Since the best minds of the country have concluded that health care is a basic human right, it must also be presumed that this right automatically includes the most fundamental component of all human health - food.

Leading nation's scientists have long been warning us that denying a person the nutrition from food impairs health in the most direct and injurious manner.

Today the debate is over: the right to health and the right to food are pretty much one and the same - the inalienable human right to have your bodily functions regulated by the government for your own good.

It is obvious then that we must put an end to the unconscionable profits made off the hunger and stomach cramps of others by the well-connected and powerful agricultural-industrial conglomerate of selfish farmers, predatory food packers, heartless grocers, and mercenary restaurateurs.

That anyone is allowed to make billions of dollars by providing Americans with their basic health-giving nutritional needs is the shame of the nation and the cruel result of underregulated markets gone wild.

As eating is preventive health care at its most basic level, no health care reform would be complete without establishing a single-payer system of nutrition delivery called Foodicare, overseen by a super-czar level position of the Foodmaster General. An all-inclusive 2,500 page plan of this essential program is already available for immediate passage. No reading required; it is already self-evident that such an arrangement is even better than a similar plan most successfully enjoyed by North Koreans today.


The Foodicare program will cater to every American's health-through-nutrition needs in a fair and equal manner. A national menu of approved healthy foods at legal prices will be established and enforced for the public's own good. To guarantee food quality and equality, home kitchens will be disallowed and replaced with government-mandated nutrition care cafeterias, staffed with licensed and regulated health-through-nutrition care providers.

To ensure a steady stream of health-generating foodstuffs, and to safeguard against the vagaries of weather affecting harvests, it will be the US government's responsibility to control the climate well beyond the meager provisions of Waxman-Markey. While CO2 regulations may be a good start, we will soon be in an urgent need of a legislation allowing us to cap and trade rain and sunshine. In addition to having the maximum sustainable effect on the health of the planet and its citizens, it will also create thousands of jobs you never even dreamed existed.

The next logical step the government is expected to take is to properly identify and manage other important ingredients of the right to health care: housing care, clothing care, leisure care, and care for the citizens' romantic relationships - since denying a person good quality shelter, apparel, exercise, and recreational sex also impairs health in the most direct and injurious manner.

Illustrations by Red Square

POWER TO THE INTESTINES! FOODSTUFF NOW!
(O later...)

Mmmmmmmm..... Cheeeeese.....

<img src="https://i810.photobucket.com/albums/zz2 ... -3.gif"><P>

Who will make up the <B>Lose Weight or Die</B> panel?

Indeed, I always had a feeling that the small intestine was underrepresented and disenfranchised by the large intestine. We must take stuff away from the large intestine that already is large enough, and give more to the poor small intestine so that it can grow more.

Equal sizes, rights and responsibilities to all organs! NOW!

I sure do love that gub'ment cheese!

I think having a brand new car is a basic human right. After all, how am I going to go down and pick up my food entitlement from the distribution center without transportation? I can't take the bus... it would be demeaning to me to be seen in public carrying boxes of free food. Besides, it would be too hard to carry by myself since the bus stop is a couple of blocks from the distribution center. Yes, it is obvious that the government should provide a free car to all free food recipients. And gas! Not gas from eating all the food but free gas to power my free car. And free government oil changes! What about a free extended warranty on my free car that I need to pick up my free food? How the hell do they expect me to keep driving my free car down to the distribution center to pick up my free food if they don't give me free maintenance? All of these things are basic human rights!

And how about a free place to live? Where am I supposed to eat my free food, in my free car? That is demeaning! I need a free table and chairs to put in my free house, too! I can't eat my free food while sitting on the floor, can I? That's humiliating and de-personalizing! And hey, how about a free TV to watch while I eat my free food in my free house while sitting at my free table and chairs? These are all basic human rights! And I need CABLE with my free TV! They don't expect me to watch over-the-air TV, do they? That's demeaning!

Finally!!! Apple Pie will be made ILLEGAL!!!! There is nothing that is more bourgeois and warmongering than Apple Pie. All Hail, His Most Serene Compassionateness, Obama!

At long last, the burden of household cooking will be lifted from our shoulders. No longer shall we toil over hot barbecues, get burned by splashing bacon grease or get our clothes ruined by the stench of grilled cheese! With this unnecessary burden lifted, we will have more time to devote to reading Alinsky, Marx and Obama. I never had the Audacity to Hope that this Change would be made a reality!

