficiently thorough, and in most cases too up front. We have been slipping Next Tuesday in the back door for many decades now, and the ignorant masses won't even know what hit them until it's MUCH too late and Next Tuesday is here in all its glory!

Comrade Postal Censor,

Be of good cheer.

The "bag of suck" this bourgeoisie insider was refering to, that "can't solve a Rubik's Cube if it were all one color", is the Reichwing Rethuglikkkans; the Party of NO, those... "Christian extremists" who are more dangerous than a legion of radical mooslims.

These are the narrow-minded, unenlightened misfits who even believe tying a shoelace is done by saying "NO" to it. How much more impossible for them to solve a singular-colored Rubik's Cube? They don't understand such progressive mores as Equality for all™, Diversity is unity™, All truth is relative until the next current wave™, and It's not your fault™.

The simple fact that they can look at a Rubik's Cube of one color, and only see one color defines them as RACISTS. Is it any wonder why they wouldn't be able to solve the puzzle when all they see is the color?

No, my Comrade Postal Censor, this is not your fault for the lack of information that was passed over by this bourgeoisie insider that, being it was reported correctly, would have erased all misunderstanding of who this "bag of suck" really is. Why, it even raises suspicions of who this bourgeoisie insider is really genuflecting to.

Che Gourmet,

We have received information that the Agency has actually overpaid its obligations, and in turn has reduced its services, such as combining offices and facilities, attrition, and raising the prices of services. This has always been a winning combination while maintaining the Private Express Statute that effectively limits the competition on their ability to compete fully. The Agency can lower their services and standards while raising their prices, while their private counterparts have to struggle to compete by having to keep their prices even higher due to the Private Express Statute protectionism. This is fairness and equality at its best—especially when the government oversees it.

It has been suggested that even a 3-day work week be considered. The pay will still be for 40 hours, though, because the Unions say so and care more than evil postal management.

The People's Cube is the gift that just keeps on giving and giving.

Of course, anyone who would dare question the equality of the Cube deserves a good denouncing at the least, and a long drawn out execution re-education at the most. Viva La Cube!!

Brain-in-Jar, I laud your understanding of theory. I hate scientific theory: if we're wrong, the plane falls from the sky or the patient dies. But if it's social-engineering theory, then all we have to do is be like Alan Colmes and always get the wrong end of the stick and like all good socialists, claim it would have worked had it been tried just right.

And the good thing is its flexibility. You can't whip a plane wreck into flying again but if you're a good progressive, you can whip a fallen society and economy, and you don't care if it gets up again, because you've achieved equality of misery and complete lack of personal responsibility.

Pardon me. I'm getting excited and must retire for a while.

Theory is what makes life possible, Dear Theo.

Let us consider the Labor Theory of Value, the core of our creed. According to the Labor Theory of Value, the value of an object is the labor required to produce it. This feels so good, as it tells the worker he or she is the source of value. It also gives us the grounds to denounce the capitalist as a thief: if the factory owner (who has done nothing but provide the machinery, raw materials, and pay the expenses of production) takes a profit from the sale of the item produced, he is stealing the value created by the worker. This is where the Party steps in and creates justice.

Let us take for example two hypothetical workers, one in Indonesia, one in the rugged hills of West Virginia. Our hypothetical workers both set out one day at the exact same time, shovel in hand, digging into the hillside behind their respective homes. Day after day these sturdy Stakhanovites dig, drifting tunnels deeper and deeper into the hill. Suddenly, at the same instant on opposite sides of the world, both miners unearth a lump of carbon about the size of a thumb. The miner in West Virginia is holding a lump of blue gem coal. The miner in Indonesia is holding a lump of blue diamond.

Conventional, conservative, need I say Capitalist, wisdom would say that the Indonesian's diamond was more valuable than the West Virginian's lump of coal. Indeed, in the blinded-by-greed world of Capitalism, the Indonesian would be able to sell his diamond for a vast fortune, while the West Virginian would be better off burning that coal in his own stove (despite the sin of releasing carbon into the atmosphere) than he would be trying to sell a single lump of coal. In the skewed world of the Capitalist, the value of an object is what someone is willing to pay for it.

