The Republican War on Men

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Comrads! As we all know about the Rethuglican #WarOnWomyn ™ thanks to the dutiful (re)ëducational efforts of our Dear Leader. Women today must toil 25% longer to earn the same amount as their male chauvinist pig counterparts.

But with so much focus on Rethuglican oppression of womyn, the Rethuglican oppression of men has been greatly overlooked. While would-be tyrants like Sarah Palin talk about radical reactionary extremist causes like fixing the economy and restoring constitutional liberties, a silent holocaust is being perpetrated on the male gender. Here are the facts on the Rethuglican #WarOnMen ™:

  1. Men are a minority.

    It is a little-known fact that men are minorities, consisting of 49.2% of the US population, while 50.8% of the population is womyn. Rethuglicans hate minorities; that's why Rethuglicans hate men.

  2. Men are denied gainful employment because of their gender and sexual orientation.

    As the graph below shows, men have been discriminated against in the workplace for decades. Male unemployment has rarely if ever dipped below female unemployment. This is part of the institutional Rethuglican sexism, genderism, and heterophobia.

  3. Males live nearly a decade* less than females.

    According to the giver of all internet knowledge, Wikipedia, male life expectancy is 77.4 years while the female life expectancy is 82.2 years. These year stolen can never be regained. When will the slaughter stop!?!?
    *Number rounded up to the nearest one... and then to the nearest ten. It's CommieCore ™ Math.

  4. A anti-male holocaust is being carried out at the workplace by Rethuglicans.

    According to the Bureau of Labor Toiling Statistics, 92.2% of men are killed at the workplace, compared to 7.8% of womyn. Or maybe it's 92.2% of deaths at the workplace are that of men. I don't know. Graphs are hard. But what I do know is that millions of men are loaded up, some of them on trains (like FriendOfThePeople ™ Uncle Joe Biden), and sent to their untimely demise at the cold capitalist hands of the Rethuglicans.

When will the bloodshed end? When will the Rethuglican Do-Nothing-Congress act? Will Dear Leader forgive me for sending his birthday card a little late? Do we really mean it when we say "Never again!" while we passively let RethuglicaNazis slaughter the male minority?

Let this be our call to action against this depravity:



This article brought to you by COX™, the Communist spin-off of the Progressive factual/explanatory journalism site VOX.

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You're damn right there's a war on men. That's why we had BO neutered. And we don't mean the dog.

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Comrade, I'm going to hide behind my couch. I hope your shovel is in good repair!

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Now that I'm a victim, I want reparations. Lots of them, too.
And an awareness campaign...

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Be careful, Comrades!! For you all must understand that many activities that might be considered part of the so-called "War on Men" are actually necessary to the advancement of our Glorious Revolution toward Next Tuesday™!

In particular, the idea of "heterophobia" is not only false, but absolutely ludicrous and insensitive. Any activities that might be considered "heterophobic"—such as being denied employment because of sexual orientation—are, more often than not, actually good for the agenda of the LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ movement, who are obviously far more oppressed and far more deserving of the term "minority," comprising only 2.3% of the population.

Also, the whole idea of being denied employment because of their gender is not necessarily a bad thing, either. Indeed, the same goes with everything else Comrade Anti-Manatee claims. After all, we're sure you're all aware how counteractive men are to society, so why complain about that? It's all for The Greater Good™, you see.

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I see that I want free stuff and Obama wants me to have free stuff and I don't have it yet.

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In The WAR ON MEN, Rethuglicans Are Merely Johnny-Come-Latelies Because Progressivism Already Transformed the Core Leadership into Myn.


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As Minister of Truth, I must remind everyone that contrary to what the Tea-Partiers describe as "The War On Men," true Progressives, such as I, know what constitutes the REAL War on Men.

--Minister of Truth

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Feminist Republicans are crazy dick-kickers.