Like most of you here -- and our fellow Progressive Democrats around the nation -- the first thing I thought of upon seeing this picture of a chimp was black people. Progressives have a hard time separating black people from pictures of monkeys when the monkey visibly does not have the pasty-white face of George W. Bush.

Shame on you, New York Post. Shame on you for showing us a picture of a monkey!

(An excellent -- and very accurate! -- depiction of the 43rd president)

The racist Right will never understand that Progressives think of black people when seeing a monkey. I did not see that cartoon as a comparison between the crazed and rabid chimp Travis and our crazed and rabid Congress -- crazed and rabid, in some wrongheaded opinions, for passing a bill without reading it, contemplating it, or making much needed changes.

I saw no such comparison, Comrades.

Instead I saw a picture of a monkey, a political reference, and instantly thought of black members of Congress, our black president, and just rank-and-file black people in general. That is what I saw, that is what Reverend Al Sharpton saw, and I'm sure all of you good Progressive Democrats saw the same thing as well.

Damn the Right and their racism. Damn them all to Detriot!

We, the progressive elite should rid the world of all apes...then such comparisons can not be made.

Purge all apes for racial harmony!!!

No, No comrade sea-bass. We are Progressives, we must elevate the status of all primates and make them equals. We can then cross breed them with humans to make more soldiers for the revolution of a few Tuesdays ago. Think of it, the strength of a <A href="<a">chimp</a> with the intelligence of a high school graduate! An army of manchimps marching across flyover country beating rethuglicans into line. We are truly on the verge of a new age of manchimp.

I denounce Comrade Red Jim for racism -- his crypto-racism.

I denounce Comrade Sea-Bass for his Crimes Against Apes as well as his crypto-racism.

Think of it, the strength of a chimp with the intelligence of a high school graduate!

What good is dumbing down the chimps?

Ivan Betinov wrote:

Think of it, the strength of a chimp with the intelligence of a high school graduate!

What good is dumbing down the chimps?

Comrade Betinov, They must be mindless puppets free-thinking individuals to absorb the Party's message. A pure bred chimp is simply too smart and most likely would work for the highest bidder.

I thank you for the clarification. Perhaps we need to update the philosophical position viz chimps and typewriters to read:

"If you put an infinite number of high school graduates at an infinite number of computers, they would eventually be able to plagiarize the enitre collected works of Shakespeare from Wikipedia."

And demand extra credit for it.

The NY Post is one paper that will not be recieving any bailout money if and when the day comes for such a measure (in three weeks, I'm told).

Ivan Betinov wrote:I thank you for the clarification. Perhaps we need to update the philosophical position viz chimps and typewriters to read:

"If you put an infinite number of high school graduates at an infinite number of computers, they would eventually be able to plagiarize the enitre collected works of Shakespeare from Wikipedia."

And demand extra credit for it.

Comrade, your aim is a bit high.

Comrades,

I read an article in which the owner of the chimp was alleged to have fed him Zanex (sorry, the real name gets converted to "I'm an idiot spammer"), which she now denies. Maybe she simply put him to sleep one too many times with Mama Voted for Obama.

When the Lord of the Rings movies came out, I recall some (assuredly) highly educated and progressive columnist/reviewer/drooler decrying the racism of the movie, for clearly the orcs were coded to be African-Americans. Oh, mine eyes have seen the light: Even when racism doesn't exist, it does!

See, I'm no coward. I just talked race. Oh, wait, but I'm progressive. Now I'm confused.

The same movie reviewer failed to note, however, the trilogy's coded sexism as well: the ents. A bunch of giant tough woodies walking around and destroying things, including orcs. I assume it safe to conclude that destruction is roughly on par with oppression.

Ivan Betinov wrote:I thank you for the clarification. Perhaps we need to update the philosophical position viz chimps and typewriters to read:

"If you put an infinite number of high school graduates at an infinite number of computers, they would eventually be able to plagiarize the enitre collected works of Shakespeare from Wikipedia."

And demand extra credit for it.