Thank you, Liberal America for taking more responsibility off my shoulders!

Red Square wrote:Indeed, I always had a feeling that the small intestine was underrepresented and disenfranchised by the large intestine. We must take stuff away from the large intestine that already is large enough, and give more to the poor small intestine so that it can grow more.

Equal sizes, rights and responsibilities to all organs! NOW!

Free the small intestine!
Liberate the duodenum!
Equal rights for the Sigmoid flexure!

(man this could generate a whole line of activewear)

Opiate of the People wrote: And gas! Not gas from eating all the food but free gas to power my free car.

Now there's an idea - change your farts into fuel. Why, one could go across all of the Kentucky Fried South without having to make one stop. If only Government Motors would get to work creating the flatulence collecting and evacuation tube converter system we could really see some serious improvement in fuel efficient cars. No more government waste. No more toxic emissions. Just good, clean, flatugas.

Your happy future with Foodicare:

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Foodicare's happy future with you:

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Citizen's

It's all at Exit 533 my friends!

Publius

Opiate of the People wrote:I think having a brand new car is a basic human right. After all, how am I going to go down and pick up my food entitlement from the distribution center without transportation? I can't take the bus... it would be demeaning to me to be seen in public carrying boxes of free food. Besides, it would be too hard to carry by myself since the bus stop is a couple of blocks from the distribution center. Yes, it is obvious that the government should provide a free car to all free food recipients. And gas! Not gas from eating all the food but free gas to power my free car. And free government oil changes! What about a free extended warranty on my free car that I need to pick up my free food? How the hell do they expect me to keep driving my free car down to the distribution center to pick up my free food if they don't give me free maintenance? All of these things are basic human rights!

And how about a free place to live? Where am I supposed to eat my free food, in my free car? That is demeaning! I need a free table and chairs to put in my free house, too! I can't eat my free food while sitting on the floor, can I? That's humiliating and de-personalizing! And hey, how about a free TV to watch while I eat my free food in my free house while sitting at my free table and chairs? These are all basic human rights! And I need CABLE with my free TV! They don't expect me to watch over-the-air TV, do they? That's demeaning!

Now your talking!

Let's just get it over with and demand our rights to General Welfare as called out in the constitution!!!!

Nothing would stop the Usurper in Chief faster than willing throngs of socialists banging on his door at 0300 for a cup of sugar.

Ivana Tinkle wrote:
Who will make up the <B>Lose Weight or Die</B> panel?

ohayogozaimasu tinklesan,

hai, i would like to be honored with that distinction if it should be willing.
at the risk of being self serving and possibly bring shame on my family,
i would like to share qualifications.

in nihon, all rice fields were controlled by feudal lords.
farmers were not allowed to take any of the rice they grew.
farmers turn in 100% of rice and wait to be alloted a share to be given back.

i can control peoples alloted share to provide constant weight among citizens,
i will call this program "greater good sustenance rationing for equality of weight and health benefit™"
average weight of people will be determined by budget commitee instead of doctor.
accompanied by standard 'voluntary' mandated work schedule, this will
keep citizens in best 'health' for the greater good.


as you know, i have been successful with program as most nihonjin are of acceptable
trim stature and have longest life span in world, making plenty of years
to serve party.

workers will greatfully live in stick houses on mudfield provided by most beneficial
government agency. not only will houses be economically missing air conditioning, but will also be environmentally friendly, being made out of sticks, hay and found objects.



once citizens partake of rationed food program and 'voluntary' work schedule, you will see pounds start to fall off citizens or they die, providing relief to healthcare system.
any selfish overeaters using government system to steal extra shares of rice or using capitalist ideals to buy/trade shares of rice or 'just plain lazy fatties' will face sharp end of katana.


hai, sumimasen, gomen nasai, i have spoke to much in my favor.
the shame i feel is heavy.
please bring wakizashi, i must commit seppuku.

arigatougozaimasu,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

It can all be summed up that health care begins with the community. Food, housing, work, all of the things that we need for health care are all functions of the community so what we need to do for good sustainable health care is to reform society and take bold forward action to build scientifically planned and ordered communities.

Brilliant! There's no end to the legislation we can draw up to 'guarantee' this crap, er fairness.

However, I think someone missed an absolute right. Air. That's right comrades.

This morning my senses were assaulted by the vile odor of some fat capitalist's flatulence. There should be a law protecting the quality of air. This ties into your food program very nicely.

