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News We Don't Have Time To Write About (archive)

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"If you don't let us be in charge of the Senate trial we won't impeach Donald Trump," Democrats threaten Mitch McConnell.

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First we have to impeach Donald Trump before we can find out why we impeached him.

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Democrats grasp at straws but realize too late they outlawed straws

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FISA court demands FBI quit exposing the court as nothing but a procedural rubber stamp

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"They impeached me too" t-shirts selling like hotcakes.


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Every time they say impeachment a new Trump supporter is born


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Telling coal miners they can learn to code is an insult to coal miners, says Liz Warren. Her new plan will train them all to be romance novelists.

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Who?lian Castro drops out of some kind of race

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Soleimani (& companions) martyred. UN demands Israel to distance itself from Great Satan. Otherwise UN Resolution 2020/ISR/1 will follow, condemning Little Satan.

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George Soros killed in targeted strike. "He was using our own money to harm Americans," says Trump administration official.

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NYT: Major General Qasem Suleimani world's sexiest corpse

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A spontaneous Revered Poetry slam sparked by airborne AI on Baghdad's airport perimeter

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Iran ships Salami's remains back to Iran with Fed-Ex and now no one knows what happened to the box

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Colin Kaepernick finally gets employment, signs contract with the Quds force.

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Margaret wrote:Colin Kaepernick finally gets employment, signs contract with the Quds force.
Babylon Bee already has a story titled...

Iran Declines To Sign Colin Kaepernick After Reviewing Workout Video

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Malarkeygate deepens: Pallet cash may have been used to pay for Ukrainian jet shootdown. Corruption appears to have rendered black box useless.

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"Are you tired of losing yet?" asks Joe Biden

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Democrats propose sending Trump pallets of cash to appease him

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Red Square wrote:
Margaret wrote:Colin Kaepernick finally gets employment, signs contract with the Quds force.
Babylon Bee already has a story titled...

Iran Declines To Sign Colin Kaepernick After Reviewing Workout Video

Babylon Bee says he didn't sign? But Babylon Bee is fake news. I've got the real poop.

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“While the Iranian protests have re­mained rel­a­tively small, with par­tic­i­pants only num­ber­ing in the hundreds of thousands, the pub­lic re­buke re­flects the chal­lenges faced by governments dealing with the unstablizing influences of Donald Trump,” reports CNN

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BOMBSHELL: Using ‘bombshell' all the time has blown up on the fake news world

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Have no fear democrats, 'Death to the Democrat Party' is just an expression

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"All roads lead to Putin." -- Nancy Pelosi

"If she's claiming to have intel that no one else has we need to get her under oath and explain." -- Intel Community

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Bernie Sanders promises to release a short list of Supreme Court Justices he will send to the gulag

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We already proved our impeachment charges but we demand new witnesses in order to prove them, explains Jerry Nadler


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Bernie Sanders says there is no truth to the latest videos and blames them on Trotskyite sabotage of the revolution

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Nancy Pelosi has souvenir crayons emblazoned with her signature that she's using to sign the articles of impeachment

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Virginia's Committee on Public Safety changes state slogan to VIRGINIA IS FOR JACOBINS

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In a recent tweet, Ali Khamenei declared that Iran impeached the clown Trump before the United States did. “And when The Supreme Leader impeaches you with my Fatwa, you are impeached forever,” Mr. Khamenei stated.

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Lev Parnas says President Trump tried to rape him at a party in high school

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Pete Buttigieg: "My campaign needs 11 million more illegal immigrant voters."

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Joe Biden claims constitutional immunity, refuses to testify

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Adam Schiff sums up his argument for conviction and removal saying "Most perniciously, Trump planned to destroy the country by subjecting us to this ridiculous impeachment circus in order to win in 2020."

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Comrade Schiff quotes the Founding Fathers of the Party to the Senate.

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In a free country the Two Minute Hate is just boring. America tunes out the impeachment.

