10/6/2005, 11:14 pm
Well comrades, there's no need to worry, for I've got the prescription for restoring your zeal. It's called Utopia Bay Beach Resort (UBBR) - a place where outspoken opponents of Bush's illegal nuclear war can come to decompress and recharge their revolutionary batteries before the next protest cycle. With a breathtaking backdrop of lush, green mountains arrayed in colorful tropical flora, this hillside enclave of serenity, located on the Caribbean island of St. John, commands a spectacular view of Utopia Bay, a stunning expanse of brilliant turquoise water fringed by a secluded white sand beach.
The blank, lifeless expression on this Code Pink activist's face indicates that she may be developing Protest Fatigue Syndrome (PFS).
Folk singer Corey McGhee belts out the chorus of his instant classic, "Fossil Fuels Will Make a Fossil of You."
Erected on stilts, each of our twenty-five "tree house" cottages rises into the forest canopy.
Utopia Bay activists teach locals to protect their delicate ecosystems by walking to their fields on stilts.
Concealed by the Eco-flage design technique, Utopia Bay's cottages are virtually invisible in the landscape. They are situated below the ecolodge's picturesque wind farm, which enhances the property's radical cachet.Don't forget the myriad of workshops we offer, including courses on yoga, body piercing, appreciating militant Islam, tie-dyeing, and making jewelry from recyclables. We also teach a popular class on how to create and maintain dreadlocks. If that's not enough, every evening, our resident folk singer, Corey McGhee, serenades guests with such rousing songs as "Hey America: What the Hell is Wrong with Ya" and "A Right-winger Tried to Kill Me with His SUV."
Alternative sources of energy and conservation are of paramount importance to us at Utopia Bay. A beautiful wind farm provides the resort's electrical power; its turbines gracefully crown the summit above the cottages. Unfortunately, outages are frequent and often last for hours, but that's a small price to pay for helping to save the world from global warming. (Critics have asserted that we, at UBBR, are sending a conflicting message.
They say that our wind farm stands in mockery of basic Eco-flage principles because its conspicuous turbines compromise the integrity of the natural setting. We disagree, of course, believing that our "propellers" impart a decidedly progressive eco-aesthetic to the property.) As regards bathroom facilities, we have taken the European approach and require our guests to use a communal "comfort center," with low-flush toilets and pull-chain, solar-heated showers.
Food Network's Alton Brown raves: "Utopia Bay's vegan surf-and-turf is to die for!"If enjoying all of Utopia Bay's luxurious amenities makes you feel a little guilty, you can find relief by taking the ferry over to a neighboring island, Masochism Cay, where a colleague of mine runs The Center for Self-Flagellation - a must visit for all devout radicals. Trust me, those palm fronds and broken shells really hurt!