FafaFooey wrote:Brilliant! There's no end to the legislation we can draw up to 'guarantee' this crap, er fairness.

However, I think someone missed an absolute right. Air. That's right comrades.

This morning my senses were assaulted by the vile odor of some fat capitalist's flatulence. There should be a law protecting the quality of air. This ties into your food program very nicely.

Someone ought to cap that flatulence and use it to run more automobiles.

Red Square wrote:Indeed, I always had a feeling that the small intestine was underrepresented and disenfranchised by the large intestine. We must take stuff away from the large intestine that already is large enough, and give more to the poor small intestine so that it can grow more.

Equal sizes, rights and responsibilities to all organs! NOW!

Would this be considered an internal struggle?

Yes, Comrade Guardian. And since this is an internal struggle of organs, it can also be called "organic" (as well as the final product of this struggle).

And the purges! We must not forget the purges!

As a general advice, comrades, we must never abandon struggle of all forms and shapes against all other forms and shapes.

I DENOUNCE THE CIRCLE!

Would these be party organs? (or are those lower down?)

Red Rooster wrote:I DENOUNCE THE CIRCLE!

I accuse the tetrahedron of thought crimes!

And rightly so, Comrade Rex. A red tetrahedron is a heretical simplification of the red cube and therefore a blasphemy and a cynical challenge to everything we hold dear!

I just realized I forgot to include this important part into the Foodicare story:



See more info at the link:

Stop Making Profit: ACORN Imitates The People's Cube

Red Rooster wrote:I DENOUNCE THE CIRCLE!

HAHAHA. You made my day Rooster!

A wonderfully equal comment.

Red Rooster wrote:I DENOUNCE THE CIRCLE!

And the circle of comrades denounces you, Red Rooster! They'll get to you once they finish a little internal Party discussion about what's best for the people, the children, and the state.

Emperor K, that fat cat deserves a katana for his gluttony. Konichiwa!

I humbly nominate myself as Czar of SushiCare. After all, it closely fits my seafood inspection crime ring civic service. My posse helpful staff of seafood inspection specialists has already begun shaking down soliciting restaurants for cash and sushi free samples.

Comrades, we must avoid geometric denunciations. We are a complex collective, but most members are rather simple in their cognitive capacity. Once this specious discrimination begins, where will it end? As the irrational rooster lashes out at more obscure shapes, denouncing rhomboids and trapezoids, all hell will break loose. And don't even mention the Pentagon to me...

I speak as one only concerned for The Children^TM, The Kittens^TM, and The Common Good^TM...

Red Square wrote:

Red Rooster wrote:I DENOUNCE THE CIRCLE!

And the circle of comrades denounces you, Red Rooster! They'll get to you once they finish a little internal Party discussion about what's best for the people, the children, and the state.

Not again! It seems I'm always getting in trouble with The Party™...

Red Rooster wrote:I DENOUNCE THE CIRCLE!

konnichiwa,

hai, i have to agree. we must denounce the circle. it lends itself to represent the two dimensional thinking of capitalist. as we know, capitalist can only think in terms of profit/loses, rationing/prices, supply/demand, etc. these are usually represented by 2D line graphs or pie charts.

we, as progressive peoples, must adopt an object that can represent the full human experience and expand into the third dimension of feelings. thus i propose the Sphere™. no one is further away from the universal center than anyone else, engulfed together in the incomprehensible struggles of the world, with solutions determined by feelings, ...we will be truely equal.

(visual agitation diagram)

hai, this is how it should be, circular, circling in on itself, feel the energy, it's round.

domoarigatougozaimasu,
emperor kakubakuhatsu



ps - redsquaresan, no offense to the "cube" intended.

I denounce Comrade Emperor for thoughtcrimes against the Cube. The best minds of the progressive movement have already concluded that The Cube is the most perfect shape and reflects progressiveness in every single square of its glorious red body.

The scientific consensus has already been achieved. The debate is over. Time to save the world from non-cubes and non-squares!

Since this is your first offense, Emperor Kakubakuhatsu, the Party shall be merciful and sentence you to only five hours of mandatory self-criticism with a shovel in front of the Party headquarters.

For your further indoctrination, you have to accept the square truth and repeat it five times a day while facing the Lenin Mausoleum: "I am but a mere red square on the surface of the glorious Red Cube, equal and completely interchangeable with all other squares, and will be happy to be moved wherever the Party chooses to move me, equally content to be amidst any of the identical square comrades."

