The People's Cube - Political Satire

Social Entrepreneur Professor Palimpsest at his renowned winery, Château Babeuf.

Bonjour, mes amis! I'm sending in this installment from my artisan winery, which is magnificently situated in the picturesque Côtes du Rhône region of southern France.

I purchased the establishment back in the early '90s and renamed it "Château Babeuf," in honor of François Noël Babeuf, the father of the proto-socialist "Conspiracy of Equals" movement that flowered during the French Revolution.

When looking for a suitable winery to acquire, I naturally eschewed the viticultural regions of the United States, and, instead, chose the progressive country of France, where I'd be assured generous government subsidies to get my "enterprise" up and running. I must admit that it's so nice to be back here among the enlightened French people and to get a respite from the unsavory commercialism and myopic mindset of America.

The Oscar-winning comedy, Sideways, certainly familiarized more people from "fly-over country" with the passion that many members of the urbane intelligentsia have for the fermented "juice." Unfortunately, however, the uninitiated folks who saw the movie probably came away with the false impression that the Pinot Noir grape produces the world's finest and most complex wines.

Au contraire! In fact, Pinot Noir is the bourgeois prima donna of varietals; not only is it ridiculously delicate and temperamental, but it is also terribly inconsistent, often succumbing to the vagaries of climate and environment. In this respect, the Pinot Noir grape is much like the unstable capitalist system, which itself is subject to the "business cycle" of expansion and recession.

Like the staffs of all trendy, up-and-coming wineries, we here at Château Babeuf have selected some enigmatic and highbrow-sounding names for our wines. We offer an opulent Syrah called "Propaganda," a sensuous Mourvèdre called "Liquidation," and a fruity Grenache called "Gramsci's Reverie." Need I even mention that we only produce red wines here at Château Babeuf? I didn't think so.

Of course, Château Babeuf is a model of the new "social entrepreneurship," the subject of PBS's current mini-series, "The New Heroes," hosted by the progressive actor-director, Robert Redford. There will always be a special place in my heart for Robert Redford for producing The Motorcycle Diaries, a touching film that recounts the story of how Ernesto "Che" Guevara came to embrace the cause of social justice. But enough about him; let's get back to me and my activist endeavors.

Here at the Château, every worker is viewed as an indispensable cog in the machine. Everyone, regardless of education, specialization, and competency, makes the same salary and receives the same generous benefits' package. Therefore, the vintner (winemaker) makes the same as the chef de culture (vineyard manager), who, in turn, makes the same as the vigneron (vineyard laborers), grape crushers, tasting assistants, etc. Each worker, in accordance with the French custom, is also entitled to six weeks of paid vacation yearly and may only work a maximum of 35 hours a week.

Another perk that our employees enjoy is the ability to drink on the job. Yes, that's right: I said drink on the job. Taking a nip from the bottle is not only allowed at Château Babeuf; it is whole-heartedly encouraged through our popular "Employees Drink For Free" policy.

We have yet to turn a profit, though we almost broke even last year thanks to the considerable amount of "Propaganda" that we moved. When, or if, the winery ever reaches the black, I, as a social entrepreneur, plan on sending all surplus revenue to the French government to help fund its numerous altruistic initiatives.

I'm currently here to oversee the summer pruning efforts, but my favorite time has to be the late fall, after the grape leaves have turned red. It's a sublime sight, indeed! Sometimes, after a few bottles of "Gramsci's Reverie," it even brings tears to my eyes. With their post-and-wire training system holding them up like the superstructure of the welfare state, the vines intertwine, each reaching out to embrace the other. The rows of crimson-leaved vines evoke such a splendid mental picture: I imagine serried ranks of red-clad comrades marching arm in arm, down the hillside, into the grand socialist millennium. Please excuse my sentimentalism.

At any rate: Cheers, or, as we say in France, À Votre Santé! And don't forget to look for "Propaganda," and Château Babeuf's other exceptional products, at one of $. $. Halliburton's wine stores near you.

