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Useful propaganda for R.C.O.C

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Does this not do our new religion justice? I see Comrade Red Square in the center, and Otis, Punchenko, and Betty. (Sorry to others I left out.) Laika, of course, renders his verdict from his own orbiting satellite.

"Obsolete!" He cries out at the heretic. Comrade Rimirez does my heart proud. Here he also helps clarify to the proletariat, the misunderstood message of the party agitprop device known as Newsweek from a number of years back.

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There should be an R.C.O.C magazine. RCOC (arr-kok) Magazine. All the disinformation you need to know.

Rik


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Nobody expects the Warming Inquisition!
Nobody denies the Warming Inquisition!

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Our Three weapons are, fear, surprise, and a ruthless devotion to Al Gore.

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I thought they were

1. 3 bean chili after effects
2. Annoyingly obnoxious and high pitched whiny voices
3. An unending supply of $oft ca$h from our weak minded useful idiots.

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Premier Betty wrote:I thought they were

1. 3 bean chili after effects
2. Annoyingly obnoxious and high pitched whiny voices
3. An unending supply of $oft ca$h from our weak minded useful idiots.

3 good points...

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I have a Fourth point:

4. The hot CO2 generated by our useful idiots on the news media.

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Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev


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Premier Betty wrote:I thought it was methane....

Comrade Betty! That would item #1 on that list! :D

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Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

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Oops.... It seems like they must excrete more noxious gasses than a heard of bovine on a hot summer day. Is there any way we could harness this... um... stuff and use it as a "clean" energy source? (Just because it's clean doesn't mean that it won't smell like a septic tank, but you'll get used to it... OR ELSE!)

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I have been somewhat abstracted lately, comrades, owing to a new development. As the Kapitalists Pigges of the late 19th century discovered the transmission of the voice over the air, I have discovered the transmission of matter over the air waves.

With only a slight tweaking, any television tuned to CNN will produce not only methane but will fill your living room with thousands of pounds of steaming stinking shit.

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Time to start marketing the Peoples Cube Brand Gas Masks!

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Ah, yes, Betty! What a wonderful idea. We can have them made on our collective, and the slave, er, citizen labor will pay rich rewards to us.

However, let me suggest that for Members of the Party, for the Inner Circle, that we use the ones made by whatever maker Union Carbide used to keep its officers from dying at Bhopal, India. The natives there didn't matter for they didn't have anything of use to us, but the owners were kept safe somehow. That's the sort that I want.

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Done!

I have already issued orders to the "workers" *wink* to begin construction on the new wing of the Guillotine and Poodle Based Weaponry Plant to manufacture these Union Carbide gas masks.

Ironic how my factory, once based solely on the destruction of life will now be saving them. I must remember to install a kkkapitalist sensor in them so if any fall into the "Right" hands, the filters will disintegrate and lodge in their lungs.

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Betty, I have had another idea. Some research that was done in the Mother Country deals with mind control, er, the treatment of neuroses by the transmission of low-frequency electrical signals to points specifically selected on the skull. This was first developed as a treatment for epilepsy but our patriotic scientists found that with a proper adjustment of the computer, it could be used to strengthen co-operative behavior.

I see a great cross-pollinization in this, and it might also cut down on Meow's vacation camps.

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I believe I have heard of this. The evil Amerikkkans had their own branch of the CIA dedicated to such work. They fortunately haven't gotten far, but now they have stolen much of our information and are using it to make... of all things... VIDEO GAME CONTROLLERS!!!
Yes, it is true! They are using our mind control research for trivial games! An insult to all the unwashed masses who worked and died (but mostly died) for our visions of mind control through electronic impulses to the brain!

We must get to work sabotaging their "video game controllers" and turning them into mind control helmets (Sorry Laika, the tinfoil hats just don't cut it anymore).

Thank you, Theocritus, your research has indeed proved valuable. Together we will be able to flood the market with electronic devices that have been "modified" to re-educate the masses. I will begin the work right away (actually, I'll just sit on by @$$ and play video games with my new un-"modified" video game controller helmet while giving orders to the unwashed toiling masses to do my bidding).

