I am Gorbel, inventor of Gorbel's Cube, not to mention the Internet, the GoreMobile, The Green Curtain and more. I am also the official translator of The Da Gorgle Code and am Midwife MidPerson to Mother Earth, affectionately known as Gaia (Pronounced "Guy-yuh" not "Gay-uh")Al Gore, now officially known as Gorbel, invents Gorbel's cube to save Mother Earth from harsh rays of capitalism.


Since this is Gorbel's inaugural appearance in The Gorbel's Cube Within The People's Cube, a brief biographical sketch is in order:

Of course by now everyone knows not only that Al Gore won the Nobel Prize for trying to save Mother Earth from being groped by Capitalist trying to get her "hot." Indeed, soon after Gore won the Nobel Prize, even the evil, planet-plundering George W. Bush invited him to the White House to prove he was finally prepared to stop Global Warming.

But few people know about what is probably Gore's greatest invention: The Al Gore Mobile, popularly known as the GoreMobile. If only the greedy oil companies would recognize how much the country could benefit from everyone converting to the GoreMobile, which runs on a virtually inexhaustible fuel supply that would make oil obsolete ...

Many people think they know Gore's early history, but they don't. Few know that like Superman, he had a secret identity for most of his life until someone spilled the beans in the box-office-hit movie, "The Da Gorgle Code", a prequel to the Academy-Award winning, Nobel-Prize winning "Inconvenient Truth."

How the Presidency was Stolen from Al Gore:

But the theft of the Presidency was not the beginning of the mistreatment of Gore. Remember back during Campaign 2000 when Gore's role as an environmentally responsible landlord was maliciously attacked? Remember those "Fox News" reports in June, 2000, about Gore's tenants complaining about plumbing problems? So grossly exaggerated! Here's what Gore wrote at the time to set the record straight:

Some bad news has come to the fore
disputing that I'm a Green Gore
But clearly it's false
to say it's my fault
or that I don't care for the poor.
My tenants have called me slum-Goring
and claim I invented slum-lording
They claim I don't care
and don't do repair
'cause rent-money I have been hording.
I swear that I just didn't know
that each time my tenants would "go,"
They suffered in slush
'cause after each flush,
the toilet would soon overflow.
And then as though that ain't enough,
the cleanup was always so tough,
'Cause when they got up
to clean up the muck,
they found that the sink had backed up.
When E-P-A checked-out the lumps,
and OSHA examined their rumps,
The experts opined
that I should be fined
for causing such hazardous dumps.
The victim is me, Albert Gore--
Just look what they did to my floor
when after each dump
they'd step in a clump
and leave carbon footprints galore.

Perhaps Gore's greatest frustration as a savior of the people and the planet that his groundbreaking effort to restore civility and rational discourse to our political debate has failed to reach the minds of the Rabid Right Wing.

Update on Mother Earth by Gorbel's Cube:
I iknow it's hard to believe -- especially in light of unprogressive comments such as those redently posted by Commissar Pupovich, for which loveable dogface I'm still waiting to fetch my New York Times-- that there are still people who believe Mother Earth is flat. In fact, I've just found a picture being circulated by the Right Wing in an effort to prove Mother Earth is flat:


But to understand how wrong they are, see the image below:


My handiwork in enabling the entire world to reject the "flat" Mother Earth theory is manifestly successful.

HOLY CRAP!!! How long did it take to do that?!? That is an amazing feat for anyone to accomplish. I'm buying you a pizza.

I am lost in admiration over this achievement. In honor of such a work, I herunto append my own unworthy opus:

A gentleman farmer from Tennessee
Thought himself better than you and me.
He would prove it, of course,
Since he was the source
Of the carbon relief that would come to be.

"The science is settled" is what he did say,
And he joyfully started to map out the way
To reduce the profusion
Of petrol we're usin'
And go back to the old ways of yesterday.

Those most glorious times of pre-industry
Our betters still know we must clearly see;
So, if we're not all hangin'
On Al Gore's bandwagon,
There's guaranteed Earthwide catastrophe.