A bottle a day keeps thoughtcrimes at bay. How wonderful! I'm going to have to order "Propaganda" by the case!

Is there an online store where I can get this? I couldn't find it over at the "Dry Goods" section (well, naturally, since it's not very dry).

Vladimir Ivanov

Oh, but it is somewhat dry (as wines go), comrade. It's an elegant, finely structured wine boasting firm tannins and perfectly blended hints of spicy cherry, blackberry, and pepper, with bold vanillin-oak notes on the finish.

--Dr. P

Another in a fine tradition of socialist wines?<br>
<img src="https://stonegiant.com/Politics/CarterWine.jpg"><br>

--------------
That's a fine selection of mind-controlling substances. A bottle a day keeps thoughtcrimes at bay. Only the name under Jimmy Carter's picture says "Brezhnev." Not much of a mistake in the long run, but it gives away an interesting detail: neither Americans, nor the Soviets could do such a mixup. Who then? In sci-fi stories, details like this usually betray human-impersonating aliens. Or could it be North Koreans? They're detached from the rest of the world far enough. This wine may be made of pine needles.

Red Square

You should also make peoples vodka on the side for the hard-core revolutionary.

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:StoneGiant,

I was somewhat disappointed with Carter's latest vintage, but his poetry is, as always, particularly compelling. Here's an excerpt from his profound piece titled, "Considering the Void":

...knowing there are holes of darkness
gulping mass and even light,
knowing that this galaxy of ours
is one of multitudes
in what we call the heavens,
it troubles me. It troubles me.

I'm totally inspired, how 'bout you?

At any rate, the Castro is invariably rot-gut, regardless of the year. The Che '60, however, is peaking right now; enjoy it while you can! There are only a few bottles left. Rumor has it that Mr. Pill-Popper himself, Rush Limbaugh, has at least two bottles in his cellar, and, of course, he's asking top dollar. Typical capitalist bastard.

--Dr. P, the People's Sommelier

Yes it troubles me too, that somewhere, somebody, some grey skinned, almond eyed, three-toed web footed alien might be oppressed with freedom in our galaxy and the universe is so big and our socialist agenda must go on forever. Drink comrades and let your heart not be troubled

Nazdroviya,
KK


Excellent instructions Comrade, K. Kulak! I, too, encourage our fellow revolutionaries to consume as much "Propaganda" as possible. If for no other reason: do it to help bolster the struggling economy of our beloved France.

--Dr. P

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Mr. Giant,

I was somewhat disappointed with Carter's latest vintage, but his poetry is, as always, particularly compelling. Here's an excerpt from his profound piece titled, "Considering the Void":

...knowing there are holes of darkness
gulping mass and even light,
knowing that this galaxy of ours
is one of multitudes
in what we call the heavens,
it troubles me. It troubles me.

I'm totally inspired, how 'bout you?

At any rate, the Castro is invariably rot-gut, regardless of the year. The Che '60, however, is peaking right now; enjoy it while you can! There are only a few bottles left. Rumor has it that Mr. Pill-Popper himself, Rush Limbaugh, has at least two bottles in his cellar, and, of course, he's asking top dollar. Typical capitalist bastard.

--Dr. P, the People's Sommelier

The great tragedy, my dear Doctor, is that the fruits of your vineyard… and our common labors… are subject to the capitalist system of values. My dear step-granduncle-twice-removed committed his entire savings to a --- as it turned out --- overly optimistic purchase of the Castro pressings due to Mr. Carter's glorious words of friendshipin 2002. Little did Gr'uncle Romanovski know that the Castro vines had suffered severe rot, and no longer produced potable wine.

Unfortunately for our common cause, these capitalist pigs will not buy Castro when they learn that the wines are cheaply made and would even kill off the healthy bacteria in a septic tank.

It saddens me to consider that my poor Gr'uncle is now destitute, not unlike our friends in Cuba. It especially saddens me when I consider that I am my Gr'uncle's sole surviving heir.

