In a miraculous occurrence which has flabbergasted believers and cynics alike, sort-of-a-god President Barack Obama has unexpectedly departed this world and ascended back to his kingdom in heaven.


After attending a yard sale organized to fund his re-election campaign, the president waved to the crowd and floated off into the sky, taking part of the yard's white picket fence with him as stunned onlookers watched in amazement.

Some fell to their knees in worshipful praise, with one ecstatic witness crying out, "He truly is president of presidents!"

Reaction from his flock was marked by expressions of exhilaration, ecstasy and bliss as well as remorse.

"I knew it, I knew he was a god!" exclaimed a very excited and frequently incontinent MSNBC anchor Chris (Tingles) Matthews. "Those damn racist wing-nuts laughed at me, but I was right! Nyah, nyah!" Matthews is currently resting comfortably in the Unhinged Prophets Wing of People's General Medical Center.

"All I wanted was to touch the crease in his pants", moaned unworthy NY Times columnist David Brooks. "He wouldn't let me because he said I was unclean, tainted with the sin of conservatism, but at least I got to see his pants. The crease was majestic."


"He changed my life!", cried Sandra Fluke, an alleged harlot that Lord Obama saved from being stoned to death by GOP pharisees to punish her for pleading for alms to pay for her healthcare. "Before he came along, I was toiling in the slavery of law school but he freed me from bondage and showed me the path of righteousness via taxpayer-supported left-wing activism! Oh praise be, Lord Obama!"

"His ministry here was to heal the sick by forcing them to buy health insurance", testified John Roberts, a reformed pagan magistrate who was crucified for daring to side with Lord Obama and the oppressed against the evil governor Pontius Pirate Koch by his upholding of the savior's tax reforms. "He told me that soon I will be with him again in political heaven. I can hardly wait."

Religious experts and the messiah's inner circle are divided as to why his holiness decided to depart earth at this time with so much work still undone.

"I guess he just got tired of our inability to follow his leadership", chief apostle Jay Carney told an assembled multitude awaiting free loaves and fishes. "His patience is infinite but it can't last forever. Sooner or later, even a messiah gets tired of the bumps in the road and the noise."

"His work on earth was finished", spoke St. David of Letterman while taking a break from his next holy task, compiling "The Gospel According to Dave" which will go on sale next spring. "I really didn't feel up to the task but he said, 'Do this in rememberance of me... and you can keep the royalties!'" The saved talk show host will be changing the title of his show from "Late Night with David Letterman" to "The 700 Trillion Club." "He bade me to go forth and teach all nations! I'm gonna be a televangelist!", the emcee exclaimed.

Teaching all nations will not be an easy task; a video of the ascension posted by a believer on YouTube has apparently caused riots to break out in several Muslim nations who believe it to be disrespectful of Islam and the prophet Mohammed.

In spite of the hundreds of eyewitnesses who gave testimony to the miraculous events, there were inevitably skeptics; some claimed that Obama had not ascended into heaven at all, but the photos and video were merely that of a bobblehead doll sent aloft as a publicity stunt to raise money for the campaign.

"The unbelievers are racist whites who can't stand worshipping a black god" claimed Cher, a former singer who was one of the first to join the new religion started by apostles of the ascended messiah. "I hope they all get cancer and burn in hell, and thanks to Barack Obama being god, now they will!"

Other faithful were more concilliatory and understanding. One loving Obamian (as they like to be called) waxed philosophical: "There are none so blind as those who will not see Barack. Folks have so many delusions in this world - that government spending hurts the private economy, that bowing to foreign tyrants doesn't bring peace, that progressivism doesn't work, that Barack Obama isn't god.... some people will believe anything. I feel sorry for them."

Back to 'reality:'

Is he gonna stay there?? {weep}

I can't see how I'd be able to carry on the glorious peoples revolution without being able to see his physical manifestation on Letterman, the View, etc, & hear him espouse his immortal collective wisdom in that grating sweet angelic {sob} voice.

Tell me he is returning. Tell me. Tell me...... soon....


Oldie but goodie....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGgWr3c ... r_embedded

He'll be back. His second coming will be televised by all the major networks that aren't busy describing the dead heat in the polls, with Obama leading.

O ye of little faith, Lord Jesus only multiplied loaves and fishes to feed a multitude. That's small potatoes compared to Lord Obama's magical power to cram a multitude of 18,000 of his faithful into a 5,000 seat pavilion, and still leave some empty seats. Turn away your eyes lest ye be blinded by his Obrilliance.

Comrade Opiate, Will Obama be able to write his trips to heaven off his personal income taxes or is he using government supplied clouds (created to protect us from global warming)??

Dedhedvedev wrote:

obamiracle.png

O ye of little faith, Lord Jesus only multiplied loaves and fishes to feed a multitude. That's small potatoes compared to Lord Obama's magical power to cram a multitude of 18,000 of his faithful into a 5,000 seat pavilion, and still leave some empty seats. Turn away your eyes lest ye be blinded by his Obrilliance.

That's how he plans to win a record number of votes come Election Day.