As well they should, considering the infinite exploitation inherent in that position. Then again, maybe that would mean the students would stay infinitely busy and thus never find the time to demand the extra credit.

Red Jim wrote:No, No comrade sea-bass. We are Progressives, we must elevate the status of all primates and make them equals. We can then cross breed them with humans to make more soldiers for the revolution of a few Tuesdays ago. Think of it, the strength of a <A href="<a">chimp</a> with the intelligence of a high school graduate! An army of manchimps marching across flyover country beating rethuglicans into line. We are truly on the verge of a new age of manchimp.

Comrade Red Jim,

Spain already has. The words they use, however, is "apes." Whether this is a faulty translation or proof that, while taking a first step away from a speciesist worldview, Spain needs to go farther: equal rights for all primates. Especially those poor squirrel monkeys that every crappy zoo has, all stuck in cages with nothing to do but wank away, which they seem rather skilled at.

With equal rights, they could be hired to train Congress in said skill, which might help slow the creation, enlargement, and erection (snicker) of the government. Let Congresscritters get in touch with themselves to leave us alone.

Do not disparage the flexibility of the progressive monkey...

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These necro-chimpophobes must be stopped at all cost! Where the hell is my tranquilizer gun? I denounce Comrade Red Jim for his crypto-racism-chimpophobia!

One of the great foundations of our Glorious Party is the immutable truth that we are separated from our primate brothers by mere tweaks of a chromosome here and there. Really, not much difference from high school humans, as Comrades Betinov and Red Jim have accurately observed. Although, I have seen some pretty damn smart chimps working anchor desks on the major networks recently...

I forgot about Trunk Monkey! General who do you think would command the manchimp corps? Think of the power you would wield!

You have it all wrong! The chimpanzee doesn't resemble the Messiah. It wasn't meant to be racist either. Sharpton is angry that you showed his doppleganger with bullet holes in him.

Sharpton is angry that you showed his doppleganger with bullet holes in him.

Comrade ingradt!

It can't be compared to Sharpton. Please note the total lack of bullhorn in Chimp's hands.
Adjust your tinfoil! That's an order!

Perhaps the manchimps will fill the ranks of the new People's Civilian Defense Corps? Perhaps we can refer to the man-monkey hybrids as "mankeys"? What shall we do if the Rethuglicans revive Charlton Heston to battle the mankey army? Why does this comrade have so many questions?

DDR Kamerad wrote:Do not disparage the flexibility of the progressive monkey...

Progressive monkeys??...


http://lonestartimes.com/

Comrade Meatshield wrote:Perhaps the manchimps will fill the ranks of the new People's Civilian Defense Corps? Perhaps we can refer to the man-monkey hybrids as "mankeys"? What shall we do if the Rethuglicans revive Charlton Heston to battle the mankey army? Why does this comrade have so many questions?

Comrade, we all know how evil rethuglicans are but I don't think they have the power to bring the dead back to life.

Red Jim wrote:Comrade, we all know how evil rethuglicans are but I don't think they have the power to bring the dead back to life.

Comrade, how do we know this? This comrade would not put it past those evil rethuglicans to have a gun already in Heslton's cold, dead hands, buried in a secret laboratory under Haliburton headquarters, ready to be thawed out like Walt Disney, to fight the mankey army! We need a contingency plan. Perhaps plant explosives within the Statue of Liberty so it will be blown up too, and encourage the mankey soldiers to wash regularly, leaving Heston without any memorable lines!

Hmmm. That could be a disaster in the making comrade. Perhaps surround Haliburton with necrovoters?

Red Jim wrote: Comrade, we all know how evil rethuglicans are but I don't think they have the power to bring the dead back to life.

Why not? We get thousands of dead people to rise up to vote for the Party every election. It's possible that the rethuglicans have duplicated our technology or had their spies steal it.

Comrades,

Considering the recent flap about the obviously racist NY Post cartoon of policemen shooting a legislating chimp, I wonder if this means the Spanish will haul the NY Post before the World Court for a crime against primate humanity.