-SG


I lament your poor Gr'uncle's grave misfortune. Such tragedies, regrettably, are the rule rather than the exception under the baleful capitalist system.
<br>But I do have some good news. People's Capitalism has been a stunning success here in France. And, being the altruistic social entrepreneur that I am, I just happen to have a job opening for a Tasting Assistant in Château Babeuf's wine-tasting parlor and would be willing to consider hiring your relative. The pay is excellent and the benefits' package is second to none. Let me know if he is interested, as I need to fill the position ASAP (this place is crawling with discerning European tourists right now). I think I might even be able to convince the French government to defray the cost of his airfare.

--Dr. P

StoneGiant wrote:Another in a fine tradition of socialist wines?<br>
<img src="https://stonegiant.com/Politics/CarterWine.jpg"><br>

--------------
That's a fine selection of mind-controlling substances. A bottle a day keeps thoughtcrimes at bay. Only the name under Jimmy Carter's picture says "Brezhnev." Not much of a mistake in the long run, but it gives away an interesting detail: neither Americans, nor the Soviets could do such a mixup. Who then? In sci-fi stories, details like this usually betray human-impersonating aliens. Or could it be North Koreans? They're detached from the rest of the world far enough. This wine may be made of pine needles.

Red Square

Who is the guy in the very middle? I am so ashamed. I have not been keeping current with my party history and am in dire need of re-education.

I have been an inactive learner of party propaganda. My mind and attention span are not as equal to my party leaders because the are "more equal".

Please help assist a party memeber that has fallen to the wayside and identify middle forefather...

E. Toohey wrote:Who is the guy in the very middle?

The comrade in the middle is Marshal Zhukov, the famed Red Army general.



All the comrades from left to right:

Stalin. Mao, Lenin, Zhukov, Castro, Guevara, Carter

Dear Dr. Palimpsest,

I recently saw some Ben and Jerry's wine coolers with Dan Rather, Mary Mapes, Paul Krugman, Maureen Dowd, Uday and Qusay Hussein, Kim Jong Il and Jimmy Carters' old pal Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on the labels. While I wished to buy one, I was unsure of the consequences of PREFERENTIALLY choosing one over the others (we all know that we are rightfully being watched for such slights to the State and her representatives)! I did not have enough money to buy one of each! What should I have done?


While I appreciate the intent behind Ben & Jerry's new line of wine coolers, I must tell you that those of us, who constitute the Oenological Cognoscenti, consider wine coolers ridiculously gauche and passé. Any respectable progressive caught near one of them better be ready with a quick disclaimer, or suffer the consequence of being shunned by his or her peers.

Therefore, your only sensible alternative is to drink copious amounts of Château Babeuf's fine wines. You're guaranteed to enjoy them immensely! And remember: A bottle a day keeps thoughtcrimes at bay!

--Dr. P

I lament your poor Gr'uncle's grave misfortune. Such tragedies, regrettably, are the rule rather than the exception under the baleful capitalist system.

But I do have some good news. People's Capitalism has been a stunning success here in France. And, being the altruistic social entrepreneur that I am, I just happen to have a job opening for a Tasting Assistant in Chateau Babeuf's wine-tasting parlor and would be willing to consider hiring your relative. The pay is excellent and the benefits' package is second to none. Let me know if he is interested, as I need to fill the position ASAP (this place is crawling with discerning European tourists right now). I think I might even be able to convince the French government to defray the cost of his airfare.

--Dr. P

Dr. P:

Given my current economic plight in this fortunately-almost-God-forsaken country, might I myself apply for this most generous offer to work in France?

I was fortunate to live in Verdun during the 1960's, and thoroughly miss the filth and squalor of the EU's highest unemployment rate. Of course, this is not due to a failure in socialism! It is but another example of the bourgeois capitalists of Britain, who so selfishly refuse to pay more than their fair share of taxes to the masses.

Oh! How I yearn to see again the land of my youth! And the 5 weeks of paid vacation per year --- coupled with having to work only 35 hours per week --- will also have a positive affect upon my mental state. I am certain that I can become one of your better workers, although it may take some time to learn how to cut back on my productivity.