"By next year! By next week! By tomorrow!" They cry,
"if we still emit now, then we're all gonna fry!"
There can be no denyin'
That Sweet Gaia is cryin'
For Gore's carbon credits that we'll all have to buy.

Those credits will let him afford a new Gulfstream,
And add personnel to a new Eco Strike Team.
Now, our lives may be stark
We may sit in the dark
But there's no sacrifice 'could be too extreme

Because then! Then, oh joy! The sea won't have risen!
Polluters and Rightists will all be in prison,
There'll be bunnies all cute,
And an end to dispute
As we hug and give Al all the credit that's his'n.

A rosier future one just could not portend;
For our great, sainted Al is the Eart's one true friend.
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin
And God knows that I'm tryin'
To swallow this message I've been told I must send.

Premier Betty,
You are too kind. I prefer pepperoni. No, wait, I think I'm only allowed to eat "veggie" pizzas without cheese because eating pepperoni encourages raising cattle for human consumption and we know they're warming the earth by their methane flatus. But then wheat and corn needed for veggie pizzas are needed for fuel. What's a good member of the collective to do? Perhaps buy a GoreMobile.

Buddy Lenin,
As one who quite often writes lines
with each one to end in a rhyme
with rhythm obeyed,
to you I must say,
I thank you for writing those lines.

It seems that we both understand
that some carbon footprints are grand--
Not mine and not yours,
but those made by Gore
to save Mother Nature from Man.

Remind us it does of the druthers
of leaders who care for all others
like Lenin and Gore
who've taught us the score:
that some are more equal than others.

Why don't I just mash up some prole and turn him into a pizza for you? Then buy a Goremobile.

Ah, this AlGore and his "global weather crisis" is so yesterday. It is putting Pravda under a massive strain to continue to hide or otherwise twist the facts that there has has been no global warming for almost a decade and the temperature dropped like Bill's pants this past year. The sooner the Party disavows the Goreman the better.

Premier Betty wrote:Why don't I just mash up some prole and turn him into a pizza for you? Then buy a Goremobile.

Never had prole but heard they're unhygienic.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Ah, this AlGore and his "global weather crisis" is so yesterday. It is putting Pravda under a massive strain to continue to hide or otherwise twist the facts that there has has been no global warming for almost a decade and the temperature dropped like Bill's pants this past year. The sooner the Party disavows the Goreman the better.

Commissar Pupovich,
I'm shocked you've forgotten such an elemental part of the party line-- i.e., that it's the progressiveness of a perception, not the facts, that matter. Thanks to my Glorious Work, virtually every human being currently being graciously hosted by Mother Earth now knows to a virtual certainty that he's gotten Mother Earth "too hot" and now feels guilty and ashamed for having done so.

Another important principle of the Collective is the vital role played by party organs role-playing as "hard-nosed reporters" helping the unwashed (and overheated) masses understand the progressive perception, which vital role was recently best exemplified by 60 Minutes' Leslie Stahl in interviewing me last Sunday. While feigning reporterhood, she asked me, "What about people who doubt humans (especially men) are getting Mother Earth 'hot'?" I told her that only "flat earth" people are doubters and asked her to give an example of a scientifically reputable doubter. The only name she stated was "Dick Cheney," and she even remembered to say his name in a way to convey to the unwashed masses that even she-- an "objective reporter" -- knows he's what I described as a "flat earther."

Our progressive views have become so widespreadly accepted that now even the scientifically sound programs on the Science Channel, History Channel, Discovery Channel and National Geographic Channel virtually always include (somewhere in the middle or the end) a now-obligatory passing reference to the "fact" of anthropomorphic Global Warming.

Thus, we've now achieved our objective: our progressive perception that man is getting Mother Earth hot (sounds incestuous, doesn't it?) has become accepted as scientific fact, so we no longer need to worry about genuinely inconvenient truths. No one will pay attention.

We are safe behind the Green Curtain.
As punishment for your lapse into un-grouply thinking, you need to stay in after-school detention hall in Re-Education Camp. (But I forget, in Re-Education Camp, there is no "after school" -- perhaps I need to return myself, but then all of you in the Proletariat do understand that we who stand equal above you really don't need to go to Re-Education Camp since we are the faculty.)