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Premier Betty, there is one point though. Might we not consider distributing some very well designed video games which flash the screen at certain intervals which interrupt the brain's normal functioning? In this way we could make a certain percentage of the populace permanent couch potatoes. And if we lowered the age of drinking beer to 12, we could feed it to them.

Special wear could be devised which massages the wearer. We would of course advertise it as having health benefits, and it would be healthy--for the good marbling of the flesh.

So we have inactivity, a diet of beer, and constant massage, all that is needed for the production of Kobe flesh. As you can see, I am planning for a visit by Michael Moore.

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Genius! The only problem is that marketing those games would be hard due to the fact that only good video games sell. However, we might be able to hype up a crappy game and sucker enough losers into buying it that it won't be a total flop. We would also have to buy off the game reviewing companies to only publish gewd reviews about it also.

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Of course. We'll get those masters of the Big Lie, the DNC, to do the spinning. After all, if they could put that warm and cuddly face on Our Many Titted Empress, then they can surely convince braind-dead children that a video game is like, so, kwel.

But why not actually have a good video game? Just look at the success that the Brits had pushing opium.

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Yes, but opium practically sells itself. Video games are a completely different thing. Heck, Half life 2 took 5 years to make, and Doom 3 took even longer. The party just doesn't have the time to make quality video games. And even if they did, I would want to play them, and we can't have a premier listening to his own indoctrination speeches, now can we?

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I take your point. Here's an idea. We'll have a simple shooter video game. You have a bad hair day, and you shoot a RepuliKKKan, and a glutinous voice, like a 60-year-old woman whose husband left her because he couldn't stand hearing her talk to her poodle like that any more, say, "You're a GOOD boy."

You shoot another RepubliKKKan, and the same voice is heard, over a shape which is vaguely suggestive of a large, maternal bosom, "You DESERVE that!"

And so on. If you see someone driving an Acura but you cannot be bothered to get up to take out the trash, then you scratch the paint on the Acura. The voice, "He had it coming, the Kapitalist!"

And so on until these people are festering cesspools of resentment, who think it is their right for actions to have no consequences.

And see the genius in it: all it takes is the video game. The constituency is already there, made and coddled by our friends in the DNC already! They just don't know how to cash in. They think that these people are merely vote fodder. I propose to <i>make</i> them fodder.

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Perfect! I will begin work on it immediately, I will use the physics engine from DOOM, and the graphics of PAC MAN. This game will be so truly low budget, that almost no $oft ca$h will be spent at all. (more left to roll around in and laugh maniacally with)

Now, we just need to take tips from EA and work in almost every blatant advertising scheme ever conceived for video games and we will make BILLIONS (if not trillions)!

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Or what about the scam in Saki's Edwardian story "Filboid Studge"? A poor man loved a rich businessman's daughter, but the businessman was about to go broke for he's put all his money into advertising an inedible breakfast cereal called Filboid Studge. Had to have been a comment on Kellogg, who was a contemporary.

Because it tasted like shit, no one bought it. But the young poor artist, with no potential for income, who could not marry for his sweetheart's father wouldn't permit it, came up with an advertising campaign, in the salad days of mass advertising, which did not extoll its health-giving virtues nor palatability. It had drawings of people looking a lot like high public figures in the fires of hell, and a picture of Filboid Studge with the caption, "They can't get it now."

Mothers bought it and forced it down their children.

So let's let it be known that it's really kewl but we're not sure that you ought to have it. Remember Grape Nuts. "Grape Nuts is right for you. But are you right for Grape Nuts?" We in the party should never underestimate the public's low value of itself and lack of independent judgment.

Oh. And the rich man, made much richer, refused his daughter permission to marry the man who had made him richer on the grounds that she could now do better. A true Progressive.

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If Disney gets a hold of that story, the ending will be drastically chang'ed

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I've got it! What about an animated Pixar production called <i>Happy Proles</i>? We can have a lot of smiling, forelock-tugging RepubliKKKans shuffling off to Buffalo for the amusement of the DNC on a dias made of human bones while the Dixie Chicks wail in the background.