Finally, I offer my services in supporting pro-France, anti-US demonstrations. I majored in “political rallies” in college, and am certain that I can help to further the education of our French compatriots!

Anxiously awaiting your response,

-SG

Dear Comrade StoneGiant,

Given your vast knowledge of oenology and your previous residency along the lovely Meuse River, I would be happy to consider you for the Tasting Assistant vacany at my critically acclaimed winery.

I do have a correction for you, however: my employees receive 6, not 5, weeks of paid vacation per annum. Things have changed for the better here in France since the days of your youthful sojourn in Verdun.

Don't worry about your production levels, our progressive "Employees Drink for Free" policy will ensure that you will work on what some people like to call "island time".

Please post your resume and/or CV.

Cheers,
Dr. P

Great news, comrades!

Based on the burgeoning popularity of "Propaganda", Château Babeuf has been invited to join a cave coopérative (cooperative winery). My acceptance of the offer was contigent on a few conditions: 1) the other wineries had to designate me the "central planner", thereby empowering me with the authority to set all production goals and make all decisions regarding the product line; and 2) that all of Château Babeuf's progressive labor policies, including the "Employees Drink for Free" privilege, would be adopted by the collective.

After a few moments of deliberation, the junior "proprietors" readily agreed! In celebration, we are developing a new Cuvée, called "The Dictator".

Soon, the whole world will be drinking a daily ration!

Excellent job Dr. P! I would like to order a dozen crates of your finest wine! I shall, of course, see to it personally that they are evenly distributed to those who deserve it.


Honorable Koz,

Such a sizable order certainly befits a Party member of your standing. Our finest wine, as you probably know, is the 1997 "Propaganda" Reserve.

The shipment is on the way, and should reach you in one to two months, provided the French truckers don't decide to go on strike again this summer.

I've thrown in a couple of cases of "Gramsci's Reverie" on the house, or should I say, the Château!

Cheers, mon ami!

Why am I always having to put up with pseudo-collectivist dilettantes?

It appears that Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi and her millionaire husband have started a new winery, on Napa Valley's famous Zinfandel Lane. That's all we need: another viticultural wannabe starting up a vanity winery. She must know that the People's Wine is already being bottled at my collection of French Châteaux. Worse still, Ms. Pelosi, the ostensible friend of Big Labor, has clearly chosen to ignore both my model of a socially just business and the concept of Social Enterpreneurship altogether. In fact, Peter Schweizer reports in a recent book that the Congresswoman's operation is strictly non-union. Non-union! This is repugnant. I expected more from a member of the Progressive Caucus. Pelosi is a class traitor! I call for a boycott of all Pelosi-brand wines.

Where I live, people are so desperate to put in vineyards that they have converted all unused space into areas where they plant vineyards. Even if it's only 50sq ft. Oh well, I guess it's better than more housing developments.

Kommissar Betty wrote:Where I live, people are so desperate to put in vineyards that they have converted all unused space into areas where they plant vineyards. Even if it's only 50sq ft.

These small-time producers, like the sell-out rino (radical in name only) Nancy Pelosi, must be stopped (see two posts above)! They are saturating the market with trendy artisan wines that are enticing the People away from the one and only Party-approved label: mine!

We must stop these parasites, these cryptogams and demand the collectivization of the wine industry in America.

To the health of the Virtuous Worker!

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:We must stop these parasites, these cryptogams and demand the collectivization of the wine industry in America.

Thank goodness for your lone sane voice in the wilderness. It isn't only that your label is the only Party approved label, this goes far deeper than that. It is truly a waste of our vital resources of manpower and land to have more than one label. If we allow our resources to be wastefully used willy-nilly by every fool with an idea it will lead to gross inefficiencies and beggar us. This is why Capitalism always leads to poverty and hunger.

