A reader emailed this picture with a note:

I am a radical Marxist Democrat living in WA state and there is a Right-Wing Republican farmer who lives just down the road. He has a stock rack next to the main road to his property. He put up this sign just to get under my skin because nobody else can see it there. Please take appropriate measures.

THANKS
Comrade Doug


Don't worry, Comrade. When your neighbor is arrested after Nov. 4th and his property is nationalized, half of it will be given to you for your exceptional service, including the stock rack next to the main road.

Comrades!

Do your neighbors put up similar signs to get under your skin? Please denounce them here. Special CurrentTruth(TM) Enforcers will be carefully monitoring your sob stories and pictures. Don't forget to write down their names and addresses in your little red Enemies of Progress Book that I'm sure you all have. When the Revolution Change comes they will be dealt with according to our ability to dispense revolutionary justice.

Red Square,
Director of Unanimity

I have been seeing signs that say "McCain Palin" all over my neighborhood. Who is this "McCain Palin" and why is he or she plastering his or her name all over the place? He or she cannot be a candidate in the forthcoming election because everyone knows elections only have one candidate. If there were opposition to Obama, the Party Media would have informed us by now, I would think.

Perhaps this is some sort of new racist code word which is intended to foment crypto-fascist racist hatred against the sainted Obama???? Maybe it is a former secret lover of Barney Frank who is seeking revenge or at least a huge cash settlement? Is it one of the former CEOs of Fannie Mae appointed by the Republicans to destroy that fine institution? I am deeply troubled by the appearance of these dark signs. I feel some imperialist evil is afoot.

Comrades, it was reported to me that someone is selling Obama signs for $4.00 a piece! $4.00!!!!!

How disgusting....resorting to KKKapitalism for their own greed. I don't have any Obama signs, and one person has many of them. No one needs that many Obama signs, the government needs to take these signs and redistribute them evenly to the People. Some may call that socialism or communism but I call it "neighborliness"

Red. <i>You're</i> the director of unanimity? I thought that post was promised to me. How can I hold my head up in a normal perp walk if the other thieves, muggers, senators, and journalists are sniggering at me because I got passed over for being director of unanimity?

Now that just sucks. No one has done more than I have to step on the heads of dissenters. Ask Pupovich how his head feels and you know what a good sucker-up he is. And even I have suggested to Sister that she not clean quite so hard for it makes the Chairman feel bad when he's lolling in a pool of his own sick.

And for Pinkie. Dear, sweet Pinkie. I've taken my own shovel to her to stop her shoveling so hard. It's making others feel bad.

And Hussies 'n Thingies? She's a success story. She giggles and agrees to everything I say. But I never let her get behind me. Unanimity director yes, fool no. I know a good Progressive when I see one and I've survived to struggle this far up the party ladder by never letting a good Progressive out of my sight.

And locking the bedroom door at night at Rancho de Rio Grande.

I don't get it. Why is that man's neighbors sign a cause of discomfort? He should rejoice that his neighbor is enlightened to know the truth. I mean, Obama IS a marxist, right? We do want the USA to become much like the former USSR, right? Why is this sign getting under the skin of our commrades? I want a neighbor like that. Perhaps the man is upset because the sign is not displayed more prominantely. In that case, I agree. His property must be confiscated for disrespecting such a glorius sign. I mean, a stock rack?

The only thing I disagree with is the notion that democrats want to "surrender" in Iraq. We do not. We are battling very hard (in spirit) with our muslim antagonists against the imperialists. Withdrawl from Iraq would show a commitment to winning.

Yes, Union Boss, we don't want actually to surrender. But we can't say anything. That's why the Chosen One wants to talk to Ahmafuckingjerk without conditions. And with an extra 747 for cargo. For fissionable materials.

From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs. And Iran needs nukes to feel safe. They are threatened by Israel, you know, that big bully. The UN tells me that Israel is awful, as does the BBC, so it must be true.

Erudite....you're such a bee-otch!

Ah, yes, Hussies. I'm a double-threat. All that aggression from the testosterone, with a woman's ability to remember and hold a grudge. How fortunate the Party is to have me on its side.

Just think of all that energy and bitchiness and back stabbing were I to use it on honest socialists and totalitarians.

...........Jeez. I wet 'em.

Erudite...The Party is fortunate,indeed.

You must become head of a Spetsnaz unit for elite backstabbing.
This is your destiny.

Your energy and bitchiness(though it comes short of mine,I'm sure) will be best utilized in this capacity.

And,of course,wet work is a noble Party endeavor

In light of the above discussion, how about renaming Theo's position into Commissar of Unanimous Caring, Compassion, Backstabbing, and Wetwork?

Red, I am honored. I humbly accept. You know from experience that it's something that I"m good at for I really love my job.

What is an eye without my thumb in it? Most lovingly of course; I never gouge out an eye unless it is for The Greater Good™.

I particularly like the unanimity bit. I really believe in making the party dominant over everything. And have no compunction whatsoever about Wet Work.

First, "TO THE GULAG!"
Second, he makes Marxism sound bad.
Third, if he's got a race track next to his house, than he must cling to his guns and religion, which is obviously Christianity.

Red! I love my new avatar! I couldn't have said it better myself. The impaling bit is particularly good. How did you know what I have on the back 40? Lots and lots of stakes. Do you know that blood looks black in the moonlight?

I've been rather busy lately with the stakes to make sure that my caring is unanimous. <i>Very</i> unanimous.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Red! I love my new avatar! I couldn't have said it better myself. The impaling bit is particularly good. How did you know what I have on the back 40? Lots and lots of stakes. Do you know that blood looks black in the moonlight?

I've been rather busy lately with the stakes to make sure that my caring is unanimous. <i>Very</i> unanimous.