Now go fetch my New York Times, you loveable, but misguided, dog-faced member of the collective.

Commisar Pupovich,
To enable you to better "see" the Progressive Truth about Mother Earth, I've added an update to the end of the post especially for you. Where's my New York Times?

I heard the "lights out" was just a excuse for leftist college students to go make out.

P.S. It is good the earth is "guy-uh" not "gay-uh" that would be offensive to gay uh community.

Excellent contribution comrade. Let's forget about the environment or whatever that is for a moment. Marx never mentioned the environment and therefore it doesn't exist except perhaps as an Enemy of the People. No, the real enemy of Collectivism is ELECTRICITY! Modern capitalistic society is run on electricity. Without it the proles woudl be cold, hungry and generally miserable. THAT'S WHAT WE WANT!

We want them to suffer, yes, really suffer. We want them to freeze to death, their children to starve and their fingers to fall off from frostbite. Why you ask? Why do we want the proles to suffer while we watch in contempt from our mountain hideouts while sipping our vodka? Because suffering breeds REVOLUTION.

This is the reason I endorse Comrade Gore for president. He alone understands the best way to achieve socialist utopia. Not that bitch Hillary or Obama.

Down with them! Al Gore for President!

Gorbels Cube wrote:Commisar Pupovich,
To enable you to better "see" the Progressive Truth about Mother Earth, I've added an update to the end of the post especially for you. Where's my New York Times?

Global climate crisis.... yada yada yada....

As you yourself point out the flaw in holding steadfastly to this...
"Another important principle of the Collective is the vital role played by party organs role-playing as "hard-nosed reporters" helping the unwashed (and overheated) masses understand the progressive perception..."

Even the most dense of proles will eventually realize that "Hey, I am not overheated. The Party I have given my all for is in error." Then where will we be comrade? Hmmmm? It is one thing to fool the people to achieve a goal, which we have done quite well so far, and I acknowledge that your Goreman served his purpose. But eventually, as the facts start to become obvious to even the proles educated in our school systems, the Party must have a fall back position, and it must be put in place before we start appearing as if we are in error. That time is quickly coming to pass, and soon we must deny that the earth has ever changed temperature and start blaming the imperialists for spreading this lie so they can keep the people down. We need to be seen as the people who liberate the working class from the onerous bonds of the capitalists. In other words, it is nearing the time when the Gore (who has been such a disappointment in the past as well), will soon need to throw himself down upon his shovel, for the Common Good™.

Besides, we no longer need "global climate crisis" to impose our control over all areas of life, we will have "universal health care" that does not come and go upon the changing of the seasons.

Commissar Pupovich,

Although you are absolutely my favorite canine-looking prole, you are one sick pup if you think the rest of the proles will actually unlearn Truth I have taught them.

Most of them still believe the Grassy Knoll Truth that Comrade Stone taught them even though there have been countless, highly scientific explanations to the contrary in addition to numerous ordinary-evidence explanations proving our dearly departed Oswald acted alone.

Our dear "NetRoots" allies, whom the Rabid Right Wing disparage as "NutRoots" and Truthers, have managed to convince a sizeable portion of proles that 9-11 was an inside job. Even the Non-Prole-Wannabe Jesse Ventura has now joined the ranks of Truthers.

Furthermore, you must remember that only the Rabid Right Wing can even perceive the danger of our future Collective Leadership worshiping at the altar of the Rabid Wright Wing-- For most proles, the soothing sound of "We will give you health care" and "protect Mother Earth" is enough to keep them swooning.

Almost all proles today believe our Absolute Truth that we'd be better off if BushHitler were to have left Saddam Hussein in power. We have completely convinced them that since he really didn't have operational WMD's at the time of the invasion, he would have never acquired them because we've also convinced them that those sanctions would have continued (even though they were rapidly disappearing) and would have prevented him from having reacquired and re-developed his WMD's by now. We've completely erased from their minds the fact that after the Persian Gulf War we discovered that Saddam was within between 6 months and 18 months of having an operational nuke even though the Rabid Right Wing has tried to explain to them that if Saddam were still in power he'd have a nuke right now as does Kim-- see http://politicalxray.Com/ExposingBushOnIraq.htm . (I can't always seem to get the links to work right in this Peoples Version of Software-- sometimes I suspect being saboutaged by Party Leaders competing with me for power, but then I realize I must discipline my mind against such heresy.)