Comrade Otis wrote: Thank goodness for your lone sane voice in the wilderness. It isn't only that your label is the only Party approved label, this goes far deeper than that. It is truly a waste of our vital resources of manpower and land to have more than one label. If we allow our resources to be wastefully used willy-nilly by every fool with an idea it will lead to gross inefficiencies and beggar us. This is why Capitalism always leads to poverty and hunger.

Estimable Comrade Otis,

I greatly appreciate your kind words and applaud your perspicacious analysis of the wine crisis. When considering a remedy for this problem, one must inevitably reach the following conclusion: we need some good, old-fashioned central planning. That's right, there's nothing quite as efficient as a well-oiled bureaucracy. It's elementary, of course. Without highly stratified and specialized bureaucracies working on behalf of The Greater Good™, there can be no prosperity for The People™. Just look at the enviable fecundity of North Korea!

Who in the hell still subscribes to that "invisible hand" BS anymore? It's pure science fiction. We need a visible hand; we need people of letters directing the flow of goods and services to ensure their proper allocation. Only then can we circumvent the business cycle, which plagues the economies of backward capitalist countries.

We need a Commissar of Viticulture to run the show...to set grape-yield goals for all collectivized vineyards. Those who fail to meet their goals, i.e., the bourgeois saboteurs, will be forced off of the People's Terroirs and forced to roam the countryside in search of food until they "expire". (Being sent to the gulag would be too humane a punishment for such enemies of The State.) That's the way it ought to be done, comrades!

Yours in the service of a command economy,

Dr. P

A toast to your good taste and sophistication, comrade. Central planning has received a bad rap for too long. We must bring it back with a vengeance. We must rescue it from its' status as a bad word or epithet. We must give the Workers ownership of central planning so they'll feel good about it. To this end I'm going to have several thousand "I M CENTRAL PLANNING!" pins produced for the Workers to proudly wear at my collective.

A toast to central planning, Viticulture and the Party dear comrade in arms! I M CENTRAL PLANNING! We have seen the central planning and it is us. Yes, I like that.

By the way, have you given any thought to asking the Politburo about creating a Commissar of Viticulture? With your impeccable revolutionary credentials you'd be a shoe in.

I really like the "Central Planning" pin idea--it's quite brilliant! Such pins will certainly boost the morale of your workers. I would like to order some for mine as well, provided we can convince the Commissar of Party Propaganda Fashion Accessories to authorize their manufacture.

I've yet to broach the idea of a Commissar of Viticulture to the Politburo. I thought I'd better wait until the situation in France has stabilized and everyone's in a better mood.

Not only did the Party approve of the Central Planning pin idea, it also put pressure on the Artists Union to issue the new design ahead of schedule! As artists are prone to do, they became a bit too creative...

FYI - we have utilized a great alternative to Cafepress.

Click on image to see individual products...

Dear Comrade Dr. Palimpsest,

As a new member to the Cube but a life long member engineered at birth to serve as a bureaucrat for the Party, I feel that Central Planning is a wonderful idea. But my greatest concern right now happens to be the Department I am currently serving, that department being The Peoples Bureau of Demokratic Bloated Bureaucratic Policy Practices.

Ever since the likes of the capitalist war-monger president of the Republican elite took control we have been heavily underfunded and have ceased to continue our committments to establishing efficient pro-Big intrusive manipulating Government. The problem has grown so bad we had to begin outsourcing paper shuffling and desk lackey positions to kindercomrades in the publik edukashionol establishment. These small comrades are not yet ready or re-educated enough to handle over one million color coded directives issued by the Party every two minutes, and how can we process the required forms needed to create non-persons without the sufficient bureaucratic labor needed? How can we lose essential papers if we cannot afford the staff needed to lose or misplace those essential papers? And comrade professor, have you submitted your papers yet???

PLEASE help us all, we are desperate for orders, we cannot help ourselves, we are bureaucrats!

The Peoples Bureacratic Apparatchik,
Chairman Meow-Say-Pun
---------------------------------------------

I understand your frustrations with the less-than-desirable functioning of your bureaucracy, but let me assure you that it has nothing to do with an inherent weakness or flaw in the concept of the labyrinthine organizational system. As we all know, the complexity of a structure is directly proportional to its productive capacity, i.e., the more complex, the more productive. Success is contingent upon proper policy implementation and the energetic performance of duties, both of which require an abundance of dedication and vigilance.

