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InBev Buying Back Bud Light to Throw a "Fratty, Out of Touch" Party

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St. Louis, MO -- The InBev / Anheiser-Busch company has had trouble lately.  They partnered with a man to celebrate him dressing and acting like a teenage girl for an entire year.  After that, some of its customers have decided they no longer want to purchase its flagship product, Bud Light.  The boycott has reduced beverage sales for the firm by 20-30% for several weeks.

To recover market share, the beverage giant has tried multiple industry-standard strategies.

First: ignore the issue.  No effect.

Second: issue some sort of bland apology-like statement.  No effect.

Third: give away the product for free. Still no improvement in sales.

The fourth and latest move has been to start buying back unsold cases of Bud Light from local distributors.  What will happen to this mountain of unsold beer?  Frances Limp, InBev Vice-president of Cheap Beer NA (Sales & Marketing), announced today they plan to throw a "fratty, out of touch party" in hopes of winning back their former customers.

"We lost our focus, that's all," Mr. Limp said in an interview.  "We forgot that our main customers are a bunch of rednecks and flyover folk.  We plan to get back to insulting their intelligence with over-the-top patriotic ads, country music, and giving money to veterans groups.  Did I mention we're selling Bud Light in camo cans now?"

He continued "We're thinking up all kinds of new stuff, just in case that doesn't, uh 'git'er done' (am I saying that right?).  Our NASCAR budget increased by a lot - specifically we're working with Brandon Brown on a 'let's go Brandon' marketing campaign.  New Dylan Mulvaney cans might be in the works, but this time we'd have a target reticle on him.  If that passes legal review, we'd hope to partner with Kid Rock for it.

A lot going on, but we're sure its just a matter of finding the right thing to calm these wackos - our customers - down."

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Fratty? Not without the Original Party Animal Spuds MacKenzie. The Party loved Spuds.




AmBev forgot to know when to say when.

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jackalopelipsky wrote:
5/24/2023, 10:09 am
Fratty? Not without the Original Party Animal Spuds MacKenzie. The Party loved Spuds.




AmBev forgot to know when to say when.
Spuds MacKenzie!!!!  I wish I had thought of that, I coulda worked it in somehow - that is brilliant!
 

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The Party Animal, Spuds MacKenzie, riding a Clydesdale bareback on a perfect atmospheric lit beach, or a lush green field, just might save Bud’s Life.

Depends on Spuds’ outfits, though. How much outfit money is Bud Lite willing to invest at this point in time? Spuds should hold out for the Mulvaney bucks.


ps that picture of a flattened can of Bud, needs more grit, grim, and asphalt gravel, cement tracking on it, like those flattened aluminum cans that litter construction sites. That’s the real image that resonates with consumers. Maybe Spuds could add some of his business in a new ad campaign. ??

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Spuds in bubble bath, holding a bud light? Yep, that oughta do it.

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That’s never going to work, Panem. No, what AnBev needs is Souds in a hard hat, peeing on constrictor site —like new home building economy. A flattened Bud lite can walked on by workboot wearing former Bud Lite drinkers, and Spuds in a MAGA hard hat trots into the construction zone scene, sniff the trashed can news, leaves his own mark, and trots off screen like a boss. Cut! Great ad.

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Wow - you have gift. I see your vision perfectly in my minds eye and agree customers will come running back if they see that ad.

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Hate to break your bubble.

A glass coffin contains the remains of Spuds MacKenzie in Spuds' Tomb at the Adolphus Busch Mausoleum, St. Louis, Missouri,
A glass coffin contains the remains of Spuds MacKenzie in Spuds' Tomb at the Adolphus Busch Mausoleum, St. Louis, Missouri,

[Just as well—she's now safe from getting drunk and being raped in Europe, where her attacker would have faced no penalty.]


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"Spuds" was revolutionary before his/her/xir time too.

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
5/24/2023, 4:43 pm
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"Spuds" was revolutionary before his/her/xir time too.
You mean Spuds was a cake, too?


 

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Colonel Obyezyana wrote:
5/24/2023, 3:08 pm
Hate to break your bubble.

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[Just as well—she's now safe from getting drunk and being raped in Europe, where her attacker would have faced no penalty.]

Yeah, that last part was the reason this jackalope was willing to turn Bud Lite down to be the jackalope face of International Bud Lite Party Animal.


 
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