I haven't noticed your new avitar Commissar Theocritus, very funny and quite a nice fit I must say.

Ah yes, Elliott, ah yes. What I do for the party. In fact I've been setting up another 40 acres of spikes in the back of the ranch. </i>Pour encourager les autres</i>.

Looks like we have a modern day Vlad the Impaler on our hands....

You got it, Betty. The picture is that of Vlad Tepes.

Keep out the RethugliKKKans and the Bushitler's evil from your Texas ranch, nice.

Congratulations on the promotion Commisar Theocritus. Or should I say, on being noticed by Cube superiors and given a more noble title. The new title carries a bit more heft, which is good when confronted with the nitwits who are slow to catch on to our revolutionary ideas. For now, I will be content with the nickname my wife gave me last Thursday, Commisar of Couch, Guitar Hero, Booze and Sloth. Kinda catchy, isn't it? I'm not sure if she was serious or not. Hope so. Oh well. Gotta go pick up my copy of World Tour that's been on layaway. Later.

I'd love to chat with you gentlemen but in honor of my new promotion I'm setting up a line of ash stakes all along the Rio Grande. This will be the ultimate weapon of class warfare.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I'd love to chat with you gentlemen but in honor of my new promotion I'm setting up a line of ash stakes all along the Rio Grande. This will be the ultimate weapon of class warfare.

Hahaha. . . I understand, happy digging and spreading!

And Che Gourmet is advising me on the wood to give the best flavor for the barbecue in honor of our Many Titted Empress when she next visits.

Also I'm wanting to make sure that when The Chosen One levitates across them--he <i>is</i> Air Force One, you know--he will have nothing displeasing to look at.

How fast can the Obamsiah fly?

Fast enough to escape accusations of bad company or hypocrisy. Slow enough to pick your pocket.

A good progressive.

Hahahaha. . . The truth is funny, and I don't mean this sarcastically.

(off)
Yes I do.

The truth will hit you upside the head harder than Pinkie with her shovel when she's in a really bad mood.

Stupid truth.

Why must it hurt?

Betty, the truth will not hurt you if you can make someone else pay for it. You've been striving for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday longer than I have and so I can only assume that this is a temporary lapse.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:The truth will hit you upside the head harder than Pinkie with her shovel when she's in a really bad mood.

I'm getting aches just thinking about it.

Don't get me wrong. I love Pinkie. Just like I love the Chairman Meow. What would I do without them? And of course Pupovich. I love to watch him so he can't get behind me.

But really <i>do</i> not suggest that you give Pinkie cause for anger. She can be so fearsome that when I really want Bruno to calm down I threaten him with a visit from Pinkie instead of our Many Titted Empress. Our Empress has nuclear explosions and you can avoid the blast zone. With experience. But Pinkie--you might wake up with a gash on your head and stuffed full of beets. And not in the pleasant way of eating borscht. I tried to get her to go easy on the Putinka vodka, but being the loyal party member that she is, she won't have that snotty Stoly. "That's toff stuff, Theocritus," she sniffed. "Give me good old potato vodka any day. And anyway I own a potato farm and a distillery. See what I mean?"

Now as for Meow. He's as easily distracted as Bruno. Bruno by a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog or a hundredweight of rhinestones. Meow on the other hand will be absorbed for <i>hours</i> by a coffee-table book I have of the Crown Jewels.

I'll have to remember this all. It's good stuff.

I learned it at great expense. And lots of remodeling too.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I learned it at great expense. And lots of remodeling too.

Did she blow through your house and ranch?

That's a vicious crack to make to someone who is addicted to smutty double entendres. I could make a deliberately obtuse and anodyne answer, or I could yield to my temptation and make a really nasty one. But I fear for that shovel. It smarts.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:That's a vicious crack to make to someone who is addicted to smutty double entendres. I could make a deliberately obtuse and anodyne answer, or I could yield to my temptation and make a really nasty one. But I fear for that shovel. It smarts.

I was just asking if she's that powerful, that's all.

Hurricanes have nothing on her. There are times that I wake up in the middle of the night, my microcephalic head smarting, and thank Pinkie for my education. For without Pinkie I might have original thoughts. And we can't have that.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Hurricanes have nothing on her. There are times that I wake up in the middle of the night, my microcephalic head smarting, and thank Pinkie for my education. For without Pinkie I might have original thoughts. And we can't have that.

Well, we can't have original thought, we all know that, or do we not know that? This is truly a paradox for The Party to solve.

The only person who is permitted to have original thought is the Chosen One. And with him it is not original thought. It is Original Thought. It is a revelation from on high, a transcription of the Music of the Spheres.

It is permitted because he is not a human but a conduit to Eternal Truth. Anything that proceeds out of his mouth is by definition the gospel. And out of his ass too.

Mercy! A donkey (ass) like that must be made of gold! Of course I kid, but a butt like that which can expell special gases with unknown, holy properties. . . amazing.

In the spirit of what originally started this thread:

Something Bigger Replaces Missing McCain Signs

I"m told that one man in New York has cheerfully admitted to voting 73 times. But this is fine because after all the Rethuglicans stole the 2004 election. And the 2000 election. And the 1980 election. And caused the Black Death.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I"m told that one man in New York has cheerfully admitted to voting 73 times. But this is fine because after all the Rethuglicans stole the 2004 election. And the 2000 election. And the 1980 election. And caused the Black Death.

Don't forget the eruption of Mount Pinatubo.

How could I forget that? The assassination of Caesar and the hammer in Trotsky's brain.

Don't forget the extinction of the dinosaurs, Bushitler wanted the oil.

The Bu$hitler killed the dinosaurs and PETA is suing him over it. Also he started the plants of water and killed them, and every lump of coal bears witness to his cruelty.

(sigh) he was such a terrorist.