Dear Leader Red Square wrote; "[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]The best minds of the progressive movement have already concluded that The Cube is the most perfect shape and reflects progressiveness in every single square of its glorious red body[/HIGHLIGHT]."

It's all about the love Brothers and Sisters. All about the love.

Can one get organic borscht at Whole Foods? It will go well with the cheese....mmmmmmmmmmmm

The boycott is on, comrades! Every progressive worth his/her organic tofu must join the protest

I'm all for it! Of course this Mackey article is a multi-millionaire who will scarcely feel a thing financially, and to be sure, if sales drop off significantly Whole Foods will be forced to lay off bag-boys, cashiers and other assorted proles, but that is simply the cost of a proper hissy fit. Well worth it in my opinion.

Emperor Kakubakuhatsu wrote:

Red Rooster wrote:I DENOUNCE THE CIRCLE!

konnichiwa,

hai, i have to agree. we must denounce the circle. it lends itself to represent the two dimensional thinking of capitalist. as we know, capitalist can only think in terms of profit/loses, rationing/prices, supply/demand, etc. these are usually represented by 2D line graphs or pie charts.

we, as progressive peoples, must adopt an object that can represent the full human experience and expand into the third dimension of feelings. thus i propose the Sphere™. no one is further away from the universal center than anyone else, engulfed together in the incomprehensible struggles of the world, with solutions determined by feelings, ...we will be truely equal.

Emperor, I believe this is the flag you were thinking of:


Indeed, though, the cube is the finest form of geometric elegance signifying the freedom and openness of life available to all comrades.

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Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:

BOYCOTT WHOLE FOODS!

I denounce John Mackey, co-founder and CEO of the mercenary grocery store, Whole Foods.

Earlier this month, Mackey the Lackey wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal decrying Obamacare and Foodicare. He even had the audacity to quote that imperialist pig, Maggie Thatcher, architect of the Falkland land grab.

My wonderful liberal brother commenting on this said (after years of patronizing Whole Foods stores and proclaiming them the best thing since the garden of borscht) that Mackey was just another greedy capitalist who was more interested in his own profits than in supporting real change in the system.

Yep.

Funny that. What's really funny is that Mackey saw a niche within the moronic leftwing granola chewers and gave them as much granola (and other exotic waterfowl) as they wished - making tons of money while doing it. More power to him.




Down with the capitalist pig dog swine!

What about backyard vegetable gardens? They must be collectivized!


I proclaim myself Czarina of confiscating all back yard gardens for the collective.

Red Square wrote:I denounce Comrade Emperor for thoughtcrimes against the Cube. The best minds of the progressive movement have already concluded that The Cube is the most perfect shape and reflects progressiveness in every single square of its glorious red body.

Since this is your first offense, Emperor Kakubakuhatsu, the Party shall be merciful and sentence you to only five hours of mandatory self-criticism with a shovel in front of the Party headquarters.

For your further indoctrination, you have to accept the square truth and repeat it five times a day while facing the Lenin Mausoleum: "I am but a mere red square on the surface of the glorious Red Cube, equal and completely interchangeable with all other squares, and will be happy to be moved wherever the Party chooses to move me, equally content to be amidst any of the identical square comrades."

shuukuhaku,

hai, redsquaresan, my history betrays me. gomennasai. gomennasai.

i apologize for my hatsuomakuru, roughly translating as - sudden abandonment of humble attitude and assuming antangonistic attitude. i am partys™ shoushoku. please accept my death as purge of guilt.

hai, my thoughts related back to the golden years of nihon, where red spheres abounded. your image, abecedariusrexsan, of the noble flag of the rising sun brings back many memories. i am fond of the sphere, something i will cut from my being with very sharp blade. note photo of my birthday.


redsquaresan, in years past being a self isolated country, i am not too familiar with the policies of leninsan and i greatly apologize for my ignorance and egotism. i do now realize that the cube will stand stable when placed on a surface as a sphere could wander, possibly to the right even.

with this disgrace i feel great guilt and shame, please bring wakizashi, i must commit seppuku.

shousei,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

ps- before i commit harakiri, ... what is shovel?
can it be used for highest act of party™ loyality ...disembowelment?

Emperor - is seppuku some medieval variety of loyal self-criticism?

As for the shovel, it is indeed being used for a variety of highest acts of Party™ loyalty. Just ask Commissarka Pinkie. She'll disembowel you alright as soon as she removes the picture of Brad Pitt from her shovel's business end. I hear stomach juices are bad for paper, at least the kind used in Vanity Fair magazine from which she cuts out her imaginary husbands.