To remind you how easy it is to guile the proles, contrast my post-Operation-Iraqi-Freedom rhetoric (see video clip in the main article above exemplyfying my rhetorical power to "appeal to reason") that Bush 43 used deception about Saddam to justify toppling him with my 1992 campaign rhetoric that Bush 41 used deception about Saddam to justify leaving him in power-- here's a link: for that speech. If you think the proles are quick at figuring this stuff out, then you must really be a prole after all rather than a Commisar.

We've even succeeded in convincing them to blame Bush Bush for North Korea developing a nuke despite sanctions vastly more stringent than than even the theoretical sanctions against Saddam-- and Kim didn't even have an "oil for food" program for diversion of funds.

Perhaps one of our most adroit Obfuscation Operations has been convincing proles that UN Multilateralism leaving Saddam in power would have prevented Saddam from developing nukes but that it was Bush's actual reliance on Multilateralism that caused Kim to develope a nuke. This has to have been one of our most successful propaganda operations ever. We've convinced the proles to condemn Bush for insufficient Multilateralism vis-a-vis Saddam and too much Multilateralism vis-a-vis Kim. I call it the perfection of "Heads we win, tails you lose."

And you think "Heads we win, tails you lose" won't continue working for me in my role as First Husband for Mother Earth? The proles adore me. Google constantly tells the proles how wonderful I am. Google LOVED "lights out." Virtually all business commercials now are stressing the importance of being "green" to "help fight Global Warming."

Whenever contrary news appears, our organs in the press remind the proles that we've said, "There may be temporary trends of cooling, but virtually all scientists who don't think the world is flat know the real, long-term trend is that we're getting Mother Earth too hot and that we'll face catastrophic consequences within several decades if we don't 'stop getting Mother Earth too hot NOW'."

Even John McCain is telling proles, "What if Gore's theory is correct? We'll all be dead, so we'd better listen to him just in case he's right." You're failing to recognize that we've already won the (propaganda) war, and since the victors in war get to write the history, there will be no one to write any history other than the history of our Glorious Victory in our Glorious Struggle Against the Right Wing Men Who Are Trying to Get Mother Earth Hot.

Thus, you must be a burgeoise backslider doubting the power of the collective's organs of information to believe the proles will figure this out on their own. Even if 10 years from now the trend is still toward cooling, proles will easily be persuaded to say, "Thank Gore we listened to Gore."

Finally, I think you're suffering from the Collapse of Soviet Collectivism Syndrome just as the Rabid Right Wing thinks the American Left suffers from the Vietnam Syndrome. You foolishly think that since the people in the old Soviet Union and Warsaw Pact finally figured out (with inspiration from the Rabid Ronald Reagan) how to tear down the wall then likewise today's American proles will figure-out the falsity of my Men Are Making Mother Earth Too Hot theory-- Here's the flaw in your analysis. It took Eastern Europe nearly 50 years to tear down the wall and took nearly 80 years for now-former-Soviet states to escape the paradise designed by our esteemed Lenin, which our tools in the Hollywood Left believe would have worked if not for minor tactical mistakes by his star pupil, Stalin.

By the time American proles figure-out that my Men-Are-Making-Mother-Earth-Too-Hot was not real science, it will be decades from now. I'll be long gone but will have left a vast estate to my heirs. By then, American proles would have expended trillions of dollars and lost countless freedoms "fighting" Global Warming. I won't be around to hear myself being cursed by future generations.

All that future generations of proles will need will be implanted ipods for listening to music they like, implanted video-image technology to watch what they enjoy watching, and implanted encyclopedia's to know what they need to know. The Borg are on the way, and Captain Janeway is still 200 years away in the future.

I'm still waiting for you to bring me my New York Times so I can use it to whack you on the butt for having wet the ideological carpet. You are my favorite pet, and I don't want you to get left <strike> right out in the cold.

