I Am The Very Model of a Modern Muslim Radical

Just a small tribute to Osama Bin Laden, who might be feeling overlooked these days down there at the bottom of the Arabian Sea -- what with ISIS and Hamas grabbing all the headlines



Hold, Kaffirs, 'ere your Shi'ite shirk-blasphemerie stampede us, against our will, to show our arms. Just bear in mind we are bints of the ummah and our emir is a Muslim radical.

We'd best feel dread ... As their shahid may behead
Their emir is a Muslim radical

Yes, yes he is a Muslim radical
Wallahi I am a Muslim radical .....

I am the very model of a modern Muslim radical
I've disputations Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical
I loathe evil Zionists and their treachery historical
I guard the ummah's virtue with excissions clitorical
I'm well acquainted, too, with violence fanatical
I analyze the outside world with thoughts auto-didactical
As for the land of Palestine, it's teeming with a lot of Jews
(Hamdu, lots of Jews, what to be done about tha- Got it!)
And so we'll keep on biding time, with the old peace process ruse

(And so we'll keep on bidding time with the old peace process news
And so we'll keep on biding time with the old peace process ruse
And yes, we'll keep on biding time with the old peace process Jew-sy ruse)

I set my sights on towers that blasphemed in New York Harbor-ous
I sent them crashing to the ground with fatwas that were barbarous
In short, in matters Hadeeth'al, Sunna-cal, Quran-ical
I am the very model of the modern Muslim radical


I know our mythic messengers, The Prophet and Abdul Wahhab
I frustrate hard surveillance, I've a compound in Abbotabad
I sing in rhymed qasidas of our triumph o'er Heraclius
In Tawwaf, I can score circum-ambulates Ka'ablius
I can tell undoubted Hadeeth, from the "Batil" to the ones "Da'eef"
I know how we grabbed Mecca from the clutches of the Mad Sharif
Then I can pray "Al Falaq" if I've heard the first few lines afore
(Hmm, lines afore .. what's my next barrakah .. Got it!)
Then dazzle my mujahids with the promise of celestial whores

(He dazzles his mujahid with the promise of celestial whores
He dazzles his mujahid with the promise of celestial whores
He dazzles his mujahid with the promise of celestial houri whores)

Then I can a write terror bill, cite jurisprudence Hanbali
Then kill two hundred Kenyans cause the Sa'udi King is jahili
In short, in matters Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical
I am the very model of the modern Muslim radical

In fact, when I know what is meant by "Hellfire" and "J-DAM shock wave"
When I can tell at sight a Paki compound from an Afghan cave
When such affairs as satellite surveillance has me in a fix
And when I feel precisely what is meant by "tapped by Seal Team Six"
When I learn what progress has been made in nighttime gunnery
When I'm laying stiller than a Pharaoh wrapped up in mummery
In short, after a battering of counter terror strategy
(Hmm, battering .. must be why I can't think of a line just no- Got it!)
You'll say a better radical never has been dumped at sea!!

(You'll say a better radical never has been dumped at sea
You'll say a better radical never has been dumped at sea
You'll say a better radical never has been dumped like chum at sea!!)

For my atavistic outlook. though spiritual indentur-ey
Is yoked to a nomad culture straight up from Seventh century
But still, in matters Hadeeth-al, Sunnah-cal, Quranical
I WAS the very model of the modern Muslim radical!
 

Some explanatory notes, especially for second stanza

Qasidah -- epic poem in metered verse

Heraclius -- Byzantine Emperor defeated by Muslims

Tawwaf -- Circling the Ka'aba seven times

Hadeeth are characterized as "Sahih" (Sound), "Batil" (False) and "Da'eef" (weak link in the chain of transmission, can't be fully trusted)

Mad Sharif -- Sa'udis wrested Mecca from Sharif Hussein, grandfather of King Hussein, who was definitely a sadistic, senile old man at the time

Al Falaq -- The shortest and easiest Sura in the Quran; any Muslim three year old can recite it

Jurisprudence Hanbali -- Ahmed Hanbal's School of Jurisprudence is the most severe

Jahili -- Ignorant, or in modern sense, secular
 

I marvel at your equality
 

Bravo, comrade!!!!
 

Spaseebo, Tovarisheva Kelya Ivanova ... Kak vii mozhete vidyet, Ya znayoo nyemnogo na rodniy yazeek .. whatever the hell that meant

As for Tovarish Grouchovo ... I am striving for "Hero of Lyrical Hooliganism" Medal, and this is my submission. I understand that one of the side benefits of this award is a five year extension of sentence in Karl Marx Treatment Center
 

Whew.... Well done, sir. A most glorious undertaking... Grand Slam!
 

Comrade Lennie... No doubt you have earned Hero of Lyrical Hooliganism... Certainly Lyrical Comrade... Word up!!

As always Epic in your equality
 

1055 Comrade views in one week? Now that's the sort of equality I'M talking about!!
 

My dear Comrade Callmelennie,

I shall Callyougenious. I shall Callyoulearned. I shall Callyouwinning.