Leninka wrote:What about backyard vegetable gardens? They must be collectivized!


I proclaim myself Czarina of confiscating all back yard gardens for the collective.

I hope you realize Leninka, your tongue may be in your cheek, but your satire is a bullseye:

"To establish the Food Safety Administration within the Department of Health and Human Services to protect the public health by preventing food-borne illness, ensuring the safety of food, improving research on contaminants leading to food-borne illness, and improving security of food from intentional contamination, and for other purposes."

Legislation to outlaw gardens or to outlaw the sale of home grown garden produce via HR-875.

The idea is: The Feds are protecting us from ourselves by turning over the growing of produce to licensed trained professionals who know how to dump cow poop on plants and not make consumers sick.

Red Square wrote:Emperor - is seppuku some medieval variety of loyal self-criticism?

As for the shovel, it is indeed being used for a variety of highest acts of Party™ loyalty. Just ask Commissarka Pinkie. She'll disembowel you alright as soon as she removes the picture of Brad Pitt from her shovel's business end. I hear stomach juices are bad for paper, at least the kind used in Vanity Fair magazine from which she cuts out her imaginary husbands.

konnichiwa, redsquaresan, ogenkidesuka

hai, seppuku is highest noble act of loyal self-critism as it is the most honored japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment. as johnbrauesan says in his article "the fine art of seppuku", there are many reasons to commit this grand act.

junshi (following ones lord in death, although was strictly discouraged by the bafuku and daimyo, as it used up too many perfectly good retainers), funshi (to express one's indignation at a situation), kanshi (as an admonishment or rebuke to one's lord for his behavior), to atone for dishonorable actions of one's own, and to avoid capture and disgrace (and probable torture and execution) in battle. In such circumstances, of course, there usually wasn't time for the whole ritual, so expedients as cutting one's own throat, throwing oneself from a running horse with a sword in one's mouth, or flinging oneself off high walls, towers, or cliffs were winked at. In 1516, Muira Yoshimoto committed suicide by cutting off his own head, something that got him a gazillion style points (he was still dead, however).

here's full article for events in sacred ritual.
http://www.win.net/ratsnest/archive-art ... 00384.html

(in america, sacred ritual is known as harakiri, though brauesan misspells this honorable act in his article thus leading to position to consider seppuku himself)

when a noble cause™ has failed, seppuku is the last opportunity to restore honor and dignity to yourself and the cause™. for example, billyayerssan is of low character and a weak person. although his policies and actions are unparalled, upon the defeat of his movement, ayerssan showed lack of morals and stamina in his belief. he ran like little girl, hid, and surrendered to the feds and is now living under the guise of capitalism. disgraceful. he would be remembered as a great warrior of ideals had he partaken in the honorable seppuku back in the day.



actually, what a most noble and grand world this would be and such a victory for the party™ if every progressive person had the opportunity to perform most honorable seppuku.

domoarigatougozaimasu,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

You know comrades, this seppuku should be made mandatory for ailing senior <s>citizens</s> subjects over a certain age, as part of His Excellency's proposed health care reform. Mmmmmmm.... yummy! Soylent Green, anyone?

Let's return this topic from exotic digressions to the issue of rights and entitlements as related to the consumption of food and beverages in our American Motherland. For example, today I received an email notification of the following grassroots initiative down south:

=================
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer ?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds fer millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin... What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"
=================

My guess is the lawyer is working for the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Good health starts with a good body. It is a right to have a healthy body at birth. Individuals cannot provide this right by themselves since, as you can see, only liberal minds have great bodies.

In name of Progress, it would be the ultimate tribute to human kind if our fatherly government could materialize this right for us - healthy babies. I don't mean that He or His Administration have to be involved in reproductive activities with the People (oh my goodness, the mensheviks could be rather disgusting, no!) But for the triumph of the Common Good, I envision the Government distributing His semen to the less fortunate of the People, whether they are blue dogs, independents, conservatives, neocons, or simply republitards.

However, if the Federal In-semen-action Commission determines that quality of results is not 100% guaranteed, and the newborns are only half-healthy: for example good body assured by His semen, but inkorrect way of thinking because of weak recipient -- we should solicit the ultimate Korrective action: cloning of The One. Can you imagine this? What a perfect nation this could be!

Since today is PI Day, we should have a healthy PI like... tofu?