And as it all fades to black, an image will waver into the screen,

"Ask not what you can do for yourself; ask what you can do for the DNC" to be followed by "The fault lies not in your stars, but in the RepubliKKKans."

To sleep, perchance to dream. Of huge great wads of OPM which I'll roll around in and dry-hump and fling into the air until I get a contact high from all the cocaine in the $100 bills.

Now <i>that's</i> a high.

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Now I need to put the finishing touches on a really nasty bit of more serious work on another blog. I'm trawling for trolls but unfortunately seem to have scared them off. You ought to see me when I get serious. So far I've chased off a liberal dyke and a liberal queer--who won't admit it being either liberal or gay, balless wonder--and they're the only ones who have piped up. Bring on the trolls! Where is the Mime? I'm red of tooth and claw, and want meat. Red meat.

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He, he. Trolls sound like this:

*squish* *squish* *splat* *whine* *squish*.


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My Preeeecciousssss!

Come to me my Preeeecciousssss!

AAAHHH! The lava! It BURNS!!!!

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Ah! The math! It burns! Whadda you mean I can't spend it if I don't have it? It burns! It burns!

Ah. What's that I see? A Republikkkan wallet? Come to me! The social-security card of power! My preeeecioussss!

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Who says that we can't spend more $oft ca$h than we have? Just because I flunked my second semester of Freshman Algebra and had to take it over in my sophomore year doesn't mean that I don't know how to overspend well. Heck, if Marx was able to come up with a perfect economic system, it just goes to show that even though he died poor and miserable and unable to manage his own finances, he still knew his way around money.

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Of course, Betty. Let us remember the Progressive slogan: Actions have no consequences! It doesn't matter what we do for there are always stupid RepubliKKKans to blame for it, and to pick up the tab. For we are not governed by realty but our desires. It is the purity of our motivest that counts for everything.

Note the wonderment of this--it grants us everything. All hail moral vanity.


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Of course not. That's the whole point of everything. Every single bit of it. No responsibility for our actions. I am raising the proles on Rancho del Rio Grande de Teocrito to believe that there is no responsibility for actions, but that there is collective responsibility, and do you know a better way to instill fear?

Anyone may be punished for anyone else's action; there are no reward for actions. Terror, Betty, terror. I learned this from the experiment with animals in cages which got food and electrical shocks which were not related. Soon they could not do anything. Not much good for working, but then they couldn't do anything except feel miserable. And isn't that what we are about?

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Just like what the school does! To deal with the problem of people littering the campus with pizza boxes from the school cafeteria, they stopped serving pizza! They could have gone around and tazered anyone who was next to an empty pizza box that wasn't thrown away, but nooooo.... They had to be mean about it and ban pizza! YOU CANNOT BAN PIZZA!

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And in my business one abstract office was not paying a bill to a county official so rather than quit charging to him, she quit charging to everyone, despite a 60-year history of paying bills. The bum got drunk one night and killed a man. Penalty? $1500 fine and 3 years' probation. He was shut down by the Texas Department of Insurance for making a book out of his escrow account. Checks were bouncing. He was convicted of altering official documents--notarizing blank applications for office. Nothing happened. He still remains county chairman of the Democratic Party. I am not making this up.

Ah. These are our sort of people, Betty, cowards. Instead of facing the miscreants it's better to tell everyone what to do, because the law-abiding will take it. It is no accident that these are the people who were lickspittles to the Soviet Union.

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Wow... kind of sounds like the stuff that goes on the TV show "World of Stupid".

It's funny, and depressing.

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Yes, it's funny because to take it seriously is to be held hostage to it--raging against facts is ideological and if you are astonished at the rage in the Daily Kos, it is because of that. A fact is neutral. Having an emotional reaction to a fact is human, but means that you are in rebellion against the world. If you are an ideologue, like the dKosers, or even, god help me, Rick Santorum, economically sound, er, one of the Evil Republikkkans, then a fact is either an assault that you must deal with, resulting in rage, or a weapon against the world, resulting in a nasty sort of crowing. Much better on the psyche, and easier, to laugh at it for <i>there is nothing that you can do</i>.

