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US Manufacturing Up; Obama Calls Emergency Meeting

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U.S. Manufacturing Output Up; Obama to Form Plan to Deal With Crisis

By: Zampolit B.S. Blokhayev
Special Correspondent, ThePeoplesCube.com


(Washington, PSRDC) The White House was rocked by news today that U.S. Manufacturing output rose by a shocking 0.1%. His Excellency, General Secretary and President B. Hussein Obama convened an emergency meeting of his staff and cabinet, to form a plan on how to deal with this latest economic crisis.

White House spokestrollperson, Jay Carney, was asked by the press corps today if the latest manufacturing data was a setback to His Excellency and the Democratic Party's plans to "Sovietize" the U.S. economy. "I don't know the answer to that." came as his reply. He followed with "I am really hoping that His Excellency will have a statement by tomorrow afternoon. Because I am really sick and tired of you people handing me my @$$ every day!"

When asked, Comrade Senator Dianne Feinstein (S-CA) said "This is indeed troubling. As you know, all wealth flows from the government. This incident is a clear sign that industry's efforts to self-regulate growth are hurting this administration's efforts to collectivize the U.S. economy. Clearly, industry is attempting to derail Dear Leader Obama's economic plans contrary to the will of The People.™"

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Looks like we need more taxes and regulations. If you send me $10 dollars a week I'll work on that!

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Yes, Comrade Margret! We need more Environment regulations! See Chairman Meowsevich S. Punchenko for funding.

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Comrade Zampolit Blokhayev, you are correct, it would be shear madness and forbidden to allow the masses and rethuglikkkans to continue to stand in the way for energy initiatives now that scientific consensus has been confirmed by our glorious leader. We must act now to raise gas taxes as it is no longer a matter of “carbon credits” but rather “Eco-Friendly Credits TM “. Perhaps a ten dollar per gallon federal tax, the magic number, would help save the economy and would relieve major traffic problems in many of our glorious cities making it a privilege for anyone other than politicians, newspaper editors and celebrities to use a personal form of internal combustion engine vehicles. This would be a courageous solution that needs to beforced considered by our dear leader. One must think of the planet and all the children we haven't got around to aborting.

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Sabotage the capitalist economy for the CommonGood™!

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How the economy works: Hammer and Popsickle Series

The most fundamental feature of the U.S. economy is a bunch of government regulators with monkey wrenches jumping over the gears of private industries and sticking those wrenches in the cogs as they see fit.


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All these gears remind me of the famous and instructive watchmaker analogy. One day Barack Omama came upon a watch lying in a field. Upon seeing the watch he exclaimed, "No one made that". This fits with our progressive world view. Prosperity is not something that needs creating. Prosperity exists and only needs to be redistributed and enjoyed, or as the Bible puts it, "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you may die".

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Comrades, you point out a serious danger to the Progressive movement that has been well hidden by the evil Rethiglikan Kapitalists. We must watch out for the gears of Kapitalism attempting to grind and crush the Progressive spirit. The government regulators are unsung heros of Progressive peoples everywhere. Ever vigilant with their wrenches combating prosperity, Rethuglikans and neo-kulaks!

Hail Obama, 2016!!!

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ZB
Last edited by Zampolit Blokhayev on 6/27/2013, 12:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason for editing this post: It is difficult to type when loaded up on bourbon.


 
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