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CNN: Trump takes women and children as hostages during his impeachment trial. "These are the best human shields, EVER."
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The only way solar roads will work is if no cars are allowed to drive on them.

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Joe Biden confuses Trump rally for his own before his aides can steer him off stage, give him a cookie

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Party Leader Pelosi reaffirms that there can be no trial without an execution.

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Trump Coronavirus Task Force lacks diversity, only has human beings - no bats

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The Road To Serfdom by Bernie Sanders, a new Dream Big book

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Socialism will create a postal service across the nation delivering mail to everyone, declares presidential candidate Bernie Sanders

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Democrats worried they might even be estranging the illegal alien vote

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CNN Van Jones calls Iowa racist: "White people are not viable and should not be allowed to vote for OUR President."

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Democrat caucus voting app still finding votes on misplaced servers stored in trunks of cars

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Pelosi solves coronavirus outbreak! Fresh off a triumphant hijacking of Trump's news cycle, Nancy Pelosi divines that the coronavirus originated with a pangolin!

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Skeptics however point out that robotic germ warfare may be at play. Can it be a coincidence that "Cyborg pangolin"

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is an anagram for "Nancy PBR gigolo"?

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Even after being acquitted Trump still refuses to apologize

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Pelosi says Trump has always been crazy and his every thought and deed is centered on her and driving her from office

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Lying dog-faced pony soldier T-shirts selling like crazy

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President Donald Trump is set to enter the famous Daytona 500 NASCAR race on Saturday, according to confidential sources. "I will be driving the NUMBER ONE car. I've always won, and I'm going to continue to win. And that's the way it is" he said at a rally.

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Joe Biden promises lucrative board member jobs as door prizes to get people to his rallies

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President Trump: America, start your engines!
Democrat candidates: Ban fossil fuel!

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"Kill it!" becomes Michael Bloomberg's campaign slogan

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If Medicare for All causes doctors to quit we will gladly send doctors to the USA, promises Cuba


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Russian lawmakers warned that the American Democrat party is meddling to re-elect Putin

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We have way too many Russian Assets in this election: Donald Trump, Tulsi Gabard, Bernie Sanders, the NRA, and the entire Repubican Party. So how do you spot a Ruskie?

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Joe Biden's campaign carefully crafted to become Sander's assassination insurance

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The democrats two part plan for dealing with the coronavirus:
1. Panic!
2. Blame Trump

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If Bernie Sanders had a police state it would look like Cuba

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Pence has wrong CV for CV. AOC to handle A1C.

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Pelosi to build a wall around Chinatown in an attempt to protect Napa vineyard workers from Corona beer.
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In a place like Cuba something like reading is just a rope-swing in a cage

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This is what you do with all that Bloomberg junk mail
This is what you do with all that Bloomberg junk mail
This is what you do with all that Bloomberg junk mail
This is what you do with all that Bloomberg junk mail
This is what you do with all that Bloomberg junk mail
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DNC Chair Donna Brazil offers to lead socialists to Hell where the communist founders now reside.


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Middle-of-the-road: Joe Biden seen as a compromise between Bernie Sanders and Michael Avenatti.

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Joe Biden's coronavirus prevention tips: Always sterilize young girls before sniffing and fondling them

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"Coronavirus proves I should have complete totalitarian control over society. But don't worry, I'm not an authoritarian" says Bernie Sanders.

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Donald Trump wrongly assumes race and nationality of Coronavirus; still no comment on its gender.

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Governor Cuomo shuts down all 'non-essential' business, finds himself out of a job


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First, proclaim everyone else non-essential.

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Coronavirus nominated for Nobel Peace Prize, Time magazine's Person of the Year.

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Huge crowds of protestors against coronavirus march and chant through the streets to raise awareness and strike terror in the heart of the coronavirus oppressive power

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Pelosi: back in January we should've been impeaching him for negligent COVID19 response...

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Gosplan releases the first five-year coronavirus plan for the USA.

Medical and economic experts disagree on whether the goal of eleven million dead should be virus alone or inclusive of other purges.


 
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