Kommissar Vodkov,
Thank you for your confidence in me. If only you could persuade Commissar Pupovich to see the light. You seem to understand, as do I, that the Collective functions best during "lights out."

Comrade Hasan wrote:I heard the "lights out" was just a excuse for leftist college students to go make out.

P.S. It is good the earth is "guy-uh" not "gay-uh" that would be offensive to gay uh community.

You are right that college students (including right-wing students) will sensibly use "lights out" to "make out." But isn't that why we all went to college in the first place?

If Hillary understood this, then she could have amassed college-student attendance at caucuses that would have dwarfed attendance at Obama's caucuses-- all she needed to have done was to have scheduled "lights out" caucuses. Obama was merely offering rock-concert-type caucuses but since he wasn't also turning out the lights during the caucuses, he only attracted those who love music more than sex.

Comrade Gore who has already let the Party down once.... yes, it takes the proles a long time to realize that they are not going to burn up, years in fact, But we are going on a decade even now, and more and more are beginning to suspect. As you know, the truth is subject to change, I am merely a harbinger of this, just as a dog can tell an earthquake long before man, or can smell things men can not. Oh, and in case you forget, while you have wormed your way out of being a cut out figure following your debacle in 2000 by morphing into a religious icon, do not forget the fate of religious icons in the Motherland.

Tell us Comrade Gore,
Will you be on the ticket with Our Empress, Hillary Rodham Clinton, as Her VP? Will you accept a position as Head of the EPA if you are asked to run that agency? These positions would give you the opportunity to affect enviromental policy in the U$A.

Komrade Zarkof, have you been gorging on potato vodka again? I think I can speak with authority that the Empress will never accept the Gore in her administration in any position higher than court jester. His only hope for a position of power is should, Lenin forbid, the Longlegged MacDaddy steal the reins of power that the Empress alone deserves.

Yes Commissar Pupovich,
i have indeed been pickling my liver on some potato vodka. It is without a doubt better for a Comrade than the stuff that Commissar Vodkov drinks, don't you think?
Comrade Gore would make a fine automotive/sewage treatment engineer, wouldn't he?
When is Her Excellency going to reveal some "dirt" on the Longlegged MacDaddy?

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Comrade Gore who has already let the Party down once.... yes, it takes the proles a long time to realize that they are not going to burn up, years in fact, But we are going on a decade even now, and more and more are beginning to suspect. As you know, the truth is subject to change, I am merely a harbinger of this, just as a dog can tell an earthquake long before man, or can smell things men can not. Oh, and in case you forget, while you have wormed your way out of being a cut out figure following your debacle in 2000 by morphing into a religious icon, do not forget the fate of religious icons in the Motherland.

Commissar Pupovich!
How can you say <b>I</b> let the Party down? If you were to have paid close attention to the How the Presidency was Stolen from Al Gore video above, you would have learned the secret that is now out: My InternNet plan to ascend to the Presidency in 1998 via impeachment and conviction of Bubba failed only because "Scottish Verdict" Specter, whom I did not know was a secret operative for Bubba (who had a special relationship with RINOs), would prevent conviction of Bubba by voting ""Not Proven."

Also, how can you seriously say the Proles will suddenly cease to be guiled by my theory? Indeed, one need only watch Leslie Stahl's wet-kiss interview of me on 60 Minutes a mere week ago to understand why that fear is unfounded. To drive home the point, I need only direct you to brilliantly written commentary explaining how and why the Proles will not abandon my theory. <a href="https://politicalxray.com/DailyPolitica ... tm">Here's the link</a>.

As long as we have the SCMS Media in our pocket carrying our water (mixed metaphors are messy), we needn't worry. Speaking of carrying water, I remind you that as Alpha Dog, I'm also Alpha Pup, so watch out unless you want me to start marking your territory as mine. If you doubt that I'm Alpha Dog, you need only conslut the renowned expert, Naomi Wolf, one of the intellectual heavyweights in our Progressive Movement.

Komrade Zarkof wrote:Tell us Comrade Gore,
Will you be on the ticket with Our Empress, Hillary Rodham Clinton, as Her VP? Will you accept a position as Head of the EPA if you are asked to run that agency? These positions would give you the opportunity to affect enviromental policy in the U$A.