But under the enlightened system of Socialism, the value of the object is NOT what someone is willing to pay for it. It is the amount of labor required to bring it forth. Both miners have exerted an equal effort, thus the product of their efforts are of equal value. This is where the Party steps in, because the common worker is too stupid to recognize this. The Party will create economic justice by confiscating both the diamond and the coal, and paying both workers the same, state-determined-to-be-fair compensation for their labor. The diamond will be set in a glittering diadem to grace the brow of one of the philosopher-economists (according to his or her need) while the coal will be sequestered in a carbon-credit account based near Nashville Tennessee.

BIJ, you are as usual spot-on. Only the Party knows the value of something; it is arbitrary and set by the Great and the Good. Who needs the information produced by the buyer and seller agreeing on a price? That's not for them; that's not their pay grade. That's for the Great and the Good. The laborers in the field of socialism.

This is also the sustaining theory of the government of Dear Obleater. Dear Obozo works so hard making speeches that the fact that they say nothing and mean nothing is nothing, and are proof that he is owed the position of the President Playboy with Air Force One to fly him wherever he wants. It's the labor involved.

Also consider the labor of Nanski Peloski and Harry Reid. They work so hard being economical with the truth and delusional that their contributions to society are worth even more than say Jonah Salk's polio vaccine. Salk didn't have to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders; he was merely trying to eradicate a pestilential, crippling disease.

Some reich-wing RethugliKKKans might say that Peloski and Reid are a pestilential, crippling disease but we know that everything they say is a lie, because to their sick minds the truth is blatant and obvious. Whereas we Progressives have to work really hard to keep the cognitive dissonance from overwhelming us. Meaning that Progressive thought is de natura more valuable than conservative thought.

How dare they? How dare they imply that a monochrome Rubic's cube is fit for simpletons?

Any moron can waste his time trying to segregate the colors of the multi-cultural/gay rights cube. But what have you learned? Nothing of value. In fact, it's down right regressive. The game should be reversed, the goal being to put an equal number of different colors on each side.

Herein lies the brilliance of our namesake. The equality is already built in.

But Whoopie, always remember that although all progs are created equal, some progs are more equal than others.

Dearest Comrade Whoopie - you said (and I quote), "Any moron can waste his time trying to segregate the colors of the multi-cultural/gay rights cube. But what have you learned? Nothing of value. In fact, it's down right regressive. The game should be reversed, the goal being to put an equal number of different colors on each side.

Herein lies the brilliance of our namesake. The equality is already built in."

Exactly. Precisely. Fundamentally and exponentially. YES!! The world has gone on long enough with their barely-disguised "Rubiks" Cube™, which teaches children, and some adults, that segregation is GOOD. RACISM, I say!! Only The People's Cube™ teaches true egalitarian equality; one could, of course, do as you suggest and attempt to put equal numbers of different colors on each face of a Rubiks Cube, but you would still have separation, nay, segregation, nay, an eternal loneliness represented by all those poor, separated little cubes of color, never able to join together in the collektive, always different, and always alone. So alone.

But with The People's Cube™ comes an intrinsic goodness, an integrated - and total - equality, as one small, inconsequential cube becomes one with all the other little cubes in the collektive, forming one huge, perfect, and totally equal Cube of Great Egalitarian Glory!!

How, oh how, can they not understand something so pure and good?

There is one thing however which cannot have glorious equality: conservatives must never be allowed to enter the front door. Only the service entrance.

Indeed, there is no question that there can be no diversity or equality in opinion, for there is only one opinion, and it is the one that we receive on our superheterodyne, phased-antenna-array tin-foil hats which receive the latest talking points from Laika, noble space dog.

And, comrades, I'll have you know that I've upgraded my hat. I now have a Core i7 processor in it. I need cooling fins, but when you consider all the cognitive dissonance that Dear Obuma has caused, I suppose it's worth it. But still, here in the 107º Texas heat, having that processor work overtime just so I don't either melt down or start laughing can generate lots of heat.