President Shabaaz-Kennedy and [his] [husband] toured the new Franken Center for the Criminally Obese in preparation for a visit by UN Secretary General Castro. The Center's Progressive barrier-free design enabled [Mr.] Castro's cryogenic chamber access to every section of the facility. The assembled dignitaries were pleased with the matching ensembles of the camp's mandatory guests which help empower a healthy spirit of democratic unitedness. Tres fashionable gray and black vertical stripes provide a bit of slimming trompe l'eoil to boot.

The visitors gave a thumbs-up to the dual-purpose treadmills, which not only help rehabilitating guests slim down to legal weight, but also generate greenergy to reduce blackout times for our overworked carbon-free electrical grid. First [husband] and Secretary of Czars Jhaiymee Kennedy-Saad was especially impressed with rows of ovens generously provided by Deutcheskiln for baking loaves of calorie-free NaturBread fueled by fat liposuctioned from the mandatory guests themselves.

Motivational posters from the Department of the Arts help increase self-esteem while inspiring mandatory guests to decrease taxpayer-costly excess pounds. Said the President, "The message is so simple and so true, 'Work will make you fat-free.'" The gatherings' spokesperson, venerable Press Secretary Bill Maher, took time to remind those assembled, "While we all know crime is a curable disease, some diseases are crimes." A learning moment for us all.

While the President is away from [his] desk in Brussels [he] will take advantage of the opportunity to visit Harvard and learn what new policies promise for our post-political era. What wonders await, we can only wonder.

On a related note, due to time constraints the group will not be visiting the Chomsky Facility for the Conservatively Insane as planned. Explained Secretary Maher, "We only have so much time, and these mandatory guests' time has past."

The gatherings' spokesperson, venerable Press Secretary Bill Maher, took time to remind those assembled, "While we all know crime is a curable disease, some diseases are crimes." A learning moment for us all.

Yes, that's true, some diseases are crime. The most criminal disease of all is that backwards and ancient desire to have a big fat juicy hamburger dead cow meat sandwich that primitive people from the first part of the century once ate, and can't always get out of their collective conscience. It will take centuries for them to become accustomed to eat falafel on pita bread, instead.

In 2047, when cattle were ruled illegal producers of Greenhouse Gases(TM) and the raising of them banned, an interesting problem was created.

One could no longer raise or butcher cows, but since the cows had rights, they were kept in fields, fed, pampered and kept comfortable. And they reproduced. But since nobody was allowed to eat them, their numbers continued increasing, until the Famine of 52, when there was a drastic drop in the amount of cattle being preserved. No final solution to the problem of greenhouse gas producing cows has been found.

The mystery of multiple Kennedy clones throughout the world finally solved:

Citizen's

I hear the saltwater immersion pool is favorite of President Shabaaz-Kennedy.




Publius