Komrade Zarkof,
I'm shocked that you think I'd be "on the bottom"-- I'm not <b>that</b> progressive. An Alpha Male must always be "on top." What the Empress doesn't know is that I'll be on the top, but Obama (whom I shall not disparage) -- NOT the Empress -- will be on the bottom. (I worry that my syntax may be misinterpreted, so I clarify: I will run for POTUS and allow Obama to run as my V-POTUS. The Ex-FLOTUS will be left out in the cold.) I expect she'll have time to attend lots of Yankee Games if she were to want to beat Giuliani in the next race for Governor. Maybe she'll reveal that when she and Bill left law school, she first went to the Yankees to seek a job as "bat-girl," but they said she obviously didn't know how to properly handle a bat, so they rejected her. Of course, we all know that since then she joined Rosie O'Donnel (who hangs upside down) as a different Bat-Girl.

Comrade Gore,
I was under the assumption that since you spent 8 years as Bill's VP, that you would accept the job. After all, didn't you "bottom" for Bill during your tenure as VP?
I am Shocked and Bewildered that you, of all people, would presume to sabotage the Empress's ascendency to the Throne. Her Excellency deserves and demands our loyalty and labor to ensure Her Rightful place on the Throne.
Do you need to enroll at the Karl Marx Treatment Center for an "adjustment" in your thinking?
Commissar Pupovich, as a Party official in charge of mental health,what say you?

Comrade Soon to Be Flat Cutout Gore, it is a well known fact that truth is a living, breathing, concept. It is subject to the feelings and views of those who hold the truth. Even the Party's feelings and views of the truth evolve. We are not tied to a single unchanging truth such as the imperialists are. Take Comrade Stalin who tried for so many years to prove that a soldier could be created from a monkey? Even the Enlightened One's Truth evolved. I know, that many still hold to "your inconvenient truth," they are the useful idiots we all know and love. However, I am not a useful idiot. I am one of those who work on developing the Truth of the future. I can not let my thinking be tied to the Truth of the Past. Even the Truth of the Present is changing. Global change is so yesterday.... what the Party should concentrate on now is the current problem between the Empress and the Longlegged MacDaddy, Then there is another problem....what of the gulf between the rich and the poor, even the rethuglicans and progressives and the proles, in the access to professional anonymous sex? It is in the news every day it seems, but never do you see the common prole with access to such services. There is a real need there comrade!

Komrade Zarkof wrote:Comrade Gore,
I was under the assumption that since you spent 8 years as Bill's VP, that you would accept the job. After all, didn't you "bottom" for Bill during your tenure as VP?
I am Shocked and Bewildered that you, of all people, would presume to sabotage the Empress's ascendency to the Throne. Her Excellency deserves and demands our loyalty and labor to ensure Her Rightful place on the Throne.
Do you need to enroll at the Karl Marx Treatment Center for an "adjustment" in your thinking?
Commissar Pupovich, as a Party official in charge of mental health,what say you?

Komrade Zarkof, the soon to be flat cutout Gore will face judgment soon enough. Ever hear the verse "Denounce not lest thou be denounced?" Were you not already warned by the Chairman to avoid using the O'Reilly "what say you" quote? Clearly you have disregarded his wise counsel and have immersed yourself in unauthorized tv viewing. "What say you" pick up your shovel from the guard!

Commissar Pupovich,
Thank you for revealing my poor choice of words. I would never, ever, intentionally disobey our Chairman, whose insight, instructions and greed inspire me to try to be a better Comrade and worker for the Party.
As for my comments to Comrade Gore, I was reacting to his flagrant blasphemy of Our Beloved Empress's goal of becoming the next POTUS. Her Excellency will show this mistaken Comrade how to stealWIN an election, not LOSE one, like Comrade Gore did to Bu$Hitler in 2000.

Yes, soon to be cut out Gore thinks we have forgotten his 2000 debacle, and now wants to claim the top spot again. Now his theory on weather is falling apart. Goremon has a big L on his forehead, and it's not for Liberal.