Except be as rude and discourteous as possible. I have found that a good many eyeballs have indentations just the size of my thumb, and it has gotten very strong by usage and continued exercise.

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I have found that a good many eyeballs have indentations just the size of my thumb, and it has gotten very strong by usage and continued exercise.

I think the Romans developed a tool for that a while ago....

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Ah yes, but the Romans did not have mastery of electrons and they had to do it eyeball by eyeball. Just think of the advances in technology. What could Torquemada have done had he had gas ovens? The machine multiplied muscle. The computer multiplies words.

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What could Torquemada have done had he had gas ovens?

Cook hamburgers?

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Ah, yes, Betty. Enough hamburgers to feed an entire meeting of Dykes on Bikes, with guests of honor Janet and Our Many Titted Empress, with a floor show by Rosie on products to make you feel as "fresh as a Texaco restroom" brought to you by DuPont.

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Eeeeww... I'm never eating hamburgers again.

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But look at it this way. Hamburger looks a lot better cooked for if it weren't, it would like like the inside of HRC's thighs with the scabs pulled off.

Even I'm getting sick over that one.

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If I ate lunch today, I would have probably blown it all over the computer screen and keyboard by now.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail133.html

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A friend of mine, Katie, one of the rich white RepubliKKKans of Midland, old Bush family friends, once remarked when I said smirked and said I was repressing some dirty thought, "Theocritus, with all that going on inside your head, looking at everything, how do you have time for those thoughts?"

"Katie, my entire mind is a sewer of Rabelaisian filth, salacity, japery, and lewdness. I never have a moment off." Oddly enough, I'm their pet gay man, which is a lot of fun, and the hired gun against the left. Even more fun.

And believe me. The story about the BEQ was just scratching the surface. I have had an interesting life, Betty. An interesting life. And it's interesting now, just in a different way.

And I still think that you're pulling my leg. There is no Mime.

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Premier Betty wrote:If I ate lunch today, I would have probably blown it all over the computer screen and keyboard by now.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail133.html

LOL I totally forgot about ol' Strongbad heheh...

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Pravda, I had not drawn attention to Betty's lapse in discipline. It is a waste of protein for a Party Member to actually succumb to the temptation to hurl, no matter how emetic although I do recognize that I did paint a graphic picture.

The vomitus of a Party Member will nourish a prole.

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Theocritus wrote:
It is a waste of protein for a Party Member to actually succumb to the temptation to hurl, no matter how emetic although I do recognize that I did paint a graphic picture.
Not as graphic as some of The Chairman's ™ hurlings that SMO and I dealt with not so long ago...finding him passed out in a pool of it "Jimi style".

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S.A.F. Marshal Pravda wrote:Theocritus wrote:
It is a waste of protein for a Party Member to actually succumb to the temptation to hurl, no matter how emetic although I do recognize that I did paint a graphic picture.
Not as graphic as some of The Chairman's ™ hurlings that SMO and I dealt with not so long ago...finding him passed out in a pool of it "Jimi style".

Never let it be said that The Party™ doesn't know how to party! The last time The Chairman™ was said to have done something "Jimi Style", he was nearly arrested for lighting a fire former Gov. of The People's Commonwealth of Virginia Mark Warner's hair! Even I HEARD about that incident up here in the People's Socialist County of Fair-tax, VA.

By the way, has anyone seen my "Algore-nator 5000 Ultra Violet Air Purification System"
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I plan on firing up the old barbecue this weekend!
Don't Worry!!!! I have already informed the power company to expect rolling blackouts this weekend!

Algore Akhbar!

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Zampolit B.S. Blokhayev

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Now, now, comrade Blokhayev; I have apologized to Fmr. Peoples' Governor Warner on several occasions for that incident. It would have never have happened if Doug Wilder didn't slip that ecstasy into my cosmo and if I wasn't running around the Governor's mansion with my zippo lit. Such a shame too.... so much fine drapery was lost that night due to my carelessness. <sigh>

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Meow, you're drinking cosmos? Er, I don't quite know how to put this so I'll come right out with it?