When a given bureaucracy fails to perform efficiently, it can be generally chalked up to two main reasons: 1) the workers have been corrupted and lack the sufficient loyality, which can manifest itself in passive-aggressive indolence or outright subversion, or 2) another bureaucracy has failed to do its job somewhere up or down the line--a problem that is usually the result of Reason 1. A bureaucracy is like an engine--if one component malfunctions, or even one simple cog snaps, the whole machine suffers, as do those who rely on it for their well-being.

Consequently, my advice to you is to first blame other bureaucracies for their inadequacies; then purge your own of its outmoded elements and/or bourgeois saboteurs, and replace them with collectivist zealots who will eagerly make sacrifices (i.e., work long hours for little compensation) in behalf of The Greater Good™.

Cheers,
Dr. P

Could this be the effect of Prof. Palimpsest's red "Propaganda" beverage?

https://www.nypost.com/news/worldnews/57831.htm

GRAPES OF WRATH SPARK WHINY FRENCH ON NEW RIOT

November 19, 2005 -- GRENOBLE, France — Festivities marking the arrival of this year's Beaujolais Nouveau wine turned violent in this southeastern French city yesterday when more than 30 people were injured in clashes between students and police.

The overnight disturbance came in a nation that had largely returned to normal after almost three weeks of rioting by Muslim youths in the suburbs of Paris and other French cities.

Yesterday's violence broke out after between 2,000 and 3,000 people, mostly students, left bars where they had been celebrating the arrival of the popular French wine, which traditionally goes on sale on the third Thursday of November.

Youths attacked firemen called out to attend an injured person and began to throw bottles at police who arrived to back up the firemen.

"Drunk on new wine, they wanted to make a revolution, a 'red Beaujolais' revolution," Commissioner Jean-Claude Borel Garin said.

About 20 youths and 17 police were hurt, and 21 people were taken in for questioning.

Post Wire Services
---------------------------------------

Indeed, Comrade Red Square, the Grenoble "wine riot" was a glorious coup for Château Babeuf's very own Guilliame Artaud. At the head of a small group of radical infiltrators, he managed to surreptiously "spike" several Beaujolais Noveau barrels with the mind-controlling agents that we use in our famous "Propaganda" Syrah. The results, as the world has seen, were sensational.

Commissioner Jean-Claude Borel Garin couldn't have said it any better: "Drunk on new wine, they wanted to make a revolution." Damn right they did! An operation is being planned for Napa Valley as we speak. The specter has returned with a vengeance!

À votre sante,
Dr. P

Thank you Comrade Professor Palimpsest for your execellence in Academia and your solution to our problems at the PBDBBPP.

Comrade Proffesor, we have taken your advice and made great efforts with the cooperation of the NKVD to find these sabotuers and weed them out of the more backed up departments. So far we are carrying out policy S-12-8796-345-67-.92 of the Errors made others Blamed sub-section of the complete PDBBPP handbook of effective Party Bureaucratic Management and Problem Solving (PBMPS). So far we have rounded up nearly several thousand thought-criminals and will send them to the re-education gulag effective immediatley.

As far as loyalty is concerned, a seven hour Comrade Hillary Acheivements Workshop shall be instituted where workers shall construct macaroni pictures and finger paintings for Comrade Hillary in her honor followed by a madatory six glasses of "Propaganda" at our own sponsored Employees Drink For Free function. Comrade Proffesor, in the name of Comrade Hillary and the Demokratic Party we salute you!

For the glory of Leftist Proffesors in Academia indoctrinating the future of Amerika and for the good-think concept of Universal Healthcare! Praise Comrade Hillary champion of the working peoples of Earth and the Universe!!!!!!

The Peoples Bureacratic Apparatchik,
Chairman Meow-Say-Pun