Are you turning queer? Was your pinkie firmly on the glass or trying to take flight? When you walk do your elbows ever tend to meet behind your back? My god, can I be infecting Party Members with the BEQ retro-virus? Stalin forfend! It is my private vice, and one which I tame regularly by beating the shit out of BEQs, who, I must add, must richly deserve it before they get it. Attempted murder by Eagle Rare Bourbon deserves it.

But if you are, gasp, turning queer, then all is lost. Where will the little Apparatchicki come from? Zampolit, it's 10 o'clock and where are your children? Reading Marx, I hope, and pulling wings off flies.

Comrade Blohkayev wrote: Algore Akhbar!

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it's 10 o'clock and where are your children? Reading Marx, I hope, and pulling wings off flies.

And the legs off spiders, and the heads off birds.

(I have had to watch deranged children do things like that in my childhood.)

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Ah yes. Such good training for Little Reds. Abamael Guzman, of the Shining Path in Chile, a true practitioner of the revolutionary's art, would enter a village and threaten people to follow him. If they refused, they were dead. He would take children and teach them to kill animals without compunction, then humans were no problem.

Also in Sierra Leone many people have hands that are amputated to keep them from voting. Or who sat on street-corner cafes and children running by would cut off their hands. Good revolutinary training. Terror.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Meow, you're drinking cosmos? Er, I don't quite know how to put this so I'll come right out with it?

Are you turning queer?

HA! Worst... much worst. I am... <deep breaths> an Elitist Progressive! There, I said it! My hideous secret is out there for all to see! Pity me! Pity me now and give me your money! I am but a victim!

No, Gov. Warner, who has *great hair* and boyish charm, always serves the finest in watered down adult beverages for mass elitist consumption. There is just something about drinking a cosmo that makes us Elitist Progressives feel on the cutting edge of progressive couture... kind of like wearing a womyn's bra in public view just to show how we are down with their struggle <slaps ass of hooker> get me another cosmo, bitch! I mean, I like to feel "superior" to other people (in an equal way, of course) and right now Feminine Culture is in.... before you know it we will all be carrying purses because it's progressive. Then, after that, we will all stay at home while our womyn lyfe partners bring home the bacon while we clean house in a flowery apron and tacky vinyl dishwashing gloves. Yes, the future is indeed looking good for us weak, progressive and limp-wristed men. Why, before you know it we won't have any balls! Opps... I forgot... WE DON'T HAVE BALLS! :-) That is sooooo progressive! Get me another cosmo, Lacy. I'm feeling progressive (although this thong is riding my ass... damn... I don't know how you broads wear these things!). Damn, it feels good to be a Democrat (with the exception of this thong…. The bra isn't too bad though, can't complain about it. Got it on sale today at Penny's).

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Ah yes. How stupid of me, Meow; I ought to have seen through that. You know, of course, that if you use fashionable smoked glasses that you can put anything that you want in one. You could, for example, have Eagle Rare Bourbon instead of a cosmo. And if you really want to look fancy, say you're having a gin fizz. But you don't have to. Get a selzter bottle, the ones that you recharge with a CO2 cannister, and put in Eagle Rare and Coke, and charge it. It foams great and the carbonation gets into your blood stream real fast so that you get anesthetized to Governor Warner's hair in a hurry.

And to the bra. The actor Divine, the #300 transvestite who worked for the Evil Queen John Waters, said that he could carry on his bra and falsies onto airplanes. The guard would open the case and slam it shut. "I could smuggle heroin in these."

If you become an Elitist Progressive and start wearing a bra, do go for a DD--just think of how many thousand carats of diamonds that you can smuggle out of Sierra Leone.

But you don't feel me with that Edith Bunker hausfrau bit--tacky vinyl gloves. I know that your steely will is there and your mind is calculating on how to take the fillings out of the teeth of every person you pass on the street.

The joke's on you. I got them already.


 
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